Tag Archives: Cat

Follow Friday – Jupey’s Harem

12 Aug

"O hai I'm Jupey."

That handsome fella in the photo above is Jupiter, whom you may remember from such posts as  “My Cat is a Magician and Shapeshifter.” One day he lost his collar and instead came home with the collar he had previous lost over six months ago. He has brought me more injured animals and headless lizards than I ever would have thought possible, but his tastes have shifted recently. After the slightly paranormal collar incident, he brought home a small blue dream catcher. Odd. Very odd indeed. Till a few days later, when I saw him pop over the fence with something else in his mouth. Something so large he was in fact having a hard time getting it over the fence. Oh god, I thought to myself, what could it be this time?

Turns out, it was a Barbie doll. The first day he just brought the one over, but after that he started bringing more and more. He’d bring them home just as fast as I’d keep chucking them back over the fence. We now get shipments of three or four Barbies a day. I’ve already explained to the neighbor family what is going on, and thank goodness they love Jupey or I’d have to lock him up inside again. And no one wants that. Trust me.

With the exception of the lavender doll (Isobel’s favorite) he brings us exclusively brunette dolls. My cat has a type. And a naked lady fetish.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

danforthfrance I’ve got no food in the house, so when I feel hungry I just give the cat a treat. Karma, your move.

trelvix I don’t think we can go after the Newsweek Sarah Bachmann photo as sexist unless we’re talking about what it did to my frightened ball sack.

heyitsurban Is it too late to return the Louisiana Purchase? We must still have the receipt. #BudgetAmerica

LIFECOACHERS Go forth into the world tomorrow bearing the bright light of inspiration and some artfully concealed sharp-edged weapon.

koalohauke Me: Hi, nice to see you. Gym: Do I know you…?

apodixis Ball gags make great cat toys!

sgnp I completely forgot that earlier today I saw a Honda Odyssey with blue truck nuts. I know there are more important things, but still.

malkatz I had no clue it’s Women’s Day, but that makes my gynecologist appointment later today much more meaningful.

mat The best thing about being a guy in your late 30s is discovering all the cool new places you can grow hair.

NicLewis I was worried the beautiful people in this show wouldn’t find love again. That was a tense 15 seconds.

thegrumbles Klout believes I am influential about yogurt. They’re not wrong.

Booktown_ninja No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

MeganBoley I assume I should stick to classic frosty. #livetweetingwendys #myliiiiiiifffe

jess_mc If Tim Pawlenty were AT ALL like Sarah Palin, people would have noticed him standing there by now.

milkglassheart Just mortified myself remembering how I sang The Owl & The Pussycat like a lounge singer when I was little.

WordShore Made the mistake of turning on the news. Not doing that again for a while. Back to reading about food on a stick. #IowaStateFair

rydka Shitlists. They happen.

"Is this better or worse than the dead parrot I brought you?"

wigu Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? & why are the birds vultures? And why do you smell faintly of death?

That_Biz Just put a couple cows worth of cheese in this macaroni and cheese. If that doesn’t help my mood then nothing will.

goodinthestacks Despite the hilarity that may have ensued, I corrected “plague” to “plaque” in a memo written by my boss.

PolyesterPony Having one men’s room at the office means I know way more about my coworkers digestive habits than anyone should be forced to know.

massagebyted #FF Patrick Stewart saying “Beverly” in a stern voice.

rstevens Honk if you have been bitten by a were-automobile and no longer have any other method of communicating.

BridgetCallahan I refuse to let my mother end up standing in the middle of the woods on her farm calling” BJ!” into the twilight.

SpaghettiJesus I bet Glenn Beck is just masturbating in a pile of Gold and MREs right now.

wheelfreed According to my gym, an Elton John slow song really energizes. Nothing like an explosive squat or bench press to “Candle in the Wind.”

stray I’d like to thank my credit card company for texting me at 3:13 this morning to let me know they’d processed my payment. Thanks, assholes.

theleanover Hard times down at the Viagra factory.

jillgengler So if your first two kids are named Brooklyn and London, do you have any choice *but* to name baby #3 Paris? #notrhetorical

ericsiry To give you some insight as to what an amazing athlete I am, last night I pulled a calf muscle in my sleep.

alyankovic My 8-year-old daughter totally fell asleep at the table during dinner last night. That girl can NOT hold her alcohol.

raymitheminx Can you be a mommy blogger if your baby is all food?

MrWordsWorth In this Final Destination film, Death dies.

SarahIvy Home alone tonight….that means wine and jalapeno popper dip and fritos. Aw yeah.

My cat has a naked lady fetish. Also he prefers brunettes.

sarcasmically @_Biscuit_ you’re like Chuck Norris. You don’t catch the fish; they’re so terrified that they jump into the boat seeking the solace of death.

