Tag Archives: Antepartum

Choose Happiness

26 May

I am a born and bred introvert. It’s a trait that runs deep through my genes on both sides of my family. I have spent the majority of my life paralyzed by shyness. Over the course of the last seven years I have carefully cultivated an outgoing personality mostly for the sake of my job. Kids who visit the library are shy, too, but it’s my responsibility to reach out to them.

But those who know me quite well also know the introvert. Reluctant to share. Shy and awkward.

I think that’s part of my frustration. The newer, more outgoing part of my personality is just as valid and authentic as the introvert. The introvert doesn’t get to spread her wings as often as she needs to.

After that long talk with Anthony I realized that I can deal with my frustrations either by being self-destructive or by finding another way to express myself. I choose the latter.

I’m tired of cleaning up my messes.

I’ve decided to reach out to happiness. Happiness in the little things is always my goal but now it’s my central focus. I’m letting things slide to be happy. I’m choosing to be happy in little moments.

For example–it’s the end of a long day. A day that started at 5:30 in the morning and hit the ground running. A day of managing the inventory of my library, the graduation preparation of my husband, and a fussy, teething daughter. I’m tired and I need to take my Crohn’s medicine. The house is a wreck and piles of folded laundry festoon the living room. My daughter requires all my attention.

I am frustrated but I have a choice: do I clean the living room and struggle to accomplish all the daily tasks on my to do list, or do I blow raspberries with my daughter? I choose happiness. I choose raspberries. It’s worth it.

I may be compulsively neat but you know what? I’m letting that go. Just for now. Just for this moment. For happiness.

It’s not always easy to choose happiness, but it is necessary.