Tag Archives: Awesome

Scrapbook: Team Mismatch

9 Oct

We live in a college town and our house is situated less than a mile away from the university. One of the houses on our street was rented out to a bunch of college dudes. Although they weren’t a fraternity, hey were all affiliated with each other through a love of drag racing and some of them got matching vinyl stickers on their cars declaring them members of Team Mismatch. Which Anthony and I thought was hilarious, seeing as how the stickers matched, but anyway. Speaking of mismatching…

Isobel’s latest quirk is her insistence upon wearing two different shoes. It’s like she woke up one day and realized, hey, I don’t have to choose between my two favorite shoes like a sucker! I can wear both! Although I have taken her to storytime at the library with two different shoes before I can usually convince her to wear a matching pair of shoes if she can at least wear mismatched socks.

It’s not that I mind the ridiculousness of toddler fashion. My mom is quite fond of reminding me about a time when I was two years old and I would not leave the house to go to the doctor’s office without my GIANT Elton John-esque sunglasses, my Halloween jack-o-lantern (it was July), and my favorite tee shirt which read, “I Am One-of-a-Kind!”

It’s that she always chooses one shoe that is at least two sizes too big. That can’t be comfortable, and besides, it keeps falling off.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by this behavior, given my predilection for interesting outfits and Isobel’s history of wearing bunny ears to the grocery store, dressing up fancy to wait for the garbage man, or donning her witch hat to visit the grandparents.

It’s obvious she’s already way cooler than I am.

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Guest Post: What The Internet Is For

15 Jun

My friend Bri of Sarcasmically is amazing. She is completely able to rock you like a hurricane at a moment’s notice.  In fact, if she were to carry a business card, I’m pretty sure it all it would say would be “ROCKER OF HURRICANES, DEVOURER OF BACON.” If that won’t convince you, this guest post is all the confirmation you’ll need.

One day, I theoretically sat down at the computer and DM’d her on Twitter.

“Lordy, my hands are tired, what with the typing and photo editing and tweeting,” I probably said. “Blogging is hard.”

“Oh dear,” she may have replied, “I may have two kids and a job at a nonprofit and my duties as art director for IndieInk, all while I’m studying to achieve my nursing degree, but I’m weeping just thinking about your poor, fatigued little hands! I’ll fill in for you.”

Then I could have replied, “Ow! My ‘enter’ finger hurts.”

Today Bri is going to give a perfect example of  the true purpose of the internet. You know, after cat videos and porn.

*********************

I’m sure you came here expecting Carrie Anne and all her wonderful pictures, but I’m sorry, Carrie Anne apparently wants a vacation from HER OWN BLOG (slacker) and left me responsible for “quality content”, whatever that means.

So look, I don’t have pictures of grass or cute toddlers or hip vintage objects.  I know, UNBREAK YOUR HEART, AMIRITE?  But what I do have is a story, and since we’re kind of on the subject of vacations and all, I’d like to humiliate myself with a story about my most memorable summer vacation.  That’s what the internet is for, folks—Embarrassing yourself in public.

It was the summer of 1989 and I was about to turn six years old.  For my birthday/a summer vacation, my mom packed me, my younger brothers (twins), and my uncle (only ten years older than me) into her beat-ass Mazda 626 and drove us from Phoenix to San Diego to spend a week at the beach and SeaWorld.  It was a great time, even though this happened right before our eyes and yes I remember everything and yes we all got whale blood­-water on us and not that I’m happy that Kandu died but come on, that was a great story to take back to wide-eyed first-grade classmates, you know?  Totally knocked my cool factor +90 points.  BUT I DIGRESS.

So we are piled back into our tiny 17-horsepower chariot, making the drive back to Phoenix when the chariot breaks down on the highway in The Middle of Fucking Nowhere.  And it’s hot as hell outside and this is before cell phones were invented so we just get out and start walking east, thinking we have to find a phone to call the family and let them know to come get us.

SCORCHING DESERT TREK MONTAGE MOMENT :: CUT TO PARCHED MOUTHS, SWEATING BROWS, DUST-COVERED SKIN, RATTLESNAKE CLIP, OMINOUS SOUND BYTE, SACRIFICING ONE OF MY BROTHERS TO COYOTES, MIRAGE SHIMMER, VULTURE ON CACTUS.

