Tag Archives: Amusing

Amusing Thrift Store Finds

2 Jun

This last Mother’s Day was pretty crappy. It’s only my third one so far, and I can’t even remember what I did last year. I’m sure it was fun whatever it was, but not as fun as my first Mother’s Day when Anthony took me to a local lavender farm for a picnic. Isobel slept and ate and relaxed comfortably in her sling while we wandered row upon row of fragrant flowers. It was wonderful. Compare that to this year when I locked us out of our car and Isobel threw an epic tantrum in a restaurant, and the winner is obvious. More lavender, please!

Not that this Mother’s Day was a wash. I was still pretty sick, but we did manage to go by a thrift store and take Isobel to a park. Both good things. Later on, I napped. Bliss.

Look at that smile! This was pre-restaurant meltdown. You’d never know it, but an hour later she erupted like Mount Vesuvius. If Mount Vesuvius was two and a half feet tall and wearing diapers.

We had no idea what we were in for.

But before the meltdowns and car drama we went thrifting, and if you notice the Little Big Thrifting Pyramid at the top of this post, you’ll know my eventual point is to show you some Amusing Thrift Store Finds. Go here, here, and here for previous finds.

First up are two silvery pieces of fruit. They look like paperweights. Just try giving this “What A Pear!” paperweight to your boss or coworker and see how quickly the sexual harassment suits roll in.

This kitten statue is not only disturbing, but it looks like it came straight out of  “Kittens! Inspired by Kittens!”

This piggy bank is just for our friend Stef, who packed up her cats, her piano, and her bearded husband and moved out of state to teach at the University of Reno while enrolled in their PhD program. Reno is kind of a sad little (big) town, so this I HEART RENO piggy bank is weirdly depressing. Save your coins so you can gamble away your savings at the CVS slot machines!

Stefanie, this is how I feel when I look at you. You’re welcome.

Next we have “Country Deodorant.”

No comment.

I can’t imagine any positive use for an I HEART COWS wagon.

Of course Isobel found the Furby. OF COURSE SHE DID. Nevermind that it was located in with the dishes and candles. She would zero in on the demonic furry creature amongst all the harmless candles and plates and knickknacks. The worst part about the Furby is that once she touched it, it started talking in Furbish to her. Which mesmerized her in a way that books about alien abduction fascinated me as a child. Unhealthily.

What’s worse is that after she set the Furby down and move on to something else, it would wait about a minute or so before that Furbish voice would say something, thereby causing her to abandon her new interest and securing her attention, starting the Loop of Demonic Fascination all over again. Just when we thought we were free, its Furbish voice called us back again.

If you come across a Furby while thrifting, don’t touch it, don’t look it in the eye, and definitely do not say its name three times in a darkened room.

TMI, DUDE.

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Amusing Thrift Store Finds

18 Oct

For those of you just joining us, I love me some thrifting. I love it so much I set up a shop to find homes for all the awesome things I don’t have room for. When you go thrifting, however, you inevitably find things that belong to the top-tier of the Little Big Thrifting Pyramid. Things you can’t explain. Things you can’t define. Things that, for the life of you, you can’t even figure out how they came to be in the first place.

These are some of those finds.

For my birthday I asked my bestie if she’d take me thrifting to some of the more exotic locals a town or two over. She did better than that: we were gone thrifting all morning and she bought me lunch, too. RAD.

We hit up a couple familiar places but threw in some new ones as well, like Tetto’s Thrift, which is right across the street from The Glo Worm bar, which was open at 10:00 a.m. on a Saturday. We joked that their plan was to get us wasted so we’d spend all of our hard earned money on the thrift store down the street.

In case you were wondering, Tetto’s Thrift was terrible: way over priced, terrible selection, and everything seemed very dirty.

Even though it was my birthday I was on a strict budget. Anthony only just started his new job so finances are pretty tight right now. I still managed to get some awesome stuff for the store even if I couldn’t go crazy. I was happy I brought my camera along because we saw some of the absolute weirdest stuff I’ve ever seen while thrifting. That’s a bold claim, I know. But these photos will back me up.

One thing that that was weird that I (sadly) didn’t get a photo of was the car driving on the sidewalk. We exited from one of the downtown shops to find a car, slowly making its way down the side walk. It had a handicapped placard so I guess this guy thought he had the right to drive his ancient behemoth of a Pontiac down the side walk in front of the store.

The sidewalks are wide enough for him to drive his car on them and still have space left over. I had my camera—it was in my hand and everything!—but I dared not take a picture of this even though I wanted to so badly. The guy was totally staring us down. He was unshaven and he had a wild, malignant look in his eye that said, “I’m crazy enough to drive down the side walk. You’d better believe I’m crazy enough to jump out of this car and beat you to death with my belt. That I carry around for exclusively that purpose.”

Plus Angela and I were both freaked out that he would try to run us over with his car. I was terrified until we made it safely inside of Angela’s car and locked the door.

The first amusing item is this hat. In better economic times I would have bought this hat and given it to my friend John. I have started a collection of awesome thrift store hats for him, and whenever we find anything good we buy it for him. I didn’t have the spare change for even this hat, but I did take a picture of it, so that counts for something.

I seriously considered buying this motivational poster featuring a slightly crazy-eyed Persian kitten with the phrase “Lord Knows I Try!” written beneath. I’m already regretting not buying it and giving it away on the blog, but literally ever dollar counted and I was trying to make it last. I do swear that if it’s still there when I go back I will buy it and give it away to some random lucky Little Big reader. Lord knows I try!