Athenabee It seems as though the neighbor standing in our driveway is the worst thing that’s ever happened to my dog.

PlumeriaSprite Ad campaign to convince public to accept water reclamation project: “Toilet to Tap”. That marketing director will never be hired again.

kellyloveszoey Zoey is putting her face down in her food and eating it like a dog and laughing, soooo… My work is done.

wolfwalking I wish I had a nail elf to paint my right hand for me. He would follow me around & live off tea, honey & brownies& also apply false lashes.

johnmoe This is gonna suck when the US goes to the dealer to buy that sweet pickup it had its eye on.

birbigs I hope this is cool but I put down all my twitter followers as my “emergency contact” at the hospital.

theRratedBull I admire DJ’s. Not just for their talent and skill but also for their ability to play some of the bullshit people request.

ericsiry Next time you stop to smell the roses, remember that flowers are a plant’s genitals, and that you’re gross.

sgnp I expect that when I’m old and not so mobile, my daughter is going to tickle me like crazy. I will feebly slap her with my robot arms.

sbellelauren don’t worry if you don’t have good credit it’s patriotic now

apelad My investment portfolio is a stack of old X-Men comics and an earring I found that might be a diamond.

DaveHolmes That “OBAMA’S HIP-HOP BBQ DOESN’T CREATE JOBS” Fox headline took jobs away from people who write parodies of Fox headlines.

Greeblemonkey Overheard at @sandiegozoo, from a 5yo-looking girl: “The best pooper here, elephants. Best peeer, tooooootally the orangutans.”

alecmuffett #Defcon very romantic. Many couples walking around. Some of them are actually married. Some portion of those, to each other.

"I have Stockholm Syndrome."

raamatuid Nancy Drow – A young darkelf detective solves mysteries in the Underdark #bookswithaletterchanged

BtotheD Trying to put together a senior citizen super band called Baby Got Back Problems, which is easier said than done.

jszyd I am so hungry, my stomach is making noises as if I just ate Taco Bell.

NicLewis Rome is ablaze. As its citizens run from the flames in terror, Emperor Nero frantically washes his toga. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

theleanover Apes touch a large, black monolith. They learn shame, then learn to weave leaves into clothes, begin to do laundry. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

Kouban Enterprise engine room. Bottle of Tide manifests within warp core. Geordi removes VISOR, sheds a single tear. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

InfiniteChicken Clergy, Leaders of Man behold bottle of Tide, destroy their machines & fall prostrate before their new God. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

mocoddle Dexter. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

InfiniteChicken Children frolic and make sand castles on the beach. Camera pans left, a box of Tide is there. Cue Coldplay song. #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

InfiniteChicken Split screen of Tide with ‘Other Detergent;’ Tide has a much larger penis #RejectedTideAdCampaigns

DaisyJDog If you’re looking for me at DogHer I am skipping it this year to spend more time with my food. #DogHer11

deathoftheparty In order to avoid people you can’t stand, you now have to get OFF the computer and retreat to life.

lovegrrbottle turns out it’s not the best idea to put sex toys in a box marked “games” and open it up for the first time when you have company over.

Jesus_M_Christ I watched the Jersey Shore tonight. p.s. Jesus wept.

ThisBowers Double dip recession sounds both disturbing and delicious.

LouisPeitzman I’m not saying I had a rough childhood, but I didn’t learn about microwaving Pop Tarts until college.

johnmoe It’s good that the world’s greatest basketball player had a cool name like Michael Jordan and not Barfington McGillicuddy.

lllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaadies

benmarvin Internet Explorer is only good for 3 things:1) Downloading Chrome 2) Downloading FireFox 3) Testing your new malware deployment

apodixis In the end, @favstar isn’t just a website, it’s an ideal we hold in our hearts. Although it’s also a website that has been down all morning.

brianericford I decree that the Google/Apple/Microsoft mobile patent scheming shall henceforth be known as: “Game of Phones”

theleanover No one’s too dumb to be on Twitter! #TwitterMoneymakingSlogans

Zaius13 I’m not embarrassed that everyone saw me picking my nose during the meeting, but I do kind of regret making it the core of my presentation.

TheNextMartha Last night I was told by security to try and “keep it down.” I think my job here is done.

shinyinfo Volunteer heard we give a long rendition of “Backstreet’s Back” when I thought she was out of the room. Kill myself now or later??

hot_spunk I saw a dude pour sugar into a 44 ounce soda at 7-11. America is doomed.

altgeldshrugged Microsoft Word recognizes the typed word “Kardashian.” It’s official; the terrorists have won.

damana If Tetris has taught me anything, it’s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.

BridgetCallahan Smart thinking and awesome thinking are not always the same thing.

walkingborder I just found a random slim jim on my desk under some papers. I didn’t know it was my birthday!

nataliebinder OK, so there’s an all-male Lady Gaga tribute band called Rad Bromance.

shariv67 “Betty Crocker rocks out with her crock out.” That one’s a freebie, General Mills. Hit me up.

