Archive | Old School RSS feed for this section

Edit the Sad Parts

19 Oct

It’s like being trapped under dark water so cold you can’t breathe or think or move. It’s like being inside your own skin and desperately wanting to get out. It’s like being slowly, insistently poisoned by your own mind. There is nothing I want so much as to get away from myself. I haven’t been eating. I’ve been sleeping less and less to the point that one night I didn’t sleep at all.

It was my birthday and I was losing my mind.

I knew something was wrong as far back as Thursday. I could feel the burn of adrenaline streaking through my veins uncontrollably. I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t slow my heart or control my breathing. Despite Anthony’s gentle, earnest and numerous attempts to calm me, I felt totally alone and was utterly convinced everyone hated me. I was completely unworthy of my husband and my beautiful child. I was losing my mind.

This was my first panic attack. But it wasn’t my last.

Over the next six days I had more, at first with gaps of recovering, head-clearing and feeling better, but always they returned, and worse than before. Then they grew closer and closer together until I had no relief. I have been seeing a therapist since I was diagnosed with PPD, and over the phone he assured me I was not insane. It took me awhile to believe him. I was convinced I was losing my mind.

I wanted to tell you this because my typical tactic is to keep everything to myself, even from my closest friends. Not many people know this, but I grew up in an alcoholic household and my mother and sister and I dealt with this problem by never mentioning it, ever. Not even to each other. Especially not to each other. I grew up knowing that something was very, very wrong, but I was never exactly sure what that was. One day, I realized it must be me.

We just didn’t talk about it, this problem that was making our lives hell, and life went on, until one day when I was about twenty my father had a seizure. Barely coherent from drinking, he fell to the floor in the living room, convulsing. Firemen saved his life and he was rushed to the hospital, no one knowing if he would make it. When I visited him he looked at me with his bright yellow eyes, not comprehending who I was. When it became apparent he’d survive, doctors still weren’t sure how full his recovery would be. We lived months with the future of our beloved Dad in limbo. He spent months learning to walk again and regaining his motors skills in physical rehab centers. After that, when it became clear his mind and body and heart will mostly recover, and he spent many more months in a drug and alcohol rehab center. I am so proud of him and his ten years of sobriety. He has changed, but I still cling to the old coping methods. I hold it all in, isolating myself from friends and family when I need them most. I still keep my feelings locked deep in my heart like they were shameful things best kept hidden.

Throughout these last six days I’ve lost 10 pounds and countless hours of sleep. At the advice of my therapist I saw my doctor to get back on the medicine I took for PPD. While I was in the doctor’s office sobbing, Isobel rubbed my leg and said, over and over, “Don’t cry, Mama. Don’t cry, Mama. Mama is sad.”

Mama is sad.

I’m sharing this with you because I don’t want to live with half my heart in lock down until the point it spills over into mental disorder. I’m sharing this with you because I want my daughter to grow in a healthier environment that I did. And I wanted to share this with you because I could use the support.

Advertisements

Thrift Store Score: Vintage Books

1 Sep

The 1970s was a good decade, my friends. Among other things, that period of time produced colorful polyester shirts, a harvest gold refrigerator from our previous apartment that was so solidly built it could withstand a nuclear winter, and, oh yeah, me. I was only there to witness two and a half months of it, but considering I didn’t sleep very much of that time it must have been amazing.

When I’m thrifting I always give the book sections, at the very least, a cursory look, because even though we’ve run out of shelf space in our home library long ago, I’m a sucker for vintage books.

This book on making paper airplanes particularly called out to me, as it has several elements of things I love: it’s crafty, thrifty, and features fantastic illustrations of kids from the 70s.

I’m trying to convince myself to sell it, but I need to learn how to make my paper plane do some sweet tricks first.

This next score goes out to all the nerds I love: a complete set of Marvel Super Hero RPG books, including the DM screen, which in this system is referred to as the “Judge’s Screen.” This is an epic find my friends, as my husband has been looking for these online and finding them to be pricey. In fact, right before we stopped at the yard sale that had them I believe he said, “This yearly yard sale never has anything good. I swear we go just out of nostalgia.”

