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Follow Friday: Christmas Past

23 Dec

Today’s post features photos from Christmas past. Enjoy!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

NicLewis RT @nprnews: After 25 Years In Woman’s Stomach, A Pen Still Writes // It wrote, “Get me out of here!”

Pinboard Ask yourself this: is there any JRR Tolkien place name that does not sound like the name of a mood stabilizer or antifungal cream?

kwmurphy I can never spell the word “hemorrhoids” right on the first try. You’d think I could, as it comes up so often in my line of work.

danforthfrance Already can’t stop saying “Bagginses. What is a Bagginses, Precious?” Welp, be glad you don’t know me in real life. It’ll be a year of this.

maggiesox I WILL CHOKE SOMEONE FOR THE HOBBIT TRAILER, COME ON APPLE.

inversejaik Thanks to the replicator, the crew learns the true meaning of Christmas. Crusher is perplexed when Worf’s heart grows three sizes. #TNG_S8

inversejaik Geordi and Data put warp plasma in Barclay’s coffee, with horrifying results. Worf’s son Alexander wonders why he even bothers. #TNG_S8

inversejaik Worf learns that the Klingon way of mathematics takes too long. On a dare, Lwaxana Troi marries Barclay. #TNG_S8

inversejaik When the ship falls through a spacetime anomaly, Picard is trapped in a turbolift with himself. Worf is enraged by the game of golf. #TNG_S8

inversejaik Riker & Worf use the holodeck to research the 21st-cen. ideal of being “bros.” Troi goes on and on about her most recent makeover. #TNG_S8

MrWordsWorth It must be tough for people on The Real World to actually have to return to the real world.

ScrewyDecimal This anxious, nauseated, “how will I pay my credit card bill next month” feeling can only mean one thing: I’ve finished Christmas shopping!

Angel__Bee Allie really doesn’t appreciate my Eddie Vedder impression as much as she should.

steenyweeny gonna put my religion as ‘grumpy as hell’ on this HR form.

MmeSurly PAJAMAS I WANT TO BE INSIDE YOU

Zaius13 They finally released Schindler’s List on blu-ray with tons of bonus features, including over an hour of hilarious bloopers!

NASeason I appear to have reserved an awfully large portion of brain space for 80’s lyrics.

BugginWord “Honey, do we have a protractor?” – Not what I was expecting.

schmutzie I’LL USE ALL-CAPS IF I WANT TO. THE INTERNET ISN’T NEARLY LOUD ENOUGH.

theRratedBull I think my half-ass effort isn’t working because I’m still a top-performer at work. I think what we need here is a quarter-ass effort.

Patheticist I feel guilty that I’ve spent more on myself than the rest of my entire family combined. I’m teaching them a Christmas lesson, probably.

willgoldstein “Don’t let the dog lick you, she’s been eating her own poop again.” #thingsIhavetosaytoooften

sarahmcdallen Me: We have a chance of snowy owls this winter! Kim (baffled): They can predict those “birds falling out of the sky events” now?

finslippy I now have seven pounds of pulled pork. Just in time for Hanukkah!

danforthfrance My cat purrs like the Enterprise-D warp core. No YOU’RE never getting laid again!

notperfect Before you think that my shopping hesitance is partly financial savvy: I once paid a massage therapist to listen to my sacrum.

InfiniteChicken I just gave @KimKardashian +K in Chlamydia!

onenjen So, now that my son is potty trained, I’m gonna be wiping pee off the toilet seat for the next, what, 15 years?

heliumcell YEAH, CUT AWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE KEYBOARD SOLO. I REALLY WANT TO SEE WHAT THE DRUMMER IS DOING RIGHT THERE. OH COOL, HITTING A CYMBAL

Patheticist You can accurately guess a person’s age by length of their voicemail message.

jenstatsky When I was a kid, I honestly thought that using Quicken was a major part of adulthood.

sarahbellum Today was amazeballs, only without the amaze part.

juan_incognito Most of the time when I appear to be in deep thought, I’m just thinking about what I’m going to build with my Legos when I get home.

notthatkendall An awkward thing is trying to figure out how you will explain to a spambot that you don’t eat McDonalds.

goodinthestacks James Franco can get professors fired for giving him bad grades? That dude really can do it all.

joeinverarity You all moonwalked into my heart.

shinyinfo If I were a millionaire I’d take the train places ALL THE TIME. Across the country, several times a year. I’d waste my money SO HARD!

thejohnblog Rick Perry issued a press release extending his condolences to the family of Lil Kim.

sgnp Bras are pretty amazing. They’re MADE to have boobs shoved in ’em! #HouseCleaningThoughts

Smethanie LOL Hot Pockets for including conventional oven cooking instructions!

macleanbrendan If we’ve learned anything from Kim Jong-Il’s death it’s that people are very good at quoting Team America.

abobrow This has been a shit year for my fantasy dictator team.

NASeason So, at what age do I have to stop dressing my kid in one piece pajamas? Twelve?

shariv67 Huz: What do you want for xmas? Me: A Mercedes? Huz: Try again. Me: Foot rubs for a year? Huz: What model Mercedes?

80sMomKara My 8 year old: “On Christmas, why don’t we go to that midnight madness thing over at that church in Biloxi?” Me: “You mean midnight MASS?”

Soulsmithy Scary poops are the price we pay for holiday potlucks.

theSethsquatch The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But only if you enter through his ass.

NicLewis 8-track players in attics transform back into their disco-robot forms for the long trip back to planet Funk. #ChristmasMiracle

owlparliament Charles Bukowski reanimates and comes over; is ornery but also a surprising good pastry chef. #ChristmasMiracle

ryankresse People take nitrates for heart problems. Bacon has nitrates. Therefore, bacon cures heart problems. #logic

mocoddle If I were to get some sort of voice-control typing software, all my tweets would be profanity and chupacabras.

michael_J_m00n When I jingle, I jingle all the way.

paulverhoeven Just tried to Shazam a fire alarm at a Westfield.

ruthakers You can tell a lot about a girl by how many hand movements it takes her to describe her prom dress.

allisonthemeep Um, Christmas is in one week. Holy shit. I mean, Oh, holy shit. The stars are brightly shining.

J__Swift Okay, Twitter is distracting me from my new boyfriend: video games. We’re gonna go make love now.

TheRedQueen My toddler just shushed me. Apparently I was making too much noise while he was trying to watch his stories.

geekandahalf Pretty sure I meant “bitches”, autocorrect, but good lookin’ out.