… Eventually we reached this little shack of a gas station, and an ancient peg-legged shop owner in coveralls WITH A TARANTULA ON HIS SHOULDER (I am not making this shit up guys I swear) to greet us and I’m like, “Mom, we are going to die here today.” because even at six I knew that this is straight out of a goddamn horror movie and I can’t run that fast, Mom, so it was nice knowing you all and thanks for the dead whale birthday party.

ALAS!  The old guy– Herman, as it turns out– was really, really nice, which I can only assume was because my mom was a stone cold fox.  Herman kept seven pet tarantulas at his gas station and was thrilled to let my brothers, who were four at the time, hold them while we waited for our father to make the three-hour trek from Phoenix to The Middle of Fucking Nowhere to rescue us.  But ummm, excuse me, tarantulas?  GROSS.  Look.  LOOK AT IT.

So, yeah, I’m basically internally freaking out the whole time my brothers casually befriend goddamn insects that can probably kill horses, so when one of the twins goes, “…Uhhhh, you guys?  I can’t find my tawanchala,” I WANTED TO DIE.  I was a very dramatic little child.

The hunt for the missing tarantula was in full effect, and in addition to Herman and us five searching for it, a family of six (one of whom was a dreeeeeamy second-grader) that had stopped to stock up on Slim Jims was also assisting.

And then, you guys, I FELT IT ON MY LEG, under my dress, very high up near my girl parts.  GET READY FOR A BUNCH OF CAPS LOCK, FOLKS.

ME:  “AAAAAAAAAAH MOM MOM MOM IT IS ON ME IT’S CRAWLING UP INTO MY BUTT AAAH TARANTULA BUTT EGGS HELP ME I WILL DIE EXCLAMATION POINT.”

Mom:  “Okay, calm down, hold still, let’s just—“

ME:  “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.”  Running in circles.  Jumping up and down.  Trying to GET IT OFF BUT I CAN STILL FEEL IT, IT IS THERE EATING MY BRAINS THROUGH MY THIGH.

Mom:  “Brianna.  Jesus God in Heaven, hold still.  BRIANNA ELYSE.”  She is chasing me around.  Everyone else is just staring, waiting for me to die of tarantula poisoning, thinking more Slim Jims for us!, probably.

ME:  Jumping.  Shaking.  Legs akimbo.  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THE SHRIEKING.

EVERYONE ELSE:  STARING.  STILL JUST STARING, THOSE UNHELPFUL FUCKS.

Finally, my mom catches me, sobbing and breathless, and preps herself to grab the tarantula from under my dress.  She counts with me.  One… two… three…

And then she yanks my dress over my head, in front of God and the vast desert and all the strangers and that second-grade McDreamy and the vulture on the cactus– and there it is, ON MY LEG:

A string, dangling from my “Tuesday” panties. A…

STRING.

We never did find that tarantula.

Still Sick

5 May

So I’m still pretty sick, and I’ve run out of prepared posts so I’m taking a cue from Gen with a G and sharing an awesome video with you instead. I was totally going to blame this sickness on Gen, too, but she had the stomach flu and whatever’s wrong with me is more on the Strep throat spectrum of Hell. I’m going to the doctor today so at the very least I can get a doctor’s note and assuage my massive guilt about missing work when I should be conducting inventory.

Anyway, Gen’s video is about what happens when Oscar Wilde meets Jersey Shore. I don’t even watch Jersey Shore but I have a basic, rudimentary knowledge of pop culture so it was fucking hilarious. I highly recommend you go check it out after your done over here. Also, I love Gen’s writing. Probably more than is appropriate.

This video is called “Roll a D6” which is a parody of 1. a popular song I’ve never heard of and 2. Dungeons and Dragons. If you (or someone you love) has been seduced by the roll of the dice, this video is for you.

Last but not least, whenever I’m anywhere near the computer Isobel asks to watch “bunny videos.” So this one’s technically from her.

Little Big Links – Favorite Posts

19 Mar

Angerburger: Cheese and Corn Casserole

Bridget Callahan is Your Best Friend: A Modern Glossary of Fairytale Terminology

Gen with a G: Friday Night Baths

Sarcasmically: The De-Evolution of a Family Portrait

BugginWord: Arm Buds are Tentacles, Right?

Mommy Wants Vodka: Underneath It All

Title and Statement of Responsibility: The Master’s Mistress

Follow Friday – The State of Our Union

28 Jan

Last night I had two dreams that Anthony had come home, and one dream that my friend Justin offered to drive me to LA on his motorcycle. This was right after my friend Jon Buck had offered to take me to LA on his bicycle. (I declined the bicycle offer.)