I think I made him take that back about fifteen times because I am a mature individual.

These actually might be from the early 80s, a decade I consider to be largely a blight on humanity with a few notable exceptions: Nintendo, Unicorns, and, oh, the birth of my husband. Things I am not crazy about include most of the fashion, which as we all know has come back into style and was vomited back in my face on a daily basis when I worked in the library.

But I digress. These books gave my husband a nerd boner and there is no way he is parting with them, so I won’t be listing them in the shop.

Lastly, I found this wonderful pre-digital, pre-Photoshop SLR photography book. My Dad has a Canon SLR that he used to capture my childhood, and if I ask very nicely I’m hoping he’ll let me experiment with it one day.

My friend Jose seems to have the best luck finding amazing vintage books on a regular basis, but every now and then I surprise myself.

Thrifty Living: Ballerinas

30 Aug

I was lucky enough to grow up near three of my cousins, and I have such fond memories playing with them. We used to play the same three or four games over and over, the type of games which only make sense to you as a child. They changed somewhat as we grew older, but I remember one game we could only play when my aunt was watering the flowerbeds, and one game involved following vacuum cleaner tracks through the carpet like they were a maze. The best game, however, involved the record player in my cousins’ bedroom.

They were very grown up, in my eyes, to have such a thing in their bedroom. It was a 1970s harvest gold children’s model and next to it sat a bunch of random 45s, some that read storybooks and some that were music. Our favorite thing to do would be to cue up the “scary” record,and the person who was “It” would cover themselves in a blanket and chase the rest of us around the room. The scary song in question was actually the Hall & Oates single Maneater. I guess we assumed that “Maneater” was a type of monster.

Many years later and here I am bringing my daughter to my cousins house to play. The 45s are long gone but Isobel’s cousin’s bedroom is filled with various musical instruments including guitars, keyboards, and the drum set Isobel loves so much.

The game they like to play is called “ballerinas,” and it involves raiding Victoria’s tutu stash and spinning in a circle for twenty minutes while giggling, squealing and saying “whoa whoa whoa WHOA!”

Every once in a while they stopped for an impromptu drum solo.

I’m going to have to keep my eye out for tutus while thrifting, I think. A game like this, with or without cousins, guarantees a good nap later.

Afterwards they decided it was time to play make up. Isobel is an old pro at this as she’s been putting on make up with me every morning while I get ready. We keep her make up brush in in the bathroom, though, but after this I bought her a few to play with around the house, which lead to an awesome game I’ll show you later.

Victoria was very patient with Isobel, as she was still refining her technique.

Not the eyes, Isobel! Watch the eyes!

I should find these girls a record player.

Home Movies: Vintage Isobel Plays Peekaboo

13 Aug

This video kills me every time. Especially because you can see her struggling with curtain mechanics at a few points. Hilarious. She’s about eleven months here.

Giveaway: Vintage Terrarium Book

14 Jul

When I was a little girl I used to love visiting my Papa and Nana’s house. We went there often but it seemed to have an ever-changing array of interesting things to look at. Their house was modest and quite small but when my dad was in grade school they built a large living and dining room addition. It housed the baby grand piano, lots of Depression-era glass, and an old TV that the cousins and I would gather around to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles every day after school. Under the piano, near a large, light-filled plate glass window stood this jar filled with the most amazing terrarium.

Only later in life did I find out these containers were called carboys and were intended for homebrewing, not terrariums. When the time came to move my grandparents out of their house, I took the long-defunct terrarium container home and hoped to fill it with plants and rocks and a tiny ecosystem someday.

I also inherited their vintage terrarium guide that my grandparents used to make the terrarium that so fascinated me as a child:

Recently, longtime flickr pal Mia sent me another awesome vintage terrarium guide she found at a book sale:

And now, Little Big readers, I have some good news: I found an extra copy of Terrariums & Miniature Gardens while thrifting and I’m going to give it away to one of you! To enter this giveaway, simply leave one comment below.

You can earn an extra entry on twitter if you tweet about this giveaway, but if you do, be sure to leave a second comment with a link to your tweet. Additional comments will be deleted.

