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Scrapbook: Weekend

22 Jan

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Thrifty Living: An Army of Ten Cent Jars

19 Jan

Little Big went quiet yesterday in solidarity of anti-SOPA legislation. I didn’t post any links simply because I ran out of time what with chasing a toddler and spending the majority of my time not chasing her with hacking up and sneezing various colors of fluids. Suffice it to say that this legislation could shut down my little ol’ blog just because I occasionally post something like this or this or even this. And that last one is especially important to me. When I was having my panic attacks it was your comments on this blog that really helped me feel normal. I will never, ever forget that. One comment in particular, from Anne G, has stuck with me and sustained me through some dark moments. It simply stated stated,

“I don’t believe that the person that wrote about Brian McPoopington will not be OK. Your positive energy will prevail.”

The fact that I have the freedom to share Brian McPoopington with you all helped me through a tough time. One of the toughest of my life. SOPA could end all that. Suck it, SOPA. Suck it slooooow.

I love fresh flowers in the home but I usually have to stick with flowers I grew in my yard or various plants Isobel and I find on our nature walks (which essentially boils down to “stroller time through the suburbs.”) I’ve collected a small army of ten cent jars and petite glasses while thrifting in the rare event that I have enough foliage to display.

Last summer my dear friends Jenn and Chris hosted a wedding reception that I was honored to be asked to photograph, and Jenn didn’t let me leave without taking home one of the stunning table bouquets her family put together. (It didn’t hurt that the flowers happened to be in my vintage mason jar.)

I enjoyed the blossoms in the jar as long as I could but once it started looking raggedy I tossed any rotting or dried-out blooms and stuck them in these thrifted jars instead. In true thrifty fashion  I always make my bouquets last as long as possible by whittling down the flowers, displaying on the freshest parts, for as long as possible in my thrifted jars.

They last even longer if your cats don’t chew on them. Not that I would know what that’s like.

Snapshot: Making Personal Threats & Isobel’s Pencil Room

16 Jan

– Since it’s been awhile since my last snapshot, and since so much has happened, I’m posting it early this week.

– The biggest news (besides me having the most annoying and stubborn cold on the planet) is that we moved Isobel’s big girl bed from our bedroom into the Pencil Room. The Pencil Room is officially Isobel’s big girl bedroom, and now we refer to it as “your pencil room.” The first day was rough. At first she was so excited when I told he we were going to move her bed that she tried to move it herself and then excitedly asked me to help her. Once we got the bed in the room and all set up for her nap, she pretty much cried from nap time to bedtime. She was m-a-d. After she got that out of her system it wasn’t a problem and she’s been sleeping in there fuss-free since the 7th. Anthony and I are so glad to have our room back (bow chicka wow wow) but it did make me a little sad at first. I was so ready for her to be out I didn’t expect to be sad. Having her in a different room after two and a half years of cosleeping was an adjustment for Mama as well as baby.

– I’m almost done decorating Isobel’s big girl room. I posted a sneak peek earlier on twitter. I still need to finish some organizational things and Anthony needs to hang the finishing touches, but once that’s done I’m going to share it here. Hopefully sometime next week!

Bethylicious nominated me for a Versatile Blogger Award! According to the meme I’m supposed to nominate fifteen people and list 7 random facts about myself. I always have trouble coming up with these, so how about we do something else: I will answer seven random questions put to me by readers, either here in the comments, or via email, or on twitter. If I get seven questions I’ll answer them in a post and then nominate my picks for the award. I’m betting there won’t be seven questions.Go ahead and take that personally. It’s a threat. Or something. Yeah.

– The lovely and talented Erica made this gorgeous shawl for me and I am over the moon about it. The deep green-blue color, the delightful scrunchiness of the wool, the fact that it was nothing but a mere string a few short days ago has me swooning for it. Thank you so much, Erica. I hope the basket of vintage goodies I’m about to send you is satisfactory.

Recent Photos:

Little Big Links

Follow Friday: Christmas Past

23 Dec

Today’s post features photos from Christmas past. Enjoy!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

NicLewis RT @nprnews: After 25 Years In Woman’s Stomach, A Pen Still Writes // It wrote, “Get me out of here!”