Today is the day! Anthony is coming home! 

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.

markleggett Jerking off tons of random guys has really helped improve my Shake Weight technique.

StephenAtHome If we’re going to compete with Chinese tiger moms, we need to let actual tigers raise our kids. It would teach them ferociousness!

SarrahPalinU5A I think I’ll take a pic of my vag and text it to this hot dude at the gym.

GirlDetective My American Dream is to someday become the anonymous person who irritatingly coughs throughout the entire State of the Union address. #SOTU

apelad “Hold on to sixteen as long as you can. Changes come around real soon, make us women and men.” -Barack Obama #SOTU

BarackObama Starting this year, no American will be forbidden from serving the country they love because of who they love. #SOTU

danforthfrance Infrastructure! Innovation! Obama’s vision of the future brought to you by 3M. #SOTU

happyrobot OHNOES! MUSLINS! STAY AWAY FROM MY JESUS! #SOTU

waitwait Obama just attempted to reach out to normal Americans with an aeronautical engineering analogy. #SOTU

BillCorbett I AM PUTTING SALMON IN MY BONG BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT TOLD ME TO #SOTU

autumnlibrarian John McCain looks like the Penguin. #SOTU

shinyinfo Who invited that dour looking orange scarecrow behind Obama? #SOTU

JerryThomas The longer this speech goes on, the more Boehner tilts to the right. #SOTU

lafix There’s Michele Bachmann, thinking about candy. #SOTU

edeniowa my mammogram tech complimented my boots at my exam & I heard it as “your boobs are adorable”. then got that she was referring to my wellies.

heyrenees This grown ass man in a suit sitting next to me is reading a Star Wars paperback. I kind of love him.

mommywantsvodka The only reason that Thundercats could be trending is because today has swung decidedly up.

diskopo Jersey Shore will have more seasons than Arrested Development. Hope you’re proud of yourselves, humanity.

nicpiper Comic Sans presentations all day. I ready to meet my maker. Now please.

iHubby “Do you guys know where I can get one of those necklaces with a gold ‘t’ on it?”
“it’s a cross.”

“Across from where?”

inversejaik K: Thus spoke Zarathushtra: “suck it n00b lol”

Greeblemonkey You get all caught up in life’s bullshit – but I tell you, it really all comes down to clean sheets.

TheRedQueen Nigela is judging and the secret ingredient is cheese. It’s like Iron Chef can read exlibris‘ mind.

sucittaM I don’t remember if the toilet water was blue or not before I sat down, so there’s a chance I’m magical.

MrWordsWorth On the seventh day, she rested. #OprahsSecret

apodixis The corner store is selling “breakfast cookies.” The way I see it, all cookies are breakfast cookies if you have the right attitude.

simontarr I think my wife and I are playing chicken with taking out the trash. I can win this.

sween I missed the end of the game. Who caught the Snitch? (Please don’t say Slytherin.)

peterbyrnes I wonder what would happen if Budweiser took half its football-game advertising budget and spent it on improving the taste of the beer.

kanyewest I just threw some bassoon on this muthafucka

himissjulie I think it is inevitable that the phrase “Who’s a good little kitty?” will be followed by “FUCK! OUCH!” and blood.

smileydooby Ludacris’ real name of course is ludachristopher

Gen_with_a_G Guess what, everyone? I don’t care about football. Like at all. Well, I guess I like the snacks. Go cheese dip!

UncleDynamite The crisper drawer has a somewhat inflated sense of its’ abilities.

MrWordsWorth It’s days like these that I wish I had cheated at the Kobayashi Maru.

thejennui So far no one has taken me up on the “I will give you a dollar if you stop autotweeting your Twitterscope” offer. It still stands.

Bookish_Bitch I sent that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces.

apelad Nothing gives me a false sense of superiority like looking up celebrities on twitter & blocking them. This must be how Ricky Gervais feels.

thebookpolice Pug was sleeping so hard, he forgot how to eat biscuits. Made a huge clumsy mess, paused frequently. Just asked, “Is this real life?”

NoStylePoints Recent search that brought someone to my blog: “I have a panic attack and then I need to poop.”

willgoldstein I wish Twitter had a manlier vocab. Who wants to help rename things? Like, instead of “tweets”, let’s call them “ka-blammos”.