This giveaway is open to all readers, not just those in the United States. In addition to the book, I’ll also send along some fun miniature items to stick inside your terrarium and give it personality. I’ll announce the winner next Thursday.

Good luck!

Follow Friday – A Win for Team Rainbow

1 Jul

Today’s Follow Friday post includes several photos of Isobel, from last year, grinning from ear to ear. They kill me each time I look at them. I’m also posting some photos of the rag cupboard because not only are they useful, but they used to be (and sometimes still are) some of Isobel’s favorite toys.

Last Friday New York state passed the Marriage Equality Act, making it legal for same-sex couples to wed. This edition of Follow Friday celebrates this act as a victory not just for the LGBT community but for humanity in general, because when we decided to that equality is for everyone,  we grow as a nation. America, I’m proud of us.

And finally, ALA ’11 recently took place in New Orleans, and apparently there was a rumor I was in attendance. Nothing would have pleased me more than to spontaneously show up at a library conference full of my favorite people, but alas, I was at home. Apparently it was just some dude who said his name was ‘exlibris’ which made me want to fly to NOLA to kick his ass while humming the highlander theme. Fortunately (for him), I was fresh out of airline miles.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.


stevelibrarian Only in NOLA would there be a dude dressing as @exlibris in drag.

telephase The “@exlibris is here” rumor is one of my favorite of the conference. People were like “Oh Snap, party just went to 11!” #RealALA

massagebyted Daily codicil: My obituary needs to list my turn-ons and turn-offs.

GingerAvengerrr Canada needs to get some real bacon.

SaraJOY So does anyone else think their kids resemble zombies? The wobbling approach, dogged determination, growling, slobbering.

iasshole I’m going to start a show called Sons of Gynecology where the doctors make vroom vroom noises when they open the speculum.

iHubby Corduroy is like the “cock-block” of the pants world.

librarian_lali Instead of toys/souvenirs, I’ve been purchasing picture books at ALA and getting them signed for my sons. #librarianmom

heyitsurban I would honestly watch a whole channel that was just Fox News with a laugh track.

ProfessorSnack Whenever someone mentions malamute I picture a chocolate covered marshmallow dog that doesn’t bark.

eshep Wouldn’t it be cool if one day Michael Bay wanted to make a movie with rad special effects that was good?

freudiantypo Save me from myself. #toomanypopsicles

PolyesterPony I would like these movie suggestions to represent the intelligent man that I want to be and not the tasteless drama queen that I am.

ProfessorSnack If I had a convertible I’d make the transformer noise every time I took the top up or down, like I do when I take my clothes off.

killorn I’m just going to sit back for a bit and let my Weiner’s Circle t-shirt do the talking.

smonkyou New Twitter contest. One follower will win the right to deliver me a falafel sandwich and fries to me to work tomorrow. Good luck!

val_forrestal My mop leaked cleaning solution all over the floor, but it evaporated. I went to wash it off, & stopped. It’s floor cleaner. On the floor.

ShutUpAndrosky For my money, there’s no better name to say when you’re sad than Tony Shalhoub.

Sigafoos If crusty French bread were a woman, I’d have committed adultery in my heart many times.

pistolval how many ct scans can you have before you grow a tail? Cause I’ve always wanted a tail.

theleanover Ironically, the most controversial aspect of the Harry Potter series is that Hogwarts teaches wizard evolution. #HarryPotter8Twists

AOAM_Librarian I e-mailed my boyfriend to tell him I hurt myself & his response? “If they have to amputate you better get a parrot and an eye patch.”

modinkpeeb Number of hours I plan on spending on CuteOverload.com today: All of them.

oodja Headdesk to the Headdeskth Power

batemanimation The local movie theater’s marquee reads “Bad Teacher Cars,” which I imagine is about some ’91 Ford Escorts that don’t play by the rules.

oodja Who knew so much of modern librarianship would involve unplugging things and plugging them back in again to get them to work?

babybabylemon Some evil genius should start a blog meme with answers to those new random banking question. Favorite pet? Favorite teacher? First roommate?

sglassmeyer It’s not so much that I’m referring to myself in the third person, but that I call myself “Honey Badger” whist doing so that causes concern.

