Tag Archives: Marriage

Follow Friday – Anthony’s Birthday

27 Jan

My husband Anthony and I have theory that most people tweet while using the bathroom.

“You tweet pretty regularly,” you might say to a friend. “Good for you!”

Or, “I’ve noticed you haven’t tweeted in awhile. I’m concerned. Are you getting enough fiber?”

Today is the birthday of my husband and best friend. This one’s for you, love.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

lunchyprices I don’t understand why Beyonce and Jay-Z didn’t name their baby ‘BeJay’.

mocoddle Watching Futurama means that the main character of any book I read after will be voiced, in my head, by Bender.

UnicornFlavored Me trying to encourage a girl @ gym: “You got this, girl! You’re a unicorn!” Another girl: “I don’t..what..I don’t get how she’s a unicorn”

NicLewis BLAST RADIUS #NewSweatpantsLogos

ElKaboing Pimples and Dimples #NewSweatpantsLogos

mitdasein COLOSTOMY #NewSweatpantsLogos

NicLewis DINGLE BERRIES #NewSweatpantsLogos

owlparliament LOOSE STOOLS #NewSweatpantsLogos

owlparliament I AM CORNHOLIO #NewSweatpantsLogos

NikkiGlaser Shouldn’t PINK be on the front of Victoria Secret sweatpants?

RideOrDiePudge Every licensed beautician should know what you’re talking about when you say “Give me the Greatest American Hero.”

johnmoe When you watch football with a 3yo, you learn that all the mans are hugging each other.

missokistic Rick Perry says South Carolina is at war with the federal government. He does know how that ended last time, right?

MassageByTed If I say “I don’t watch football” & you hear “Let’s discuss yesterday’s games at length,” then CONGRATULATIONS you’re management material.

ScrewyDecimal While reading a book about bears during storytime, I accidentally asked the kids “What sound does a BEER make?” Worst. Librarian. Ever.

Toaster_Pastry I used to get a free pen. Now I don’t get a free pen. I can put up with a lot of bullshit with a free pen.

coldcarryouts The language is love. The grammar is tacos.

shariv67 Babies are like those popular kids in high school who you want desperately to like you even though they treat you like shit.

ElwoodJBlues It seems wrong to be eating toaster waffles and tater tots while watching #TopChef, but here I am.

Smethanie Just think how many MORE pics of cats there’d be on the Internet if felines had opposable thumbs to take and upload bathroom mirror shots.

BridgetCallahan If Edith Wharton were alive today, she would totally be writing for Gossip Girl.

pattonoswalt Here, this should cover Wikipedia for 24 hours: The Beatles, Shakespeare, Anwar Sadat, Rhode Island, & anal fistula

jwordfish the internet just occupied itself

theleanover I wasn’t concerned about SOPA/PIPA until I realized it could shut down Garfield Minus Garfield.

gabek I’ve never blacked out from drinking before, but I’m willing to find out what it takes to support our stand against #SOPA.

JoeVelouria Jokes on you guys. I boycott SOAP twenty-two days a month.

oodja Pluto is a planet. #FactsWithoutWikipedia (Too soon?)

robdelaney #SOPA me, motherfuckers & I’ll use your other enemy, the glorious US Postal Service to MAIL my tweets to your kids.

TwoAdults Yesterday Ezra asked me where the Elf (Elphabet…) was. “I haven’t seen him around, Mama. Where is he? IS HE EATING TREATS?!!!”

robdelaney Simultaneous orgasms are cool, but when you’ve been with someone for a while, simultaneous farts are fun too.

SpaghettiJesus “I CAN’T BELIEVE PAULA DEEN IS A DIABETIC!” – said no one bc Paula Deen is the historic source of all diabetes.

johnmoe Fun day of RTs. Thanks to Marvin Luther King, Martin Lutheran King, Martian Luther King, and the Luther Kings from all the other planets.

duckyouforever I’m live chatting Oprah’s interview with Gov. Chris Christie and there’s a joke in here somewhere but I think it’s on me.

MrBigFists Elevator? Nonsense. This is a traveling hugging booth and I see you’ve selected the button for 16 hugs. So let’s get to it. Come here, you!

shelikespurple I may not be planning to have any more babies, but I do plan to wear my maternity yoga pants for the rest of my life.

morninggloria Was disappointed to discover that mammograms aren’t short boob-related messages. Even sadder that there is no “singing mammogram” option.

owlparliament @exlibris Have I ever told you about the time I got confused with Swiper and said “Snatcher no snatching!” real loud?

tommycm my early misspelling of ‘existential’ has made the crisis all the more telling.

robdelaney I fucking jizz every morning when I tear yesterday’s page off my cat calendar & see a NEW cat in a fun situation!

thebryanchamp I’d like to have sex with a rich person because they’re really good at fucking the poor.