GorillaSushi Outside the realm of noodles, the most underused unit of measurement is the Oodle.

robkroese Didn’t we establish the Time Cops specifically to prevent people from winning the future?

DamienFahey It took me until age 25 to realize that women with big boobs aren’t pregnant with “chest babies”.

thejennui Zuckerberg hacked makes me giggle. So sorry about your privacy invasion.

pattonoswalt Just once, Obama: “Caaaaaan yooooou DIG IT?!?!” #SOTU


What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.

Mrs. December

23 Dec

If you haven’t already met Gen, you’re in luck: she’s my Mrs. December.  This month I’m not only guest blogging, but I’m trading blogs to introduce you to one of my favorite writers. When I asked her to guest blog a couple months ago I told her I’d put her down for December, effectively making her my Calendar Girl for the holiday season. We’ve been emailing back and forth and at one point I wrote “Mrs. December” instead of “Miss December.” That’s okay, instead of a Calendar Girl she’ll by my Calendar-MILF.

When you’re done here, swing by her blog and check out my guest post. I ramble incoherently about the past. You’ll love it!

GENVIEVE’S HARD-HITTING INTERVIEW

(with her four-year-old son)

Well, hello there.  My name is Genevieve and I write at Gen with a G. Carrie named me her Mrs. December and is allowing me the opportunity to write this guest post for her blog.  I am very honored by this title, and am really looking forward to receiving my crown and sash in the mail.  I’ve already booked my photography session with Playboy, so it’s only a matter of weeks before I am dethroned.  Hooray!

In preparation for our guest posts, Carrie Anne and I interviewed each other and then assigned each other topics based on the answers.  I think my answers to her questions must have been either too bizarre or boring (but most likely both,) [Not a chance, Gen! — CAC] so Carrie Anne told me that my assignment was to interview my four year old, Sam, on various topics.

I was thrilled with my assignment on many levels.  One.  Sam is an inquisitive, energetic, smart little boy who never ever never never stops talking.  I felt this would be an opportunity to pay him back by peppering him with such rapid-fire questions, his head would spin around and he’d pass out from exhaustion.  Two. It took the burden off of me to be clever or engaging and placed it directly in the lap of my four year old.


"You can't handle the truth!"

I used a digital voice recorder and then transcribed this.  So what you see here is exact.  Get ready for a hard-hitting interview.  And… away we go.

Sam: So what’s your questions?

Notice how he takes control of the interview before I even start.  Cheeky kid.

Me: Ok.  So first I wanted to ask you why you didn’t take a nap this afternoon.

Sam: (with much enthusiasm) Yeah!

Me: Well, how come?

Sam: I don’t know.

Me: (stares at subject as if to say, you’ll have to do better than that.)

Sam: Well, I wanted Dad to be home so I could play with my new toy in the bathtub.

I make a really neat segue into the approach of Christmas.  After discussing that the presents (especially monster trucks with dragonfly paint jobs (what the hell?)) are what make Christmas really awesome, we move on to headier stuff.

Me: So what else excites you about Christmas?

Sam: Nothing.  Just monster trucks.  Because I LOVE monster trucks.

Me: So, you’re not excited for cookies?

Sam: Whu? Nu? YEAH!

Me: Are you excited for church?

Sam: Church?  Church? I hate church.

Me: Why do you hate the church?

Sam: Well, I like Jesus a little bit.  But I hate church because I solve the problems at church and I hate church also because I don’t like to sit in seats all day long.

Me: But you like Jesus?

Sam: Yeah.

Me: What do you like about Jesus?

Sam: Well, I like when She was born in church.

Me: What did it mean when Jesus was born?

Sam: It means that She has a mommy now.  Jesus lives in church because that’s her house.

Me: Ok.

At this point, my head kind of explodes with not knowing what to say because while I am very interested in my kid having a spiritual life, I have absolutely no intention of programming it into him.  So I just pretend the conversation makes complete sense and abruptly shift topic. You’re jealous of my parenting skills, I can tell.

I ask about what it’s like to be a big brother but it goes terribly awry when he starts shoving his feet violently against my butt and I have to temporarily abandon the interview.  Because while I am not prepared to talk about Jesus to my four year old, I have tons to say about why he should not shove his feet in my ass.

When we resume our interview, I start with the question to end all questions – what is your favorite color, and why? (Note to self: I should probably have my own talk show.)  I continue on with this painful line of questioning for some time. I will spare you the details.