"Lord Knows I Try"

Have you ever put a lot of thought and effort into a homemade Valentine’s gift? That you even personalized? And then that person just turned around and donated it as if it were some common teddy bear? God, what a dick.

Anthony was a little disappointed I didn’t buy this. I’d buy it again if I were to go back to that store and find it, but seeing as how I got it at Tetto’s and I never plant to go back, well, I’m pretty sure those intergalactic moobs are lost to Isobel and me forever.

I actually kind of loved this dino vase and totally would have bought it for Kingston. I need to have a nursery collection for the shop I think. I’ve seen some of the most fantastic nursery finds at this particular store.

I think nineteen cents is pretty optimistic a price for a clown that will actually hunt you down in your nightmares and slaughter you.

Bonus item: Crock for Mustard! Which is going to be my new swear: “What a crock of MUSTARD!”

Someone, somewhere is a great friend. A really great friend. This friend held on to her truly hideous bridesmaid dress and headpiece for the last thirty years. And then she waited until well after the turn of the century to donate it. Let’s be honest: the span of time that dress has been in her closet is probably longer than the lifetime of that marriage.

Just in time for Halloween: the doll that has been attacked by Sylar!

This may be the best thrifted book ever. I imagine this is the cover for Nature’s yearbook:

All I want for Christmas is… his and her toilets with matching clock radios.

And here we are. At possibly the most disturbing thing I’ve found while thrifting. Ever.

No. Really. Even worst than this. And this. And THIS.

You guys, when we first saw this Angela and I thought it was a drowning baby. Read the caption and let the horror sink in a moment.

ZOMG IS SOMEONE IS DROWNING A BABY AND TALKING ABOUT JESUS?!

ZOMG! ZOMG! ZOMG! THAT’S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

Wait. Huh? Oh. That’s just a… manger? I guess?

Fortunately, no babies were being waterboarded in the making of this poster. I’m pretty sure. Anthony thought the same thing when I showed him so at least I know I’m not just old and senile and reading into things that aren’t there. This poster is creepy.

Thanks for playing! Join me again sometime for another Amusing! Thrift Store! Finds!

Amusing Thrift Store Finds: My First Ever Giveaway!

8 Jun

Generally speaking, every thrift store has three categories of junk. The first layer, and largest by far, is the random selection of everyday crap. Stuff that doesn’t warrant a second look, stuff that you might find at your house, and stuff that if you had you might very well think, “I should donate that.”

The second layer is much smaller, and this layer is what thrift store-lovers like me call ‘the good stuff.’ It’s the treasure that lures you in, the stuff epic Thrift Store Scores are made of. It’s the reason thrift stores exist.

The third layer is the smallest, and by far the most puzzling. This layer is made up of stuff so weird you can’t ever imagine why it was made in the first place. It stands out in a sea of mediocre items and draws attention to itself with its wrongness. Sometimes the item is inadvertently disturbing, but at the very least, this third layer is always amusing.

This, my friends, is the reason why I like to thrift in groups. It’s no fun to find a hedgehog orgy statue by yourself. You just look sort of pervy laughing at it alone. Other people giggling along with you legitimizes it, if only slightly, and certainly adds to the fun. This is also why I like to bring my camera with me while thrifting: so I can share the awkwardness with all of you.

For example, wouldn’t this make a wonderful addition to your home or office? No?

Or what about that weird cat puzzle? It wasn’t enough just to complete it. It needed to be glued to a slab of cardboard to preserve the achievement forever. Or, at least, till we donate it.

This clown in and of itself is not weird or unusual. The fact that it clawed its way out of a huge bin of stuffed toys to stalk me is horrifying and the reason I sleep with one eye open at night.

God Bless this Trailer! Who doesn’t need that for their Winnebago or Airstream trailer? (Confession: I kind of want a vintage Airstream trailer.)

The photo next to it made me laugh in the saddest way possible. That’s clearly not the photo that came with it. That’s an actual framed photo of a dude. Someone just donated the whole frame, photo and all. Sad! But also funny.

Somewhere, the 12 year old me is infinitely sad that I never knew about unicorn bear. Oh unicorn bear! We met too late in life.

I think this is the winner of the ‘ extremely disturbing’ category:

The bad part about finding all of the astoundingly weird things is that sometimes? I get attached. Oh, weird cross-eyed duck! I first wondered why the hell you were made and who would ever want you. But now, I’ve become fond of your painful-looking charm.

And Hangover Owl! Every time I saw your still-drunken face I thought to myself, “It’s been three weeks and nobody’s purchased Hangover Owl! What’s wrong with these people?!” Till finally, eventually I caved and I bought him myself. He wore me down. I could no longer resist his inappropriate charm.

I did it for you.

I figured this would be the perfect thing to hang in a bathroom so you can gaze at him while you get ready for work and think to yourself, “Well, at least I’m not a Hung Over Owl!” H.O. would also be a great addition to your cubicle, desk, or other work area, so you can wink at him from time to time when he asks to borrow some aspirin.

Yes, especially for the readers of Littlebig I’m offering my FIRST EVER BLOG GIVEAWAY!!1one1!

All you have to do is leave a comment below and you will be entered in the randomly-selected drawing for Hangover Owl.

  1. The contest will be open until, oh, let’s say Wednesday, June 9th at midnight PST (with Daylight Savings, yo)
  2. Enter only once;  I know H.O. is really rad but let’s be fair
  3. PROFIT!

I really hope at least one of you enters because this is a pretty sweet owl.