Pinboard Ask yourself this: is there any JRR Tolkien place name that does not sound like the name of a mood stabilizer or antifungal cream?

kwmurphy I can never spell the word “hemorrhoids” right on the first try. You’d think I could, as it comes up so often in my line of work.

danforthfrance Already can’t stop saying “Bagginses. What is a Bagginses, Precious?” Welp, be glad you don’t know me in real life. It’ll be a year of this.

maggiesox I WILL CHOKE SOMEONE FOR THE HOBBIT TRAILER, COME ON APPLE.

inversejaik Thanks to the replicator, the crew learns the true meaning of Christmas. Crusher is perplexed when Worf’s heart grows three sizes. #TNG_S8

inversejaik Geordi and Data put warp plasma in Barclay’s coffee, with horrifying results. Worf’s son Alexander wonders why he even bothers. #TNG_S8

inversejaik Worf learns that the Klingon way of mathematics takes too long. On a dare, Lwaxana Troi marries Barclay. #TNG_S8

inversejaik When the ship falls through a spacetime anomaly, Picard is trapped in a turbolift with himself. Worf is enraged by the game of golf. #TNG_S8

inversejaik Riker & Worf use the holodeck to research the 21st-cen. ideal of being “bros.” Troi goes on and on about her most recent makeover. #TNG_S8

MrWordsWorth It must be tough for people on The Real World to actually have to return to the real world.

ScrewyDecimal This anxious, nauseated, “how will I pay my credit card bill next month” feeling can only mean one thing: I’ve finished Christmas shopping!

Angel__Bee Allie really doesn’t appreciate my Eddie Vedder impression as much as she should.

steenyweeny gonna put my religion as ‘grumpy as hell’ on this HR form.

MmeSurly PAJAMAS I WANT TO BE INSIDE YOU

Zaius13 They finally released Schindler’s List on blu-ray with tons of bonus features, including over an hour of hilarious bloopers!

NASeason I appear to have reserved an awfully large portion of brain space for 80’s lyrics.

BugginWord “Honey, do we have a protractor?” – Not what I was expecting.

schmutzie I’LL USE ALL-CAPS IF I WANT TO. THE INTERNET ISN’T NEARLY LOUD ENOUGH.

theRratedBull I think my half-ass effort isn’t working because I’m still a top-performer at work. I think what we need here is a quarter-ass effort.

Patheticist I feel guilty that I’ve spent more on myself than the rest of my entire family combined. I’m teaching them a Christmas lesson, probably.

willgoldstein “Don’t let the dog lick you, she’s been eating her own poop again.” #thingsIhavetosaytoooften

sarahmcdallen Me: We have a chance of snowy owls this winter! Kim (baffled): They can predict those “birds falling out of the sky events” now?

finslippy I now have seven pounds of pulled pork. Just in time for Hanukkah!

danforthfrance My cat purrs like the Enterprise-D warp core. No YOU’RE never getting laid again!

notperfect Before you think that my shopping hesitance is partly financial savvy: I once paid a massage therapist to listen to my sacrum.

InfiniteChicken I just gave @KimKardashian +K in Chlamydia!

onenjen So, now that my son is potty trained, I’m gonna be wiping pee off the toilet seat for the next, what, 15 years?

heliumcell YEAH, CUT AWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE KEYBOARD SOLO. I REALLY WANT TO SEE WHAT THE DRUMMER IS DOING RIGHT THERE. OH COOL, HITTING A CYMBAL

Patheticist You can accurately guess a person’s age by length of their voicemail message.

jenstatsky When I was a kid, I honestly thought that using Quicken was a major part of adulthood.

sarahbellum Today was amazeballs, only without the amaze part.

juan_incognito Most of the time when I appear to be in deep thought, I’m just thinking about what I’m going to build with my Legos when I get home.

notthatkendall An awkward thing is trying to figure out how you will explain to a spambot that you don’t eat McDonalds.

goodinthestacks James Franco can get professors fired for giving him bad grades? That dude really can do it all.

joeinverarity You all moonwalked into my heart.

shinyinfo If I were a millionaire I’d take the train places ALL THE TIME. Across the country, several times a year. I’d waste my money SO HARD!

thejohnblog Rick Perry issued a press release extending his condolences to the family of Lil Kim.

sgnp Bras are pretty amazing. They’re MADE to have boobs shoved in ’em! #HouseCleaningThoughts

Smethanie LOL Hot Pockets for including conventional oven cooking instructions!

macleanbrendan If we’ve learned anything from Kim Jong-Il’s death it’s that people are very good at quoting Team America.

abobrow This has been a shit year for my fantasy dictator team.

NASeason So, at what age do I have to stop dressing my kid in one piece pajamas? Twelve?

shariv67 Huz: What do you want for xmas? Me: A Mercedes? Huz: Try again. Me: Foot rubs for a year? Huz: What model Mercedes?