Then, I completely turn the interview on its head and demand he come up with both the questions AND the answers.

Me: Tell me five interesting things about yourself.

Sam: (without any hesitation) Ok.  Well, I have very good bones for myself.

Me: That’s one.  What’s another thing about yourself?

Sam: Well, I have very good muscles.

Me: What’s so great about your muscles?

Sam: Well, I use them to carry my bed.

Me: You carry your bed?

Sam: If it’s broken into pieces, we can pick it up and carry my bed (grunts as he simulates picking up a very heavy piece of broken bed.)  I also have very good exercises.  Did you know I can exercise? (stands up and does jumping jacks on bed.)  Like this, see?  So I can protect my muscles from getting sick.

Me: Good idea.  Tell me something else about yourself.

Sam: I do very good muscles.  I told you.

Me: I know.  You told me already.  Tell me a little about how you feel.

Sam: Well, I feel happy all the time.

Me: All the time?

Sam: Yes.

Me: (with disbelief) All the time?

Sam: (with much conviction) Yes.

At this point, my interview subject abruptly cuts the interview short and demands that we go make sugar cookies.  I figure this might be a good way of lulling him into a false sense of security for my second hard-hitting interview.  (In actuality, my second interview was just the exact same questions that Carrie and I asked each other in preparation for our guest posts.) Here are my top two favorite answers from that interview.

Me: State your name for the record.

Sam: Same.

Me: Same?

Sam: No.  SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM.

Me: Oh geez.  Sorry… Have you ever seen Battlestar Galactica?  And if you have, which character is the best looking?

Sam: I have.

Me: You’ve seen Battlestar Galactica?

Sam: I said I have.

Me: Which character is the best looking on it?

Sam: Spidermaaaaaaaaaaaan!

This is really the only time when my interview subject disappoints.  Clearly, Starbuck is the best looking. Everyone knows that.

Me: Ok.  Next question.  What do you do so you don’t get bored on a long car ride?

Sam: Remember on the way to Nina’s house?  I covered my blanket up and then I slept slept slept in the car.

Me: You didn’t sleep at all in the car on the way to Nina’s

Sam: Why?

Me: I don’t know.  You tell me.

Sam: Because I don’t like sleep.  But I took a long rest.

Me: You didn’t though.  You played.  Remember?

Sam: You’re kidding me.  I took another nap.  And I sleeped.  Are you kidding me?

Me: That’s not how I remember it.

Sam: Ok.  This concentrate is done.

Me: Do you mean interview?

Sam: This interview is done.

As you see, my four year old controls the conversation from start to finish.

BUT!  He doesn’t have a crown and sash on the way, nor is he bound for Playboy stardom. So, in the end, I think the winner is… him.

Dammit.

Follow Friday

21 Oct

Here’s to the bad days, the good days, and all the shitty coworkers in between.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

*****************************

WindsorGrace My personal goal for the day is to find reasonably priced sparkley yarn. Yes, I have a problem.

NASeason The cat is kneading my belly like he knows his replacement is in there.

mikey_m00n quotation mark FUCK exclamation point quotation mark period

lafix The kids outside are having a tea party. They’ve drawn a Hitler mustache on Barbie, they’ve deported Dora and their spelling is atrocious.

NASeason It appears that my mother has discovered emoticons.

molliekatie I will be really pissed off if I die and I find out I never had good luck because I didn’t forward chain e-mails.

louisvirtel No matter how well Audrina does on Dancing with the Stars, they have to dock her that extra point for existing.

badbanana I’m careful who I let into my heart because I know what it’s like to be hurt by a fake cardiologist.

PinkPeonies What is it called when someone has a mullet, but instead of “business in the front,” they are bald on top?

Phineas Sometimes I get really behind on Twitter and I end up skipping pages and pages of tweets and then I don’t die or anything. Weird, right?

lilpyrogirl I think “cleavage” is Latin for “place to store my phone.”

SquiggleJay didn’t have time to get coffee or breakfast, so it’s a pretty safe bet someone’s getting beaten to death with a 3-hole-punch.

WaggaLibrary We’re having a zombie theme for our youth summer reading club this year. Zombie reading club: Great minds taste alike.

TheRedQueen There is nothing like a baby to make you feel like a comedic genius for making fart noises with your mouth.

aloria Though I do have years of experience with being batshit insane, it doesn’t make me want to be your unpaid personal therapist.

