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Thrifty Living: Christmas Finds

22 Dec

When Anthony and I lived in a one-bedroom apartment decorating for the holidays was easy. I had 500 or so square feet to work with and I Christmas’d the hell out of it. It was adorable, and when we finally bought our house I spent the first Christmas lamenting the apartment. The smallness of the space made my decorations seem much more abundant and adorable then they actually were. Which is why I spend time each year scouring thrift stores for decorations to add to my meager holiday stash.

Just like for Halloween decorations, Christmas decorations are abundant in thrift stores this time of year. My favorite charity shop is now selling all Christmas-related items at half off since in a few days they’ll have to pack it all up and store it away for next year.

Unlike Halloween decorations, the Christmas goodies you find while thrifting can be quite old and wonderful. Or not, such as the mess in the photo above. I bought that for a quarter while thrifting, and for a very special reason.

These adorable Italian mushrooms.

They have a wreath with their name on them. Or something else. I haven’t really decided. But the rest of the centerpiece wasn’t wasted. Zorro and Isobel spent a two full days entertaining themselves with it. After that I boxed up the rest of the holly sprigs that I thought I might use later and donated or threw away the rest.

I found this vintage place mat illustrated with hand drawn holiday decorations. Actually I found a whole set of them, but I’m keeping two. Isobel is kind of obsessed with her vintage dinosaur place mat right now so this mat is usually ignored, but I bet she’ll dig it next year.

I just found this crocheted decoration that’s hanging on my wall as is right now but I might turn it into a photo frame or add some more bells to it.

I have my grandmother’s angel chimes (the traditional kind, with angels instead of a carousel theme) but I always buy angel chimes whenever I find them. I love them and have found it’s useful to keep a couple sets around in case I lose a piece I have a spare. The cats go wild for them, though, so I have to keep them up high and mostly out of sight. I know people say that once you have kids you can’t have nice things, but really that applied to us before we had Isobel because we had cats.

You’ve seen these angels before, but I just had to show them off again. They are my favorite Christmas find this year.

In the same vein of the weird centerpiece in the photo above, I bought this Christmas mess for the parts. I love the holly sprigs and I managed to detach the apples and strawberries for Isobel’s Thrifted Kitchen. I’m using the extra pieces of greenery with birds attached to decorate wrapped Christmas presents. It also has fake plastic popcorn on this, which I’ve never seen before and is kind of hilarious.

But mostly I bought this basket for the teeny tiny mushrooms dotting the display. I pulled those off before Isobel could get to them and used the wire part to attach them to the small silver Christmas tree I used to put up at work.

New favorite ornaments.

Isobel was pretty stoked when I found these guys. It’s pretty obvious they’ve had a few owners. Modeled after these vintage characters that show up again and again in holiday decor of a certain era, these two characters had recently been abused by someone who really fugged them up.

Mrs. Frosty’s hat, candy cane, and scarf were removed and replaced and it took me awhile to pry the hideous buttons of both of them. Eventually I’m gong to repaint them and restore them to their former glory. But for now they’re hanging out on my porch.

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Scrapbook: Christmas Decorations

18 Dec

 

Follow Friday – O Christmas Tree

9 Dec

Last weekend Anthony and I got the Christmas tree up and Isobel and the cats formed a temporary alliance whose sole purpose was the destruction of Christmas. It was fun. I put the mini tree we used last year in the Pencil Room and Isobel reminds me first thing every morning that we need to turn on the tree. I also hung a large paper snowflake so the room has a very minimalist, yet very festive, vibe. We hung these vintage ornaments on the lower branches of the living room tree because they will stand up to all the love the cats and the kid can dish out. I found more while thrifting that I’ll add to the shop later. These are perfect if you have kids or pets, and they are lovely. My very favorite part of the tree, however, is the star at the top that my Aunt Trisha made just for me.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

MeganBoley @TristinaWright @exlibris the opposite of tacos is sadness.

LouisPeitzman If you’re not ashamed to admit you’re a Christian, Rick Perry, at least be ashamed to admit you fucking haaate homos.

FakeAPStylebook Please only run your “IF GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL, WHY IS IT COLD?” editorial cartoons if the temperature is below 52.

davepolak My new cats haven’t learned their proper names yet, but they respond when I call them little fuckers.

