Follow Friday – Your Mom’s Weekend

6 May

I am back at work today, slinging books and performing inventory while not yet feeling all that great, but I’ll manage. The photo above is one I let littleVictoriatake with my camera during the egg hunt on Easter. Local people might recognize the smiling man behind me. Have a great weekend, everybody! Especially all you mothers out there.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.

louisvirtel I love when a narcissist like Perez Hilton says things like, “I stay true to myself.” Right. Because of the narcissism.

fierceflawless I think I’m going to start calling my dogs my “carnitas”.

helgagrace Patrons are shushing each other. #myworkisdone

stevelibrarian WhenSesame Street tells my children to turn off the TV and play outside, my brain feels like it did when I tried to figure out 13 Monkeys.

LouisPeitzman Just tried to show my ID to a random guy outside this bar. Cool or coolest?

MightyQuinn72 “I don’t think the Empire had wookies in mind when they designed pants, Chewie” #replaceawordinastarwarslinewithpants

wordlust Is “interlibrary loan” a common slang term for sex with a librarian?

kerrianne Filed under, Calls I will Never Answer: The one you make to tell me you sent me an email, right after you send me an email.

KeepingYouAwake I don’t normally enjoy traffic, but I am totally getting off on this exit.

Squirreljustice Jesus is my co-pilot, which is why he’s responsible for half of the damage to my neighbor’s mailbox & the downed power lines, Your Honor.

Zaius13 Just got caught masturbating to “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure”. Ah, the circle of life.

justaboutagirl Dear autocorrect, when have I ever needed to spell “tea Jedi”?

zachlunch When I wear cargo shorts, my cargo is usually sandwiches.

Cre8BeautyDaily Some baby names seem so cute, until you hear them shouted repeatedly across Target aisles.

eliza_evans Dear autocorrect: I probably never mean he’ll, shut or duck. Can we work something out here? Fog hamlet!

CorporateMonkey in my car: muddy wellies, shovel, trowel, work gloves, & jeans; map to an “unmarked grave” site in a field. bad night to get pulled over.

dantelfer Gay people are a trick played by Satan to make us believe in dinosaurs.

fierceflawless Listen, words with friends, if “desexers” isn’t a word, what do you call all the people who desex things?

21stcenturymrs I’m pretty sure my grandmother thinks email was invented to send people forwards about deadly clock radios and the end of days.

MeganBoley I keep making eyes at my crock pot everytime I pass him in the kitchen. He is so hard working and dreamy.

danielleward “I whip my hair back and forth” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

goldfischegirl “Sometimes the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

perronbrothers After I put the pets outside, I like to close the door on them really slowly like the final scene in The Godfather.

modinkpeeb To the baby raptor who ate my son in the night: Could you please at least try to find the decency to stop your Victory Shrieking?

mothmun I like to live like there’s no tomorrow; lying in bed, sobbing.

serraboten neighbour’s kid wrote ‘harper rules’ in chalk on the sidewalk. i wrote ‘harper eats kittens”. turns out the kid’s name is #harper. #elxn41

thejennui can’t sleep. conservatives will eat me.

blankslate D’ohCanada!!

letsgetgizzy I wish a guy would look at me the way the people in the Applebee’s commercial look at those new Sizzling Entrees.

fireland Sometimes I sneak into my kid’s room just to watch her sleep or see if she has any money lying around or some weed or Sun Chips or anything.

JerryThomas In space, no one can hear you scream. Everywhere else, you can just shut up already.

writtendad The paper liner they put on the chairs in the doctor’s office is composed of 50% paper and 50% sound.

modinkpeeb If Twitter Moms are in high school-y cliques, then I am totally the Cafeteria Lady.

helgagrace When a librarian says “it’s that time of the month,” it could easily refer to changing over the book displays.

rolldiggity Neighbor seemed upset that I stole his broken doorbell, but if he liked it then he should have put a ring on it.

mathowie I’m off to get my man tubes tied. If you needed a copy of my genetics to create a future race of super humans, you missed your chance.

joshmillard  According to Emily Post, one should never discuss one’s vasectomy publicly. It is unsemenly.

Greeblemonkey It’s “Magical Creatures” day at school, and Declan decided to be a troll, because he could not dress up, and just walk around grumpy.

Sigafoos Hey I wonder if Mark Twain ever said something witty about wanting someone dead.

LouisPeitzman I took a couple Xanax back when I thought Obama was going to announce an alien attack, so enjoy my tweets for the rest of the night.

JustinMcElroy How am I supposed to fall asleep with this Freedom Boner?

billyeichner I hesitate to celebrate Bin Laden’s death because I remember that time when Roseanne just replaced one Becky with another Becky.

danforthfrance I wonder what children’s book Bush was reading when he heard the news.

whitehouse Obama: “theUS is not – and never will be – at war with Islam…Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader; he was a mass murderer of Muslims.”

