Amusing Thrift Store Finds

18 Oct

For those of you just joining us, I love me some thrifting. I love it so much I set up a shop to find homes for all the awesome things I don’t have room for. When you go thrifting, however, you inevitably find things that belong to the top-tier of the Little Big Thrifting Pyramid. Things you can’t explain. Things you can’t define. Things that, for the life of you, you can’t even figure out how they came to be in the first place.

These are some of those finds.

For my birthday I asked my bestie if she’d take me thrifting to some of the more exotic locals a town or two over. She did better than that: we were gone thrifting all morning and she bought me lunch, too. RAD.

We hit up a couple familiar places but threw in some new ones as well, like Tetto’s Thrift, which is right across the street from The Glo Worm bar, which was open at 10:00 a.m. on a Saturday. We joked that their plan was to get us wasted so we’d spend all of our hard earned money on the thrift store down the street.

In case you were wondering, Tetto’s Thrift was terrible: way over priced, terrible selection, and everything seemed very dirty.

Even though it was my birthday I was on a strict budget. Anthony only just started his new job so finances are pretty tight right now. I still managed to get some awesome stuff for the store even if I couldn’t go crazy. I was happy I brought my camera along because we saw some of the absolute weirdest stuff I’ve ever seen while thrifting. That’s a bold claim, I know. But these photos will back me up.

One thing that that was weird that I (sadly) didn’t get a photo of was the car driving on the sidewalk. We exited from one of the downtown shops to find a car, slowly making its way down the side walk. It had a handicapped placard so I guess this guy thought he had the right to drive his ancient behemoth of a Pontiac down the side walk in front of the store.

The sidewalks are wide enough for him to drive his car on them and still have space left over. I had my camera—it was in my hand and everything!—but I dared not take a picture of this even though I wanted to so badly. The guy was totally staring us down. He was unshaven and he had a wild, malignant look in his eye that said, “I’m crazy enough to drive down the side walk. You’d better believe I’m crazy enough to jump out of this car and beat you to death with my belt. That I carry around for exclusively that purpose.”

Plus Angela and I were both freaked out that he would try to run us over with his car. I was terrified until we made it safely inside of Angela’s car and locked the door.

The first amusing item is this hat. In better economic times I would have bought this hat and given it to my friend John. I have started a collection of awesome thrift store hats for him, and whenever we find anything good we buy it for him. I didn’t have the spare change for even this hat, but I did take a picture of it, so that counts for something.

I seriously considered buying this motivational poster featuring a slightly crazy-eyed Persian kitten with the phrase “Lord Knows I Try!” written beneath. I’m already regretting not buying it and giving it away on the blog, but literally ever dollar counted and I was trying to make it last. I do swear that if it’s still there when I go back I will buy it and give it away to some random lucky Little Big reader. Lord knows I try!

"Lord Knows I Try"

Have you ever put a lot of thought and effort into a homemade Valentine’s gift? That you even personalized? And then that person just turned around and donated it as if it were some common teddy bear? God, what a dick.

Anthony was a little disappointed I didn’t buy this. I’d buy it again if I were to go back to that store and find it, but seeing as how I got it at Tetto’s and I never plant to go back, well, I’m pretty sure those intergalactic moobs are lost to Isobel and me forever.

I actually kind of loved this dino vase and totally would have bought it for Kingston. I need to have a nursery collection for the shop I think. I’ve seen some of the most fantastic nursery finds at this particular store.

I think nineteen cents is pretty optimistic a price for a clown that will actually hunt you down in your nightmares and slaughter you.

Bonus item: Crock for Mustard! Which is going to be my new swear: “What a crock of MUSTARD!”

Someone, somewhere is a great friend. A really great friend. This friend held on to her truly hideous bridesmaid dress and headpiece for the last thirty years. And then she waited until well after the turn of the century to donate it. Let’s be honest: the span of time that dress has been in her closet is probably longer than the lifetime of that marriage.

Just in time for Halloween: the doll that has been attacked by Sylar!

This may be the best thrifted book ever. I imagine this is the cover for Nature’s yearbook:

All I want for Christmas is… his and her toilets with matching clock radios.

And here we are. At possibly the most disturbing thing I’ve found while thrifting. Ever.

No. Really. Even worst than this. And this. And THIS.

You guys, when we first saw this Angela and I thought it was a drowning baby. Read the caption and let the horror sink in a moment.



Wait. Huh? Oh. That’s just a… manger? I guess?

Fortunately, no babies were being waterboarded in the making of this poster. I’m pretty sure. Anthony thought the same thing when I showed him so at least I know I’m not just old and senile and reading into things that aren’t there. This poster is creepy.

Thanks for playing! Join me again sometime for another Amusing! Thrift Store! Finds!

13 Responses to “Amusing Thrift Store Finds”

  1. Alicia at 7:57 pm #

    Sweet baby Jesus…this whole blog post had me cracking up. What an adventurous day you had and definitely some interesting thrifted finds.

    Thanks for making my day complete with this post.

  2. Marie at 8:02 pm #

    “…most unlikely places”
    Meaning in babies nappies?
    That would seem unlikely.

  3. Adiopink at 8:18 pm #

    We’ve started a Christmas tradition of exchanging the ugliest thing we can find in thrift stores during the year. There have been some doozies. We all laugh so hard, we cry.

  4. TheRedQueen at 9:49 pm #

    Justin also agreed it looked like that baby was drowning. So at least we are not the only weirdos.

  5. amy at 6:06 am #

    Hahaha- Jesus can be weird.

  6. Angela H at 9:43 am #

    I don’t know if I’m more disturbed by the poster or the fact that someone spent the time to cut and glue orange ric rak around it. WTF? Everyone knows baby Jesus prefers gold lamé. Duh.

  7. Megan at 11:53 am #

    Lord knows I try and wildlife77 have done me in. I have church giggles.

  8. J-Man at 12:18 pm #

    It looked like a baby in a bird’s nest to me, but the typography did weird things to my brain.
    “Jesus appears in the places.”
    What terrible subliminal message are they trying to send?

  9. rachael at 12:32 pm #

    Oh, everyone knows babies are born EVIL and you gotta drown the sin outta them. Lord knows they try, anyway. Thanks for the laugh!

  10. Stefanie at 3:24 pm #

    That was fantastic. I miss laughing at the weirdness at thriftstores as much as finding good stuff. The place with the toilets seems to always have a nice variety of strange, and there is always at least one toilet. Who says, “I think we are done with this toilet; let’s donate it so someone else can revel in its majesty!” I don’t go to thriftstores for toilets.

    I’m hoping “Lord knows I try” is my secret bday present 😉

  11. Hayley Jane at 5:42 pm #

    I totally saw a baby drowning at first, too.

    • LittleBig at 6:41 pm #

      Isn’t it creepy as fuck?! I totally regret not buying it.

  12. DanaCK at 6:24 pm #

    Intergalactic moobs…I am weeping.

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