80sMomKara My 8 year old: “On Christmas, why don’t we go to that midnight madness thing over at that church in Biloxi?” Me: “You mean midnight MASS?”

Soulsmithy Scary poops are the price we pay for holiday potlucks.

theSethsquatch The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But only if you enter through his ass.

NicLewis 8-track players in attics transform back into their disco-robot forms for the long trip back to planet Funk. #ChristmasMiracle

owlparliament Charles Bukowski reanimates and comes over; is ornery but also a surprising good pastry chef. #ChristmasMiracle

ryankresse People take nitrates for heart problems. Bacon has nitrates. Therefore, bacon cures heart problems. #logic

mocoddle If I were to get some sort of voice-control typing software, all my tweets would be profanity and chupacabras.

michael_J_m00n When I jingle, I jingle all the way.

paulverhoeven Just tried to Shazam a fire alarm at a Westfield.

ruthakers You can tell a lot about a girl by how many hand movements it takes her to describe her prom dress.

allisonthemeep Um, Christmas is in one week. Holy shit. I mean, Oh, holy shit. The stars are brightly shining.

J__Swift Okay, Twitter is distracting me from my new boyfriend: video games. We’re gonna go make love now.

TheRedQueen My toddler just shushed me. Apparently I was making too much noise while he was trying to watch his stories.

geekandahalf Pretty sure I meant “bitches”, autocorrect, but good lookin’ out.

J__Swift I think I’ll buy something to cheer myself up. This gun oughta do it.

apodixis Geese always sound like they’re laughing at me. I wonder if they know how good they taste.

alwysabridesmd I see there is a jammie snuggie thing called “Forever Lazy.” pretty sure that would be the phrase I’d choose for knuckle tattoos. #4EVAlazy

dspiral I really should have stretched before wrapping those gifts. #gettingold

benmarvin My new years resolution is to count how many times I poop in 2012.

lemoneyes Waking up early makes it harder for me to stay up late. Too little sleep is what makes that seem like an insight.

danforthfrance Strange that no one in the Nativity stood with their back to the camera.

Toaster_Pastry Daughter brought home a small vial of pure concentrated weapons-grade glitter.

rstevens In the Marvel Universe, a “Daily Bugle” is also a sex act.

mikeleffingwell It sucks when you try to join a gang in a new city and find out none of your street creds transferred.

Lilacmess We got our xmas stockings from my MIL today and proceeded to open all of it. We have completely failed as adults. I blame husband

kellyoxford “I love her period.” – missing comma, game changer

mikeleffingwell ONE DAY after I cancel my “Whoopi Goldberg fart” Google alert and look what happens.

schmutzie I’ve now expanded my diet from peanut butter sandwiches & Little Debbie Nutty Bars to include peanut butter cookies. Diversity is key.

TheNextMartha I’m really hoping to pass this plague onto someone who deserves it.

jenstatsky “Here lies Jen Statsky. She is survived by fourteen hundred half-full punch cards from various coffee shops.”

Angel__Bee Oh good, Allie’s behind the Christmas tree grunting. This will end well.

badbanana The next Mission Impossible movie should be two hours of Tom Cruise trying not to jump onto a couch after drinking seven Red Bulls.

onenjen In my son’s world, the garbage man is on par with Ryan Gosling. “Like, OMG. He WAVED at me!”

johnmoe Question about those Progressive commercials: why are people who are dead and in heaven concerned about car insurance?

JRehling Before you decide you’re the world’s worst cook, I just burned a banana to ashes while peeling it.

Kitty_Crawford I am pregnant. The father is satay chicken curry.

morninggloria GOP debate would be much more tolerable if a merry prankster had queued up the Little Rascals theme to play as the candidates took the stage

ProfessorSnack I spend a lot more of my time than I used to searching for beverages I’ve set down.

LaurenBans How is the tagline for the McRib not “Ribbed For Your Pleasure?” How?

corrinrenee Blankets should have pockets for your feet. #bedtimethoughts

markleggett Send me a DM if you want to swing by my house tonight and get totally fucked-up on vegetarian pizza.

MaybeNotSteve I’m so hungry I asked a horse to the prom and she said YES!!!

adiopink Re: woman who gestured at my dad & asked what my husband does. My sister says I should’ve replied: “He sleeps with my mom.”

meganmonique “The Kinect gives me more opportunities to use my jazz hands!” – The Mister

sucittaM Even if none of the Republican candidates become president, they all still have promising careers as actors in Kay Jewelers commercials.

