Tag Archives: Amusing Thrift Store Finds

Thrift Store Gore: Brian McPoopington

4 Aug

I helped out at my bestie’s yard sale this last weekend, and in addition to making them a ton of sweet cash, I came across one of the best cases of Thrift Store Gore ever.  I’d say it’s at least as weird as the poster that looks like it is drowning a baby while talking about Jesus. (Keep scrolling. It’s at the bottom.) And Angela didn’t even know she had it.

Justin took a photo of Mel and me. I look barely coherent.

Source

We started unpacking items for the sale when we came across this doll. In the interest of making this as anonymous as possible, a well-meaning family member gave Angela’s infant son a porcelain collector’s doll. Angela thought it was strange to give an infant a collector’s doll so she took one look at the dolls face and stashed it away in a cupboard for a future yard sale. She had no idea.

So we took it out of the box to display it, and guess what we found.

Wait, what?

Ohmygod, it’s not just a creepy collector’s doll. It’s a creepy collector’s doll that sits on the potty with its pants down.


It was supposed to be posed with it’s hands on its face to match its “Ho, hum, just takin’ a shit!” expression, but Angela thought it looked much better this way.

I agree.

The doll’s name was Brian, so naturally we named him Brian McPoopington, or just Brian McPoop as the day went on. If you click on the instructions above, you can see the admonishments to force Brian’s arms into their correct pose. Which, duh, the pose Angela found was much better.

We were so sure Brian McPoop wasn’t going to sell that Angela started making plans to give him to our friend Scott as a white elephant Christmas gift. He sold immediately, of course.

We had a hard time fitting him back in the box, so Angela ended up putting the potty over his head so she could close the lid.

Sigh. Elke Hutchens. You should be ashamed. What do you have to say for yourself?

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Summertime, and the Thriftin’s Easy

3 Aug

What do you do when some of your best friends come into town for a visit? Same thing you always did together – thrifting! Today I’m showcasing the  Thrift Store Gore but I also had some pretty sweet scores, too, including this find here.

Just to recap, this is the Little Big Thrifting Pyramid. Most of the stuff you find while thrifting is unremarkable, while a much smaller portion of that is stuff that is awesome, and an even smaller percentage of that is what I call Thrift Store Gore.

First up, our Goodwill has an agreement with our local Target to take some of their unsold merch off their hands, so there is always a small section of brand new goods in the store. Including this device which had a long and complicated name only Scott can remember, but which we referred to as “The Grab ‘n Grab.” Here’s Scott Grab ‘n Grabbing me.

I was of course saying, “Hey Scott! Stop ‘n Stop!”

As it happens often, pictures are donated to thrift stores with the original family photos still in them.  When Angela held this up Scott said, “I have been looking all over for a picture of that lady!”

We found this. I think that’s all I have to say on the matter.

We decided this shirt must be business casual for Hooters.

"Just looking for honey LOL"

I got the distinct feeling I was being watched while thrifting.

What I love about this 80s mug is that someone waited all this time, for maybe thirty years, before they decided it was time to let go. Which I can understand. This mug looks like Max Headroom himself wished you a Happy Birthday.

"I think the baby jesus is faaaaaabulous!"

This is the sassiest camel sculpture ever. I can only imagine awesome nativity scene this came from. Most fashionable holy family ever.

"That's the last time I drink Leprechaun Car Bombs."

I don’t know about you, but count me out of the sort of hangover that makes you lose an eye.

Stef found some pretty epic Jazzercise and fauxzzercise records. The 80s was a weird time. A time when you worked out to albums.

Look at this sweet dinosaur tuxedo vest. It was toddler-sized. If only I had a son!

Donated by The Most Interesting Toddler In The World.

The photo below is notable for two reasons: one, it’s like whomever made the horse decided it had two butts and attached the hair accordingly, and two, damn, that is probably the second best photobomb of all time. Good work, manic pumpkin!

(The best photobomb of all time, of course, is found here.)

"I don't have a shirt awesome enough to wear with these pants."

These pants had lobsters embroidered all over them. Lobsters. As everyone knows, lobsters never go out of style. You can wear them past labor day even though they are white because they have lobsters on them, and the Queen herself would approve. Which Queen, you ask? Any queen. Ever. Anywhere. Because, you guys, lobster pants.