TheNextMartha Dropping pie on my keyboard is almost like a baptism.

80sMomKara You know the quality of Netflix Instant offerings is on the decline when you find yourself adding “Hangin’ with William Hung” to your queue.

jenifersf Harry Potter and the New Carl’s Junior Magic Sourdough Onion Burger #ProductPlacementFilms

unsupervised Y Tu Mama Ambien #ProductPlacementFilms

mocoddle Sophie’s Taster’s Choice #ProductPlacementFilms

IronyNOW Tango and Cash4Gold #ProductPlacementFilms

InfiniteChicken No Country For Old Navy #ProductPlacementFilms

mojoshowbiz Miracle-Gro Presents The Constant Gardener #ProductPlacementFilms

lilpyrogirl Applying freeze-away to my plantar wart like the sexy goddess that I am.

alonelyargonaut It’s hard to enjoy transformers 3 over the painful red white and blue erection.

sbellelauren finally figured out the key to enjoying yourself at pool parties is showing up right when everyone is too drunk to take pictures anymore.

danforthfrance Ud I find the guy who taught my phone the word “ud,” he’s getting a knuckle sandwich.

robogirl Well, my undies say “sure thing” on the back and the bf didn’t tell me before we left that you can see it through my dress.

mathowie Every time a Canadian says “eh” a maple tree gets its leaves

louisvirtel I stole a piece of Dentyne Fire from my mom’s purse. Just like Prometheus.

lafix All I know is it said ‘Smooth Ranch Dip’ and when I opened the jar a Sade song played and now my clothes are on backwards.

joshjs Catsitting update: Pretty sure cat #2 has been behind the couch for about 48 hrs now. Ordered jaws of life from Amazon Prime, just in case.

TwoAdults The Dos Equis man simultaneously makes me laugh and wonder if his skin is made of leather/beef jerky.

theleanover After reviewing my 8th grade bio textbook and I can say with certainty there’s no way three men could have a baby. Your move, Guttenberg.

jenkanable0204 My husband just emailed me from the toilet. Tell me we’re not the only couple who does this.

rolldiggity Today’s penny pinchers are tomorrow’s nickel gropers.

johnmoe In nearly all cultures, there is a folkloric character of Fonzie. Some call him Phon-say or Famzee but it’s the same idea.

DevonSuter I’m glad no one picked up on the fact I was in New York the same day Justin Bieber was attacked outside Macy’s.

adamisacson Our military spends billions on “amphibious warfare.” What a waste. If someone comes at you with a newt, it’s really not very intimidating.

joseph_ocon Walked up a hill in skinny jeans and now I can’t have kids.

theleanover Today’s holy moment: turning the corner and facing 16 of Warhol’s Jackies. I almost knelt and blessed myself.

letsgetgizzy Now that I have glasses, totally get the whole “HD” thing.

TheRedQueen Missing coupons found in a drawer. In the fridge. Sometimes I wonder about myself.

sbellelauren oh all this time i thought FML meant Fondle Martin Lawrence whoops that changes some things

reverendadam Knowing how much Chuck Norris must hate this victory for marriage equality, someone should make a gay porn called “Walker Tex, Ass Ranger”.

DamienFahey No one would eat oysters if they were named after what they look like, Jeff Goldblum’s ears.

BillCorbett My dog just pooped on an anthill, causing great chaos and upheaval. Years from now ant politicians will say that “6-26 Changed Everything.”

Caissie I am literally going to start using the word “figuratively” like other people use the word “literally”.

Brain_Wash And my tombstone shall read, “Died doing what he loved. Well, he *said* he loved her.”

FlygirlWS Yep, topnotch parenting happening in this house tonight. @joelsinclair just constructed the new “robotic hand” to give the middle finger.

TheNextMartha Someone just called my cell and I was too lazy to get it. I only have internet friends now. Raise your hand if it was you.

shinyinfo More exciting ALA news! I just finished a nap. #ALAnap

AFG85 It used to be that I would walk into a room and forget what I was looking for. Now I go to Google and forget what query I was going to put.

