Follow Friday – Guest Blog Edition

1 Oct

Home Office

This week I’m delighted to say I’m guest blogging for Aunt Becky on Mommy Wants Vodka. She needed to take time off to work on her celebrity vendettas, so please go over here to check it out. I’ve never guest-blogged before, so I am simultaneously proud and terrified.

I spent much of this week shoving papers into the laminator that I coined a new name for myself—the Laminatrix. It got really boring sitting there waiting for things to be plasticized, so after awhile I entertained myself by convincing as many students as I could that I had to go to school and get a license to operate a laminator. “But it looks so easy!” they would say.

“Ah yes, but that’s the trick,” I replied, “to make something that’s supremely difficult look really easy. It’s an art form really.”

Twitter memes this week include tweets about the record-breaking heat, coming up with bad prom themes ideas, commentary on the death of the Segway company owner, and several nasty viruses such as the “WTF?” virus, the “Twitter Rank” virus, and Glenn Beck. Enjoy!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

wordlust You can overcome any problem if you stab it 47 times with a trident.

ApocalypseHow It’s hot enough in LA to melt a Kardashian.

Bagyants She told me she was a social butterface. What? Butterfly? I like the other way better.

palinode This has been the busiest week I’ve spent in forever. And I don’t even have a job.

yowhatsthehaps You can’t just stand on the sidewalk and hold the Little Caesar’s sign, lady. You gotta put your back into it.

Bagyants You can make fun of tramp stamps, but those girls can now mail themselves anywhere in the country, so, joke’s on you.

asiajane How many mini muffins make up a muffin serving? Like, eight, right?

AHGinCLE Get your twitter creative ranking “from your head”


shinyinfo My Twitter Rank is “Your Mom”.

thejohnblog Before I could stop myself, I just complained about the fiber content of my granola bar. Am I getting old? -Sent from my Jitterbug

louisvirtel My fave Barnes & Noble section is “Christian Inspiration.” I’m learning how to make a chic ascot out of this tattered old dogma!

ApocalypseHow Prohibition#badpromthemes

BadAstronomer Taffetastic #badpromthemes

BridgetCallahan In conclusion, I’d like to live under a rosebush, owned by my family for generations, guarded by a ferret made of fire.

apelad It’s been great getting to know all the new neighbors and finding out what the names of their wireless networks mean.

evilnick Visit to dentist yesterday left me with a frozen sneer for half the day. It was a great timesaver

aloria Someone on my block is blasting Tejano, so I stood at my window screaming a Dragonforce song. Music’s still playing, but I feel better now.

Bagyants “Are you going to this Bar Mitzvah with us or not? Somebody is going to become a man. Also I learned what douchebag means.” -Mom voicemail

saraschaefer1 When the voice in my head tells me I’m not a beautiful snowflake I try to imagine it’s the voice of Brad Pitt. Total hotty up in my brain!

CorporateMonkey I don’t know how, but I seem to have pulled a butt muscle while sitting in a chair for the past 2 hours.

louispeitzman I find it hard to believe that something as awesome-sounding as fantasy football only allows you to draft humans.

hereslizz So tweets with WTF in it are bad? That’s like 85% of my tweets.

making her baby sign for "more"

thejohnblog There was a clown on the corner waving people into a car wash, but I don’t get why he looks confused that I immediately hit him with my car.

BugginWord I just invited my cat to shower with me. I might need to get our more.

lilpyrogirl Some days I just let the panty lines win.

lovelyandroid School is so painfully boring. It is like someone is flicking me in the face all day long.

mikey_m00n Is it still called *irregularity* if I have it regularly?

adamisacson Earth, Wind and Fire only hit it big after several band members quit. Water, Dirt, Drywall, Phlegm, and Perfect Vacuum faded into obscurity.

wordlust According to Google Pants, I’m not wearing any pants.

zombiesitcom The saddest instrument is the clarinet. I think his mom died.

mathowie If there is a thesis titled “Economic Impacts of Curious George: Lasting Damages Caused By A Single Monkey” I would read it.

ninjapoodles OMG, I accidentally clicked on “New Twitter,” and they moved all my cheeses.

yowhatsthehaps I nap at a college level.

dried aloe vera leaves remind me of The Kracken

midwestgrrl The ads for Fiber One bars, where people don’t believe it’s fiber & eat like 3 bars? They’ll believe in a few hours. As will their co-workers.

ApocalypseHow In honor of the Segway founder’s passing, Gob Bluth is permitted to run red lights today.

TheBloggess Just discovered a blog plagiarizing a post I wrote about being plagiarized. This is how wormholes get started, people.

mommywantsvodka Dear Preschool Parents: I am sorry that I taught my son, “Boys have penises, girls have lasagnas.”

jezebelsadie The real question is not why I have a “Gnomes” category in my Google Reader feed, but why new items appear daily.

Phineas I need a photo reference for cowboy chaps, but honestly, I’m afraid to google it.

lafix The neighbor boy wants to be a cowboy. I told him he should also consider construction and Indian chiefing. It takes a village, people.

nicpiper I’ve got graffiti finger from lots of spraying. I look like a multicoloured crab.

smileydooby Geez I look down at my phone to play ONE game and now everyone is going the wrong way on the highway! Learn how to drive and quit honking!

joshuamneff “Data, can you transfer those sensor readings to Engineering?” “Sorry, Geordi, we only have a license for one terminal.” #startrekDRM

sween Red sky at night, mutant’s delight. Red sky at morning, cockroaches swarming.
Red sky all day, I have a tentacle! – post-apocalyptic saying

danforthfrance My cat and I will now perform the “we’re dying” scene from E.T. on the relatively less-warm bathroom floor. Admission is a bag of ice.

AnissaMayhew I slack therefore I am-ish.

zombiesitcom You are not leaving this table until you eat all your brains. #ZombieSitcomMom

OngoingBS Do you know we lose 100,000 brain cells a day? Mainly to immigrant workers! #glenbecktweet

ApocalypseHow CBS is picking up another sitcom based on a Twitter feed. This one’s just called “Shit.”

MeganBoley Someone replaced the baby with an irritable squid from 7-9 last night. Rude.

midwestgrrl My mom still has a hard time with texting. They’re on vacation at the beach & she just texted YAY WE ARE ON THE BEE

English50cent I am planning a film career, listening to a stingy drinking vessel and suffering from constipation. 3 more weeks of it will cause burning.

English50cent You are sexually attractive but absent. Use a horticultural tool on this ‘pimping’. (gardening term – ed) Are you toying with my affections?

English50cent Sex?

English50cent Does my bum look big in this?

RailbirdJ This better be a good day, my AK is in the shop.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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