Oh, I should mention that while thrifting we found this book, which pretty much proves time travel exists. It talked about how everyone rides in rockets and how we all enjoy space travel. Clearly, a time-traveling Sam Clemens was reading it when he accidentally left it on a bus somewhere. I’ve been trying to get in touch with Art Bell about this but it’s really hard to talk on the phone while wearing my tinfoil hat.

"Yay, Armegeddon!"

Stef found this book especially for Jake. I think she secretly regrets not buying it for herself.

"Just ate all the sugarplum fairies LOL"

And I’m ending this trip with something straight out of  music’s newest sensation: Tchaikovsky’s The Zombie Nutcracker Suite. Merry Early Zombie Christmas!

Patriotic Thrift Store Gore

4 Jul

In honor of my country’s Independence Day (no, not that one), I have a brief selection of patriotic-themed Thrift Store Gore to share with you. Nothing says, “I love America!” like sifting through second hand “I love America!” goods at a thrift store.

Oh, and by the way, that’s my friend Dave in the photo above. He’s trying not to get Magic Missle’d.

No one loves America more than this bear. NO ONE. He loves America HARD. So hard, he got a full-body American flag tattoo.

(And check out that sweet trucker’s hat next to him. It’s John-worthy.)

Angela models the latest fashion in Ameri-vision. Those glasses make everything look spangly and you start seeing eagles everywhere.

And finally, no crazy cat lady collection is complete without the totally smug Patriot Cat. Someone, somewhere, thought this was a good idea.  And then someone bought it. Boom: capitalism in a nutshell.

Amusing Thrift Store Finds

2 Jun

This last Mother’s Day was pretty crappy. It’s only my third one so far, and I can’t even remember what I did last year. I’m sure it was fun whatever it was, but not as fun as my first Mother’s Day when Anthony took me to a local lavender farm for a picnic. Isobel slept and ate and relaxed comfortably in her sling while we wandered row upon row of fragrant flowers. It was wonderful. Compare that to this year when I locked us out of our car and Isobel threw an epic tantrum in a restaurant, and the winner is obvious. More lavender, please!

Not that this Mother’s Day was a wash. I was still pretty sick, but we did manage to go by a thrift store and take Isobel to a park. Both good things. Later on, I napped. Bliss.

Look at that smile! This was pre-restaurant meltdown. You’d never know it, but an hour later she erupted like Mount Vesuvius. If Mount Vesuvius was two and a half feet tall and wearing diapers.

We had no idea what we were in for.

But before the meltdowns and car drama we went thrifting, and if you notice the Little Big Thrifting Pyramid at the top of this post, you’ll know my eventual point is to show you some Amusing Thrift Store Finds. Go here, here, and here for previous finds.

First up are two silvery pieces of fruit. They look like paperweights. Just try giving this “What A Pear!” paperweight to your boss or coworker and see how quickly the sexual harassment suits roll in.

This kitten statue is not only disturbing, but it looks like it came straight out of  “Kittens! Inspired by Kittens!”

This piggy bank is just for our friend Stef, who packed up her cats, her piano, and her bearded husband and moved out of state to teach at the University of Reno while enrolled in their PhD program. Reno is kind of a sad little (big) town, so this I HEART RENO piggy bank is weirdly depressing. Save your coins so you can gamble away your savings at the CVS slot machines!

Stefanie, this is how I feel when I look at you. You’re welcome.

Next we have “Country Deodorant.”

No comment.

I can’t imagine any positive use for an I HEART COWS wagon.

Of course Isobel found the Furby. OF COURSE SHE DID. Nevermind that it was located in with the dishes and candles. She would zero in on the demonic furry creature amongst all the harmless candles and plates and knickknacks. The worst part about the Furby is that once she touched it, it started talking in Furbish to her. Which mesmerized her in a way that books about alien abduction fascinated me as a child. Unhealthily.

What’s worse is that after she set the Furby down and move on to something else, it would wait about a minute or so before that Furbish voice would say something, thereby causing her to abandon her new interest and securing her attention, starting the Loop of Demonic Fascination all over again. Just when we thought we were free, its Furbish voice called us back again.

If you come across a Furby while thrifting, don’t touch it, don’t look it in the eye, and definitely do not say its name three times in a darkened room.

TMI, DUDE.

More Amusing Thrift Store Finds

7 Dec

I don’t always remember to photograph the items that belong at the top of the Thrifting Pyramid, but when I do I never regret it.