J__Swift I think I’ll buy something to cheer myself up. This gun oughta do it.

apodixis Geese always sound like they’re laughing at me. I wonder if they know how good they taste.

alwysabridesmd I see there is a jammie snuggie thing called “Forever Lazy.” pretty sure that would be the phrase I’d choose for knuckle tattoos. #4EVAlazy

dspiral I really should have stretched before wrapping those gifts. #gettingold

benmarvin My new years resolution is to count how many times I poop in 2012.

lemoneyes Waking up early makes it harder for me to stay up late. Too little sleep is what makes that seem like an insight.

danforthfrance Strange that no one in the Nativity stood with their back to the camera.

Toaster_Pastry Daughter brought home a small vial of pure concentrated weapons-grade glitter.

rstevens In the Marvel Universe, a “Daily Bugle” is also a sex act.

mikeleffingwell It sucks when you try to join a gang in a new city and find out none of your street creds transferred.

Lilacmess We got our xmas stockings from my MIL today and proceeded to open all of it. We have completely failed as adults. I blame husband

kellyoxford “I love her period.” – missing comma, game changer

mikeleffingwell ONE DAY after I cancel my “Whoopi Goldberg fart” Google alert and look what happens.

schmutzie I’ve now expanded my diet from peanut butter sandwiches & Little Debbie Nutty Bars to include peanut butter cookies. Diversity is key.

TheNextMartha I’m really hoping to pass this plague onto someone who deserves it.

jenstatsky “Here lies Jen Statsky. She is survived by fourteen hundred half-full punch cards from various coffee shops.”

Angel__Bee Oh good, Allie’s behind the Christmas tree grunting. This will end well.

badbanana The next Mission Impossible movie should be two hours of Tom Cruise trying not to jump onto a couch after drinking seven Red Bulls.

onenjen In my son’s world, the garbage man is on par with Ryan Gosling. “Like, OMG. He WAVED at me!”

johnmoe Question about those Progressive commercials: why are people who are dead and in heaven concerned about car insurance?

JRehling Before you decide you’re the world’s worst cook, I just burned a banana to ashes while peeling it.

Kitty_Crawford I am pregnant. The father is satay chicken curry.

morninggloria GOP debate would be much more tolerable if a merry prankster had queued up the Little Rascals theme to play as the candidates took the stage

ProfessorSnack I spend a lot more of my time than I used to searching for beverages I’ve set down.

LaurenBans How is the tagline for the McRib not “Ribbed For Your Pleasure?” How?

corrinrenee Blankets should have pockets for your feet. #bedtimethoughts

markleggett Send me a DM if you want to swing by my house tonight and get totally fucked-up on vegetarian pizza.

MaybeNotSteve I’m so hungry I asked a horse to the prom and she said YES!!!

adiopink Re: woman who gestured at my dad & asked what my husband does. My sister says I should’ve replied: “He sleeps with my mom.”

meganmonique “The Kinect gives me more opportunities to use my jazz hands!” – The Mister

sucittaM Even if none of the Republican candidates become president, they all still have promising careers as actors in Kay Jewelers commercials.

Caissie Every time I look at Ron Paul my mouth starts watering for a Werther’s Original! #TweetThePress

PolyesterPony My xbox no longer listens when I say pause. We’ve grown so far apart.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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Thrifted Home Tour: The Nursery

13 Jun

I have put off writing this post for the Thrifted Home Tour for about a year now because of PPD, and although I’ve technically never done the library or the guest bedroom either, the nursery was the room I balked at. For almost two years my sister lived in our guest bedroom so that room was off limits, and our home library has needed a lot of work so I never really took pictures of it to include it in the tour, although I should just for the awesome green vintage filing cabinet alone. I did post photos of the office/library here and you can see years-old photos of some vintage goodness in the guest bedroom on flickr, including the trunk that came over with my family from Sweden. It held all their worldly goods and you can still see the address to “Amerika” carved on the side.  You can read the previous installments of the Thrifted Home Tour here.

(What is the Thrifted Home Tour? I’m glad you asked! I’ve decorated my entire home with vintage goods either passed down from family members or found while trolling estate sales or thrift stores. I am showing off different rooms of my house to display how thrifted items can be worked into the décor to be useful and inspiring items. Partially it’s because I’d love to promote my vintage Etsy shop, and partially because that’s just how I roll. I think more people should decorate their home with thrifted goods. Here’s why .)

I made these curtains myself from Heather Ross fabric I ordered from someplace online. They look horrible, and this is because I tried to make them after I went on maternity, and getting down on the ground with a giant belly to cut fabric was DUMB. Don’t try it at home.

The nursery set got a lot of views on flickr and I still occasionally get emails from people about something that was in the photos or if they can use a shot for something. It was featured on Esty, Ohdeedoh, and Spearamint Baby. I had the most fun creating this room and I can’t wait do to it all over again when the time comes. We had a miniscule budget but I managed to put this room together by shopping thrift stores, Etsy, and my own family’s hand-me-downs.

I guess I should start explaining things now since I’m several photos into the tour. The chair in the photo above belonged to my grandparents, as did the side table next to it. The chair itself is pretty gross one side. All the cats decided it was the perfect scratching post, but I chose that chair not for its looks but for its comfort. I’ve slept in that chair while cradling the newborn Isobel many times, as has Anthony and I think maybe even my sister and mother. The pillow in the chair was an old one I bought for my first apartment at MacFrugals. It is UG-LY, but I bought a ten dollar pillow cover from Etsy seller Lindylou2. I still love it.

The blanket that’s draped over the chair was handmade by a coworker’s mother, and the one draped across the crib was made by Anthony’s Grandma.

I bought some cheap album frames from CB2 and filled them with record album covers from the thrift store with the exception of Sgt Pepper, which was my parents. My mom actually saw the Beatles at the Cow Palace way back in the day and I talk about it at every chance I get. Because DUDE she saw THE BEATLES. The magazine holder next to the chair came from my grandparents and we filled it with storybooks that we now read to her at bedtime.

Anthony and I scored both the bookcase and the dresser from a yardsale from an old neighbor. My Dad painstakingly painted the dresser pink but we left the shelf the way it was. All told I think we spent about fifty or sixty bucks for the set. Our buddy Jose gave us the thrifted “How Things Work” books which are amazing and have since been saved for Isobel for when she’s older. I miraculously came upon some old, hardbound Highlights for Children books at a book sale, and one of the doll’s quilts was thrifted as well.

The vintage print was found in a Costa Rican fairytale book from the library. I made a color copy and framed it an an old frame from an Estate sale. I got the wooden mushrooms from Etsy seller craftsty. Isobel now uses them as part of her cooking set. I got the firefly jar lights from etaknamdoow.