Greeblemonkey I just made a sign for our sangria party with the password to our wifi. These times, they have a changed.

theleanover I’m Canadian, so I get to be smug about gay marriage laws. Also, since 1978, it’s been legal to marry a beaver in the Northwest Territories.

joshjs Potential Mixed Drink Recipe Book Name: The Imbible

JerryThomas USA Today is the Olive Garden of journalism.

BoweKnows The bushier a guy’s beard, the more he wants to talk about IPAs.

sandwichpolice “Do you want a mess of nachos?” “Is that an actual unit of measure?” “Only for nachos.”

meganamram I’m like 87% about the Benjamins

LouisPeitzman Language has evolved to the point where, “Is that a thing?” is a legitimate question.

adampknave Why does fortune never favor the italic?

TheHoyBoy I think its about time that a Klondike Bar start doing stuff for us.

peterbyrnes I’m beginning to suspect the psychotic break I’ve been anticipating actually happened a while ago.

JillMorris Decided to take up knitting. So far, I’ve only knitted a pink thong for a newborn. Sell it to you for your baby.

naglum I want to see the episode of Man Vs. Food where he eats a massive, unfathomable amount of dicks.

KelleysBreakRm Female sperm whales & male ladybugs should start a support group.

sucittaM If you pull up to a stoplight with your music louder than mine you better be prepared to rap-battle me.

BillWillingham A hundred thousand screaming mad librarians are about to be unleashed on the city. No one can tear up a town like librarians.

atheists Jesus had two dads.

ApocalypseHow I am so gay for New York right now. #equality

Jesus_M_Christ Dad bless New York.

ladybirdj Hey NY, the terrorists didn’t win.

petersagal Ok, gay NYers. Now you stop having sex until they propose. We call it “making them buy the cow.” I’ll explain later.

TweetsofOld “Gay New York” will be the attraction at the Opera House tonight. VA1906

thejohnblog The Statue Of Liberty is looking FAAAABULOUS.

TurboGrandma Congratulations, New York gays! If you thought your hopes and dreams were being repressed before, just you wait!

AmandaMarcotte I just have one request to Gov. Cuomo: Don’t let your girlfriend make a commemorative cake.

sucittaM Iowa just lost the ONE THING we had on New York. Congrats.

michaelianblack Okay New York, you’ve legalized gay marriage. Can you now please outlaw everybody peeing all over everything?

zhandlen Well, thank god Ernie can finally make an honest man out of Bert.

wilw Six states down, forty-four to go. Come on, California, you’re embarrassing me.

timcarvell He said yes.

LisaMcIntire INTERNET: please make gifs of NY senators fist-pumping for marriage equality victory.

RichJuz I CANNOT WAIT TO GET MARRIED TO MY TWO CATS!!!!!!!!!

justinstoned Accepting Marriage Proposals. I keep my name & you pay my college loans.

KenTremendous HUGE NEWS: human beings now being given extremely basic civil rights in New York in a way that adversely affects no one!

LouisPeitzman You know I care deeply about an issue when I’ll tweet about it without fear of losing Twitter followers.

AFER Equality is not a partisan issue, but an American value.

SonofBaldwin Thank you to all the GOP senators who had the vision to understand that some things are more important than their careers.

danhklein I always cry at legislative debates over weddings #ssm

DaveHolmes As we celebrate tonight, let’s spare a warm thought for our opponents, who lost absolutely nothing.

LPCookbook I feel sort of like I don’t say the word “douchebag” enough. I mean to people’s faces.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.


Follow Friday – Anniversary Edition

27 May

Last Tuesday the husband and I celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary. We’ve always had issues celebrating in the past. Shortly after we were married I was hired at the library, and this time of year is perpetually one of intense work and crazy business: textbook return and inventory. There were a few years where our anniversary actually fell on the actual days of textbook collection, and those were the absolute worst. In fact end of the year distractions kept me so preoccupied last year that I totally forgot it was our anniversary. We’ve actually been a couple together since 1998, so in addition to having a long history, we also have some embarrassing high school-era couple’s photos. Maybe I’ll share those some day. For now, enjoy some wedding photos taken by Lisa Farrer.

