Total Elliptical of the Heart

25 Jan

(Oh, internet. You didn’t think you could dodge that bullet twice, did you?)

Let me introduce you to the Freemotion 500. When Anthony was assembling this behemoth, I thought the box said it was the Freemason 500, so of course I was hoping this made me an automatic member of the Illuminati. For the very curious, I have model number SFEL 16010.0. According to the manual, it has rear drive, so look for me taking it off some sweet jumps sometime soon.

A few years back, I had also been interested in getting an elliptical, and Anthony and I did a bit of research on them, none of which I remember. Back then, I was still making feeble attempts to go to the gym with Anthony, a sad tale that does not end well. You see, my husband is the epitome of a fit, strong, healthy young man, and I am his polar opposite: a flabby, weak, sickly old woman. He could stay at the gym for hours and enjoy it. The only way I enjoy the gym is when we drive past it on the way to Taco Bell.

Anyway, if you’ve ever used a gym, you know that the elliptical is the most popular machine in all of Exerciseland. Although we had a whole row of them at the gym, half were inevitably broken, and the other half were always full. In the miracle that you did land yourself a machine, the headphone jack was always messed up, and the only alternative was to watch one of the giant TVs that were always left on FOX News. I loved using the elliptical, but it just wasn’t worth it. I cancelled my membership. 

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Anthony and I were on our monthly trip to Costco, stocking up on Maintenance Cat and picking up some photos I ordered. Every few months Costco changes the location of its cat food. It must be an issue of national security or something (let’s move the cat food so the terrorists can’t blow it up or feed their cats!) so we wandered the store in search of cat food. It’s early January, so we pass by a collection of exercise equipment: bikes, a treadmill, and… the elliptical.

We decide, right then, that we’ll purchase it before Anthony leaves for LA. We don’t really know anything about this machine but Costco is known for its stupidly good return policy. If it craps out or I don’t like it, back to the store it goes.

It looked like a bitch to put together, but Anthony said it really was no problem. It took him about an hour and the instruction manual looked like a nightmare. Honestly, this is not something I would have been willing to do myself.

The machine itself is huge. HUGE. I was not prepared for the hugeness. We moved a chair out of the room to fit it in, and for the moment it lives in Isobel’s room. When unfolded for use, I can’t even open the bedroom door all the way. The back part does fold up, though, otherwise it would be too large for me to want to keep. It wouldn’t be practical. But it folds and unfolds very easily.

I haven’t read the manual and don’t really care about iFit (which you have to pay for online), so I’m still getting used to the features. It has a heart rate monitor, which I think is cool, and it tells you how many calories you’re burning as you work out, which is motivating.  I’m starting really slow and hope to work my way up to 30 minutes a day.

So far, I like it. I think the Freemason and I are going to get along just fine.

17 Responses to “Total Elliptical of the Heart”

  1. Cookbook at 12:03 pm #

    Very cool — enjoy it! I’ve thought about buying equipment for home use myself but honestly, my community center’s fee is not very much, and paying for it motivates me to actually, you know, go. 😉

    • LittleBig at 9:19 pm #

      My philosophy is ‘whatever works for you!’

  2. Gen at 12:45 pm #

    I love ellipticals. And yours has a nice red side on it. Very festive.

    I’ve known that Anthony is gone and all, but why? And when does he come back???

    • LittleBig at 9:20 pm #

      He’s doing some training down south for his company. It’s a big important training thing. He’ll be back at the end of the week!

  3. 3cater at 3:13 pm #

    “You see, my husband is the epitome of a fit, strong, healthy young man, and I am his polar opposite: a flabby, weak, sickly old woman.” HAHHAHHAHHA…. I thought maybe I wrote this for a minute. That machine looks awesome!
    Oh, this is Valerie 🙂

    • LittleBig at 9:21 pm #

      Hey lady! Very interested in this catering venture. I’d love to hear more about it.

  4. Windsor Grace at 3:20 pm #

    I read the first paragraph and scanned the pictuers because I wasn’t sure if I’d read this earlier today. For, I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but assuming you got the elliptical, congrats!

  5. nadja at 6:45 am #

    Oooohhh… I wants one. I THINK I’d use it. However, my husband won’t take me seriously as we’ve put 2 machines out to the curb, one is in the garage, and I’ve popped 2 excersise balls screwing around with the dogs. I’ve also given hundreds of dollars to a gym I won’t use. Wow. Writing that all out makes me think I might have a problem with exercising.

  6. Sarah B. at 8:53 am #

    I want one! I have all sorts of issues with the gym, too. And I get bored walking outside alone… plus it gets REALLY hot in Texas & then I never, ever want to go outside, except to run to my car.

    • LittleBig at 9:48 am #

      I hear you. When the weather is 102, there is just no way I want to go out and exercize in it.

      I know someone who actually fell into a coma from jogging in the summer. No thanks.

  7. ohnoAMY at 11:03 am #

    Now I want an elliptical. boo hoo!

    Also, true fact: my dad was a shriner freemason.

    • LittleBig at 11:31 am #

      I have quite a few Masons in my family. Growing up I was a Job’s Daughter. BOO-YA, Illuminiti!


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