TristinaWright “Every village needs an idiot, and sadly some of them will have internet access.”

johnmoe Generally, it’s retired Oakland Raiders QBs. RT @IareRachael: Who the frick comes up with trending topics like #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Teetotaler. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

inversejaik SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! DITCHDIGGER versus the DEFRIBULATOR! And SKUNKAPE! #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

shinyinfoTHE COMPENSATORR!

johnmoe GRAVE MOURNER #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Pearl S. Truck. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

johnmoe CARE BEARER #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Shatnersaurus. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Bilbo Bagginator. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

rstevens I was destined for greatness but I believe in free will.

steenyweeny dontcha wish your girlfriend was making potatoes like me…dontcha wish your girlfriend was wearing a seasonal apron like me…yeaaah boyeee

theleanover Most of my sex trade work is pro boner.

louisvirtel My version of winning the lottery is following a car with a “Baby on Board” sticker and finding out the driver is Jennifer Grey.

antigone_spit Whoever put this Kenny G Christmas album on is gonna get cut

LovesOfLife I’m about to tell you how running on a stomach full of pizza feels.

pistolval i gave myself a papercut on the eyelid today. #justthatgood

MassageByTed I will purchase any product that makes senior citizens rap or do the conga.

joeinverarity No thanks, I’ve had enough cheese. – not me

shinyinfo One day I’ll learn how to write organization tweets and blog posts without a million exclamation points. ONE DAY

samanthajcampen Speaking in Theo’s class about animal doctors and pet care. I think I’ll skip the part about anal glands.

rstevens Apparently “do the mashed potato” means something other than I thought and also there are laws against doing that with vegetables in public.

KeepingYouAwake “A self-unchecked is a self-wrecked.” – Some Asshole (2011)

rstevens Quantum Leper is a TV show about a time traveler who leaves parts of his body in different eras because the writers didn’t do their research

steenyweeny rt if the guy next to you on the bus looks like a baby eagle so you’ve named him birdley.

TheNextMartha I have a blog called “The Martha Project” with exactly ZERO craft posts on it. That’s called talent.

J__Swift I don’t remember what I ate for breakfast but I remember those bandaids that you opened with a string.

swamibooba Some people use “Lorem ipsum”, I use Beck’s “Loser”.

mzeld If lying on my back and putting a pillow over my face doesn’t solve all my problems, I’m out of ideas.

SFriedScientist Is it not true, Mr. The Frog, that thanks to affirmative action, it is, in fact, easier being green? #gopmuppethearings

iasshole Oh BOY bicyclist who just farmer-blew into the street hands-free, my panties just FLEW OFF here

ClevelandPoet and then I found a GIF of Hulk Hogan headbutting a Russian Flag and my day improved by +20

dino_dogan When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a “mean drunk” or a “happy drunk.” Gets me out of it every time.

EconTalker Love the paleo diet but sometimes have trouble getting the fire started rubbing the sticks together.

LadyLiberal Having “Parents of the Year” t-shirts made since it was our preshus snowflake KICKING THE BABY JESUS STATUE in the outdoor nativity this am.

johnmoe Jimi Hendrix offered an internship and mentoring program for those who answered no on his “are you experienced” question.

MrWordsWorth The feeling of Christmas is a little more gropey this year.

foulmouthsanta Omnipresent (n) Someone who buys you the same fucking thing every year.

rstevens THE JENNY IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BLOCK

JohnFugelsang it doesn’t count as pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

TheRedQueen Does Sal the Sanitation Bear’s parole officer know he is on NickJr? Seems like a violation to me. #pedobear

MrWordsWorth You will know you’ve mastered free jazz when it sounds like hate sex between Wookies.

MassageByTed My kids aren’t athletic, so I’m stuck picking fights at my daughter’s choir concerts.

johnmoe If this van is a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’. If the van’s brakes are squealin’, hum More Than A Feelin’. #VanContingencies

BorowitzReport Gingrich says he would leave Afghanistan “only if it has cancer.”

Handflapper You guys! YOU GUYS! I just typed “ehll” and my phone autocorrected it to “hell.” AUTOCORRECT FINALLY GETS ME!

sgnp My moment of weakness has lasted almost forty years.

morninggloria I reject the idea of a sexy green M&M mascot because candy should not have genitals.

The_Samburglar Just heard two women discussing a dog’s outfit and how it could be hemmed if necessary. #priorities

shariv67 We’re decorating the tree with the kids today. But now that they’re teens it’s harder to find branches that will support their weight.

joeinverarity I can’t seem to keep food down no matter what I try. Best! Diet! Ever!

jessnevins Marvel, for $2 a year I’d produce a weekly Economist-style column on how current economic situations are affecting your fictional countries.

Athenabee Athena just did sad trombone noise in time out. I’m silently dying.

MetaKatea Nearly tossed banana peel out of car on way to work. Had weird “Mario Kart” moment of thinking it would cause a pile-up. Didn’t do it.

rstevens First thing I learned as a designer was that you can change the page numbers to anything you want. There is no reality.

bitchylibrarian New term for #nopants = #porkypigging. THINK ABOUT IT.

swonderful Alice: What’s that? Me: The onion skin. Alice: Onion SKIN? Is an onion a… a kid chicken?

readingsarah I tried to spell pinterest aloud during our YASF meeting today and failed, failed hard.

metalia My colorblind dad just sent me a text with a picture of the sunset, with the caption, “Amazing colors! …I think.”

mrpilkington I like it that @Shteyngart is a dog because that’s how I’ve read his novels: in a tiny yip noise followed by chewing on my testicles.

premmeridian The Swype keyboard on my phone keeps ignoring my ‘u’ in ‘honour.’ EXCUSE ME IT IS NOT “HONOR” I AM CANADIAUAUAUAN.

badbanana It’s taken me this long to realize “Eurozone Crisis” wasn’t referring to a woman’s underarm area.