Edited to add: our good friend Jose came up with the ideas to have pinatas at the end. One for the adults and one for the kids. It was a blast.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.


PMuffintop FYI: In Skype meetings, tweeting looks EXACTLY THE SAME as taking diligent notes. I throw in a thoughtful look every now and then.

SarahIvy I wish my cats had been Raptured. Then again, the problem is their sinful, destructive behavior. Fess up, assholes, who mauled the bread?

MagpieLibrarian Outfit of the day: Today I’m going for Rosie the Riveter meets German housewife meets unaccomplished drag queen. Bandanas, aprons, glitter.

apelad U2 is in SaltLake tonight! They’re the band that singlehandedly cornered the gas station and grocery store soundtrack market.

RobinMcCauley SO YOU THINK YOU CAN FLY A PLANE would be a fun show

mommywantsvodka I’m making a show called Women of a Certain Age. It’ll be this scene a zillion times. “Ugh. I need a nap.” Snappy Retort: “You’re pregnant?”

mariadiaz If I were on a reality show, I’d ask a certain person out for lunch. To “clear the air.”

Zaius13 Eating a vat of ice cream assuages the shame of masturbation, which helps ease the guilt of binge eating. I call it the “men’s true cycle”.

IAmAntilia When I’m not thinking outside the box, I’m usually thinking about my box.

purple_quark girl you up in my mind like an encephalitis infection.

xandrique you know the old saying, “If you’re going to braid some Nerds rope, be prepared to get Nerds everywhere.”

markleggett If by “Starcraft” you mean “cutting up pieces of coloured paper into tiny little star shapes”, then yeah, I’m way into Starcraft.

wordlust Don’t let your kids become depressing statistics. Raise them to be hilarious anecdotes instead.

mansermatt Researchers say spreading gossip is a vital part of human social interaction. The researchers then said, “But you didn’t hear that from me.”

sbellelauren JUST ATE MY LUNCH LIKE A BOSS (alone, wondering if the ups guy likes me, remembering to buy more ink)

TwoAdults Was eating a cheeseburger in the car and passed a cow-transporter-truck. There was eye contact made. It was uncomfortable.

LouisPeitzman Whenever I see a family wearing oversized t-shirts from different Hard Rock Cafes, I think, “Wow, they must be really well traveled.”

taradublinrocks The Benny Hill Theme #worstlapdancesong

paulandstorm I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General #worstlapdancesong

shawnpearlman Why did Garfield hate Mondays so much? He was unemployed.

mightytoycannon Career Day with 3rd graders was great. Made me wish for a career as a third grader. What’s the starting salary on something like that?

BillableBarbie My dr told me to try to eat more fish (I currently eat…none). I’m hoping goldfish crackers count.

PaulyPeligroso “I can’t wear black sweats with a black t-shirt. I’ll look like an unemployed Ninja.”

theRratedBull When is Hollywod gonna cash in on the “Power Puff Girls” live-action feature film? I’d make a good Mojo Jojo.

TheRedQueen Kingston is walking around in a diaper, socks, sandals, and an unzipped hoodie. He insisted on everything but the diaper.

phyllisstein “I love you to pieces” doesn’t make a lick’a sense. “I love you two pizzas”—now that’s a quantifiably huge amount of love.

sbellelauren i hope when french people fart they say heh heh ooh le fart because if not waste of a country.

inktwice Speak softly. Pilot a big mech. #animelifelessons

christianduguay Buy some coasters. Put them in a kitchen drawer. Call friends and let them know you’re an adult now.

TheBlackStar Mancave is a gender specific form of poop chute, right?

navanax A cat is Man’s best frenemy.

chickenscottpie It’s kind of bad when the top news story of the day is that the world didn’t end.

thejohnblog That breakfast burrito was so good, I spoke to it in Parseltongue.

corrinrenee I feel like I should ask my bra fit specialist to go steady.

slackmistress Rapture hasn’t happened in England or Sweden. Which means the US IS GOING TO BE THE NUMBER ONE EXPORTER OF RAPTURLINGS!USA!USA!USA!

antigone_spit It’s the end of the world DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR TOWEL IS

BeTheBoy Just told by girl at Starbucks that I look less wiped out than usual. She needs a compliment giving class.

pistolval Well, we are still here. Just once I would like my doomsday paranoia to pay off.