The closet was filled with clothes that were gifts plus a few things I picked up while thrifting or were hand-me-downs. People’s generosity was so overwhelming, it’s bursting at the seams. I decided it needed to be organized so I made these closet dividers for it and I posted a tutorial here.

I created a template for these guys that’s available for free over here.

I still use these to organize Isobel’s clothes, though we’re running to the end of the sizes I made them for. They are really lovely,  but I’m not going to lie–they were a lot of work. But seriously, they are useful, so check out the closet divider tutorial and see if you can streamline the process for yourself.

The changing table we scored for I think fifteen bucks at my favorite local thrift store, and the baskets underneath all came from Target. You can find where to purchase the cloth diaper pail liner here, and the pail itself is actually an unused garbage pail bought new from Target. You can see the lovely pink dresser my dad painted, too.

The cats above the changing table were purchased for fifteen bucks at an antique store, and Isobel used to look up at them and giggle when she was just a few months old. The old hamper next to the changing table (the wooden one) was my grandpa’s and back then I used it as a table to store wipes, powder and other essentials. Once Isobel was mobile enough to get into them I moved them to the dresser. The hamper now stores all of her dress up clothes.

I got a lot of comments on Isobel’s crib, and I wish I still had a link for it. We bought it relatively cheaply from the Babies R Us website. It was a moderately priced crib, so maybe $250? Cute modern cribs were so expensive and after striking out on Craigslist we just went ahead and bought this one. The joke’s on us though! Isobel coslept for all but about three months of her life. Hopefully kid #2 will spend more quality time here.

We ordered the decal off Etsy but I’m not going to post a link. I didn’t have a great experience with that seller so I’m not going to link to them. A quick search for “vinyl decal” or “wall decal” will yield more results than you eve r thought possible, so scour Etsy if you’re looking for something similar.

There’s sweet Peachie, sleeping on the changing table. I miss him and Tinkerbell incredibly.

This butterfly mobile is so gorgeous. It was custom made for us by Etsy seller Khamm75 and in full disclosure I have to say that I adore this seller. We convo’d a bit and she liked my photos of the mobile so much she offered to buy them for use in her listings. I had my eye on this birth date print so we arranged a trade, and now when you click on mobile listing you see my photos. She is super nice, great to work with, and her shop is filled with gorgeous wares.

It looks amazing above the crib next to the mobile.

There’s my sweet Peachie boy again.

I found this vintage owl picture while thrifting and a friend of mine said the owls look really pissed off. I didn’t think that before but ever since she said that, I always think that and it makes me giggle. They do look kind of miffed. It  adds to their charm. Below it is this great vintage brass lightswitch plate purchased from Etsy seller lexigirlcreations. I looked through a lot of light switch covers (so that’s what I did with all that carefree, childless time!) and it was by far the best.

The woodland animal pictures were handmade a long time ago and I found them while thrifting for ten cents each. The first picture is a chipmunk on a mushroom and the second features a fox and some butterflies. I luff them. Below is a yellow thrifted bowl that I keep Isobel’s hair accessories in and a thrifted bowl decorated with babies playing ping pong on it. I use that bowl for storing the rubber bands that I used to keep infant socks together. The light is vintage Irmi from the seventies. It was actually in my nursery and my mom saved it! The gold frame was also thrifted but the adorable ABC print inside came from Etsy seller studiolyon. She was another fantastic seller to work with. I also spent an inordinate amount of time researching ABC prints because I had seen so many fantastic ones featured on design sites and they were all at least $50 before shipping. This one was awesome and nine dollars. I guess sales exploded after I put up the nursery set since it was featured at different places and she sent me an email thanking me. Which is ridiculous, because we should be thanking her for producing lovely art affordably.

I found this frame and the mushroom plaque while thrifting.

This is what Isobel looked like most of the time while in her crib: awake. Here she’s chilling next to some elephants a great aunt made for me as a baby.

Isobel’s closet was ridiculous from before she was even born. We got tons of clothes as gifts but got even more things handed down from cousins and friends. I saved some of the really cute gift bags from her shower and used them as closet organization and storage for things like slings and receiving blankets.

There’s my sweet Tinky, hiding in the closet.

I didn’t get this footstool till later on during a yard saling expedition, but it was nice to have.

And I’m going to end with a photo of Tinky, who probably slept in the crib more often than Isobel.

Follow Friday – The Best of 2010

10 Jan

I’m severely late for any meme-type year end posts. I have no excuse for this. Each year I look forward to the year-in-review posts from my favorite blogs, the photo videos, the questionnaires. This is the first year I’ve had a blog, and yet I eagerly awaited others’ end of the year posts with no thought of my own. By the time I realized that this was something I should participate in, too, well, Christmas had been put away and everyone moved on.

I did manage to cobble together a year-end photo set of some of my favorite photos from 2010, and it is available on my flickr. While I was putting it together I decided that my yearly tradition will be a giant Follow Friday wrap-up with some of my favorite pictures. In this 2010 edition, I’m including the Tweets of the Week and some of my very, very favorite tweets. Most of these tweets I still think about and appreciate from time to time, and many of them made an impression on me.

I should also mention that I’ve been nominated for a Shorty Award in the Social Media category for my Follow Friday posts. I have a very specific goal in mind for this contest, and it’s not so much to win (because, let’s face it, that’s not happening) but I just want to beat the dude with the Bieber avatar. (We’re currently tied.) If you could take a moment to vote, I’d be grateful.

And now, please enjoy the very best tweets 2010 has to offer.

Year In Pictures: 2010 Photo Set

neiltyson Alas, Isaac Newton died a virgin. A fact offered without further comment.

badbanana Can’t help but think a new British government would have been formed by now if Dumbledore was still alive.

LaurelKS Major props to my intelligent auto complete for making my drunk tweets possible.

feministhulk: HULK STRIVE TO RESPECT RIGHT TO SELF-IDENTIFY, BUT HULK COMPASSION STRAIN AND BREAK UNDER WEIGHT OF SARAH PALIN’S BULLSHIT

sween One does not simply walk into Mordor. It’s a gradual slide. Life choices mount up and then one day you look around and realize, “Huh. Orcs.”

juliasegal When bees see something that is awesome, I wonder if they think, “That’s just like my knees!”

apelad The new iphone contains a tiny beating heart, so at last it can love you back

michaeljnelson Just discovered that vuvuzelas sound AMAZING in a crowded elevator!

mathowie If I ate at a Cracker Barrel, I’d get tons more stand-up jokes. Like when I watched the Godfather triology and The Simpsons made sense.

JerryThomas I was so angry about the state of the world I picked up my guitar and wrote this song. LOLJK I sucker punched a guy on the Metro.

shinyinfo MC Hammer should be knighted or something. Or whatever we do over here, name a sandwich after him.

