Follow Friday – Anthony’s Birthday

27 Jan

My husband Anthony and I have theory that most people tweet while using the bathroom.

“You tweet pretty regularly,” you might say to a friend. “Good for you!”

Or, “I’ve noticed you haven’t tweeted in awhile. I’m concerned. Are you getting enough fiber?”

Today is the birthday of my husband and best friend. This one’s for you, love.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

lunchyprices I don’t understand why Beyonce and Jay-Z didn’t name their baby ‘BeJay’.

mocoddle Watching Futurama means that the main character of any book I read after will be voiced, in my head, by Bender.

UnicornFlavored Me trying to encourage a girl @ gym: “You got this, girl! You’re a unicorn!” Another girl: “I don’t..what..I don’t get how she’s a unicorn”

NicLewis BLAST RADIUS #NewSweatpantsLogos

ElKaboing Pimples and Dimples #NewSweatpantsLogos

mitdasein COLOSTOMY #NewSweatpantsLogos

NicLewis DINGLE BERRIES #NewSweatpantsLogos

owlparliament LOOSE STOOLS #NewSweatpantsLogos

owlparliament I AM CORNHOLIO #NewSweatpantsLogos

NikkiGlaser Shouldn’t PINK be on the front of Victoria Secret sweatpants?

RideOrDiePudge Every licensed beautician should know what you’re talking about when you say “Give me the Greatest American Hero.”

johnmoe When you watch football with a 3yo, you learn that all the mans are hugging each other.

missokistic Rick Perry says South Carolina is at war with the federal government. He does know how that ended last time, right?

MassageByTed If I say “I don’t watch football” & you hear “Let’s discuss yesterday’s games at length,” then CONGRATULATIONS you’re management material.

ScrewyDecimal While reading a book about bears during storytime, I accidentally asked the kids “What sound does a BEER make?” Worst. Librarian. Ever.

Toaster_Pastry I used to get a free pen. Now I don’t get a free pen. I can put up with a lot of bullshit with a free pen.

coldcarryouts The language is love. The grammar is tacos.

shariv67 Babies are like those popular kids in high school who you want desperately to like you even though they treat you like shit.

ElwoodJBlues It seems wrong to be eating toaster waffles and tater tots while watching #TopChef, but here I am.

Smethanie Just think how many MORE pics of cats there’d be on the Internet if felines had opposable thumbs to take and upload bathroom mirror shots.

BridgetCallahan If Edith Wharton were alive today, she would totally be writing for Gossip Girl.

pattonoswalt Here, this should cover Wikipedia for 24 hours: The Beatles, Shakespeare, Anwar Sadat, Rhode Island, & anal fistula

jwordfish the internet just occupied itself

theleanover I wasn’t concerned about SOPA/PIPA until I realized it could shut down Garfield Minus Garfield.

gabek I’ve never blacked out from drinking before, but I’m willing to find out what it takes to support our stand against #SOPA.

JoeVelouria Jokes on you guys. I boycott SOAP twenty-two days a month.

oodja Pluto is a planet. #FactsWithoutWikipedia (Too soon?)

robdelaney #SOPA me, motherfuckers & I’ll use your other enemy, the glorious US Postal Service to MAIL my tweets to your kids.

TwoAdults Yesterday Ezra asked me where the Elf (Elphabet…) was. “I haven’t seen him around, Mama. Where is he? IS HE EATING TREATS?!!!”

robdelaney Simultaneous orgasms are cool, but when you’ve been with someone for a while, simultaneous farts are fun too.

SpaghettiJesus “I CAN’T BELIEVE PAULA DEEN IS A DIABETIC!” – said no one bc Paula Deen is the historic source of all diabetes.

johnmoe Fun day of RTs. Thanks to Marvin Luther King, Martin Lutheran King, Martian Luther King, and the Luther Kings from all the other planets.

duckyouforever I’m live chatting Oprah’s interview with Gov. Chris Christie and there’s a joke in here somewhere but I think it’s on me.

MrBigFists Elevator? Nonsense. This is a traveling hugging booth and I see you’ve selected the button for 16 hugs. So let’s get to it. Come here, you!

shelikespurple I may not be planning to have any more babies, but I do plan to wear my maternity yoga pants for the rest of my life.

morninggloria Was disappointed to discover that mammograms aren’t short boob-related messages. Even sadder that there is no “singing mammogram” option.

owlparliament @exlibris Have I ever told you about the time I got confused with Swiper and said “Snatcher no snatching!” real loud?

tommycm my early misspelling of ‘existential’ has made the crisis all the more telling.

robdelaney I fucking jizz every morning when I tear yesterday’s page off my cat calendar & see a NEW cat in a fun situation!

thebryanchamp I’d like to have sex with a rich person because they’re really good at fucking the poor.

MagpieLibrarian SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET IS WRONG!

willgoldstein I already regret staying up this late for tomorrow. I pregret it. #newword #feelfreetouseit

thecajunboy Mitt Romney just asked the boys to toss some more cash logs into the fire.