Marty3point0 I feel like today is a Tuxedo T-Shirt kind of day.

SethMacFarlane “DON’T GO BREAKIN’ MY HEART”, sang Elton John. “I COULDN’T IF I TRIED”, replied Kiki Dee, accurately.

GeorgeTakei Today’s Rapture postponed as Jesus awaits announcement of surprise guest on final Oprah. Savior “hopeful” but “okay with it” if not picked.

adamtool Wait…I think it’s here! Yes! I can feel it! It’s The Rapture! No…wait, BRB gotta go to the bathroom.

BonesMcCoy The only way you’re getting raptured today is if Scotty has a transporter lock on you. Sorry.

brattyunicorn A girl just gave my outfit the old up down glance & the air suddenly filled with the smell of ovaries & hand-to-hand combat.

MrWordsWorth Kate Beckinsale reportedly pregnant with a child that will be too beautiful to be seen by human eyes without a box with a hole in it.

IsobelWren When I drive long distances I have a modified game of Oregon Trail going in my head as commentary.

msbellows I read their site. Apparently the #Rapture’s tomorrow, but Universe isn’t annihilated til Oct. CHAPERONE-FREE SUMMER!

shellipants Target employee: can I help you find anything else?
Gpa: your phone number
Me. *dies*

wordlust Randy Savage must be recognized as the Patron Saint of Dudes Who Sound Totally Constipated. Do the right thing,Vatican.

letsgetgizzy I hope I turn into an anime girl tomorrow! I don’t think I understand what The Rapture is.

rolldiggity I can only assume this “take my profile picture in the mirror” trend is a collective effort to keep vampires off our social networks.

Squirreljustice What I like about riding the NYC subway on a rainy day is that you can cross “identify the smell of a hyena’s asshole” off your bucket list.

inktwice Just heard Randy “Macho Man” Savage died. The staples of my youth are slowly beginning to disappear like the McFly kids in a Polaroid.

jgamet Just got a spam for the genie bra. I can’t wait to see what comes out when I rub one.

granulac I love hearing people who can’t draw talk about art technique. It’s like people without kids discussing parenting.

nataliebinder Patron just called to ask if the library would be open for the Rapture. No joke.

MrWordsWorth I expect to see the end of the New York Times before I see the end of times. Trust me on this.

WhyIsDaddyCryin wife just told me “just an FYI – screaming ‘release the kraken’ every time you get naked is not sexy.”

ProfessorSnack The day I learned that Seuss wasn’t really a doctor was they day I questioned the quality of green eggs & ham and elephants hatching eggs.

jlist The message of End of Evangelion: “Mankind’s evolution and rapture will be cock-blocked by a whiny Japanese kid.”

markleggett Why do turtles have such awesome six pack abs when they can’t even do one sit-up? It’s bullshit. #fuckyouturtles

eshep So, my kids apparently like the new Fucked Up record, but I can’t quite bring myself to tell them the name of the band.

hodgman Fleet Foxes just brought out a bass clarinet. This is real.

TheNextMartha Dyson: “We suck while the others just blow”

theleanover Platonic lady friend called to discuss an episode of Dharma & Greg she saw. Is this the point I start to accompany her to the ladies room?

isplotchy News: Radiohead singer Thom Yorke held in small town Cali jail after drunken brawl at laundromat. PD Chief:”Carmel police, arrest this man!”

mathowie I can’t wait until the Post-Rapture weekend. Once the believers are gone, I’m totally getting gay married to a dog.

rolldiggity What kind of beat would a beet retweet if a beet could retweet beats?

sbellelauren lots of rapture babies are about to start cooking in them crazy lady ovens.

MoRocca I kind of hope I get Left Behind. I need a staycation.

LIFECOACHERS Don’t underestimate your own ability to overestimate stuff.