CorporateMonkey Whether or not I allow you to move into my lane on the beltway is directly related to your political party affiliated bumper sticker. #DC

misternaxal I might buy a house in the Fall. A house complete with a workshop, lathes, a band saw, and a hand mill! I shall call it Isengard.

FakeAPStylebook “Taco” has of late taken on a sexual connotation. When referring to the Tex-Mex food dish, instead use “Hot, Meat-Filled Tortilla Vagina.”

palinode A dream is a wish your boss eats.

mrpilkington Where the hell is this UPS guy. Can I get a 4 square update from him? “location: six flags. Mayor.”

hellobigfoot camping cooler strange mix between oyster and piñata.

bookgirlsb Unsurprisingly, the baby does not respond to my command of “roll over!” any better today than yesterday.

ApocalypseHow Vatican declares ordaining women to be morally comparable to pedophilia. So that means they’re going to do it!!!

louispeitzman Why do children scream so much? I’m consistently horrified by life. I hardly ever scream.

Lord_Voldemort7: Saw a girl wearing an “It’s Bieber’s world & we all just live in it” shirt. Needless to say, she no longer lives in it.

Zaius13 Dropping the cats off at the pool. (We don’t have kids)

louisvirtel Who can ever replace Ellen on “Idol”? It’s really a toss-up between amplifier feedback and grim Chekhovian silence.

capricecrane Snooki says she’s only read two books. Actually, she answered the question by tapping her hoof twice on the floor.

mrpilkington Saying the word “pecan” both ways over and over again. Kind of creeping out coworker. Its okay. I’m a trained professional. Pecan.

Zaius13 Whenever guys suggest I check out a woman’s ass, I nod my head and say “Aw, yeah. I’d wipe that.”

IMayBeNaked Bieber is writing an autobiography? Chap 1) From the fallopian tube to the uterus. Ch 2) Through the birth canal. Ch 3) Gerber: Stages 1-4

SarrahPalinU5A Hot day today. Is it just my imagination, or is the world getting warmer on average?

PROMO_TWEET SOME FUCKING CHIPS: THEY’RE DELICIOUS OR WHATEVER

trelvix Cat was like, “I’ve been trying to call you all day. 88888888888888888888888888884. That’s you, right?”

NathanFillion Had a guy approach me on street. All he did was nod and say, “Captain.” That’s all he needed to say.

lafix Nephew: What’s a nooner? Me: Uh…lunch. Nephew: I need to thank mom for the delicious nooner. Me: Wait until her mouth is full.

PROMO_TWEET THE TEA PARTY IS HORRIFIED THAT “PROJECT RUNWAY” WOULD WORK WITH MUSLIN SO CLOSE TO GROUND ZERO

blainecapatch ed hardy shoes make your feet look like dicks.

sucittaM Drunk on about 7 bottles of wine because What Would Jesus Drink? AMIRITE?! UP TOP DRUNK JESUS!

apelad Facebook is a big party where the host is in a back room going through all the coats.

louispeitzman If I had a daughter, I’d name her after a flower. But something unique, like Bladderwort.

stray If current intellectual property trends continue, by 2045 the only non-trademarked word will be “zesticles”.

lowcardigan I’m excited to see what Twain’s new autobiography has to say about the time he saved Data and Picard from the shapeshifting aliens.

BackpackingDad As far as uninspiring car names go the Mazda “Protege” is second only to the Honda “n00b”.

danforthfrance Too much coffee means frantically singing “Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes” until the crying starts.

hurtling I’m hungover and piecing together the details of last night one by one. So far I’ve confirmed that I didn’t eat any asparagus.

val_forrestal When I die, I want someone to take over my twitter account. I’d like to be the Dread Pirate Roberts of twitter.

FakeeEtiquette If a Facebook friend announces some bad news in an update, it is polite to like that status to cheer him/her up.

badbanana Daughter’s soccer season starts today. I don’t have a vuvuzela so I’ll be taking my trombone.

BackpackingDad About to meet my mom’s boyfriend. Will try to refrain from shouting “She only loves me!!!!!” at him. I’m 33.

PROMO_TWEET PIRANHA 3D: BECAUSE THE STUDIO WOULDN’T LET US CALL IT “FISH N’ TITS”

stevelibrarian Glenn Beck shows that every good Tea Party needs a Mad Hatter.

inversejaik My car is become Shiva, destroyer of butterflies

danharmon Converting to Intelligent Design because I see God in nature. Now worshipping nature. Fuck. Okay, burning self at stake.

ThatKansasLady In my day zombies didn’t run, they walked. Uphill, in the snow. They ate what brains they could find, & they liked it.

PROMO_TWEET THE WEEKEND: BECAUSE FUCK THIS WEEK. FUCK IT IN ITS EARS. YOU HEAR ME, THIS WEEK? OH, RIGHT. YOUR EARS ARE FULL OF DICKS.

English50cent I’m serious. I will have you murdered.

owlpacino it should be a law that artificial lighting can only be so bright. “soft light is calming and better for the eyes”, probably says doctors.

Phineas Fashion Report! This fall is going to be plaid like a motherfucker.

nicpiper When my grandchildren ask “Why is Britain ‘Great’ grandad?” I shall point my withered finger toward Wallace and Gromit and say “those two”.

DamienFahey If Meg Whitman loses will she have to go back to being the guy on the Quaker Oats box?

thejohnblog Email from family: “Bored while Facebook is down. Don’t you have a blog and one of those Twitters?” FACEBOOK! RIGHT THAT SHIP, PEOPLE! NOW!

dughall Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

JerryThomas The very best puns always end with somebody dying.

CMastication “I can hardly check email because Bittorrent has totally saturated my bandwidth.” #talkLikeAPirate

librarianearp Dammit Jim, I’m a sexy doctor, not a sexy scientist!

English50cent I enjoy blowing up poos. I have the ability to be an adult-film actor. I am having a cerebrovascular accident.

Bagyants She told me she was a social butterface. What? Butterfly? I like the other way better.

yowhatsthehaps You can’t just stand on the sidewalk and hold the Little Caesar’s sign, lady. You gotta put your back into it..

louisvirtel My fave Barnes & Noble section is “Christian Inspiration.” I’m learning how to make a chic ascot out of this tattered old dogma!

apelad It’s been great getting to know all the new neighbors and finding out what the names of their wireless networks mean.

saraschaefer1 When the voice in my head tells me I’m not a beautiful snowflake I try to imagine it’s the voice of Brad Pitt. Total hotty up in my brain!

louispeitzman I find it hard to believe that something as awesome-sounding as fantasy football only allows you to draft humans.

zombiesitcom The saddest instrument is the clarinet. I think his mom died.