Caissie Every time I look at Ron Paul my mouth starts watering for a Werther’s Original! #TweetThePress

PolyesterPony My xbox no longer listens when I say pause. We’ve grown so far apart.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Thrifty Living: Christmas Finds

22 Dec

When Anthony and I lived in a one-bedroom apartment decorating for the holidays was easy. I had 500 or so square feet to work with and I Christmas’d the hell out of it. It was adorable, and when we finally bought our house I spent the first Christmas lamenting the apartment. The smallness of the space made my decorations seem much more abundant and adorable then they actually were. Which is why I spend time each year scouring thrift stores for decorations to add to my meager holiday stash.

Just like for Halloween decorations, Christmas decorations are abundant in thrift stores this time of year. My favorite charity shop is now selling all Christmas-related items at half off since in a few days they’ll have to pack it all up and store it away for next year.

Unlike Halloween decorations, the Christmas goodies you find while thrifting can be quite old and wonderful. Or not, such as the mess in the photo above. I bought that for a quarter while thrifting, and for a very special reason.

These adorable Italian mushrooms.

They have a wreath with their name on them. Or something else. I haven’t really decided. But the rest of the centerpiece wasn’t wasted. Zorro and Isobel spent a two full days entertaining themselves with it. After that I boxed up the rest of the holly sprigs that I thought I might use later and donated or threw away the rest.

I found this vintage place mat illustrated with hand drawn holiday decorations. Actually I found a whole set of them, but I’m keeping two. Isobel is kind of obsessed with her vintage dinosaur place mat right now so this mat is usually ignored, but I bet she’ll dig it next year.

I just found this crocheted decoration that’s hanging on my wall as is right now but I might turn it into a photo frame or add some more bells to it.

I have my grandmother’s angel chimes (the traditional kind, with angels instead of a carousel theme) but I always buy angel chimes whenever I find them. I love them and have found it’s useful to keep a couple sets around in case I lose a piece I have a spare. The cats go wild for them, though, so I have to keep them up high and mostly out of sight. I know people say that once you have kids you can’t have nice things, but really that applied to us before we had Isobel because we had cats.

You’ve seen these angels before, but I just had to show them off again. They are my favorite Christmas find this year.

In the same vein of the weird centerpiece in the photo above, I bought this Christmas mess for the parts. I love the holly sprigs and I managed to detach the apples and strawberries for Isobel’s Thrifted Kitchen. I’m using the extra pieces of greenery with birds attached to decorate wrapped Christmas presents. It also has fake plastic popcorn on this, which I’ve never seen before and is kind of hilarious.

But mostly I bought this basket for the teeny tiny mushrooms dotting the display. I pulled those off before Isobel could get to them and used the wire part to attach them to the small silver Christmas tree I used to put up at work.

New favorite ornaments.

Isobel was pretty stoked when I found these guys. It’s pretty obvious they’ve had a few owners. Modeled after these vintage characters that show up again and again in holiday decor of a certain era, these two characters had recently been abused by someone who really fugged them up.

Mrs. Frosty’s hat, candy cane, and scarf were removed and replaced and it took me awhile to pry the hideous buttons of both of them. Eventually I’m gong to repaint them and restore them to their former glory. But for now they’re hanging out on my porch.

Follow Friday – O Christmas Tree

9 Dec

Last weekend Anthony and I got the Christmas tree up and Isobel and the cats formed a temporary alliance whose sole purpose was the destruction of Christmas. It was fun. I put the mini tree we used last year in the Pencil Room and Isobel reminds me first thing every morning that we need to turn on the tree. I also hung a large paper snowflake so the room has a very minimalist, yet very festive, vibe. We hung these vintage ornaments on the lower branches of the living room tree because they will stand up to all the love the cats and the kid can dish out. I found more while thrifting that I’ll add to the shop later. These are perfect if you have kids or pets, and they are lovely. My very favorite part of the tree, however, is the star at the top that my Aunt Trisha made just for me.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

MeganBoley @TristinaWright @exlibris the opposite of tacos is sadness.

LouisPeitzman If you’re not ashamed to admit you’re a Christian, Rick Perry, at least be ashamed to admit you fucking haaate homos.

FakeAPStylebook Please only run your “IF GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL, WHY IS IT COLD?” editorial cartoons if the temperature is below 52.

davepolak My new cats haven’t learned their proper names yet, but they respond when I call them little fuckers.