Our first item up for consideration is this very sad-looking Spring Chicken. It made me think of this other find and it also made me wonder why America so thoroughly hates chickens born near the Vernal Equinox.

I think what sends this item over the edge into ridiculous-territory is not the fact that it’s meant to look gold-plated, but the fact that it says, “scotch tape dispenser” on the side, as if one might forget what that roll of scotch tape inside that gold ingot are doing on their desk.

I’m actually totally regretting not buying it now. I may have just accidentally fell in love with it. Damn.

This cat looked way weirder in person. The photo hardly does justice to the manic stare and the incredible girth.

Here we are, at the best find of the day. I should have just bought the damn thing, but I kept waffling back and forth and held off for reasons I can’t fathom now. Before I reveal the item, how many of you are familiar with this:

{click image for source}

Because I think this item might owe Dr Seuss some royalties:

“You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch!”

Amusing Thrift Store Finds: My First Ever Giveaway!

8 Jun

Generally speaking, every thrift store has three categories of junk. The first layer, and largest by far, is the random selection of everyday crap. Stuff that doesn’t warrant a second look, stuff that you might find at your house, and stuff that if you had you might very well think, “I should donate that.”

The second layer is much smaller, and this layer is what thrift store-lovers like me call ‘the good stuff.’ It’s the treasure that lures you in, the stuff epic Thrift Store Scores are made of. It’s the reason thrift stores exist.

The third layer is the smallest, and by far the most puzzling. This layer is made up of stuff so weird you can’t ever imagine why it was made in the first place. It stands out in a sea of mediocre items and draws attention to itself with its wrongness. Sometimes the item is inadvertently disturbing, but at the very least, this third layer is always amusing.

This, my friends, is the reason why I like to thrift in groups. It’s no fun to find a hedgehog orgy statue by yourself. You just look sort of pervy laughing at it alone. Other people giggling along with you legitimizes it, if only slightly, and certainly adds to the fun. This is also why I like to bring my camera with me while thrifting: so I can share the awkwardness with all of you.

For example, wouldn’t this make a wonderful addition to your home or office? No?

Or what about that weird cat puzzle? It wasn’t enough just to complete it. It needed to be glued to a slab of cardboard to preserve the achievement forever. Or, at least, till we donate it.

This clown in and of itself is not weird or unusual. The fact that it clawed its way out of a huge bin of stuffed toys to stalk me is horrifying and the reason I sleep with one eye open at night.

God Bless this Trailer! Who doesn’t need that for their Winnebago or Airstream trailer? (Confession: I kind of want a vintage Airstream trailer.)

The photo next to it made me laugh in the saddest way possible. That’s clearly not the photo that came with it. That’s an actual framed photo of a dude. Someone just donated the whole frame, photo and all. Sad! But also funny.

Somewhere, the 12 year old me is infinitely sad that I never knew about unicorn bear. Oh unicorn bear! We met too late in life.

I think this is the winner of the ‘ extremely disturbing’ category:

The bad part about finding all of the astoundingly weird things is that sometimes? I get attached. Oh, weird cross-eyed duck! I first wondered why the hell you were made and who would ever want you. But now, I’ve become fond of your painful-looking charm.

And Hangover Owl! Every time I saw your still-drunken face I thought to myself, “It’s been three weeks and nobody’s purchased Hangover Owl! What’s wrong with these people?!” Till finally, eventually I caved and I bought him myself. He wore me down. I could no longer resist his inappropriate charm.

I did it for you.

I figured this would be the perfect thing to hang in a bathroom so you can gaze at him while you get ready for work and think to yourself, “Well, at least I’m not a Hung Over Owl!” H.O. would also be a great addition to your cubicle, desk, or other work area, so you can wink at him from time to time when he asks to borrow some aspirin.

Yes, especially for the readers of Littlebig I’m offering my FIRST EVER BLOG GIVEAWAY!!1one1!

All you have to do is leave a comment below and you will be entered in the randomly-selected drawing for Hangover Owl.

  1. The contest will be open until, oh, let’s say Wednesday, June 9th at midnight PST (with Daylight Savings, yo)
  2. Enter only once;  I know H.O. is really rad but let’s be fair
  3. PROFIT!

I really hope at least one of you enters because this is a pretty sweet owl.