Your Baby Can Read

25 Apr

As a parent and a librarian, imagine how excited I was to find the Your Baby Can Read! Early Reading System. Despite the claims by child development “experts” that this system was basically  “snake oil”, you can just tell the system works by that very intelligent-looking baby on the cover. I mean, look at that hat! I decided to partner with this company to bring you a few more titles to boost the skills of  your baby’s early child development.

Reading is just the beginning. Give your baby a leg up on all those other snooty kids by teaching them hieroglyphics! Nothing says “my mommy loves me more than your mommy loves you” than a kid who’s familiar with a preliterate artistic tradition of an ancient people.

Act now, and in addition to learning ideograms, buy Your Baby Can Read… Palms! It won’t help her achieve when it comes to standardized testing, but she’ll be great fun at parties. (At least, I’m guessing she will be, just look at that Fame Line!)

And parents who really love their children aren’t going to leave without also purchasing Your Baby Can Read! Minds! This video is the most riveting of the set, consisting of nothing but a three-hours of Hyponotoad.

Parenting is hard work, you guys, but you can make your investment pay for yourself by teaching your baby to count… cards! No really, we can get rich off this. Some say it’s risky, but what Vegas casino is going to suspect a baby?

To succeed in this fast-paced world, your baby is going to need all the help they can get. So it’s a good thing we’re here for you.

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16 Responses to “Your Baby Can Read”

  1. J-Man April 25, 2011 at 2:47 pm #

    awesome

  2. lilpyrogirl April 25, 2011 at 9:12 pm #

    Will this work for my cat? Because I could REALLY use a cat that can count cards.

    • LittleBig April 27, 2011 at 12:07 pm #

      Oh man, do I wish I could favorite comments.

  3. Erica April 26, 2011 at 12:22 am #

    Thank. You.

    Non sleeping me thanks you.

  4. Gen April 26, 2011 at 6:05 am #

    What kind of lazy parent waits until their child is out of the womb to teach it to count cards? I’m embarrassed for people’s lack of parenting skills. If there’s anything a child needs, it’s lots and lots and lots of pressure.

  5. purplequark April 26, 2011 at 8:53 pm #

    Sold!
    I like the “your cat can read…” series idea as well.

    And I also think that why wait until your baby is a baby? Start teaching your ovaries and sperm cells to read now! Congratulations, it’s a Newton!

    • LittleBig April 27, 2011 at 12:10 pm #

      Anthony always looks at me like I’m crazy when I read his balls a story, but I just tell him THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

  6. dingey April 27, 2011 at 6:02 am #

    EVERYBODY LOVES HYPNOTOAD.

    You are on fire, madame.

  7. Stella May 4, 2011 at 4:54 am #

    ::SNORT::

  8. Windsor Gracw May 9, 2011 at 2:32 am #

    Do you think this will work on Chico?

    • LittleBig May 9, 2011 at 10:54 am #

      Definitely. All Chico needs is a hat like this baby, and he’s golden.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Guest Post: Foreign Correspondence « Little Big - May 17, 2011

    […] I’m collecting textbooks today so I have another fabulous guest poster: UK blogger Nic Piper. I’m not going to tell you how it is that I know Nic, but I will tell you that he is hilarious and wonderful. He wrote about this blog awhile back and heartily recommended it as “a good dose of American content without the guns or yeehaws.” Back then I was proud and 100% yeehaw-free, but times have changed. Isobel’s grandparents have taught her that “yeehaw!” is what you say when you ride a horse, though she has taken it to mean that’s what you say when you’re excited about things. She’ll regularly walk around the house saying things like, “Let’s color! Yeehaw!” or “Come on, Zorro! Dinner! Yeehaw!” He’s handy with a camera, word processor, and pen, and he even photoshopped the above photo in honor of this post. […]

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