TheBloggess Just discovered a blog plagiarizing a post I wrote about being plagiarized. This is how wormholes get started, people.

jezebelsadie The real question is not why I have a “Gnomes” category in my Google Reader feed, but why new items appear daily.

smileydooby Geez I look down at my phone to play ONE game and now everyone is going the wrong way on the highway! Learn how to drive and quit honking!

OngoingBS Do you know we lose 100,000 brain cells a day? Mainly to immigrant workers! #glenbecktweet

midwestgrrl My mom still has a hard time with texting. They’re on vacation at the beach & she just texted YAY WE ARE ON THE BEE

apelad My ears are burning. Is one of you talking about me? Also my nose is tingling. Is one of you recreating my aroma?

Jesus_M_Christ Oh, that’s cute Lord Voldemort thinks our resurrections were similar. I’m sure coming back after a baby kills you is super tough.

rrrobbed I don’t know what is up with the follower count, but I’m suddenly feeling very liberated. No followers to offend! Here I go! … BUTTS!

danforthfrance Got hit on today by a sexy Jehovah’s Witness lady. Wait. Aw, man… This is Jesus’ phone number.

JerryThomas My favorite Peanuts cartoon is the one where Linus is waiting for the Great Pumpkin and Godot shows up.

Sigafoos Scam at a French Star Trek 2 gathering: Cannes Khan Con Con. #whydoihaveanyfollowersatall

thinkBIG_blog “The problem with quotes on Twitter is that you can’t always be sure of their authenticity.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

BadAstronomer Had to type the word “gauze” for a post going up tomorrow. The word looks wrong no matter how I spell it. Gauze. Gawz. Gouze. Snooki.

SquiggleJay didn’t have time to get coffee or breakfast, so it’s a pretty safe bet someone’s getting beaten to death with a 3-hole-punch.

gabedelahaye This 65th wedding anniversary is about to get REAL hyphy.

shinyinfo Librarians need to declare Martial Law on Yahoo Answers.

sween As Winston Churchill once said, “Wait a minute — I never said this.”

jszyd I’m not saying your great, great, grandma was a gold digger, but she did move out to California in the late 1840′s.

adamisacson I try to savor every bit of this magical part of the evening between when my kid finally falls asleep and when I f

peterbyrnes TSA guards don’t like it when you bite your lower lip during the patdown and lean into it.

DadsAwake Before we make a radical decision at the last minute, maybe we should consider the people who have to do the work. Said no executive ever.

KeepingYouAwake Just had an idea for time-travel, then I arrived in a cowboy outfit and black eye and talked myself out of it.

unschool Teen to his brother: “We are so close, we can even finish each others’…” His brother: “…sandwiches.”

davidlubar If you have any friends who think the earth is 6,000 years old, remember to warn them that voting is a sin.

Tweetin4Palin Can’t wait 2 see if my candidates won cause I’m influency or lost cause I’m persecuted by media bastards. Either way, hellooo TV talkin’!

TheRedQueen Twitter is mostly my outlet for complaining. It’s cheaper than therapy.

pistolval my humble modesty is just one of my many, many great qualities.

CanuckMackem My wife said I’m too immature and if I don’t grow up it’s going to erect a barrier between us. Ha ha ha, erect.

apodixis My safe word is “The goddamn cats are on the bed.”

danforthfrance Stranger heard me say “Go on without me! I’m done for!” to myself when I missed the crosswalk to tie my shoe.

jasonmustian Has anyone reminded Flava-Flav to turn his necklaces back an hour?

pealmart Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

pnkrcklibrarian Men de-pant. Women de-tight.

wawoodworth Beer: HELLO ANDY. Andy: Hello beer! BEER: DRINK ME. Andy: As you wish! BEER: THEN BLOG. Andy: Wait, what? BEER: I SAID DRINK ME. Andy: Ok!

3x About to use a neti pot. Or as I call it, hippie waterboarding.

chickenscottpie This cold progressed very rapidly: from “Hmm. Am I getting sick?” yesterday, to “I think I’m dying” today. Tell your mom I loved her best.

squeekzoid Shall I compare thee to a summers’ day?/You are not as hot./…That came out wrong/Wait, come back, I’m sorry! #wanepoetic

iasshole I love that no matter how batshit someone is, they can still take the Kleenex boxes off their hands & judge you on the internet.

zombiesitcom She said “I love you.” And his heart jizzed a little. #TheAwesomestRomanceNovelEver

danforthfrance My stages of drunkenness: 1. Hello. 2. Chatty. 3. Rants about historical popes 4. Talking in Maggie Smith’s “Miss Jean Brodie” voice.

thejohnblog I want to make this Chipotle burrito a sister wife.

BridgetCallahan Dear girls around the world: Please stop using the word fierce unless you have actually killed someone.

DamienFahey When I’m laying in my casket, I’d be okay with you guys picking up my arms, moving them around and doing impressions of me.

bobpowers1 Why doesn’t Netflix Watch Instantly have a category called “Are You Drunk Right Now?”

liussharpe Revenge plan: 1. Buy a bird a car 2. Shit on it

DarbySmash If you don’t have kids, don’t give parenting advice. You sound like an idiot.

michaeljnelson Bella and Jacob are among the top baby names this year. As were Harpo, Mustache Dad, and Clown-headed Vampire Chick. Emmett, not so much.


apodixis I would have thought all ponies were one-trick ponies. I mean who goes back to a pony for a second blow job?

PopCulLibrn Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. When the Internet delivers that, then I’ll be impressed.

ApocalypseHow This Saturday is the Video Game Awards. Paparazzi plan to ask, “What food are you wearing?”

yowhatsthehaps I’m doing just fine with one less blogging platform. I just narrate all my activities to a small dog. When she barks it’s like a heart!

dejah_thoris Cop spots a woman knitting & driving. He pulls beside her & shouts “Pull over!” She shouts back, “No, it’s only a scarf!” #knitting

StephenAtHome Now I only have to interview Chevy Chase and I’ll have pulled off the coveted Triple Amigo.

TheNextMartha I’ve downgraded my xmas from the Martha Stewart level to the Woman’s Day level.

L0NZE I was trying to explain the concept of Twitter to my wife. She said, “I don’t follow you.”

TheOnion Census Finds Enough Homeless People Living In Public Library To Warrant Congressional District

davepolak If I’ve learned one thing on the twitterz this year it’s that dead hipsters like coconut. And the rest of you can fuck off.

swamibooba I suspect my appreciation of jazz was ruined by the SimCity soundtrack. It all sounds like I need to build more police stations.