TristinaWright “Every village needs an idiot, and sadly some of them will have internet access.”

johnmoe Generally, it’s retired Oakland Raiders QBs. RT @IareRachael: Who the frick comes up with trending topics like #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Teetotaler. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

inversejaik SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! DITCHDIGGER versus the DEFRIBULATOR! And SKUNKAPE! #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

shinyinfoTHE COMPENSATORR!

johnmoe GRAVE MOURNER #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Pearl S. Truck. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

johnmoe CARE BEARER #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Shatnersaurus. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Bilbo Bagginator. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

rstevens I was destined for greatness but I believe in free will.

steenyweeny dontcha wish your girlfriend was making potatoes like me…dontcha wish your girlfriend was wearing a seasonal apron like me…yeaaah boyeee

theleanover Most of my sex trade work is pro boner.

louisvirtel My version of winning the lottery is following a car with a “Baby on Board” sticker and finding out the driver is Jennifer Grey.

antigone_spit Whoever put this Kenny G Christmas album on is gonna get cut

LovesOfLife I’m about to tell you how running on a stomach full of pizza feels.

pistolval i gave myself a papercut on the eyelid today. #justthatgood

MassageByTed I will purchase any product that makes senior citizens rap or do the conga.

joeinverarity No thanks, I’ve had enough cheese. – not me

shinyinfo One day I’ll learn how to write organization tweets and blog posts without a million exclamation points. ONE DAY

samanthajcampen Speaking in Theo’s class about animal doctors and pet care. I think I’ll skip the part about anal glands.

rstevens Apparently “do the mashed potato” means something other than I thought and also there are laws against doing that with vegetables in public.

KeepingYouAwake “A self-unchecked is a self-wrecked.” – Some Asshole (2011)

rstevens Quantum Leper is a TV show about a time traveler who leaves parts of his body in different eras because the writers didn’t do their research

steenyweeny rt if the guy next to you on the bus looks like a baby eagle so you’ve named him birdley.

TheNextMartha I have a blog called “The Martha Project” with exactly ZERO craft posts on it. That’s called talent.

J__Swift I don’t remember what I ate for breakfast but I remember those bandaids that you opened with a string.

swamibooba Some people use “Lorem ipsum”, I use Beck’s “Loser”.

mzeld If lying on my back and putting a pillow over my face doesn’t solve all my problems, I’m out of ideas.

SFriedScientist Is it not true, Mr. The Frog, that thanks to affirmative action, it is, in fact, easier being green? #gopmuppethearings

iasshole Oh BOY bicyclist who just farmer-blew into the street hands-free, my panties just FLEW OFF here

ClevelandPoet and then I found a GIF of Hulk Hogan headbutting a Russian Flag and my day improved by +20

dino_dogan When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a “mean drunk” or a “happy drunk.” Gets me out of it every time.

EconTalker Love the paleo diet but sometimes have trouble getting the fire started rubbing the sticks together.

LadyLiberal Having “Parents of the Year” t-shirts made since it was our preshus snowflake KICKING THE BABY JESUS STATUE in the outdoor nativity this am.

johnmoe Jimi Hendrix offered an internship and mentoring program for those who answered no on his “are you experienced” question.

MrWordsWorth The feeling of Christmas is a little more gropey this year.

foulmouthsanta Omnipresent (n) Someone who buys you the same fucking thing every year.

rstevens THE JENNY IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BLOCK

JohnFugelsang it doesn’t count as pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

TheRedQueen Does Sal the Sanitation Bear’s parole officer know he is on NickJr? Seems like a violation to me. #pedobear

MrWordsWorth You will know you’ve mastered free jazz when it sounds like hate sex between Wookies.

MassageByTed My kids aren’t athletic, so I’m stuck picking fights at my daughter’s choir concerts.

johnmoe If this van is a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’. If the van’s brakes are squealin’, hum More Than A Feelin’. #VanContingencies

BorowitzReport Gingrich says he would leave Afghanistan “only if it has cancer.”

Handflapper You guys! YOU GUYS! I just typed “ehll” and my phone autocorrected it to “hell.” AUTOCORRECT FINALLY GETS ME!

sgnp My moment of weakness has lasted almost forty years.

morninggloria I reject the idea of a sexy green M&M mascot because candy should not have genitals.

The_Samburglar Just heard two women discussing a dog’s outfit and how it could be hemmed if necessary. #priorities

shariv67 We’re decorating the tree with the kids today. But now that they’re teens it’s harder to find branches that will support their weight.

joeinverarity I can’t seem to keep food down no matter what I try. Best! Diet! Ever!

jessnevins Marvel, for $2 a year I’d produce a weekly Economist-style column on how current economic situations are affecting your fictional countries.

Athenabee Athena just did sad trombone noise in time out. I’m silently dying.