BadAstronomer I just set a double rainbow as my phone’s background wallpaper. And I know just what it means.

antigone_spit I had a dream about Tesla last night. He was in Central Park sitting on a bench talking to a pigeon about alternating currents.

thejohnblog If I wanted to see ‘Jackass in 3D,’ I would have gone to the Glenn Beck rally.

yowhatsthehaps OH: “Meow. Meow. Meowwwwwwwww!” What? I haven’t been out much lately.

jonwurster Why are all the employees of this Borders laughing at me? They’re the ones who don’t have any Rolled Doll books in stock.

onenjen I’m so confused. The show is called Jersey Shore, but they’re in Miami? This is why I don’t have cable.

Lord_Voldemort7 My anaconda don’t want none, unless you’ve got buns, hun. Seriously, he told me. I speak Parseltongue.

BugginWord I think I’m going to be a shake weight for Halloween.

gabedelahaye This 65th wedding anniversary is about to get REAL hyphy.

shinyinfo Librarians need to declare Martial Law on Yahoo Answers.

freudiantypo Considering that “Fartles” and “Pusspuss Kitty” are oft-used nicknames, the inadvertent reference to my cat as “Pussy Fart” was inevitable.

apodixis I just noticed that Meg Whitman’s bobblehead is much more attractive than she is. I mean both physically and as a person.

sarcasmically My childless friend is visiting & my kids are terrorizing him. He’s been wishy-washy about a vasectomy but I think today will seal the deal.

liberalchik when sasha and malia start pole dancing, sarah palin can talk shit about michelle obama.

NASeason It appears that my mother has discovered emoticons.

lafix The kids outside are having a tea party. They’ve drawn a Hitler mustache on Barbie, they’ve deported Dora and their spelling is atrocious.

_Snick Who whores out Bill Bryson and Yiyun Li to her students? This girl.

louispeitzman The only thing better than playing Clue is watching Clue.

OngoingBS Work sucked tonight. I must have done 3 times my normal work on 1/4 of the drugs… I think.. I don’t know. I was pretty high.

sween As Winston Churchill once said, “Wait a minute — I never said this.”

val_forrestal Some nights you relax w/a glass of wine. Some nights you mop the floors because the cat tracked poop all over. It’s give & take my friends.

TemerityJane You know why Martha Stewart went to jail? For lying. No one knows how to fold a fitted sheet. Anyone who says they do is a big lying liar.

BugginWord I will never get used to my husband asking other men if he needs to bring a harness.

alonelyargonaut Dear left turners, learn to yield to pedestrians or be prepped to pay my student loans

wordlust The opposite of dumbass is geniusbutt.

inversejaik Used my car horn to scare the living Jeebus out of a dumb girl who was txting while on the 99. #civicdutydone

SquiggleJay I’m not a proctologist, but I do work with assholes.

gabedelahaye Just realizing the video for Smashing Pumpkins “Perfect” is a sequel to the video for “1979”. Do you guys ever worry that I’m TOO COOL?

sockington LOOK THIS TAIL ISN’T GOING TO WAG ITSELF oh whoops there it goes

Fitty’s got nothing this week, so instead our featured meme will be: Sad Children’s Books! I can’t reread this without laughing.

stevelibrarian Guess How Much I Love You. No, Not That Much. Guess Again. #sadchildrensbooks

palinode Walter The Farting CEO #sadchildrensbooks

youngblood2099 Oh, the places you won’t go! #sadchildrensbooks

palinode Tiger Balls #sadchildrensbooks

palinode Curious George and the Full-On Monkey Stank #sadchildrensbooks

jfiliatrault Sarah, Palin Tall #sadchildrensbooks

palinode Would You Just Deal With Your Shit, Margaret? It’s Me, God. #sadchildrensbooks

palinode Stuart LIttle Is A Grotesquely Shrunken Hairy Man In Love With A Bird #sadchildrensbooks

antigone_spit And Tango Makes Three Until Child Protective Services from the Red State You Live In Pays A Visit #sadchildrensbooks

antigone_spit Bridge to Terabithia #sadchildrensbooks

antigone_spit Horton Hears a Domestic Dispute #sadchildrensbooks

levendis The Giving-You-Syphilis Tree #sadchildrensbooks

SuzeMB The Little Train that Couldn’t #sadchildrensbooks

SquiggleJay Ramona Quimby, Arrested for Possession, Age 8 #sadchildrensbooks

OngoingBS Where the wild things kill your parents. #sadchildrensbooks

thejohnblog Alexander and The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad American School System. #sadchildrensbooks

thejohnblog The Cat Pissed In Your Hat #sadchildrensbooks

OngoingBS Everybody poops, on you. #sadchildrensbooks

Jesus_M_Christ Fundamentalists are right, I used to ride dinosaurs. Not because evolution is wrong, but because I’m a bad ass.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

SCI-FIVE!

