Tag Archives: Grocery Store

Follow Friday: Grocery Store

7 Oct

Here I am, taking photos of my kid in the grocery store. Again. Enjoy!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

rstevens The glass can be half-full, but my battery will always be half-empty.

keli_h oh, nothing … just sitting here eating cold leftover rotisserie chicken out of a baggie.

lovegrrbottle So we thought the giant metal contraption left in our garage was a large composter, but turns out it’s a large bingo wheel. We win?

thegrumbles model home toilets DO work. #tipoftheday

theleanover Prof just walked by and looked at my screen: Twitter, Favstar, Night Court. I’m now out of the B range.

allisonthemeep Audrey is saying, “meow” and pointing at the computer. Time for some serious kitty video watching on youtube, you guys.

trumpetcake My hand puppet doesn’t take requests, it only sings “Moon River” at the top of its lungs. Everyone in this Bloodmobile is loving it!

Athenabee Autocorrect correct just made me sign an email message as Mafia Brocus 😡

lovegrrbottle @Cre8BeautyDaily @milonguera there was the time I taught my little brother to say “I wanna be a stripper!” when he grew up.

MeganBoley Goals: pay bills. Procure Chipotle. #aimhigh

EvenMoreSarah Apple introduced a new phone. If you like Apple, you may be interested. If you don’t, you may not be. There. That’s a whole day of tweets.

ProfessorSnack Like the premium cable companies, I will start offering new tweet content on a limited basis every 1 1/2 years. We’re between seasons now.

MrWordsWorth That bag of Doritos was the second best lover I ever had.

steenyweeny why is my eyeball quivering? what does it know that my brain does not?

GoonSquadSarah If a bowl of Count Chocula has 10% the recommended daily allowance of Vitamin C, then I need to eat 10 bowls of it. Right?

hotdogsladies My benchmarks say iPhone 4 is now getting “accidentally dropped on the sidewalk” 46% more often than previous things we don’t tell our wife.

MassageByTed A lot of people in the Midwest seem to think that it’s possible to dress up a sweatshirt.

johnmoe Little known fact: Chris Christie’s full name is Christopher Chris Christo Topher Kristofferson Christie Kristi Vicki Barcelona.

adiopink The only time the front doorbell rings is when someone is selling something. I should probably take the insincere “Welcome” plaque down.

slackmistress I love when @betheboy & I tag-team dinner. (By that I mean we individually have sex with our dinner.)

PlumeriaSprite @exlibris You need a black widow killing Helper Roomba.

maggiesox I am so very glad we didn’t watch Dexter during dinner.

mermaidpants Someone in the library is singing “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King.”

80sMomKara Hipsters: Now you pretend to not care how silly you look. When you get to be my age, you won’t care for real.

ProfessorSnack According to Twitter, “The” appears to be the most popular first name given to babies for the last couple of decades.

Angel__Bee Nothing says professionalism like finding peanut butter in your work bag.

real_danimal Some days it is Difficult. You may find it hard to Do Things. Here is a slogan you may want to repeat: Proceed As If Not Doomed.

bitchylibrarian I just found chocolate on my forehead. So THAT’S where that went.

eihposa Peggy Bundy is my spirit animal

OngoingBS Rappers are soft. I wish I only had 99 problems.

BillCorbett If you love someone, set them free! (“Them” = all those other people you kidnapped and imprisoned, annoying your loved one.) #grammar #Sting

lindseylu Was eaten by mosquitoes the other night so I guess they’re my boyfriend now.

markleggett Where do burps go? Heaven?

badbanana I ate so much candy corn yesterday, I just pooped a candle.

killorn Of all the things you can say about @courtneystodden, “master of alliteration” is probably the most surprising.

MmeSurly I just pulled way too many muscles to ever be considered young again.

theleanover Went to three art galleries today. Symphony tonight. Just in case you need a reason to beat me up, jocks.

LPCookbook Help I am in Urban Outfitters

Squirreljustice Thinking about moving back to NC and opening a chain of consignment stores called “Play It Again Jorts.”

jonniker If Dexter ruins my crush on Mos Def, I’m going to be PISSED. He’s one of my most sacred longtime fake boyfriends.