MagpieLibrarian SOMEONE ON THE INTERNET IS WRONG!

willgoldstein I already regret staying up this late for tomorrow. I pregret it. #newword #feelfreetouseit

thecajunboy Mitt Romney just asked the boys to toss some more cash logs into the fire.

SpeakerBoehner Man, I am DESTROYING this chair with farts. Is this thing over yet? #SOTU

markleggett Male cyclists shouldn’t be allowed to have ponytails, so I don’t have to question my sexuality on the drive to work every morning.

alwysabridesmd I hope no one else is at the gym tonight so I can pass gas with impunity during my run. Sorry I ate all those lentils you guys.

markleggett Last night’s dream starred Tim Curry. My imagination spares no expense.

theleanover Obvious joke? OK, Obvious joke: Hyperbole is the worst thing that ever happened to language.

Guydelines Anti-drug campaigns should simply be pictures of Steven Tyler with the phrase “He does drugs!”

MassageByTed I hope some casting agents saw my heroic sprint for the bus this morning.

finslippy I’m sure I can have one more cup of coffee and I’ll be just whoops I’m having a heart attack.

JRehling I just sneezed as I was about to click on something and now everything on my computer is in Malaysian.

pnkrcklibrarian Fell asleep last night watching Antiques Roadshow. Party hard, bitches! Party. Hard.

gonnakillhim “Teach me how to” may be the scariest words to type into Google.

johnhenrymuller Our 7-year-old started using air quotes. It’s about to get “real.”

mstcambot just watched a squirrel successfully pick up an empty iced coffee cup, turn it over, and drink out of the straw. DAY = MADE.

alwysabridesmd On the one hand, I just dropped a tampon on the counter while paying for overpriced water. On the other, I got the elevator to myself. Hm.

nickkroll I would totally elect Mitt Romney to be an actor in Viagra commercial.

shinyinfo I outreach like a son of a bitch. I am out reaching like no other person has reached out before in their ridiculous reaching lives!

thejohnblog Before Bruce Willis figured out he was a ghost in ‘The Sixth Sense,’ his character was probably worried it had been so long since he pooped.

robdelaney Women are like canoes. Actually they’re really more like kayaks. Which one has the pointy things? OK; I don’t understand canoes/women.

MassageByTed I think I’ll go home and record some club music by combining a super loud click track and the autotuned bleating of one wounded sheep.

luckyshirt I just wish facebook would try to fit more information into my eyeballs all at once.

duckyouforever Please be advised that there will no longer be a day known as Monday. In the Hobbit tradition, we now have Second Sunday.

rolldiggity “Yeah, I guess I’m a pretty good water receptacle.” -Glass that is half full of itself

justaboutagirl 10 am and we already need another pot of coffee. I’m so proud of us!

danforthfrance I may have had too much coffee, he said performing Chopin’s Military Polonaise as a hambone.

UnicornFlavored It trips me out that a lady wearing “mom jeans”, clogs, and a Navajo print mini backpack would be considered more fashionable than me.

gracehelbig Happy Butter, Paula Dean! Oh god, I mean birthday. How insensibutter of me. Ah! I’m butter! Sorry! Ah! Your heart works so hard!

thegrumbles dear @keli_h, i will share the same sage advice that was told to me as a boy-mom, “now you’ve had TWO penises in you at the same time.”

jenstatsky Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses — I’m making a weird ass collage.

OhNoSheTwitnt Apparently shouting “where’s your G now?!” on Monday mornings at all my coworkers who say “TGIF!!” on Fridays isn’t very “professional.”

chickenscottpie Accidentally said “automatic death” instead of “sudden death,” and now I think “automatic death” would make football way more interesting.

mikeleffingwell My favorite sequels are Wrath of Khan, The Dark Knight, and World War II.

UnicornFlavored I was going to ask Kyle if he’d get me a glass of water since he was near the kitchen, til I noticed he was elbow deep in a ball scratch.

pattonoswalt That long-handled shoehorn was the iPhone 4S of 1916. #DowntonPBS

pattonoswalt Is there a form of sexuality called “homo-Bates-ual”? #DowntonPBS

lauracope remind me to take all these browser tabs to the Goodwill when i get home.

nancyupton The ultimate first world problem? Getting truffle salt in your eye after making scrambled egg whites. Let’s all hate me together.

GoonSquadSarah Ian just told his playdate “It is your time to shine!”

alyankovic Paul’s First Blog Post to the Corinthians #UpdatedNewTestament

jenstatsky Just spent 15 minutes trying to zipper my coat, then sent my parents an apology for sending me to college.

RideOrDiePudge Apparently my efforts to lead an impromptu slave revolt went unappreciated by the management of Colonial Williamsburg.