ScrewyDecimal I lose socks like Herman Cain loses credibility.

Sondeera Judging from all the rainbows on avis, you folks need to get your Lucky Charms obsession under control.

crom74 Our microwave died. It died cooking two pot pies. It finished cooking them. It was a trooper.

mjbz104 I’ve only left my house for a total of 2.5hrs in the past 6 days. My arm is starting to curve like the dorsal fin of a dolphin in captivity.

emoryshatzer When a mammoth is eventually cloned I hope it’s taken to that yokel Bible museum with the words painted on its side, “How you like me now?”

tommycm btw am happy if any journos want to use my ‘cain and unable’ headline after the events of yesterday.

apodixis This is the first time I can say I spent Saturday evening pulling pork and actually mean it literally.

CorporateMonkey somehow managed to french braid my hair AT THE BAR. sounds like a +1 in the sober department

onenjen Now that my son is potty-trained, he’s traded diaper badonkadonk for perpetual plumber’s crack. #babypullyourpantsup

mikeleffingwell The dad in “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” was dressed as Santa AFTER the kid was in bed = mom/dad were into freaky roleplay sex.

markleggett I’ll yell “GO CATS!” at any sporting event because I really, really like cats. #catsarenaturesmiracles #sportsarefuckingboring

TheBlackStar Leave it to Kingston to mosh to minimalist piano twinkle twinkle little star.

purple_quark It may be time to Febreeze the dog.

inversejaik At Big Lots: Low-battery Xmas toy reciting “Visit from St Nick;” sounds like “A Lt. Worf Christmas.”

Handflapper I just thanked myself for a retweet AND called myself “sweetie.” #winningattwitter

FakePewResearch 98.5% of cardigan owners will kill again.

jenstatsky Must be so confusing to be a bug flying around. One second, humans are clapping for them — the next, they’re dead.

wordsinmymouth Is there a way to take back drunk FB private messages? Asking for a friend.

willgoldstein My # of tweets/hr is both inversely correlated to the # of hours I sleep and directly correlated to the # of cups of coffee I drink.

FakeAPStylebook Considering the economic climate, have your gift guide include affordable items such as twigs, recyclable cans, and pretty good boxes.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Scrapbook: Tea Time

4 Oct

Anthony was right.  Zorro and Poppy do love the jellyfish tent. Fortunately, they love it for more than just scratching and attacking. Sometimes they like to be civilized.

He kind of reminds me of Jabba the Hutt here. Surveying his domain.

 

“You guys don’t mind if my butt is in the frame, right? Great.”

I call this expression, “American Gothic if it were to take place in a jellyfish tent surrounded by a child’s tea set and enacted by animals.” You know, art.

Have I mentioned that Poppy is kind of a spaz?

She’s a cute spaz, at least.

Follow Friday – Subjecting You to Photos of My Cats

19 Aug

Yesterday Isobel and I were in the backyard playing her new favorite game: “beach.” It involves a large patch of sand and several buckets and plastic shovels. While we were digging, Jupey came over the fence with a fresh Barbie in his mouth. He ran to Isobel and dropped it at her feet.

“A dolly! Jupey brought me a dolly! Mommy, look!” she shrieked excitedly, picking it up.  “Thanks Jupey! I love you.”

It’s my Mom’s birthday today and she’s pretty much the a Cat Whisperer. Today, in her honor, I’m subjecting you to photos of my cats. Happy Birthday, Mom!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

wheelfreed Does farting count as tooting your own horn?

mindykaling Oh no. Every T-Pain song now seems like a parody to me.

apodixis I have tuna flavored laxative on my fingers, in case you were wondering.

sgnp I’m not losing horribly. I’m helping you have the best game ever!

louisvirtel This tweet may not seem like an awesome Madonna tribute, but I’m actually lip-syncing it and humping the floor.

twopretzels Craig taught Lila to say “dog balls.” Yup. Can’t really say much more than that. Dog balls.

CourtNeedsSleep I just don’t understand why we went with ‘Unicorn’ over ‘Unihorn’ that’s all

Greeblemonkey Season 2 Muppets is clearly the year Jim Henson started smoking weed. #muppetnight

danforthfrance I never found out if the girl in that movie got her grade changed. (It was porn.)

cbnickras Back in the old days, before health insurance, people just died young! We should just return to that magic golden age!