MrWordsWorth James Franco earned 1 of the college degrees he’s working on yesterday. If he gets 9 more, he gets a free liberal arts degree of his choice.

ohnoCAPSLOCK Me to JB: “I’m going to ALT TAB my fist into your face.” #whennerdsmarry

MurseBrian I think I could really make it in this world as a rapper, if I weren’t so white. And also, so gay.

rolldiggity If knowledge is power, then I’m the king of overknowledging people walking alone to their cars at the mall.

guiltysquid Nothing discourages self-improvement like seeing the guy with a masters working at a gas station.

lurkey Yes! Just heard the first ice cream truck of the season. I’ve been itching to get some use out of this expensive crossbow.

lianamaeby What’s the plural of “Starbucks”? “City”?

apodixis Not sure what it means, but I’m very disturbed Schwarzenegger had a child out of warlock. This is why we’re not getting raptured, you guys.

apelad So far the very best part of L.A. Noire is driving off without your partner, watching him try to catch up, then driving off again.

KeepingYouAwake 4 less followers to 400!!! Tell everyone you know! We can do this!

terrenceisdaman Nice try, Nabisco… But I think I’ll decide how many Oreos are in a serving.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.


Classic

18 May

Me: We’re good together. We’re a classic combination.

Anthony: Like Snoop Dog & Dr Dre.

Me: Exactly. Which one am I?

Anthony: You’re Dre.

Me: Dre? Why?

Anthony: Because you’re older.

Me: … I’m going to murder you.

Anthony: …

Me: Dammit. I am Dr Dre.

A Hard-Boiled Detective Story

23 Apr

This story is something I orginally posted as a flickr set a few years ago. It amuses me and is Easter-themed, so I thought I’d share. It’s pretty ridiculous. You’ve been warned.

Shortly after Easter it was reported that Mr. Easter Peep, former resident of the oblong terrarium, was missing after he failed to show up at his job teaching Pilates at the Y.

After doing our initial investigation, we noticed this suspicious character hanging around. We brought him back to the station for questioning.

In addition to Furball we rounded up the neighbors, which included several of Mr. Easter Peep’s relatives.

Tiddlywinks the hamster was not involved in the investigation. He just likes to hang out at the station and drink free coffee.

Mr. Chickowski was up first. He lost a leg in the war and is a grizzled veteran. We thought nothing could get to him.

He kept nervously looking over his shoulder as I questioned him. He insisted he saw nothing unusual in the neighborhood before the Easter Peep’s disappearance.

Nothing unusual, hmmm? So what about the usual?

Mr. Easter Peep’s youngest brother, Easter Peep 3, could not be reached for comment. Or rather, he could, we just couldn’t understand him.

Next I questioned the middle child in the Peep family: Easter Peep 2. He was very alarmed and we couldn’t get much out of him either.

Next we questioned Fluffball himself–Mr. Zorro. He was chatting in the waiting room with Easter Peep 2 when we called him in.

He claimed total innocence.

Then we got our first big break in the case: an anonymous tipster called in with the whereabouts of the remains of Mr. Easter Peep. We never heard from the tipster again and wonder what happened to him.

The body of the Easter Peep! Found on the mean streets not a block away from his home.

The case is not truly closed. His killer is still on the loose, ready to strike again at any moment.

Retrospective: NYE 2009 & 2010

6 Jan

I stopped keeping up with posting and editing and organizing of my photos on New Year’s Eve 2009. I was so exhausted from working and babywatching that even on the rare occasion that I had time at the end of the day to work on my photos, I just didn’t have the will. Depression had made me its bitch.  The photos on my computer are still somewhat of a mess, with a year’s worth of backlog and baby pictures to sort through and edit, but I have been making strides at putting my life together post PPD, and one of the things I decided to do was create a comparison between this year’s New Year and last.

Everything has changed. Nothing has changed.

Isobel 2009

 

Isobel 2010

Jaime 2009

Jaime 2010

Isobel, Wreaking Havoc 2009

Isobel, Wreaking Havoc 2010

 

Mama & Baby 2009

Mama & Baby 2010

Isobel Exploring 2009

Isobel Exploring 2010

Ladyfriends 2009

Ladiefriends 2010

Cheers 2009


Cheers 2010

Stefanie Lecturing Justin 2009

Stefanie Lecturing Justin 2010