JillMorris 4 out of 5 bubble baths result in Santa Claus beards.

"Mo-om, Jupey caught a dream."

LaurenGberg Sending my hopes & dreams to a farm upstate where they’ll be free to play all day long with other hopes & dreams.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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Little Big Links: Shapeshifters and Magicians

20 Jul

Before I get to all the link goodness, I need to tell you a story.

One day last week, I woke up and let Jupiter in after his long night of carousing through the neighborhood and murdering things. He wasn’t wearing his green collar. He was wearing a blue collar, the collar he had previously lost somewhere outside last March. Almost immediately after we made the decision for Jupiter to be an indoor-outdoor kitty he had last the fancy Etsy collar we gave him.

After Jupiter lost the blue collar, he became proficient in murdering small helpless animals, and decapitated lizards and fatally wounded birds started showing up on our doorstep in an alarming number. Anthony and I realized that for the sake of nature we needed to put a ring on it–or more specifically, we needed to give Jupiter a new collar that had a bell.

That day Jupiter wandered in the house as if nothing was wrong, as if he wasn’t wearing a collar that had just disappeared off the face of the Earth several months ago, new collar nowhere to be found. When Anthony woke up I told him I had a story for him, and I alerted him to the fact that our cat was most likely haunted That’s when I found out Anthony had a story for me.

The night before Anthony had been playing in the yard with Isobel while I took a shower and used the bathroom in peace. While they were playing, Jupiter appeared on the fence. He was mysteriously without collar. There was something in his mouth.

The blue collar.

Thoroughly confused, Anthony took the blue collar from Jupiter’s mouth and fastened it around his collarless neck.

WHAT.

The story only gets weirder. Two days ago I found the green collar. Jupiter had carefully placed it on our doormat. I mean, I’m guessing Jupiter put it there, since that’s where he leaves all the headless lizards for us.

********************

How the holy hell he came to be wearing this collar again after months and months of its disappearance baffled me. I mean, sure, this is the cat that eats paint chips, ran through the house with a turkey gizzard in his mouth at Thanksgiving, and takes a pacifier every now and then, but still. This is weird, even for him.

But how about some links, shall we?

First of all, the awesome collar Jupiter initially lost was Zorro’s, but we transferred it to Jupiter since it seemed to fit his personality better. Also you couldn’t see the awesome star with all Zorro’s fluff. You can find that collar here made by Etsy seller Miss Moustache. Her collars are all adorable and of impeccable quality and soon she’ll be offering engraving on their tags, too.

We ordered Poppy’s collar here from Etsy seller minihundpets. It is also of fantastic quality and the seller is super nice. I adore the strawberry print on Poppy’s collar! Unfortunately, Poppy hates the bell. I mean, she tolerates it better now that she’s worn it awhile, but my god that cat wanted to murder me when I first put it on her.

Last but never least is Zorro. He needed a new collar, too, since that whippersnapper Jupiter took off with his old one. I ordered this gorgeous sparkly turquoise collar from Etsy seller SecretCatLounge. Even though they are based in Australia the collar came very quickly, and packaged adorably, too.

The sparkles are very subtle, but they are there. Again, wonderful quality. I picked out this lime green bell for a dollar more and couldn’t be happier with how it looks on Zorro.

My Mom did his colors--he's a Spring!

Some other fun cat links:

Cats. Where they do not belong. (via @shinyinfo)

Crafting with Cat Hair. I used to joke about making a sweater out of Zorro fur. I was just a joke I swear.

A List of Non-toxic Houseplants. Also good to know if you have kids.

The Best Drift Cats. After porn, the internet was made for cat videos.

The Best Scratching Post Ever. I’m hoping I can convince Anthony we need this.

Legwarmers for Your Cat. You’ve already knitted a sweater out of cat fur. You may as well go all the way.

get it off get it off get it off

Scrapbook: Blankets

16 Jul

Remember the cloth cleaning rags? Isobel is good at finding alternate uses for them.

25lbs of Love

1 May

Organization: Before

2 Jan

In keeping with my New Year’s Goals, Anthony and I are aggressively going through the house on a cleaning and organizing crusade. Here are some of the Before shots in all their sordid glory.

Above we have the desk. It’s a large, vintage, all-steel desk that was made in the fifties and used by my father in the warehouse where he worked for nearly thirty years. It’s giant. It’s a behemoth of metal and the matching chair alone probably weighs more than I do. It’s huge, which sometimes just means there’s more room for junk. Behind it is my bulletin board. If you sent us a card in early December, you might find yourself on it.

