Tag Archives: Garden Gnomes


6 Oct

Over the weekend I mentioned on twitter that I do a fairly accurate Baby Jaguar impersonation due to my frequent exposure to Go, Diego, Go. When challenged to offer up proof of this, I somewhat unwisely shot this video with Isobel. Just in case you were wondering what a grown-ass woman impersonating a talking jaguar sounds like. You’re welcome. I also maybe allude to the fact Foofa sounds high. Maybe.

Notable things that also I occurred this past week: I successfully put my bestie’s toddler Kingston down for a nap, Tristina surprised me by sending me these gorgeous handwarmers, and Laura posted this hilarious video. It’s at the end, so keep scrolling down past all those adorable photos of her daughter Sonora no matter how much it makes your ovaries twinge. Anthony and I also took some time out to go to the amazing Ansel Adams exhibit at a local museum and then on a grown-up date to a local brewery.

Yesterday I posted some Halloween decoration inspiration and I threatened to name my front door gnome Marky Mark if a better suggestion wasn’t made. My favorite nominees include: Gnoman Mailer, Gnome Chomsky, Gnome Deplume, Gnome Mercy, Snooki, and Matt Damon.  Marky Mark was declared the winner, however, after it was pointed out that the rest of my gnomes would qualify as the Funky Bunch. I think I’m going to have to update my Life List to reflect this ideal.

Scrapbook: Anthony’s Nap

20 Aug

Anthony had a late night one weekend.

Anthony: What are you doing?

Me: I’m putting this mushroom next to you and taking your picture.

Anthony: Why?

Me: Because you’re adorable when you’re sleepies! Also you remind me of my garden gnome.

Anthony: …

Me: *click click click*

Anthony: …

Garden Gnome Update: Mushrooms

12 May

I have an update on the gnome situation: mushrooms! If there’s one thing I love more than garden gomes in the garden, it’s mushrooms. In fact, “mushroom” was one of Isobel’s first words. I have so many mushrooms decorating the house that it was frequently pointed out to her. I still need more gnomes to fulfill the item on my Life List, but I think ceramic mushrooms totally count.

Here’s her stripy legs, bogarting the mushroom photo op.


Kingston came over to play awhile ago and in true Danger Baby fashion he immediately picked one up and smashed it on the ground. He is a total hulk baby. I know his Mama felt bad, but no worries! This just meant I got to go back to the store for more mushrooms. Besides, the top was still perfect, so I stuck it in with my geranium.

When I went back to Raley’s for another mushroom, I noticed that they had more kinds than last time, so I added them to my collection as well.


Having to go back for more mushrooms is win-win, Angela.

Life List: Fill a Garden with Gnomes

8 Mar

How very fortuitous that in my last post about our cozy backyard Death Trap, Sara mentioned using the waterfall as a gnome stand. I already have a garden full of Buddhas, and just recently I started fulfilling Life List item #107: Populate the garden with a village of gnomes.

A couple weeks ago we were roaming the aisles of Costco, looking for firewood because the heater was out again, and I believe I threatened Anthony by saying that I was going to spend the weekend in the shower unless we got a fire going. Costco was totally out of firewood, but I did find gnomes. I was ecstatic and naturally told Anthony I was going to spend the weekend in the shower unless he bought me garden gnomes, but he didn’t even hear me—by that point he was already loading the gnomes into the cart.

We put one by the front door because he looked so welcoming, holding his little lantern as if to say, ‘Come on in, friends!’ Although I’m going to have to teach him to bite the shins and headbutt the groins of solicitors. Isobel likes to greet him and pat him on the head when we come home. I like to think of him as our woodland bouncer.

I told Anthony that they needed names, but since Isobel already refers to them as “Santas,” it’s kind of a lost cause. And oh, look! They came with care instructions!

I found a gnome last year while thrifting, but he’s vintage and delicate and we keep him inside. I’m really not even sure I can defend his gnomehood, because an equally valid argument could be made for him being a dockworker or a fisherman. He’s playing the concertina, so the argument could be made either way. Isobel is obsessed with him and calls him “baby.”

 Costco only had two models of gnomes. I’m going to have to go out searching for more, because two gnomes isn’t so much a village as it is a domestic partnership. If anyone has seen some cute gnomes for sale, let me know.

So, This Happened

6 Dec

In the spirit of my Posts About Random, here are some random things that have happened lately.



Anthony and I snuck out while the baby was with Grandma and watched the latest installment of Harry Potter. Before the show was a Glenn Beck commercial. This is how that went down:

Me: Honey. Please. Be quiet. I really don’t want to be lynched today.

At least one other person was laughing, which made our day.



While my Dad and I were trying to get the turkey in the oven on Thanksgiving, Jupiter jumped on the counter, stole the gizzard, and ran down the hall into Isobel’s bedroom.

He spent the rest of the day locked in the garage.



Anthony: I really want to play D&D now.
Me: Okay. Sure. Fine by me.
Anthony: No, I mean right now.
Me: Uh. We’re in the car.
Anthony: You love garden gnomes, right? You could be a gnome!
Me: I don’t think they’re the same as D&D gnomes.
Anthony: We’ll make an exception. You can be a garden gnome. Suddenly, by the roses, you see Voldemort! What do you do?
Me: I attack him.
Anthony: With what?
Me: Tiny gnome axes. Like, a bunch of them. All garden gnomes have little axes. Or tiny hammers. I throw them at his shins.
Anthony: Okay, then what do you do?
Me: Um… I pull down my trousers to relieve myself?
Anthony: You’ve confused Voldemort! Your attack is successful!