Surviving Yosemite

28 Jul

Anthony: I don’t need to get boots to climb Half Dome. But I’ll get them if it’ll make you feel better.

Me: Don’t come home unless you buy a pair of boots.

Anthony: I’m buying them now.

Me: Okay, good. My blood pressure is dropping.

Anthony: That’s just that low-sodium diet I have you on secretly.

Me: So you won’t slip and fall to your death if you have boots, but what about the lions?

Anthony: What lions?

Me: The ones that live in the mountains. The mountain lions. They are going to eat you since you are wandering around at night.

Anthony: They are not going to eat me.

Me: Not at first. They play with their food you know. That’s what they do. What are you going to do if a mountain lion attacks you?

Anthony: I saw a video about a guy who fought off a mountain lion. He stabbed it in the side with a knife and it ran away.

Me: Do you have a knife?

Anthony: …I have a pencil. I could go for the eye.

Me: You’re going to die, aren’t you?

14 Responses to “Surviving Yosemite”

  1. J-Man at 2:55 pm #

    I told you Anthony could take a mountain lion. He totally has a plan.

    • LittleBig at 9:46 pm #

      The reason his backpack had a pencil instead of a knife was because it was his school backpack. I asked him if after he gives it lead poisoning (well, graphite, technically) if he was going to bust out th graphing calculator and proof it to death.

      BTW, Math is fexy.

  2. Alicia at 3:34 pm #

    LOL! Reading this totally made my day.

    • LittleBig at 9:45 pm #

      I am so glad! And boo about the insomnia you must be having, my 2 a.m. WWF partner. 😉

  3. Bonnie at 7:06 pm #

    All I have to protect myself against bears (which we do see) is a bell and a whistle. I chose not to carry pepper spray. I suppose we do have pencils too though… I’m glad all we have is black bears. I get a little freaked when I see or hear them when I’m back in the bush (and when they’re between me and our truck!) but when I think back, it’s not that big a deal. If they were grizzlies, that would be a different story. It has been confirmed that there are cougars here, but I’m not worried about them.

    • LittleBig at 9:44 pm #

      I’ve heard Black Bears are quite shy and retiring (unlike Grizzlies). I’d still be scared, though. I mean, my 2lb kitten can kick my ass! Imagine what a bear could do.

  4. schmutzie at 10:44 pm #

    I actually ran into a bear once. I was on a walk, and he was rustling through some bushes, and I looked at him and though omifreakinggod, and he looked at me and went hmph, and then I backed out of there while making the same noises I made going in.


    At this time of year, the mountain lions shouldn’t be hungry, so I’m sure he’ll be fine.

    • LittleBig at 10:47 pm #

      That is a. an appropriate reaction to a bear, and b. an appropriate reaction to a Schmutzie.

  5. palinode at 10:44 pm #

    When they say mountain lions play with their food, they mean Dungeons & Dragons or lawn darts. With any luck they’ll challenge Anthony to a round of lawn darts, because then they’ll have handed him a potential weapon.

    And that’s how you outsmart a mountain lion.

    • LittleBig at 10:47 pm #

      Sweet! Since he had his backpack with him I know he automatically had his set of die including the all-important D20.

      Also he could use his graphing calculator to teach the lions how to say “hi boobs.”

  6. cryscarrington at 5:50 am #

    Hilarious! I worry like you do, just call me Mrs. Anxiety – so I’m glad my husband is a computer geek that never wants to leave the house. Well, sometimes I’m glad about that, but then other times I’m like get off the damn computer will you!!! Dude. He’d certainly be no match for a lion. He’s quite the cat wrangler at home but although they like to think they’re big and ferocious they’re definitely not.

    • LittleBig at 11:31 am #

      I definitely think my husband’s adventurousness is double-bladed sword–he makes me sick with worry sometimes but we have had lots of fun times together, you know? I think I must drive him crazy sometimes, lol.


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