JVdesigns And for those who think there is no good in the world, a dude just paused a drug transaction to tell me I dropped my glove

robdelaney DOCTORS ONLY: Did Paula Deen catch diabetes when that guy threw a ham at her face?

VegasWalkinDude “We built this titty. We built this titty from silicone. Built this titty. We built this titty from silicone.” – Plastic surgeon rock anthem

badbananaThrowing a pie in Newt Gingrich’s face is at least a two-pie job.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Scrapbook: Jose and Lupe’s Wedding

19 Sep

I don’t think I could sum up all the fun we had at our friends’ Jose and Lupe’s wedding. A million wonderful things happened, large and small, and it seems impossible that all those events were packed into two short days. I’m not even going to attempt a recap, so instead I’m just going to share snippets of my my favorite memories. These are the things I’ll remember:

The Mexican folk sayings that were read as part of the ceremony. Anthony leaning over and whispering their meanings in my ear, as the entire ceremony was conducted in Spanish.

The absolute, exquisite beauty of Lupe. Gorgeous on a bad day, she looked like a goddess.

Stef and I dressing like identical little old ladies.

Melynda’s awesome black feather fascinator.

How skinny Angela looked.

How nice Zack looked.

How utterly happy Jose and Lupe looked.

How, as a group, we managed to stand in the least convenient spots for a group to stand in throughout our trip.

Heading to dim sum post-ceremony because Dave threatened to catch and eat lizards.

Stef and I spilling bits of dim sum on our dresses. I accidentally dropped rice in my bra and told everyone I’d be throwing it at Jose and Lupe later.

Seeing our friend Aaron again for the first time in years.

Everyone sharing whatever they ordered.

Dave ordering the giant meat balls.

 The inevitable piping match that broke out while waiting for the piñata.

Jake and Ben’s best men speech, and how they tied in Jose’s love of comics and superheroes.

The first drink I ordered wasn’t mixed properly and it came out so gross I couldn’t help but say, “Oh, gross! This tastes like the dentist!” This prompted so much curiosity from my friends that we passed the drink around the table and everyone sampled “the dentists drink.”


Jacob, who had been drinking, trying to convince his younger brother Caleb, who had not been drinking, to drive Ben’s car home because Ben is drunk. Although Caleb immediately agrees to drive the car, Jacob continues to try to persuade Cay to drive home for at least five more minutes, wherein Cay agrees to do it several more times. Fun fact: Ben is not actually drunk. At all.

Angela and I dancing to a song and realizing everyone knows the words to except us. Agreeing it’s not on our ipods nor is it from a children’s song. Realizing we are old.

The pastel song, and me explaining to everyone that the lyrics were basically “We want cake, cake, cake, cake, cake!” Everyone’s surprise at its meaning, followed by everyone agreeing that it was the best song ever. Angela declaring, “I want that as my ringtone!”

Lupe’s parents, who were among the first on the dance floor and the last to leave. They danced us all under the table.

The crazy crack-the-whip game the single men and women played before the bouquet and garter toss. The men flying by while we cheered for our friends. The line snaking past us and Jake shouting back, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!” Poor Zack at the end, taking a beating.

Dancing to Mexican music with no real knowledge of how to do so. Looking completely ridiculous. The wildly inappropriate dancing we were doing in general. The wedding photographers crowding around us to take photos of the crazy white people.

The little boy who crashed hard and fell asleep before the reception was over. How sweetly he was draped over his father’s shoulder as he was carried home.

Realizing we’re probably going to make fun of Angela’s mom when we’re ninety, at which point we’ll have to end each joke with “may she rest in peace.”

Being driven back to the hotel by Melynda and Justin and comparing Dick Cheney to a honey badger while drunk tweeting. The first tweet made me sound way drunker than I was because autocorrected changed almost every word in that sentence. In autocorrect’s defense, however, I have no idea what I was actually trying to say. And, incase you were wondering, yes, Melynda is my homepants.

The $4.00 bottle of water in every hotel room.

The imagining the people who used to live in historic Dolce Hayes Mansion.

The telephones next to the toilets.

Discovering the copy of the Teachings of Buddha in lieu of the traditional Bible in our hotel drawer.

Anthony falling asleep on the Walton’s hotel room bed, snoring in the middle of our conversation. Stefanie saying I was going to have to fireman-carry him back to the hotel room. Me waking him up and Anthony thinking we’re calling it a night because I’m tired.

Waking up the next day and finding our hotel to be out of the motherfucking coffee. Inconceivable! Doesn’t this hotel know that we are old and hung over and we need our goddamn coffee?

Stealing hotel chairs from the various lounge areas to add to the Walton’s hotel room as it filled with more and more people.

The table at breakfast with the inane graffiti.

