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Welcome To My Spam Folder

10 Nov

It’s time to open my spam folder and read some Useful Life Content! Let’s see what the robots have for us today.

Oh! My first ever comment from the Monopoly Man! Unfortunately for him I can’t be arrested for being among the 99%.

Thrifting, domesticity, and sex publicing. It’s what I do. I’m a giver.

I’m flattered! Especially since this praise comes from the Cancer Institute…?

(Click on image to see full-size.)

I honestly wonder if some enterprising young spammer used Dragon Dictation during Rush Limbaugh’s show and used the resulting text as spam. Anthony said it’s as if regular spam is getting more annoying, like it’s evolving. Of all the liberal-minded posts this could have attached itself to, I think this comment was left on an innocuous post I wrote about my elliptical machine.

No.

(Click on image to see full-size.)

This comment went on for PAGES and PAGES and PAGES. Seriously. I would have had to do a screen capture three or four times to get the whole message, but to sum it up: he concludes with the argument that he, himself, is a god, though an admittedly crappy one by his own standards. This is one of the weirdest comments I’ve ever received, including the comment about Sasquatch and the one the simply said, “I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.”

Until next time, robots!

From Robots with Love

30 Jun

It’s time for another round of Useful Life Content!

Behold, my spam filter:

No thanks! I’m on a diet.

This comment pretty a lot says it all.

I make it a policy never to chat with robots. My twitter wife would leave me.

Without becoming a Geek? Oh man, you’ve come to the wrong blog…

Your Mom’s on-page one. I totally optimized her.

Did you just greet me like that neighbor from Tool Time, or are you insulting my womanly honor?

Better luck next time, robots!

Spamalot

2 May

I missed the boat on providing you with the quality content of at least two spam filter posts. I didn’t realize they were auto-deleted after a set amount of time, so when a funny one would come in I’d just leave it in the filter while deleting the rest. I checked in this morning and found all new messages–the old ones Iv’e saved were long gone. This next batch is so awesome it more than makes up for it.

I love indignant spam comments. They are so self-righteous and full of themselves. It’s cute. Here they are, questioning the source of the article at hand, in this case, in a post about my daughter. I guess the source for this post would be my vagina.

I am excited your whole one friend is going to read me now. Verily excited!

BUMMER, DUDE.

Thanks! I’m well known for my vulgarizing. All throughout grade school my teachers would write on my report card, “Good student! Quite vulgar.”

This comment was left on the post wherein I lamented that we put a man on the moon but cannot design a reasonably affordable hands-free breast pump. I don’t know if the comment was inentional or just moment of seredipity, but it sounds like he wants to be a part of the solution.

And finally, this last one adds injury to insult:

First of all, it’s disgusting that spammers troll family blogs looking to profit on someone else’s struggle and pain. Secondly, it’s nowhere near Christmas. And thirdly, I definitely don’t want to know about this fertility method if it thinks that people everywhere are regularly turned on by the Christmas season.

Possible Spam

14 Feb

Every now and then I take a break from reporting on my glamorous life as a librarian and mother to provide what I like to call some Useful Life Content. Behold, my spam folder!

Today’s first selection tries to compliment me, but instead settles for saying I’m “good(!!!!)”. Gee, thanks! Then I’m called a master. Incidentally, this comment was attempting to attach itself to a post about boobs. I may not be rich and famous, but I am a master of boobs. (My boobs, anyway.)

Oh, and check out the email. I have no choice but to personally blame Madonna.

This comment was on one of the elliptical posts.  I’m pleased to know my learn is good.

These next comments are special because they are about me. Specifically. They were on my “About” page and are supposedly in reference to my bio. Let’s read them, shall we?

 

I wonder if I can put “useful informations” on a resume. Or is that more of a life skill?

Damn. Maybe I need to update my photo? I’m a lady, and I have lady-text.

Oh, BURN! It suggests my bio could be a bit more accurate. I guess it was a matter of time before a spam comment called me to remark on the skeletons in my closet.

I love that this spam comment tries to take responsibility for itself. It’s a Miracle! (Scam!).

I’m really flattered to have brought a new spin on a topic that has been written about for years: my life. Basically, this spam comment is calling me O-L-D. I guess I should just be grateful it doesn’t read: You put a brand new spin on a topic that has been written about for YEARS and YEARS and YEARS and YEARS and YEARS!

And now for the most elusive spam comment ever. Few people have ever seen this comment, and I have the only known photo of its existence:

Is this comment real? Is it a myth? You decide.

Useful Life Content

21 Dec

When I first started blogging, my spam folder was unimpressive: advertisements for weight loss pills, c!ali!s deals, and the online retail of prescription drugs from Canada. That changed slowly and over time the spam comments became more amusing.

I remember the day it all started. I opened my spam folder to empty the cache and saw that someone had left me a message that said,

“This is quality post!”

It was a fluke, I thought, because then I was back to receiving offers insulting the girth of my penis.

Then I received a gem that said only this,

“herp derp.”

It was like a spam bot had spontaneously developed a sense of humor. After that I began to receive comments about toasters and bulk life content.

I present to you now my current favorite spam comments. I think we should all vote for our favorite.


1. The Screen Toaster.

2. Useful and Life content.

 

3.  Very special

4. This is a nice blog and greatly.

 

5. Makes me want to drink.

6. Good molly, bulk and Life content.

 

7. Extolment to you!

8. Colon Clense

9. Trap Period Roster

10. I give birth