Zaius13 If I didn’t wear socks with my sandals, everyone would be able to see my gross ankles through these assless denim stirrup pants.

thejohnblog Quality assurance is recording phone calls at work today, so while my line rings, I whisper “where are you mommy?” in a ghost child voice.

robkroese Boss just walked by and said, “You still work here?” Probably not a good sign.

LisaMcIntire My name is Lisa. I’m a grown-ass woman, and I love baby otters.

corycavin Final season of Oprah starts now. This season…SOMEONE. WILL. DIE.

robdelaney “Without exception, I kill and eat each baby I photograph.” – Anne Geddes

songsstuck In those sunglasses, Bieber looks like the coolest mom ever.

thejohnblog ARE YOU READY FOR INDIFFERENCE TO SOME FOOTBALL?

palinode If mushrooms used the internet, I’d say to them “LOL mushrooms! You’re so slow and you live in poop!!1!”. I’d be a mushroom troll, I guess.

PROMO_TWEET FRIDAY NIGHT: BROUGHT TO YOU BY “WOO!” WITH A GRANT FROM “FUCK YEAH!” AND FUNDING BY “YOU’RE A COP? SO WHAT- OW MY FACE

AKbirder The bartender asks “what’s that steering wheel doing in your pants?” The pirate answers, “Aaaarg, it’s driving me nuts”.


stevelibrarian According to Star Trek: TNG, the Slow, Sarcastic Clap survives into the 24th century.

Jesus_M_Christ And the Lord said unto all his haters, “Fucketh ye all of ye. If ye don’t like me bloweth me.”

badbanana Just skimmed through a bunch of @50cent tweets. Can’t believe the guy’s only been shot nine times.

MaxKalifornia Baby Polaroid is revealed: Olivia Julieta Madrigal Born at 2:42 PM 6lbs 14oz, 18 & 3/4 inches.

shinyinfo @exlibris Your daughter is going to lead the revolution, for true. I for one, welcome my Toddler overlord.

adamisacson I was writing a long story about a guy returning from the Trojan War, then I realized “The Odyssey” had already been written. Epic fail.

shinyinfo How boring is it here in my hometown? My parents have a home made video of a nearby barn burning down titled “Barn Fire, 2009″

badbanana Morning has broken me.

eshep either our cat is throwing up less after the arrival of our new kitten, or the new kitten is eating it. great news either way.

louispeitzman I’ve been humming “I Dreamed A Dream” all morning. I’ve never had to give up a kid or sell my body to survive, but I’m totes a miserable.

shinyinfo Why do some people make it so easy to hate them? Easy and enjoyable, like a hater twinkie.

apelad The joy of unsolicited enthusiastic conversation is 100% of the reason this guy got into bus driving.

wordlust You’re a smelly pirate hooker, Charlie Brown.

badbanana He’s been marinating in honey for years. Don’t tell me a rack of Winnie the Pooh ribs wouldn’t be tasty.

JerryThomas With a margin of error of plus or minus three percent. That’s how I poll.

wishing4horses The best thing about being born on this planet? They give you a hat! Automatically. “Hey kid, welcome to Earth, here’s your hat!”

steve_librarian I said earlier that a good leader sees the forest AND the trees. This is also an indicator of a good park ranger.

@palinode: Someday we’ll find it, the Rambo connection, the prisoners, the bastards and AGGGGHHHHHGHGHGHH

thejohnblog Jesus’ bland tamales is the reason for the seasoning.

th3jm4n When it rains, it pours. Then it hails. Then it starts snowing. Then hypothermia sets in. Then you freeze to death.

louispeitzman I’m changing my Facebook picture to a piece of shit to end irritable bowel syndrome.

Mattfraction The Fifth Loko is love.

antigone_spit The cat is locked in an Epic Staredown with the humidifier. WHO WILL EMERGE THE VICTOR?

SuburbanSnaps Generally speaking, you don’t want to emerge from the shower to find your toddler crawling back in through the doggie door.

ryanqnorth How did I get this far without describing Riker’s portrayal on TNG as “Frakespearean.”

shinyinfo There comes a time in every young librarian’s life where she has to shave the balls off her sweater-vest. #NotaEuphemism

someecards Women say size doesn’t matter but I have yet to meet a woman that owns a 3-inch crooked vibrator.

Jesus_M_Christ Fundamentalists are right, I used to ride dinosaurs. Not because evolution is wrong, but because I’m a bad ass.

saraschaefer1 Tiny print in the Lunesta commercial: “The exact way Lunesta works is unknown.” Duh, it is known. Magic butterflies nose-rape you to sleep.

cakewrecks From what I hear, “pooped a pumpkin” is the new “OMG.” Tell your friends.

RailbirdJ This better be a good day, my AK is in the shop.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ.

Do you follow me on twitter? Would you like a follow back? Say hi! I stopped following people back when my stream was filled with robots.

Go Speed Racer

2 Nov


For my friend Zack’s birthday a bunch of us met up at an indoor racetrack in the Bay Area to celebrate his continued survival by wearing costumes and racing small, dangerous cars around a track. I was hesitant to sign up to race because it all seemed very official. The sign said this place was go cart racing for adults. You had to wear their racing suits and purchase something called a “head sock.” You had to take their safety class and understand what all the little flags mean.

 

And this place was filled with serious racers. Of which I was most certainly not. I’d never even driven a bumper car and my day to day ride (when door handles are not exploding in my face)? Is a Buick.

I can’t even drive a MarioKart properly.

But Angela was down and I figured if I was going to try it, I should try it with her.

After we registered we were asked to enter nick names that would list our positions and times for those following the race. I chose my twitter name, exlibris, but realized my mistake after it was too late to change it.

 

If I could do it over again, I thought, I would have named myself “head sock.”

And then I actually drove the course.

When I was all done I thought to myself, I have finally realized my true racing name:

Captain Slow.

 

 

Basically driving a go cart is not unlike sitting on a self-propelled lawnmower that is two inches away from the ground. It coughs and sputters and apparently has no power steering so two days later and my armpits are still so sore from the experience it can feel the strained muscles as I type.

The track marshals could tell I was a total newb. I knew this because before they even started my car one carefully leaned down to me and said, “Your neck brace is on backwards.” The giant helmet blocked my view so entirely that they had to put it on me correctly. Thank god I was at least able to buckle myself on my own. Adjusting the straps is no problem for someone who knows how to operate a car seat.

Being around other carts made me nervous so, being the courteous go cart-racer that I am, I let everyone go ahead of me. I had fun once I was by myself and could take the turns as fast as I wanted. I found it to be a bit like ice-skating: it’s easier when you are going fast and more challenging if you try to do it slowly. The trick with going fast, of course, is that loosing control is frowned upon and crashing into other drivers will get you pulled into the penalty box.