LouisPeitzman This guy’s OKCupid page says his ideal partner reads at least six hours a week. Does reading online dating profiles count?

stray @pcsweeney My unbridled hatred for Outlook is thicker than the richest pancake syrup.

freudiantypo Just once I’d like to get a prescription bottle with a warning label that says, “Take with plenty of beer.”

shariv67 Isn’t it cute how old people sign all of their online comments? Sincerely,
Shari

MakeMommyCoffee Clearly tired of me checking for new teeth Allie waited until I was vulnerable and plunged her whole hand into my mouth & laughed maniacally.

PlumeriaSprite Atypical cells are the enemy but atypical friends are really fun.

Hojimoto I shouldn’t have to ask for a *Chocolate* Frosty. In my day when you asked for a Frosty you got Chocolate and liked it!

massagebyted Yes, I do think you should fill the back of your truck with lettuce and old chairs before you take the craigslist “for sale” photo.

MagpieLibrarian Cat skirt, squirrel shirt, snoopy scarf, AliceWonderland necklace, RedRidingHood pin. I’m your fucking kid’s librarian. Let’s read some shit.

sarahmcdallen Such a lovely day. Kim & I discussed having a lie down on the grass, but she said, at our ages, people wld probably think we’d fallen down.

apelad How can it be 1:35 already? Oh right, time passing.

FuckItLibrarian This lady honked at me as I turned into the library. I told her to kiss my ass. No one honks at the librarian.

rstevens my kingdom for an easier to control kingdom with more serfs and better access to navigable bodies of water

MagpieLibrarian if you liked it, then you should have put all hold on it. #allthesinglelibrarians

InfiniteChicken …now if you’ll all just cover your eyes for a few seconds… #BadMagicTricks

thechrisleroux Ladies and gentlemen, I think we can all agree that this puppy is now dead… #BadMagicTricks

johnmoe Sawing a bagel in half #BadMagicTricks

sgnp The Miser’s Reach-Around #BadMagicTricks

InfiniteChicken Now moms, kids—you will notice I am not wearing any pants… #BadMagicTricks

jenstatsky “OMG sooo cute, did you see this YouTube video of Zooey Deschanel playing the piano?!” – Cats.

NotGaryBusey Crocs are just PT Cruisers for your feet.

badbanana Where Settlers Settled #NewNebraskaSlogan

badbanana America’s Vast, Pasty Midsection #NewNebraskaSlogan

badbanana That Smell is Iowa #NewNebraskaSlogan

fierceflawless My constant inner monologue while watching tv: “these people are assholes.”

PMuffintop Day 2 of Kindergarten and my child has already asked me what “shitballs” means. Hooray!

muffpunch You know it’s a good day when you’ve used the phrase “you’re more than welcome to fire me.”

slackmistress It doesn’t matter where I work, I’m always the one who has to explain what Furries are.

LPCookbook Someone in the hallway is kerfuffled because they do not know how to use the watercooler. JUST PRESS THE BUTTON THAT SAYS “WATER.”

slackmistress “You’re a good neighbor..like a State Farm rep I get to sleep with. ” – @BeTheBoy to me

giromide Take these broken wings. They’ve been sittin’ in the basement for, like, two years. Shake ’em first. Might be some damn earwigs in ’em.

EvenMoreSarah Dear God I just got a Google ad for flushable dog poop bags called Flush Puppies. Now I kind of want to disable my OWN account.

maggiesox I am beginning to resent every email in my inbox that doesn’t come from Pottermore. I just cursed out an email from my mom.

BridgetCallahan I resent almost all of you for almost everything – my acceptance speech.

jephkelley Flying next week and already know which section of SkyMall I’m flipping to first. The Pendant of Arwen Evenstar is as good as mine.

ClevelandPoet There’s a statue of a priest guy sticking his fists out in my gallery. Every time I pass by I have to urge to fist bump him. #GotMadRespect

thecheckoutgirl Just washed down my birth control pill with french fries, essentially doubling the effect.

chickenscottpie I’m suffering from Michele Bachmann overload. Can we all just agree she’s an embarrassment to humanity and then never talk about her again?

batsly I hate to brag, but I’m really fuckin’ good at it.

wheatnik Instead of writing books, I tweet, because I am horrible at stringing sentences together in a coherent manner. I love chocolate pudding.

jszyd How does a shepherd keep track of how many sheep he has without falling asleep?

heyrenees The state of everything makes one thing crystal clear: we picked the wrong time to cancel the space program.

EliBraden Actually ‘B’ isn’t a number. RT @KimKardashian: How many people u know can take it this far? B

mrpilkington Who wants to watch antiques roadshow?! I’ve got 137 hours saved on the DVR. You’ll probably never hear from me again.

rstevens I don’t need to get enough rest if I just keep raising my Sleep Debt Ceiling.

danforthfrance Told Grandma how to order the Internet and asked her to call me back to tell me how it went. Chain smoking like Apollo 13 Mission Control.