SpeakerBoehner Man, I am DESTROYING this chair with farts. Is this thing over yet? #SOTU

markleggett Male cyclists shouldn’t be allowed to have ponytails, so I don’t have to question my sexuality on the drive to work every morning.

alwysabridesmd I hope no one else is at the gym tonight so I can pass gas with impunity during my run. Sorry I ate all those lentils you guys.

markleggett Last night’s dream starred Tim Curry. My imagination spares no expense.

theleanover Obvious joke? OK, Obvious joke: Hyperbole is the worst thing that ever happened to language.

Guydelines Anti-drug campaigns should simply be pictures of Steven Tyler with the phrase “He does drugs!”

MassageByTed I hope some casting agents saw my heroic sprint for the bus this morning.

finslippy I’m sure I can have one more cup of coffee and I’ll be just whoops I’m having a heart attack.

JRehling I just sneezed as I was about to click on something and now everything on my computer is in Malaysian.

pnkrcklibrarian Fell asleep last night watching Antiques Roadshow. Party hard, bitches! Party. Hard.

gonnakillhim “Teach me how to” may be the scariest words to type into Google.

johnhenrymuller Our 7-year-old started using air quotes. It’s about to get “real.”

mstcambot just watched a squirrel successfully pick up an empty iced coffee cup, turn it over, and drink out of the straw. DAY = MADE.

alwysabridesmd On the one hand, I just dropped a tampon on the counter while paying for overpriced water. On the other, I got the elevator to myself. Hm.

nickkroll I would totally elect Mitt Romney to be an actor in Viagra commercial.

shinyinfo I outreach like a son of a bitch. I am out reaching like no other person has reached out before in their ridiculous reaching lives!

thejohnblog Before Bruce Willis figured out he was a ghost in ‘The Sixth Sense,’ his character was probably worried it had been so long since he pooped.

robdelaney Women are like canoes. Actually they’re really more like kayaks. Which one has the pointy things? OK; I don’t understand canoes/women.

MassageByTed I think I’ll go home and record some club music by combining a super loud click track and the autotuned bleating of one wounded sheep.

luckyshirt I just wish facebook would try to fit more information into my eyeballs all at once.

duckyouforever Please be advised that there will no longer be a day known as Monday. In the Hobbit tradition, we now have Second Sunday.

rolldiggity “Yeah, I guess I’m a pretty good water receptacle.” -Glass that is half full of itself

justaboutagirl 10 am and we already need another pot of coffee. I’m so proud of us!

danforthfrance I may have had too much coffee, he said performing Chopin’s Military Polonaise as a hambone.

UnicornFlavored It trips me out that a lady wearing “mom jeans”, clogs, and a Navajo print mini backpack would be considered more fashionable than me.

gracehelbig Happy Butter, Paula Dean! Oh god, I mean birthday. How insensibutter of me. Ah! I’m butter! Sorry! Ah! Your heart works so hard!

thegrumbles dear @keli_h, i will share the same sage advice that was told to me as a boy-mom, “now you’ve had TWO penises in you at the same time.”

jenstatsky Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses — I’m making a weird ass collage.

OhNoSheTwitnt Apparently shouting “where’s your G now?!” on Monday mornings at all my coworkers who say “TGIF!!” on Fridays isn’t very “professional.”

chickenscottpie Accidentally said “automatic death” instead of “sudden death,” and now I think “automatic death” would make football way more interesting.

mikeleffingwell My favorite sequels are Wrath of Khan, The Dark Knight, and World War II.

UnicornFlavored I was going to ask Kyle if he’d get me a glass of water since he was near the kitchen, til I noticed he was elbow deep in a ball scratch.

pattonoswalt That long-handled shoehorn was the iPhone 4S of 1916. #DowntonPBS

pattonoswalt Is there a form of sexuality called “homo-Bates-ual”? #DowntonPBS

lauracope remind me to take all these browser tabs to the Goodwill when i get home.

nancyupton The ultimate first world problem? Getting truffle salt in your eye after making scrambled egg whites. Let’s all hate me together.

GoonSquadSarah Ian just told his playdate “It is your time to shine!”

alyankovic Paul’s First Blog Post to the Corinthians #UpdatedNewTestament

jenstatsky Just spent 15 minutes trying to zipper my coat, then sent my parents an apology for sending me to college.

RideOrDiePudge Apparently my efforts to lead an impromptu slave revolt went unappreciated by the management of Colonial Williamsburg.

JVdesigns And for those who think there is no good in the world, a dude just paused a drug transaction to tell me I dropped my glove

robdelaney DOCTORS ONLY: Did Paula Deen catch diabetes when that guy threw a ham at her face?

VegasWalkinDude “We built this titty. We built this titty from silicone. Built this titty. We built this titty from silicone.” – Plastic surgeon rock anthem

badbananaThrowing a pie in Newt Gingrich’s face is at least a two-pie job.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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4 Responses to “Follow Friday – Anthony’s Birthday”

  1. LDiggitty January 27, 2012 at 7:47 am #

    Lol… clearly I’m not active enough on Twitter because the only place I see banter this “witty” is on your site! It may be time to actually take your prompt… and follow!

  2. Julie January 27, 2012 at 8:50 am #

    HA! OMG, it IS a two pie job. Also a two pie job: Distinguishing Newts face from his backside. Just saying.

  3. Van January 27, 2012 at 9:20 am #

    I laughed out loud at the Unicorn one, don’t know why that one got me 😉 Sweet post, like the photos and the birthday loving.

  4. purplequark January 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm #

    happy happy!

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