Also if you are a Star Trek: TNG fan, prepare to be very jealous. Note the screen saver. Anthony also set the computer up to all the vocal responses of the computer of the Enterprise. In fact, our whole computer is Enterprise computer-themed. Yep. The two of us? We’re bringing dorky back.

Clutter has been building up all over the house. Behind the chair in the library is one of the areas that I shove things when I don’t want to deal with them. I call it my Secret Shame.

The majority of the Christmas toys still live in the family room. The nursery needs a total makeover into a little girl’s room.

This is what happened when I pulled all the toys out of Isobel’s room to sort and redistribute. Thank goodness for naps.

Not only are we taking out the crib and leveling up the bedroom, I’m also trying to sort through the chaos that is the closet. This was the state of things before she was born. Now it is no where near as neat, but it is just as full. She has clothes in her size plus larger and smaller. It’s a nightmare and I need to get stuff to storage, donations, and to pass on to my friend’s baby Abby. God, what a nightmare.

Before I return to work I we’re also going to tackle the garage an the attic. I hope the After photos are worth it.

As of this revision, the desk area is mostly done. I don’t have flattering After photos to share with you, but this might do for now:

The Good, The Bread, & the Zorro

9 Oct

Evidence: Exhibit A

The other day we returned from the store and as I started unbagging things and putting them away Isobel apparently decided she was hungry. For bread. So while I wasn’t looking she grabbed a loaf of bread, opened it, and started eating it plain. That’s my girl! Mmm, bread sandwich.

When I was done unpacking the food I noticed her with the bread in her mouth and started snapping pictures. I also found evidence of what she’d done on the floor.

Before we had Isobel Zorro showed a marked terror of children. Whenever a child of any sort came over, from baby to toddler to school-aged kid, his eyes would get all big and he’d run for his hiding spot under the end table near the couch. From there he was completely safe but had a perfect vantage point from which to observe the toddling threat.

It’s probably a good thing that he hasn’t totally outgrown that tendency.

"I couldn't help but notice you had a noms."

 

Many of you who follow me on twitter know that Isobel’s latest endeavor has been her repeated attempts to ride Zorro like he was some sort of orange pony. Now, at 25lbs, Zorro is a big boy. The vet even remarked about how large he was while he was side by side with a giant Saint Bernard.

These aren’t the best photos but I did get some of her attempting to ride him. They don’t accurately portray the hilarity of her walking up to him, slinging one leg over him and sitting down on top of him in one quick motion. They also don’t accurately convey his horror at someone treating him like a pack mule. You can see some of it in the pitiful meow, but really, the full effect of it is hilarious.

Zorro has NO INTENTION OF LETTING HER RIDE HIM EVER.

Not that that stops her from trying.

Clinic Duty

10 May

Taking the cats to the shot clinic this weekend really reminded me why I should never leave the house with my pets. It was as stressful and frustrating as I thought it would be. I honestly don’t know how Gigi has managed to move across Europe with Pablo and Tobias.

The easiest part of the day was dropping Isobel off at my bestie’s on our way to the clinic. She obviously had a great time there and didn’t miss us at all. She even felt at home enough to tell their cats “NO!” repeatedly. She’s thoughtful like that.

My mom literally saved us by letting us borrow the cage-type carriers she uses for her trap-neuter-return program. The last thing I wanted to worry about was Peaches eating his way out of the carrier again and running amok at the clinic. The first time was bad enough.

And I had never put Zorro in a cardboard cat carrier and I was not at all sure it’d be up to snuff for lugging his 25lb-carcass around. I can just picture the bottom collasping and orange cat going everywhere. Zorro was pretty cramped in the cage carrier, and we had to hold it from the bottom or the handle would break, but we did it.

As soon as we put them in the car Zorro started howling. Not his typical tiny-cat meow, either. Full-on, top-volume mrowling. I waited in the car with them while Anthony stood in line and Zorro kept it up the entire hour.

Peach however, remained pretty calm, but clearly trying to escape from the cage, testing the bars and scratching at the corners. He’s been to the vet and the shot clinic many times, plus one time our neighbor took him to the pound, so he’s been on lockdown before. He probably has PTSD.

When Anthony gets near the front of the line we get the cats and wait to see the vet. She is quite astonished by Zorro’s size and he takes the two vaccines calmly. We do Peach next and when the vet sees him she remarks, “Oh! You have a little one, too!” Now, I wouldn’t call an 18lb Manx little, but after seeing Zorro your perspective tends to be a bit skewed.  Zorro took his shots with no complaints but as soon as Peaches is out of the box he starts yowling and fighting back. It’s all the vet and I can to do hold him down. Finally, we are done. We pack up the cats and head home.

Zorro seems eternally grateful to be back and Peaches seems laid back but is actually quietly biding his time. Turns out he had a plan: later that day Mr. Peach takes his revenge and urinates on my side of the bed.