TheSuniverse I have a cut on the tip of my middle finger. Damn. That finger gets the most work.

revtrev Actual Sign: “In case of fire, exit building before tweeting about it.”

guiltysquid I’m letting my children vacuum. The mama bear in me is wanting to run and grab my precious in a protective fashion. Oh, my poor Dyson.

Ahm76 When couples introduce me to their infant, all I hear is “look what we built using only our private genitals!”

jszyd “Holy shit!” – Guy who walked into the stall immediately following Jesus.

Cre8BeautyDaily No, YOU just lied to your 3 yr old niece & told her that the sea salt caramel you just ate was special vitamins for pregnant ladies.

KeepingYouAwake That there is a soda called Squirt is just hilarious to me. Honestly, just try not to laugh with a mouthful of Squirt.

dantelfer I wish a museum would hire me to wander around and yell at everything.

luckyshirt After the Flood, God made a rainbow as a promise He would never kill us all again. But later He got all mad at us again and made celery.

Shedletsky A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy.

luckyshirt “This feels so amazing. You are so terrible at this. I am in heaven. I want to kill you. That’s perfect. You’re an idiot.” -a cat being pet

ecsuperhero Old man Shane received his first ever jury duty notice and just tried to throw it in the trash. Aw, my baby daddy wants to go to jail.

thejohnblog I don’t believe in cruelty to animals, so I lied and told my dog his butt looked great in the jeans I put on him.

guiltysquid Answer your phone in public with, “Where in the hell is my monkey??” and people act like you’re odd.

smileydooby So few racists ever take the time to get to know me. They’d still end up hating me but you know, later.

Filmdrunk Jesus Christ, iTunes, I just wanted to buy an album, but I’ll have my lawyer take a look at this agreement and get back to you.

zombiesitcom I don’t care how much your bridesmaid dress cost, you still look like Grover. #ThingsIShouldFacebook

Athenabee @exlibris I’m a Jupey groupie.

steenyweeny i don’t care what any of you say, growing out your bangs is the single most awkward stage of life.

trollprincess Dear rest of the world: If Bachmann gets nominated, please invade. We’ve clearly had an accident and are unable to care for ourselves.

TheNextMartha At a restaurant that advertises “Shrimp 5 ways.” All 5 ways are fried.

ispinyarn Damn autopilot led me around 3 sides of a large square. It is so fired.

pourmecoffee  To actually vote, Iowans go on stage and the John Deere Sorting Hat announces their choice.

TheRedQueen Well my genius appointment was 20 mins ago and I am still waiting. Genius a little faster guys.

amandaha I did the walk of shame back to my old hair stylist with June’s awful uneven cut. That’s what “walk of shame” means, right?

arcasmically @exlibris marinating chicken. LIKE A SAUCE.

morninggloria Every time I read about a drunk man in his 30’s falling into the river or something equally dumb, I wonder if it’s one of my ex boyfriends.

johnmoe Hey now! Your a monster! Put some pants on! Go play! Wait now! Here’s a lobster! Call your friend’s mom! No way! #SMASHEDMOUTH

apodixis I’m convinced that typing in all caps is a sign of some kind of learning disability.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Follow Friday – Jupey’s Harem

12 Aug

"O hai I'm Jupey."

That handsome fella in the photo above is Jupiter, whom you may remember from such posts as  “My Cat is a Magician and Shapeshifter.” One day he lost his collar and instead came home with the collar he had previous lost over six months ago. He has brought me more injured animals and headless lizards than I ever would have thought possible, but his tastes have shifted recently. After the slightly paranormal collar incident, he brought home a small blue dream catcher. Odd. Very odd indeed. Till a few days later, when I saw him pop over the fence with something else in his mouth. Something so large he was in fact having a hard time getting it over the fence. Oh god, I thought to myself, what could it be this time?

Turns out, it was a Barbie doll. The first day he just brought the one over, but after that he started bringing more and more. He’d bring them home just as fast as I’d keep chucking them back over the fence. We now get shipments of three or four Barbies a day. I’ve already explained to the neighbor family what is going on, and thank goodness they love Jupey or I’d have to lock him up inside again. And no one wants that. Trust me.

With the exception of the lavender doll (Isobel’s favorite) he brings us exclusively brunette dolls. My cat has a type. And a naked lady fetish.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

danforthfrance I’ve got no food in the house, so when I feel hungry I just give the cat a treat. Karma, your move.

trelvix I don’t think we can go after the Newsweek Sarah Bachmann photo as sexist unless we’re talking about what it did to my frightened ball sack.

heyitsurban Is it too late to return the Louisiana Purchase? We must still have the receipt. #BudgetAmerica

LIFECOACHERS Go forth into the world tomorrow bearing the bright light of inspiration and some artfully concealed sharp-edged weapon.

koalohauke Me: Hi, nice to see you. Gym: Do I know you…?

apodixis Ball gags make great cat toys!

sgnp I completely forgot that earlier today I saw a Honda Odyssey with blue truck nuts. I know there are more important things, but still.

malkatz I had no clue it’s Women’s Day, but that makes my gynecologist appointment later today much more meaningful.

mat The best thing about being a guy in your late 30s is discovering all the cool new places you can grow hair.