Lilacmess Got to hear a 4 yr old sing Flo Rida today at the shooting range. That’s pretty high on the Reno Scale.

theleanover Installed rabbit ears on my mom’s TV. The only channel we get shows football so now I’m being forced into manhood.

UnicornFlavored I like to not look a twitter for 5 hours and then reply to all your old tweets.

shinyinfo Is there cleaning staff on the Enterprise or is there just an army of roombas?

FlyteAphrodite The Time Traveler’s Wife movie has stuff in it I forgot from when I read the book. Apparently there’s a character that travels through time.

ClevelandPoet Not only did I talk to my shoelaces as they came untied but what I said was “are you serious bro?” #wwwyki

bitchylibrarian I just put my hoodie on backwards. It’s going to be that kind of day.

beingthefunmama Anytime I see or hear “Istanbul,” I must sing “Not Constantinople.”

dejah_thoris I think my jeans are finally baggy enough to start that #nerdcore rap career I’ve been threatening to get into.

ecsuperhero I wasn’t sore after running six miles, but after scrubbing the kitchen floor, I can hardly walk. Housework is dumb.

anneheathen Just picked up no fewer than 14 dog toys from the living room. We have 2 dogs. This is what DINKs do.

UnicornFlavored My kid suddenly doesn’t like pizza? I’d send her back, but she’s a lot bigger than she was when she came out.

allisonthemeep “I believe children are the future.” – Whitney Houston. WRONG! It’s robots.

BugginWord OH: Irish fairies are jerks-always kidnapping babies and stuff. Stay away from those woodland creeps. #ILoveBookStores

TheRedQueen Groupon just offered me 82% off a pearl necklace. Slow down, Groupon, you are moving a little fast.

EvenMoreSarah I want a week alone in a hotel room with no obligations outside of drinking and getting my hair highlighted.

Angel__Bee Apparently not one, but two people were brought to my blog through the search “baby hamsters.”

Lilacmess I’m going to write a memoir about my experience here. I’ll call it: “My Life as a PhD Student: Fear, Doubt, Uncertainty, and Syfy TV.”

stevelibrarian Knuffle Bunny #fridayreads

lauracope LOL like nobody’s watching. thanks for making my Friday, dudebrah on the Coupa patio.

crunchyvtmommy I’m giving this baby my phone and spacing out for the next 18 months.

jenstatsky Every rose has its thorn. Every office has its Sheila.

TheRedQueen If I ever figure out who is the one letting their dogs bark all night I will find a way to pipe the sound of my kid screaming in their house.

milonguera A not quite 4 year old’s version of a fire drill is super awesome. Half telling you what to do and lots of THERE WAS NO REAL FIRE soothing.

Mama_Mash So, my husband’s first Klout perk…was a denim trucker hat. WOW.

pistolval Driving by the high school always reminds me to start saving for boarding school.

willradik The world around us exists because some atoms want to give an electron and some want to take it. That’s right. Atoms are doin’ it. #science

helgagrace I love Past Anna. She put M&Ms in my drawer for just this sort of moment.

mat Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, I find myself wishing commenters had to enter a home address to register so I could bring them cookies

sgnp I imagine Heck is a broken-down amusement park version of Hell. Pretty empty, nothing really works. The Darned shuffle lazily, bored.

notthatkendall The fact that working from home and streaming Netflix have grown in popularity at about the same time can’t be a coincidence.

LisaMcIntire Free campaign idea: send cantaloupes to any candidate or elected official railing against food safety laws.

Athenabee I want to put shock collars on the neighbours that leave their dogs out to bark 20 hours a day. Not the dogs, the actual neighbours.

FlyteAphrodite The question, folks, is whether or not I can locate a building that’s on the same street as my own home.

colsonwhitehead It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. Nothing good comes easy, people.

mikeleffingwell For my audition, I will be doing a monologue from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof: “Meow! Fuck that’s hot! My paw pads! A tin roof? A TIN roof?!”

whithonea I can’t believe my kids want to eat AGAIN. They just had breakfast 5 hours ago.