Speaking of crashes, I bumped into the tires twice and made it through the race incident-free until some agro racer guy slammed into me at the end. We were going around a corner when he lost control and I was in the middle of the turn so I couldn’t do anything but just watch him slam into me. Oh well. Once they pulled me free of the track the race was over any way. I hope I messed up your time, sucker! Making you lose is a victory in itself.

I’m glad we got to keep the head socks, though, because 1. ew, the idea of sharing head socks makes me barf deep in my soul, and 2. now Isobel has two ninja-masks for her dress up chest. Sweet!

Isobel had a great time running around the arcade area and pushing all the buttons on the rides. The best part was when Heidi let her play with one of Zack’s giant balloons and she thought she’d take it dancing.


 

Happy Birthday, Zack!



 

The Moron Twins

27 Jun

I’d like to say it’s been awhile since we’ve been terrorized by something small, striped, and furry, but I’d be lying. Not too long ago we rescued a cat I called Moxie and my sister called Sakara but still, and that cat was an asshole, but still, I don’t think I was prepared enough for the assholery of owning two kittens at the same time. They are NUTS.

My dream of having cats that cuddle together is realized. Even better, they cuddle with Zorro, too. In fact, Zorro will never admit to this publicly, but I have have caught them trying to nurse on Zorro before. He’s such a good Mama!

Moxie-kitten was often referred to as ‘that asshole kitten’ and these two were beginning to hear that a lot well. But now that Isobel’s talking I decided a change in nicknames was in order. We can’t have Isobel referring to the kittens as “our li’l assholes” when family comes to visit, now can we? I’ve been calling them The Moron Twins, which you’ll remember if you watched the movie Splash a thousand times as a mermaid-crazed child. It gets the point across without getting us kicked out of finer establishments.

These kittens are destructive, and we all have sets of claw-marks on us, but they aren’t feral or aggressive cats. They just tend to do things like try to climb up your leg with their claws. When you’re wearing shorts. Or launch themselves on your back from the couch. Or run across your face a top speed, scratching you in the jugular. (Anthony is convinced Poppy was trying to decapitate him.) They’re not wild, they’re just kittens.

This happens on a daily basis now:

Fortunately, unlike other cats I’ve seen do this, she is capable of climbing all the way up and going all the way down. Jupiter climbs up here, too, but he never goes as high as Poppy.

You may notice that my lovely curtains are gone. That’s because one of the first things Poppy did after we brought them home was pee on them. Excellent! I wanted that spot to look more… yellow. I’ve washed the curtains and they are good as new but I’m not putting them up yet for fear they’ll get shredded to bits.

Both kittens also love sleeping the Easter baskets that I haven’t put away yet (since Isobel still loves to play with them). Isobel thinks this is the greatest thing ever because there’s nothing she enjoys more than carrying around a basket of kitten.

The kittens get her back by pestering her intermittently throughout the day.

The first cat name Isobel learned was “Peaches.” She still goes in our bedroom looking for him and calling his name. She calls Zorro ‘Orro’. Poppy comes out clearly half the time but the other half the time she’s called ‘Moppy.’ Jupiter, however, is usually also called ‘Poppy’ because there is no way she can say anything even close to Jupiter. We tried getting her to call him ‘Jupey’ but it came out ‘Peepee.’ So he  might just be Poppy for right now.

Even though we’re down two important members, our house still seems full of kitty goodness.

Farewell Sweet Peach

21 Jun

This last weekend Peaches took a turn for the worse. After we received his diagnosis we set up a space for him in our bedroom with water, fancy soft cat food, and a small litterbox. He loved the special treatment and seemed to improve. I had hoped the cancer would be slower-moving, but it was always our intention to take him in as soon as his quality of life deteriorated. On Sunday it was obvious he was no longer comfortable so today we made plans to take him in the vet one last time.

Once we set up shop for Peaches in our bedroom he was content. He didn’t leave the room and only got up to drink, eat, or use the litterbox. He purred a lot and was very affectionate.

Last night I woke up at about three a.m. to the sound of Peaches struggling to get up on the bed. He was having difficulty walking yet he insisted on making the effort to get on the bed and snuggle with us.

The sweet round curves of his face were gone. He had lost so much weight he resembled only an angular Siamese and lost much of the bulk that really made him look Manx.

He purred. And purred.

On another day I will tell you hilarious stories about Peach. He was a funny, funny cat with a lovable personality and very distinct likes and dislikes.

On another day though. Right now I’m too sad.

Sweet Peachie Boy

9 Jun

As those of you who follow me on Twitter already know, my sweet, lovable cat Peaches is ill. He has a massive tumor on his spleen. He is dying.

Let me back up a bit. There has been some major changes for Peaches in our household. First of all, Tinkerbell, his lifelong companion, passed away recently. Shortly after that, we traumatized poor Peachie by taking him to a shot clinic for his vaccine updates. And most life-changingly of all for Peach, we adopted two new kittens into our home.

Any of those changes could be enough to stress a cat. Oftentimes cats react to stress by eating less. I didn’t really notice a change in Peaches’ eating habits, but I did notice him getting skinnier. Slowly at first, he thinned out. Since I still saw him eating I attributed it to stress. But in the back of my mind, a seed of fear sprouted. With each vertebrae that became more pronounced on Peaches’ back, it grew.

Finally, I decided it warranted a trip to the vet. We don’t make those trips lightly as they are so expensive. But I convinced myself Peaches had picked up a worm somehow from one of the kittens. That would explain why he would get skinnier even as I saw him eat.

I made the appointment for Monday afternoon. The fear ate away at me all weekend.

The doctor confirmed what my intuition had been screaming at me for days: Peaches is sick and he’s not getting better. He has a couple months at most before he deteriorates.

I feel very, very lucky that we have a few weeks’ reprieve before we have to take him in. I feel even luckier that he is not in pain.

I love all my cats but Tinky and Peaches were special. They were my cats when I was a kid. I grew up with them. They slept on my bed as a child when I lived at my parents’ house. When I got married and moved into a one-bedroom apartment, they came with me and stayed with us when we purchased our house.

There is something special about loving a childhood pet. Children love fiercely, intensely, and they love without inhibition. They love their pets in a way that we can’t, as adults, duplicate. We love deeply also, of course, but it’s different.

To lose a childhood pet is to lose part of your childhood.

I’m going to miss you, Peaches.