NicLewis I was worried the beautiful people in this show wouldn’t find love again. That was a tense 15 seconds.

thegrumbles Klout believes I am influential about yogurt. They’re not wrong.

Booktown_ninja No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

MeganBoley I assume I should stick to classic frosty. #livetweetingwendys #myliiiiiiifffe

jess_mc If Tim Pawlenty were AT ALL like Sarah Palin, people would have noticed him standing there by now.

milkglassheart Just mortified myself remembering how I sang The Owl & The Pussycat like a lounge singer when I was little.

WordShore Made the mistake of turning on the news. Not doing that again for a while. Back to reading about food on a stick. #IowaStateFair

rydka Shitlists. They happen.

"Is this better or worse than the dead parrot I brought you?"

wigu Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? & why are the birds vultures? And why do you smell faintly of death?

That_Biz Just put a couple cows worth of cheese in this macaroni and cheese. If that doesn’t help my mood then nothing will.

goodinthestacks Despite the hilarity that may have ensued, I corrected “plague” to “plaque” in a memo written by my boss.

PolyesterPony Having one men’s room at the office means I know way more about my coworkers digestive habits than anyone should be forced to know.

massagebyted #FF Patrick Stewart saying “Beverly” in a stern voice.

rstevens Honk if you have been bitten by a were-automobile and no longer have any other method of communicating.

BridgetCallahan I refuse to let my mother end up standing in the middle of the woods on her farm calling” BJ!” into the twilight.

SpaghettiJesus I bet Glenn Beck is just masturbating in a pile of Gold and MREs right now.

wheelfreed According to my gym, an Elton John slow song really energizes. Nothing like an explosive squat or bench press to “Candle in the Wind.”

stray I’d like to thank my credit card company for texting me at 3:13 this morning to let me know they’d processed my payment. Thanks, assholes.

theleanover Hard times down at the Viagra factory.

jillgengler So if your first two kids are named Brooklyn and London, do you have any choice *but* to name baby #3 Paris? #notrhetorical

ericsiry To give you some insight as to what an amazing athlete I am, last night I pulled a calf muscle in my sleep.

alyankovic My 8-year-old daughter totally fell asleep at the table during dinner last night. That girl can NOT hold her alcohol.

raymitheminx Can you be a mommy blogger if your baby is all food?

MrWordsWorth In this Final Destination film, Death dies.

SarahIvy Home alone tonight….that means wine and jalapeno popper dip and fritos. Aw yeah.

My cat has a naked lady fetish. Also he prefers brunettes.

sarcasmically @_Biscuit_ you’re like Chuck Norris. You don’t catch the fish; they’re so terrified that they jump into the boat seeking the solace of death.

Athenabee It seems as though the neighbor standing in our driveway is the worst thing that’s ever happened to my dog.

PlumeriaSprite Ad campaign to convince public to accept water reclamation project: “Toilet to Tap”. That marketing director will never be hired again.

kellyloveszoey Zoey is putting her face down in her food and eating it like a dog and laughing, soooo… My work is done.

wolfwalking I wish I had a nail elf to paint my right hand for me. He would follow me around & live off tea, honey & brownies& also apply false lashes.

johnmoe This is gonna suck when the US goes to the dealer to buy that sweet pickup it had its eye on.

birbigs I hope this is cool but I put down all my twitter followers as my “emergency contact” at the hospital.

theRratedBull I admire DJ’s. Not just for their talent and skill but also for their ability to play some of the bullshit people request.

ericsiry Next time you stop to smell the roses, remember that flowers are a plant’s genitals, and that you’re gross.

sgnp I expect that when I’m old and not so mobile, my daughter is going to tickle me like crazy. I will feebly slap her with my robot arms.

sbellelauren don’t worry if you don’t have good credit it’s patriotic now

apelad My investment portfolio is a stack of old X-Men comics and an earring I found that might be a diamond.

DaveHolmes That “OBAMA’S HIP-HOP BBQ DOESN’T CREATE JOBS” Fox headline took jobs away from people who write parodies of Fox headlines.

Greeblemonkey Overheard at @sandiegozoo, from a 5yo-looking girl: “The best pooper here, elephants. Best peeer, tooooootally the orangutans.”

alecmuffett #Defcon very romantic. Many couples walking around. Some of them are actually married. Some portion of those, to each other.