EmperorNorton Sincere conservatives, broadminded centrists, and thoughtful progressives made this country great. The #teaparty wants to undo that.

elliemce Thanks for holding the door open for me, but I’ve been practicing opening doors for months, so this is kinda supposed to be my moment.

jerryrenek Every generation gets the nip slip it deserves.

slackmistress If you can’t beat ’em, create a master race of tiny robots to destroy them.

MassageByTed Employees must wash hands before fist-bumping.

Greeblemonkey Working on a school project with Dex, where he has to build a model of a building. He chose – wait for it – The Muppet Theater.

WindsorGrace My mom just said her dog is the Jackie Kennedy of dogs.

steenyweeny trying to clean the kitchen from my bed is challenging but i’m pretty sure i can do it.

LouisPeitzman The fact that I’m watching Halloween: Resurrection means that Tyra Banks has already won.

shinyinfo I hope Obama somehow incorporates “Bringing back Arrested Development” into his 2012 campaign.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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The True Meaning of Superbowl Sunday

8 Feb

Someone found my blog yesterday by searching, “Bitch doesn’t think I can multitask,” and that impressed me so much I’ve decided to make it my motto. This website’s never had a motto, mostly because I’ve never thought about  having one before, but I think I’m going start now: every month (or every other month, or however this turns out) I’m going to choose a new motto based on a search term someone uses to find my blog.

Bitches, in case you didn’t know, I do know how to multitask.

Isobel picked out her own outfit

Last weekend a couple of amazing things happened:

1. Isobel had a real poop(tm). It was a miracle; a blessed nugget from heaven. Anyone who’s changed two straight weeks of poopy diapers will tell you, regular poop is a fucking relief after dealing with rancid, painful diarrhea.

2. I have talked so much about Isobel’s diarrhea lately I can now correctly spell “diarrhea” on the first try. I still cannot spell “gonorrhea” correctly without spell check, a flaw I sincerely hope I always have.

3. I found another wasp in my kitchen. I FOUND ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKING WASP IN MY KITCHEN. This is not okay, but it is technically amazing: a wasp is in my kitchen because global warming has granted us an unseasonably warm winter, thereby waking the wasps early, thereby allowing them to invade my sacred dining room. Oh, you’re waiting for the amazing part: I guess some people still don’t believe in global warming. To them I say: I hope your kitchen is infested with wasps.

We went to the store on Superbowl Sunday. We went early, around noon, thinking that everyone would be at home watching the game. Apparently we still had several hours till the game started and everyone and their Cheesehead buddy (I don’t know what you’d call Steelers fans; Weld Heads? Alloys?) was at the store picking up beer and party platters. Isobel was in fine spirits after days and days of ear infection, and she passed the time while we shopped by singing Happy Birthday, the ABCs, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Isobel likes to create hybrids of songs that she knows with the same melody. Recently she combined “Frere Jacques” and “Where is Thumbkin?” and to save time she sings, “Where is Jacques?”

While browsing the aisles I picked up a lime-green bucket for toy storage, and by the time we reached the produce department, Isobel had put it on her head and was singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU at top volume. A great start to any Sunday.

We ended up playing Castlevania and making soup and I reflected on the True Meaning of Superbowl Sunday: my intolerance of spicy food. I’ve always been intolerant of spicy food, a fact that I’ve long lamented. If I could chose a regular special power, I’d totally choose the ability to eat extremely spicy things. I regularly miss out and my friend Jacob has said that I win the White Prize. Which I’m assuming is a jar of mayo.

Anthony firmly believes I just need to increase my spicy food tolerance, and I’m cautious, but I’m game. I asked him what I should start with and he suggested Taco Bell Mild Sauce. This does not bode well for me working up to a taco truck burrito, but this summer, I’m going to go for it.

I’m almost done here but no post about the Super Bowl is complete without mentioning the commercials. There’s no point to them anymore, people. The best commercial ever has already been made: enter The Nannerpuss. Somehow Denny’s thought that the Nannerpuss would convince people that they wanted a serious breakfast, but all it did was convince me that someone needs to give that nanner a reality show.

 

Photos: Grocery Store

30 Jan