Kitten Highlights

17 May

Life with kittens has added another layer of chaos to our lives, albeit a joyous one. Poppy and Jupiter are like ninjas testing the various weaknesses of our household system. I would have thought that after having three naughty cats and then an inexhaustible toddler we would have cat or baby proofed everything that wasn’t nailed down. My recent need to purge all clutter from the house coincided directly with my pregnancy and intensified with Isobel’s mobility. You could say it was a source of perverse pride for me. Let your toddler loose in my house! I dare them to find something to break!

HA.

Poppy and Jupiter have been quite creative in finding things to get into and mess up. Poppy’s favorite game is to launch herself into the air and to grasp the clothes hanging in my closet and freestyle climb her way to the other side. In order to jump down and do it all over again, of course. I discovered this little trick after finding a third of my neatly-hung shirts discarded in a wad on the floor.

Zorro and Peaches are nutso for kitten food, and I hardly blame them. I’m sure it’s nutrient-rich and packed with fat to provide energy for running through the house at top speed. Zorro and Peach normally dine on Science Diet Senior-Formula Indoor Cat Food, which sounds so fiber-filled and wholesome it’s probably the Grape Nuts of cat food. Their new goal in life is kitten food. It’s their Holy Grail.

Feeding the cats is now a complicated maneuver: somehow we have to corral both kittens in the same room at the same time while preventing both the big cats and Isobel from getting in. It’s difficult to say the least. Peaches is not known for his brains, but I tell you I have never met a cat more motivated by food and there isn’t anything in the world that will keep him from a snack he wants. It makes the mornings interesting, that’s for sure.

Isobel really enjoys gnawing corn straight off the cob and we discovered recently that the kittens do, too. As soon as Isobel gives up her ear of corn those kittens are all over it, munching side by side like pigs at a trough.

The first night we brought the kittens home Poppy started running down the hallway and mewing in obvious distress. We thought it was perhaps because she was alone so each time it happened I went down the hall and brought her back to the living room. Finally I thought she might need the litter box which was in the laundry room. I plunked her in and she immediately let out the most plaintive mew and started pooping. As soon as she was done I swear she marched back into the living room beaming with pride.

We learned the hard way about the sort of mischief that is possible when a kitten and a baby work together. Isobel has a fascination with anything liquid, and if she can spill that liquid everywhere, so much the better. When she’s done eating she regularly likes to turn her bottle upside down and shake it as vigorously as possible. Fortunately that doesn’t do anything except spray a few drops here or there so by the time we stop it little damage has been done. Jupiter, however, is as crazy for Isobel’s bottles as he is for kitten chow and we have discovered that if they are left out he will gnaw the nipple right off. Isobel waits until he has done so and then tips the bottle upside down, much to both our baby’s and the kitten’s delight.

I’m sensing a dangerous partnership here.

Clinic Duty

10 May

Taking the cats to the shot clinic this weekend really reminded me why I should never leave the house with my pets. It was as stressful and frustrating as I thought it would be. I honestly don’t know how Gigi has managed to move across Europe with Pablo and Tobias.

The easiest part of the day was dropping Isobel off at my bestie’s on our way to the clinic. She obviously had a great time there and didn’t miss us at all. She even felt at home enough to tell their cats “NO!” repeatedly. She’s thoughtful like that.

My mom literally saved us by letting us borrow the cage-type carriers she uses for her trap-neuter-return program. The last thing I wanted to worry about was Peaches eating his way out of the carrier again and running amok at the clinic. The first time was bad enough.

And I had never put Zorro in a cardboard cat carrier and I was not at all sure it’d be up to snuff for lugging his 25lb-carcass around. I can just picture the bottom collasping and orange cat going everywhere. Zorro was pretty cramped in the cage carrier, and we had to hold it from the bottom or the handle would break, but we did it.

As soon as we put them in the car Zorro started howling. Not his typical tiny-cat meow, either. Full-on, top-volume mrowling. I waited in the car with them while Anthony stood in line and Zorro kept it up the entire hour.

Peach however, remained pretty calm, but clearly trying to escape from the cage, testing the bars and scratching at the corners. He’s been to the vet and the shot clinic many times, plus one time our neighbor took him to the pound, so he’s been on lockdown before. He probably has PTSD.

When Anthony gets near the front of the line we get the cats and wait to see the vet. She is quite astonished by Zorro’s size and he takes the two vaccines calmly. We do Peach next and when the vet sees him she remarks, “Oh! You have a little one, too!” Now, I wouldn’t call an 18lb Manx little, but after seeing Zorro your perspective tends to be a bit skewed.  Zorro took his shots with no complaints but as soon as Peaches is out of the box he starts yowling and fighting back. It’s all the vet and I can to do hold him down. Finally, we are done. We pack up the cats and head home.

Zorro seems eternally grateful to be back and Peaches seems laid back but is actually quietly biding his time. Turns out he had a plan: later that day Mr. Peach takes his revenge and urinates on my side of the bed.

Kitten Time!

8 May

Today is the day! We get to pick up our brand new kittens today and I’m so excited! However, we have to take our two enormous cats to the shot clinic first to get all caught up on their vaccinations and I’m not excited about that. Dreading it is more like it. The last time I took Peaches to the vet he literally ate his way out of the cat carrier while I watched in horror. Really.

Now he’s about 17 or 18 lbs, making him a cat size L. And he’s nothing compared to our XL cat Zorro, a monster Maine Coon weighing in at 25 lbs. (For all you civilized metric folk that’s about 11 1/4 kg. I looked that up special. You’re welcome!) He’s never been to the vet because frankly, I could never convince myself to do it.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s had his kitten shots and he’s as neutered as a male soprano, but that was before we got him when he lived at the no-kill shelter. Back when he was small and only weighed 7lbs. He came to us fixed, vaccinated and disease-free. It didn’t take long for him to balloon to his giant size living in our cushy house and eating off the Science Diet fat of the land (plus table scraps).

My Mom, bless her trap-neuter-return soul, has two pet cages that we’re going to use to transport the boys to the shot clinic. The brilliant thing about these cages is that they open from the top as well as the front so we don’t even have to pull them out for their shots. The vet will be eternally grateful, I’m sure.

I love seeing how Isobel is affected by growing up with cats. We try to avoid telling Isobel ‘no’ and instead opt for saying things like, “not for Isobel.” I picked that up in a child development course as a way to avoid your kid telling you ‘no’ every five seconds. It’s hilarious because she has learned the word ‘no’, but only in a specific context: yelling at the cats when they scratch on the furniture.  I have never heard her say ‘no’ in any other context and she says it with authority. Here she is yelling at Peaches for scratching on our nice green chair.

Another wonderful side affect is that she tries to play with the cats the way we play with the cats. It’s heart melting. Here she is using a ribbon to play with Zorro.

I’m super excited to raise her with kittens. I should have put this on my life list because frankly it’s a dream come true.