MetaKatea Nearly tossed banana peel out of car on way to work. Had weird “Mario Kart” moment of thinking it would cause a pile-up. Didn’t do it.

rstevens First thing I learned as a designer was that you can change the page numbers to anything you want. There is no reality.

bitchylibrarian New term for #nopants = #porkypigging. THINK ABOUT IT.

swonderful Alice: What’s that? Me: The onion skin. Alice: Onion SKIN? Is an onion a… a kid chicken?

readingsarah I tried to spell pinterest aloud during our YASF meeting today and failed, failed hard.

metalia My colorblind dad just sent me a text with a picture of the sunset, with the caption, “Amazing colors! …I think.”

mrpilkington I like it that @Shteyngart is a dog because that’s how I’ve read his novels: in a tiny yip noise followed by chewing on my testicles.

premmeridian The Swype keyboard on my phone keeps ignoring my ‘u’ in ‘honour.’ EXCUSE ME IT IS NOT “HONOR” I AM CANADIAUAUAUAN.

badbanana It’s taken me this long to realize “Eurozone Crisis” wasn’t referring to a woman’s underarm area.

ScrewyDecimal I lose socks like Herman Cain loses credibility.

Sondeera Judging from all the rainbows on avis, you folks need to get your Lucky Charms obsession under control.

crom74 Our microwave died. It died cooking two pot pies. It finished cooking them. It was a trooper.

mjbz104 I’ve only left my house for a total of 2.5hrs in the past 6 days. My arm is starting to curve like the dorsal fin of a dolphin in captivity.

emoryshatzer When a mammoth is eventually cloned I hope it’s taken to that yokel Bible museum with the words painted on its side, “How you like me now?”

tommycm btw am happy if any journos want to use my ‘cain and unable’ headline after the events of yesterday.

apodixis This is the first time I can say I spent Saturday evening pulling pork and actually mean it literally.

CorporateMonkey somehow managed to french braid my hair AT THE BAR. sounds like a +1 in the sober department

onenjen Now that my son is potty-trained, he’s traded diaper badonkadonk for perpetual plumber’s crack. #babypullyourpantsup

mikeleffingwell The dad in “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” was dressed as Santa AFTER the kid was in bed = mom/dad were into freaky roleplay sex.

markleggett I’ll yell “GO CATS!” at any sporting event because I really, really like cats. #catsarenaturesmiracles #sportsarefuckingboring

TheBlackStar Leave it to Kingston to mosh to minimalist piano twinkle twinkle little star.

purple_quark It may be time to Febreeze the dog.

inversejaik At Big Lots: Low-battery Xmas toy reciting “Visit from St Nick;” sounds like “A Lt. Worf Christmas.”

Handflapper I just thanked myself for a retweet AND called myself “sweetie.” #winningattwitter

FakePewResearch 98.5% of cardigan owners will kill again.

jenstatsky Must be so confusing to be a bug flying around. One second, humans are clapping for them — the next, they’re dead.

wordsinmymouth Is there a way to take back drunk FB private messages? Asking for a friend.

willgoldstein My # of tweets/hr is both inversely correlated to the # of hours I sleep and directly correlated to the # of cups of coffee I drink.

FakeAPStylebook Considering the economic climate, have your gift guide include affordable items such as twigs, recyclable cans, and pretty good boxes.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Happy Thanksgiving

24 Nov


Scrapbook: Tea Time

4 Oct

Anthony was right.  Zorro and Poppy do love the jellyfish tent. Fortunately, they love it for more than just scratching and attacking. Sometimes they like to be civilized.

He kind of reminds me of Jabba the Hutt here. Surveying his domain.

 

“You guys don’t mind if my butt is in the frame, right? Great.”

I call this expression, “American Gothic if it were to take place in a jellyfish tent surrounded by a child’s tea set and enacted by animals.” You know, art.

Have I mentioned that Poppy is kind of a spaz?

She’s a cute spaz, at least.

Follow Friday – Subjecting You to Photos of My Cats

19 Aug

Yesterday Isobel and I were in the backyard playing her new favorite game: “beach.” It involves a large patch of sand and several buckets and plastic shovels. While we were digging, Jupey came over the fence with a fresh Barbie in his mouth. He ran to Isobel and dropped it at her feet.

“A dolly! Jupey brought me a dolly! Mommy, look!” she shrieked excitedly, picking it up.  “Thanks Jupey! I love you.”