"I have Stockholm Syndrome."

raamatuid Nancy Drow – A young darkelf detective solves mysteries in the Underdark #bookswithaletterchanged

BtotheD Trying to put together a senior citizen super band called Baby Got Back Problems, which is easier said than done.

jszyd I am so hungry, my stomach is making noises as if I just ate Taco Bell.

NicLewis Rome is ablaze. As its citizens run from the flames in terror, Emperor Nero frantically washes his toga. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

theleanover Apes touch a large, black monolith. They learn shame, then learn to weave leaves into clothes, begin to do laundry. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

Kouban Enterprise engine room. Bottle of Tide manifests within warp core. Geordi removes VISOR, sheds a single tear. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

InfiniteChicken Clergy, Leaders of Man behold bottle of Tide, destroy their machines & fall prostrate before their new God. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

mocoddle Dexter. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

InfiniteChicken Children frolic and make sand castles on the beach. Camera pans left, a box of Tide is there. Cue Coldplay song. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

InfiniteChicken Split screen of Tide with ‘Other Detergent;’ Tide has a much larger penis #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

DaisyJDog If you’re looking for me at DogHer I am skipping it this year to spend more time with my food. #DogHer11

deathoftheparty In order to avoid people you can’t stand, you now have to get OFF the computer and retreat to life.

lovegrrbottle turns out it’s not the best idea to put sex toys in a box marked “games” and open it up for the first time when you have company over.

Jesus_M_Christ I watched the Jersey Shore tonight. p.s. Jesus wept.

ThisBowers Double dip recession sounds both disturbing and delicious.

LouisPeitzman I’m not saying I had a rough childhood, but I didn’t learn about microwaving Pop Tarts until college.

johnmoe It’s good that the world’s greatest basketball player had a cool name like Michael Jordan and not Barfington McGillicuddy.

lllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaadies

benmarvin Internet Explorer is only good for 3 things:1) Downloading Chrome 2) Downloading FireFox 3) Testing your new malware deployment

apodixis In the end, @favstar isn’t just a website, it’s an ideal we hold in our hearts. Although it’s also a website that has been down all morning.

brianericford I decree that the Google/Apple/Microsoft mobile patent scheming shall henceforth be known as: “Game of Phones”

theleanover No one’s too dumb to be on Twitter! #TwitterMoneymakingSlogans

Zaius13 I’m not embarrassed that everyone saw me picking my nose during the meeting, but I do kind of regret making it the core of my presentation.

TheNextMartha Last night I was told by security to try and “keep it down.” I think my job here is done.

shinyinfo Volunteer heard we give a long rendition of “Backstreet’s Back” when I thought she was out of the room. Kill myself now or later??

hot_spunk I saw a dude pour sugar into a 44 ounce soda at 7-11. America is doomed.

altgeldshrugged Microsoft Word recognizes the typed word “Kardashian.” It’s official; the terrorists have won.

damana If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.

BridgetCallahan Smart thinking and awesome thinking are not always the same thing.

walkingborder I just found a random slim jim on my desk under some papers. I didn’t know it was my birthday!

nataliebinder OK, so there’s an all-male Lady Gaga tribute band called Rad Bromance.

shariv67 “Betty Crocker rocks out with her crock out.” That one’s a freebie, General Mills. Hit me up.

JillMorris 4 out of 5 bubble baths result in Santa Claus beards.

"Mo-om, Jupey caught a dream."

LaurenGberg Sending my hopes & dreams to a farm upstate where they’ll be free to play all day long with other hopes & dreams.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Thrifty Living: Toy Cart

2 Aug

When our neighbor of over twenty years passed away recently, my parents assisted my neighbor’s children in cleaning out her house. We had been close to my neighbor, and her health issues over the years made us grow us close to her out-of-town children, too. My neighbor was proud and stubborn, living alone and independently well into her nineties. We helped her when we could and she baked us the most amazing pies (from scratch, of course). Frugal to the end, her home was a vintage wonderland of things she kept clean and well-ordered so they wouldn’t need to be replaced. My parents were given permission to take a few things from the house before it sold. My Dad grabbed this cart.

Although my parents had no immediate use for it, they knew at the very least I’d be interested. They gave it a good scrubbing and brought it over. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with it myself until I saw Isobel stacking her containers of “bubble juice” on it. It needs a little work in the form of some cute storage bins, but it makes the perfect toy caddy for Isobel’s chalk and paint buckets, and, of course, her bubble juice.

It’s not a bad cat storage, either.

 

I just picked up some cute organizing bins for this morning, so once I get it all put together I’ll share the results.

Scrapbook: Isobel’s First Kitten

31 Jul

Recently we were at my parents’ house for dinner and Isobel finished before the rest of us, as she usually does. Eager to run around Papa and Ama’s living room, we let her down from her seat so we could eat in peace while keeping an eye on her.

Eventually she disappeared into the laundry room and returned holding the gray and white kitten my mother was fostering. Isobel had never held a kitten before although she had dearly wanted to since she first laid eyes on one. This is the first kitten she’s ever picked up and held all by herself.