Cog_Dis Obama’s delay due to having to change. Biden dumped a cooler of Gatorade on him just as he was walking into the press conference.

Squirreljustice Attention Al Qaeda recruits: Due to recent events, monkeybars practice will be cancelled tomorrow.

jperrotto They should have captured Bin Laden alive and made him continually go through airport security for the rest of his life.

Splurge24 Current Threat Level: Double Rainbow.

letsdiefriends It’s official. I found out about Osama Bin Laden via social media AND I was pooping at the time.

JacksonPearce I’m imagining the delay is because Obama and Biden are singing the “really most SINCERELY dead!” song from the Wizard of Oz to one another.

LizB you want to know why I don’t believe in conspiracy theories? because they couldn’t even keep the “what obama will say” secret for 20 minutes

telephase Osama Bin Laden has been dead for years. Did you see his Spring 2008 collection? Blech.

thejohnblog My proctologist just handed me my ass.

johnmoe 10yo’s class has project where they present report on famous person in character and interact. One kid’s doingEdison. Another one, Tesla.

Zaius13 I am filled with rage and yogurt. Most of the rage is about yogurt.

willgoldstein Fact: the flowers in “Pat the Bunny” smell like old lady.

ScrewyDecimal Patron, to me: “If I go to the bathroom, can you guarantee that my stuff will not be stolen?” So…WHO WANTS SOME FREE STUFF??

mitten The band we’re listening to isn’t on the program, but we think they’re called “My Dad’s in a Band”

BugginWord Nothing makes me feel classier than sharpie-ing up my shoes for a night on the town.

babybabylemon No, YOU are hiding from your toddler in the bathroom.

BeTheBoy Any burrito can be a breakfast burrito if you wake up early enough.

tommycm It’s May. Or ‘Meh’ as I like to call it.

michaeljnelson If you air quote while saying the words “air quote” you can actually get sucked into a wormhole.

Mister_m00n I like Orangina, but I’m afraid to try Grapenis.

peterbyrnes If erections lasting over four hours were truly dangerous no male would survive the Junior Prom.

ladybirdj Fast Five is a good name for the jerk off motion you give when you hear about Fast Five.

thejohnblog My spirit animal is that dog that says “I love you” at the start of the Beastie Boys’ ‘Sure Shot.’

mrseancullen UFC first time inToronto. To celebrate I guillotined the mailman and I have my mother in law in an arm bar. Success!

tommycm This red wine’s gone straight to my mouth.

slackmistress Really wanted to follow my 2 mile run with a beer. I guess that means I’m not adopted.

apodixis Whatever you do, don’t look at your cat’s browser history.

JerryThomas It must be weird being an Olsen Twin, where your main function in life is to stand next to somebody and look similar.

swedishpancake In case you were curious.. it’s possible to have an entire conversation just usingWayne’s World quotes.

bryan_champ If you want to understand the workings of congress, then watch a group of 5 year olds try to agree on the rules to Shoots and Ladders

jberthume Terrific John Oliver quote: “Democracy is like a tambourine: not everyone can be trusted with it.”

slackmistress “We can rebuild it. We have the technology.” – Kate Middleton’s virginity

mamaspohr The #royalwedding has totally overshadowed Red Lobster’s Festival of Shrimp!

eareeve I probably shouldn’t put “I have great hair.” in my cover letter, right? Nah, they’ll see it when I interview.

goodinthestacks Today I witnessed what I thought was duck cannibalism but it just turns out that’s how ducks make love. Face down in a puddle.

rosamundi still bemused by the fact that Donald Trump has all that money and he can’t buy a wig that doesn’t look like a long-haired guinea pig.

OhHereWeGo Alright, what’s going on tonight? Let’s get together and stand outside a building while there’s something happening inside! Weirdos only!

MagpieLibrarian Tuck Everlasting is apparently not a YA novel about drag queens.

momwentcrazy Today I went on and searched “ninjas”. The computer told me “Ninjas cannot be found”. Well played, ninjas, well played.

Lilacmess Oil companies = the actual welfare queens

morgan_murphy I went through I phase where I only had sex with Mexican guys. God, I loved my señor year.


What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.


6 Responses to “Follow Friday – Your Mom’s Weekend”

  1. ohnoAMY May 6, 2011 at 9:10 am #

    “I hesitate to celebrate Bin Laden’s death because I remember that time when Roseanne just replaced one Becky with another Becky.” was my favoritest. MY FAVORITEST.

  2. SaritaFajita May 7, 2011 at 10:51 am #

    Mr. Huth!!!!! (I think? Or his secret twin? Either way–awesome.)

  3. Stefanie May 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm #

    Oh hai!! I totally made it. Didn’t even realize it. Thanks 🙂

    • LittleBig May 10, 2011 at 11:03 am #

      My favorite tweet of yours is still when you got your hair done and you said you were “stripy and onery like Bella.” ❤

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