31 Aug

This is the Picard.

(The Picard with a mustache, but nevermind that. He is still The Picard.)

He normally lives on the D&D shelf in our library at home. My friend Brandon found him at a yard sale and, noting my huge crush on The Picard, brought it home for me. I’m not sure if Anthony’s ever forgiven him.

You’ll notice The Picard is presiding regally over my latest acquisition: a Klingon Bird of Prey corkscrew.

Take in the majesty.

My awesome librarian friend Amanda sent this to me. Can you believe that, internets? I have met the nicest people online! She even sent me a card of her hand in a Spock-salute. You have guaranteed yourself a place of honor in Sto-Vo-Kor, Amanda!

I’d like to give you a Sci-Five:

We have a winner!

10 Jun

Yes, folks, it’s time for me to break a few hearts and announce the winner of the awesome HANGOVER OWL! I wish I had enough Hangover Owls for everybody but that’s part of his charm; he’s a Limited Edition of Awesome.

I won’t keep you in suspense any longer… the winner is…

The Black Star! Aka Justin! Aka my Bestie’s husband! I swear I did everything by the book and went to Random dot Org. Even though I know and love Justin personally that didn’t have any bearing on the contest. Perhaps he’s just naturally a winnar.

Not only does this save on shipping, but since I can deliver this to him personally I can also take a photo of him crapping his pants with joy, and perhaps he can send me a photo of it displayed proudly on his 80s-era work desk. It will fit right in! Vintage, just like the rest of his office.

Sadly I have seen Justin resemble Hangover Owl on many occasions–not because he’s a raging drunk, but because he has one of these:

(I stole that photo from his flickr stream. Thanks, buddy!)

Aren’t they adorable? They do tend to knock you on your ass though.

Congratulations on winning Hangover Owl! You rock! But not as much as the owl.

Follow Friday: Congraduations Edition

4 Jun

Today Anthony graduated with his BS in Math. He graduated. I cannot seem to wrap my head around it. He’s done. Done.

Enjoy my Follow Friday picks of the week, Congraduations Edition!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

palinode A dream is a wish your boss eats.

eeicenbice sauteeing zucchini @ 1am. my life is weird.

minamiyo how can I possibly show mom how much I love her? oh yes, by merping and rubbing on her head while she is on the toilet.

shinyinfo Seriously guys, I’m like a lo-jack for gay dudes. They’re pulled into my sassy fat girl orbit.

mrlasertron Goals for D&D this saturday. Steal something, curse at someone, start a barfight.

mathowie Gah! No music in today’s MRI so I had to listen to what sounded like 30 minutes of a robot fucking a MIDI controller.

mrpilkington Where the hell is this UPS guy. Can I get a 4 square update from him? “location: six flags. Mayor.”

owlpacino I think maturity is knowing when something is really dumb even if a lot of people think it’s great.

rydkaI knew today was going to be a winnaaar when it began with two Benedryls.

inversejaik More like Jerry SUCKHEIMER

lilpyrogirl I check my junkmail before bed because all the porn spam reminds me to take my pill.

lauracope don’t be jealous of my rockstar life, but I’m about to interview the founder of mypetchicken.com.

JerryThomasMy life is so boring Nicolas Cage should star in it.

happyrobot Wait. Did you, a republican, just say that the liberals were in cahoots with the oil company? For real? Bless your crazy little heart.

LaurelKS I have built myself a cold recovery nest. It includes two fleece blankets, a snuggie and my cat.

neiltyson I appear about once per year on @CoastToCoastAM — a listenership that could benefit from more exposure to mainstream science

CorporateMonkey I just napped my face off.

badbanana The mechanical pencil is the Mr. Peanut of the pencil world.

THE LITTLE BIG TWEET OF THE WEEK:

steve_librarian I said earlier that a good leader sees the forest AND the trees. This is also an indicator of a good park ranger.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.