I would have thought she was too young to pick up and hold a kitten by herself but she did a great job, surprising the whole family.  Now she thinks she’s ready to hold any animal she comes across, including the goats at the fair.

One step at a time, kid.

His & Her Terrariums

21 Jul

I’m not going to keep everybody in suspense… the winner of last week’s Vintage Terrarium book giveaway is…  laurenarnsman! Congratulations! Email me your address so I can send you this terrarium book goodness.

Recently I made two more terrariums. One for my friend Justin’s birthday, and another much smaller one, for his wife Angela’s desk at work. I haven’t seen her desk, but I can just tell it needs some pimping.

The one is Angela’s. It’s petite and adorable. It’s next to a jam jar to show scale. It’s pretty small, making it perfect for a cramped office desk.

I apparently can’t take any photo of a terrarium these days without one of my cats photobombing it. Thanks, Poppy.

"Don't mention it, asshole!"

This larger one is Justin’s, and since it was his birthday, I added a moose figurine. Or maybe it’s an elk. I don’t really know.

This terrarium is the typical goldfish bowl variety.

It was really fun to make. Terrariums are just a lot of fun in general.

I guess Jupiter was feeling left out.

Little Big Links: Shapeshifters and Magicians

20 Jul

Before I get to all the link goodness, I need to tell you a story.

One day last week, I woke up and let Jupiter in after his long night of carousing through the neighborhood and murdering things. He wasn’t wearing his green collar. He was wearing a blue collar, the collar he had previously lost somewhere outside last March. Almost immediately after we made the decision for Jupiter to be an indoor-outdoor kitty he had last the fancy Etsy collar we gave him.

After Jupiter lost the blue collar, he became proficient in murdering small helpless animals, and decapitated lizards and fatally wounded birds started showing up on our doorstep in an alarming number. Anthony and I realized that for the sake of nature we needed to put a ring on it–or more specifically, we needed to give Jupiter a new collar that had a bell.

That day Jupiter wandered in the house as if nothing was wrong, as if he wasn’t wearing a collar that had just disappeared off the face of the Earth several months ago, new collar nowhere to be found. When Anthony woke up I told him I had a story for him, and I alerted him to the fact that our cat was most likely haunted That’s when I found out Anthony had a story for me.

The night before Anthony had been playing in the yard with Isobel while I took a shower and used the bathroom in peace. While they were playing, Jupiter appeared on the fence. He was mysteriously without collar. There was something in his mouth.

The blue collar.

Thoroughly confused, Anthony took the blue collar from Jupiter’s mouth and fastened it around his collarless neck.

WHAT.

The story only gets weirder. Two days ago I found the green collar. Jupiter had carefully placed it on our doormat. I mean, I’m guessing Jupiter put it there, since that’s where he leaves all the headless lizards for us.

********************

How the holy hell he came to be wearing this collar again after months and months of its disappearance baffled me. I mean, sure, this is the cat that eats paint chips, ran through the house with a turkey gizzard in his mouth at Thanksgiving, and takes a pacifier every now and then, but still. This is weird, even for him.

But how about some links, shall we?

First of all, the awesome collar Jupiter initially lost was Zorro’s, but we transferred it to Jupiter since it seemed to fit his personality better. Also you couldn’t see the awesome star with all Zorro’s fluff. You can find that collar here made by Etsy seller Miss Moustache. Her collars are all adorable and of impeccable quality and soon she’ll be offering engraving on their tags, too.

We ordered Poppy’s collar here from Etsy seller minihundpets. It is also of fantastic quality and the seller is super nice. I adore the strawberry print on Poppy’s collar! Unfortunately, Poppy hates the bell. I mean, she tolerates it better now that she’s worn it awhile, but my god that cat wanted to murder me when I first put it on her.

Last but never least is Zorro. He needed a new collar, too, since that whippersnapper Jupiter took off with his old one. I ordered this gorgeous sparkly turquoise collar from Etsy seller SecretCatLounge. Even though they are based in Australia the collar came very quickly, and packaged adorably, too.

The sparkles are very subtle, but they are there. Again, wonderful quality. I picked out this lime green bell for a dollar more and couldn’t be happier with how it looks on Zorro.

My Mom did his colors--he's a Spring!

Some other fun cat links:

Cats. Where they do not belong. (via @shinyinfo)

Crafting with Cat Hair. I used to joke about making a sweater out of Zorro fur. I was just a joke I swear.

A List of Non-toxic Houseplants. Also good to know if you have kids.

The Best Drift Cats. After porn, the internet was made for cat videos.

The Best Scratching Post Ever. I’m hoping I can convince Anthony we need this.

Legwarmers for Your Cat. You’ve already knitted a sweater out of cat fur. You may as well go all the way.

get it off get it off get it off