It’s my Mom’s birthday today and she’s pretty much the a Cat Whisperer. Today, in her honor, I’m subjecting you to photos of my cats. Happy Birthday, Mom!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

wheelfreed Does farting count as tooting your own horn?

mindykaling Oh no. Every T-Pain song now seems like a parody to me.

apodixis I have tuna flavored laxative on my fingers, in case you were wondering.

sgnp I’m not losing horribly. I’m helping you have the best game ever!

louisvirtel This tweet may not seem like an awesome Madonna tribute, but I’m actually lip-syncing it and humping the floor.

twopretzels Craig taught Lila to say “dog balls.” Yup. Can’t really say much more than that. Dog balls.

CourtNeedsSleep I just don’t understand why we went with ‘Unicorn’ over ‘Unihorn’ that’s all

Greeblemonkey Season 2 Muppets is clearly the year Jim Henson started smoking weed. #muppetnight

danforthfrance I never found out if the girl in that movie got her grade changed. (It was porn.)

cbnickras Back in the old days, before health insurance, people just died young! We should just return to that magic golden age!

LouisPeitzman This guy’s OKCupid page says his ideal partner reads at least six hours a week. Does reading online dating profiles count?

stray @pcsweeney My unbridled hatred for Outlook is thicker than the richest pancake syrup.

freudiantypo Just once I’d like to get a prescription bottle with a warning label that says, “Take with plenty of beer.”

shariv67 Isn’t it cute how old people sign all of their online comments? Sincerely,
Shari

MakeMommyCoffee Clearly tired of me checking for new teeth Allie waited until I was vulnerable and plunged her whole hand into my mouth & laughed maniacally.

PlumeriaSprite Atypical cells are the enemy but atypical friends are really fun.

Hojimoto I shouldn’t have to ask for a *Chocolate* Frosty. In my day when you asked for a Frosty you got Chocolate and liked it!

massagebyted Yes, I do think you should fill the back of your truck with lettuce and old chairs before you take the craigslist “for sale” photo.

MagpieLibrarian Cat skirt, squirrel shirt, snoopy scarf, AliceWonderland necklace, RedRidingHood pin. I’m your fucking kid’s librarian. Let’s read some shit.

sarahmcdallen Such a lovely day. Kim & I discussed having a lie down on the grass, but she said, at our ages, people wld probably think we’d fallen down.

apelad How can it be 1:35 already? Oh right, time passing.

FuckItLibrarian This lady honked at me as I turned into the library. I told her to kiss my ass. No one honks at the librarian.

rstevens my kingdom for an easier to control kingdom with more serfs and better access to navigable bodies of water

MagpieLibrarian if you liked it, then you should have put all hold on it. #allthesinglelibrarians

InfiniteChicken …now if you’ll all just cover your eyes for a few seconds… #BadMagicTricks

thechrisleroux Ladies and gentlemen, I think we can all agree that this puppy is now dead… #BadMagicTricks

johnmoe Sawing a bagel in half #BadMagicTricks

sgnp The Miser’s Reach-Around #BadMagicTricks

InfiniteChicken Now moms, kids—you will notice I am not wearing any pants… #BadMagicTricks

jenstatsky “OMG sooo cute, did you see this YouTube video of Zooey Deschanel playing the piano?!” – Cats.

NotGaryBusey Crocs are just PT Cruisers for your feet.

badbanana Where Settlers Settled #NewNebraskaSlogan

badbanana America’s Vast, Pasty Midsection #NewNebraskaSlogan

badbanana That Smell is Iowa #NewNebraskaSlogan

fierceflawless My constant inner monologue while watching tv: “these people are assholes.”

PMuffintop Day 2 of Kindergarten and my child has already asked me what “shitballs” means. Hooray!

muffpunch You know it’s a good day when you’ve used the phrase “you’re more than welcome to fire me.”

slackmistress It doesn’t matter where I work, I’m always the one who has to explain what Furries are.

LPCookbook Someone in the hallway is kerfuffled because they do not know how to use the watercooler. JUST PRESS THE BUTTON THAT SAYS “WATER.”

slackmistress “You’re a good neighbor..like a State Farm rep I get to sleep with. ” – @BeTheBoy to me

giromide Take these broken wings. They’ve been sittin’ in the basement for, like, two years. Shake ’em first. Might be some damn earwigs in ’em.

EvenMoreSarah Dear God I just got a Google ad for flushable dog poop bags called Flush Puppies. Now I kind of want to disable my OWN account.

maggiesox I am beginning to resent every email in my inbox that doesn’t come from Pottermore. I just cursed out an email from my mom.

