The True Meaning of Superbowl Sunday

8 Feb

Someone found my blog yesterday by searching, “Bitch doesn’t think I can multitask,” and that impressed me so much I’ve decided to make it my motto. This website’s never had a motto, mostly because I’ve never thought about  having one before, but I think I’m going start now: every month (or every other month, or however this turns out) I’m going to choose a new motto based on a search term someone uses to find my blog.

Bitches, in case you didn’t know, I do know how to multitask.

Isobel picked out her own outfit

Last weekend a couple of amazing things happened:

1. Isobel had a real poop(tm). It was a miracle; a blessed nugget from heaven. Anyone who’s changed two straight weeks of poopy diapers will tell you, regular poop is a fucking relief after dealing with rancid, painful diarrhea.

2. I have talked so much about Isobel’s diarrhea lately I can now correctly spell “diarrhea” on the first try. I still cannot spell “gonorrhea” correctly without spell check, a flaw I sincerely hope I always have.

3. I found another wasp in my kitchen. I FOUND ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKING WASP IN MY KITCHEN. This is not okay, but it is technically amazing: a wasp is in my kitchen because global warming has granted us an unseasonably warm winter, thereby waking the wasps early, thereby allowing them to invade my sacred dining room. Oh, you’re waiting for the amazing part: I guess some people still don’t believe in global warming. To them I say: I hope your kitchen is infested with wasps.

We went to the store on Superbowl Sunday. We went early, around noon, thinking that everyone would be at home watching the game. Apparently we still had several hours till the game started and everyone and their Cheesehead buddy (I don’t know what you’d call Steelers fans; Weld Heads? Alloys?) was at the store picking up beer and party platters. Isobel was in fine spirits after days and days of ear infection, and she passed the time while we shopped by singing Happy Birthday, the ABCs, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Isobel likes to create hybrids of songs that she knows with the same melody. Recently she combined “Frere Jacques” and “Where is Thumbkin?” and to save time she sings, “Where is Jacques?”

While browsing the aisles I picked up a lime-green bucket for toy storage, and by the time we reached the produce department, Isobel had put it on her head and was singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU at top volume. A great start to any Sunday.

We ended up playing Castlevania and making soup and I reflected on the True Meaning of Superbowl Sunday: my intolerance of spicy food. I’ve always been intolerant of spicy food, a fact that I’ve long lamented. If I could chose a regular special power, I’d totally choose the ability to eat extremely spicy things. I regularly miss out and my friend Jacob has said that I win the White Prize. Which I’m assuming is a jar of mayo.

Anthony firmly believes I just need to increase my spicy food tolerance, and I’m cautious, but I’m game. I asked him what I should start with and he suggested Taco Bell Mild Sauce. This does not bode well for me working up to a taco truck burrito, but this summer, I’m going to go for it.

I’m almost done here but no post about the Super Bowl is complete without mentioning the commercials. There’s no point to them anymore, people. The best commercial ever has already been made: enter The Nannerpuss. Somehow Denny’s thought that the Nannerpuss would convince people that they wanted a serious breakfast, but all it did was convince me that someone needs to give that nanner a reality show.

 

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13 Responses to “The True Meaning of Superbowl Sunday”

  1. Sarah February 8, 2011 at 8:58 am #

    Alloys!!!

    • LittleBig February 8, 2011 at 9:56 am #

      When I was little I thought the Steelers were STEALERS. Like, theives.

      Also, sorry about your comment ending up in the spam bucket. I’ve given my website a stearn talking-to.

  2. The Scott February 8, 2011 at 12:48 pm #

    No. I’m sorry. This is the best commercial ever. It’s the Citizen Kane of commercials: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaHV9_tAr1o

  3. Jen@Dear Mommy Brain... February 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm #

    I can’t spell diahrrea (?) either. Strange since it’s a frequently used term for Crohnsies. Stranger still? I almost always start to spell Crohn’s as Chrone’s. I mean it’s only been 10 years…

    • LittleBig February 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm #

      As long as you are not spelling it, “Crones.”

  4. The Scott February 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm #

    No. I’m sorry. This is the best commercial ever. It’s the Citizen Kane of commercials: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym6NgyXChtQ

    • The Scott February 8, 2011 at 12:50 pm #

      This is the one I mean. It’s the longform version, with the most brilliant line ever: “You smell nice.”

      • LittleBig February 8, 2011 at 12:58 pm #

        I sort of wish they would add the “Whatev” from the short version into the long one.

        You can tell a commercial is great by how it works into the vernacular. “Nannerpuss” and “Why so blue panda bear” I still say to this day.

        I truly hope that dude ad libbed “You smell nice.”

  5. freudiantypo February 8, 2011 at 6:38 pm #

    Hi there! I never thanked you for the xmas card — thank you!

    I agree that there’s no use for the commercials anymore, but for a different reason: I hate TV. Heh. But seriously, they seem to be on a precipitous downhill slide, judging from the few I watched. Awful.

    I am rooting for your future development of spicy food love. It will open up a whole new world! My Anthony and I couldn’t cook for you: we use habaneros, Sriracha hot sauce, and plenty of other biting, sweaty spices.

    I also gave you access to my blog, which I recently made private, because I noticed you had dropped by.

    • LittleBig February 9, 2011 at 10:50 am #

      Awesome, thanks, Tamara!

      I would suspect you of trying to off me if I came over for dinner.

  6. dingey February 9, 2011 at 7:06 am #

    I must disagree. THIS is the greatest TV commercial ever. “Fifty watts per channel, babycakes” is still guaranteed to get a laugh with a certain crowd. i don’t know if this was nationwide or more of an upper midwestern chain…

    • LittleBig February 9, 2011 at 10:50 am #

      I’m going to have to take a look at this as soon as I get home, as it doesn’t ring a bell.

  7. dingey February 9, 2011 at 2:14 pm #

    *gasp!* Get thee to a high-speed connection, STAT!

    WHERE PLOTCHNIK?

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