BridgetCallahan I resent almost all of you for almost everything – my acceptance speech.

jephkelley Flying next week and already know which section of SkyMall I’m flipping to first. The Pendant of Arwen Evenstar is as good as mine.

ClevelandPoet There’s a statue of a priest guy sticking his fists out in my gallery. Every time I pass by I have to urge to fist bump him. #GotMadRespect

thecheckoutgirl Just washed down my birth control pill with french fries, essentially doubling the effect.

chickenscottpie I’m suffering from Michele Bachmann overload. Can we all just agree she’s an embarrassment to humanity and then never talk about her again?

batsly I hate to brag, but I’m really fuckin’ good at it.

wheatnik Instead of writing books, I tweet, because I am horrible at stringing sentences together in a coherent manner. I love chocolate pudding.

jszyd How does a shepherd keep track of how many sheep he has without falling asleep?

heyrenees The state of everything makes one thing crystal clear: we picked the wrong time to cancel the space program.

EliBraden Actually ‘B’ isn’t a number. RT @KimKardashian: How many people u know can take it this far? B

mrpilkington Who wants to watch antiques roadshow?! I’ve got 137 hours saved on the DVR. You’ll probably never hear from me again.

rstevens I don’t need to get enough rest if I just keep raising my Sleep Debt Ceiling.

danforthfrance Told Grandma how to order the Internet and asked her to call me back to tell me how it went. Chain smoking like Apollo 13 Mission Control.

TheSuniverse I have a cut on the tip of my middle finger. Damn. That finger gets the most work.

revtrev Actual Sign: “In case of fire, exit building before tweeting about it.”

guiltysquid I’m letting my children vacuum. The mama bear in me is wanting to run and grab my precious in a protective fashion. Oh, my poor Dyson.

Ahm76 When couples introduce me to their infant, all I hear is “look what we built using only our private genitals!”

jszyd “Holy shit!” – Guy who walked into the stall immediately following Jesus.

Cre8BeautyDaily No, YOU just lied to your 3 yr old niece & told her that the sea salt caramel you just ate was special vitamins for pregnant ladies.

KeepingYouAwake That there is a soda called Squirt is just hilarious to me. Honestly, just try not to laugh with a mouthful of Squirt.

dantelfer I wish a museum would hire me to wander around and yell at everything.

luckyshirt After the Flood, God made a rainbow as a promise He would never kill us all again. But later He got all mad at us again and made celery.

Shedletsky A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy.

luckyshirt “This feels so amazing. You are so terrible at this. I am in heaven. I want to kill you. That’s perfect. You’re an idiot.” -a cat being pet

ecsuperhero Old man Shane received his first ever jury duty notice and just tried to throw it in the trash. Aw, my baby daddy wants to go to jail.

thejohnblog I don’t believe in cruelty to animals, so I lied and told my dog his butt looked great in the jeans I put on him.

guiltysquid Answer your phone in public with, “Where in the hell is my monkey??” and people act like you’re odd.

smileydooby So few racists ever take the time to get to know me. They’d still end up hating me but you know, later.

Filmdrunk Jesus Christ, iTunes, I just wanted to buy an album, but I’ll have my lawyer take a look at this agreement and get back to you.

zombiesitcom I don’t care how much your bridesmaid dress cost, you still look like Grover. #ThingsIShouldFacebook

Athenabee @exlibris I’m a Jupey groupie.

steenyweeny i don’t care what any of you say, growing out your bangs is the single most awkward stage of life.

trollprincess Dear rest of the world: If Bachmann gets nominated, please invade. We’ve clearly had an accident and are unable to care for ourselves.

TheNextMartha At a restaurant that advertises “Shrimp 5 ways.” All 5 ways are fried.

ispinyarn Damn autopilot led me around 3 sides of a large square. It is so fired.

pourmecoffee  To actually vote, Iowans go on stage and the John Deere Sorting Hat announces their choice.

TheRedQueen Well my genius appointment was 20 mins ago and I am still waiting. Genius a little faster guys.

amandaha I did the walk of shame back to my old hair stylist with June’s awful uneven cut. That’s what “walk of shame” means, right?

arcasmically @exlibris marinating chicken. LIKE A SAUCE.

morninggloria Every time I read about a drunk man in his 30’s falling into the river or something equally dumb, I wonder if it’s one of my ex boyfriends.

johnmoe Hey now! Your a monster! Put some pants on! Go play! Wait now! Here’s a lobster! Call your friend’s mom! No way! #SMASHEDMOUTH

apodixis I’m convinced that typing in all caps is a sign of some kind of learning disability.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Flip Book: Zorro Hug

17 Aug