Justin, grabbing my camera to take photos while I am dancing. As is our custom, we will each take the other’s camera and take photos on it when the other is not around, including at least one gratuitous shot of someone’s butt. Justin, upping the ante by taking three gratuitous butt shots, including one belonging to his dancing, and completely unaware, wife.

The constant, hilarious, occasionally staged, photo bombs. It practically became a competition by the end of the night.

Anthony waking up early and staggering into the bathroom. He makes such a strange noise I think he must be barfing excess alcohol. Worried, I rush in to find him standing at the sink, water bottle in hand, crying, “FOUR FUCKING DOLLARS?!”

Scrapbook: Anthony’s Nap

20 Aug

Anthony had a late night one weekend.

Anthony: What are you doing?

Me: I’m putting this mushroom next to you and taking your picture.

Anthony: Why?

Me: Because you’re adorable when you’re sleepies! Also you remind me of my garden gnome.

Anthony: …

Me: *click click click*

Anthony: …

Little Big Links: Shapeshifters and Magicians

20 Jul

Before I get to all the link goodness, I need to tell you a story.

One day last week, I woke up and let Jupiter in after his long night of carousing through the neighborhood and murdering things. He wasn’t wearing his green collar. He was wearing a blue collar, the collar he had previously lost somewhere outside last March. Almost immediately after we made the decision for Jupiter to be an indoor-outdoor kitty he had last the fancy Etsy collar we gave him.

After Jupiter lost the blue collar, he became proficient in murdering small helpless animals, and decapitated lizards and fatally wounded birds started showing up on our doorstep in an alarming number. Anthony and I realized that for the sake of nature we needed to put a ring on it–or more specifically, we needed to give Jupiter a new collar that had a bell.

That day Jupiter wandered in the house as if nothing was wrong, as if he wasn’t wearing a collar that had just disappeared off the face of the Earth several months ago, new collar nowhere to be found. When Anthony woke up I told him I had a story for him, and I alerted him to the fact that our cat was most likely haunted That’s when I found out Anthony had a story for me.

The night before Anthony had been playing in the yard with Isobel while I took a shower and used the bathroom in peace. While they were playing, Jupiter appeared on the fence. He was mysteriously without collar. There was something in his mouth.

The blue collar.

Thoroughly confused, Anthony took the blue collar from Jupiter’s mouth and fastened it around his collarless neck.

WHAT.

The story only gets weirder. Two days ago I found the green collar. Jupiter had carefully placed it on our doormat. I mean, I’m guessing Jupiter put it there, since that’s where he leaves all the headless lizards for us.

********************

How the holy hell he came to be wearing this collar again after months and months of its disappearance baffled me. I mean, sure, this is the cat that eats paint chips, ran through the house with a turkey gizzard in his mouth at Thanksgiving, and takes a pacifier every now and then, but still. This is weird, even for him.

But how about some links, shall we?

First of all, the awesome collar Jupiter initially lost was Zorro’s, but we transferred it to Jupiter since it seemed to fit his personality better. Also you couldn’t see the awesome star with all Zorro’s fluff. You can find that collar here made by Etsy seller Miss Moustache. Her collars are all adorable and of impeccable quality and soon she’ll be offering engraving on their tags, too.

We ordered Poppy’s collar here from Etsy seller minihundpets. It is also of fantastic quality and the seller is super nice. I adore the strawberry print on Poppy’s collar! Unfortunately, Poppy hates the bell. I mean, she tolerates it better now that she’s worn it awhile, but my god that cat wanted to murder me when I first put it on her.

Last but never least is Zorro. He needed a new collar, too, since that whippersnapper Jupiter took off with his old one. I ordered this gorgeous sparkly turquoise collar from Etsy seller SecretCatLounge. Even though they are based in Australia the collar came very quickly, and packaged adorably, too.

The sparkles are very subtle, but they are there. Again, wonderful quality. I picked out this lime green bell for a dollar more and couldn’t be happier with how it looks on Zorro.

My Mom did his colors--he's a Spring!

Some other fun cat links:

Cats. Where they do not belong. (via @shinyinfo)

Crafting with Cat Hair. I used to joke about making a sweater out of Zorro fur. I was just a joke I swear.

A List of Non-toxic Houseplants. Also good to know if you have kids.

The Best Drift Cats. After porn, the internet was made for cat videos.

The Best Scratching Post Ever. I’m hoping I can convince Anthony we need this.

Legwarmers for Your Cat. You’ve already knitted a sweater out of cat fur. You may as well go all the way.

get it off get it off get it off

Follow Friday – Anniversary Edition

27 May

Last Tuesday the husband and I celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary. We’ve always had issues celebrating in the past. Shortly after we were married I was hired at the library, and this time of year is perpetually one of intense work and crazy business: textbook return and inventory. There were a few years where our anniversary actually fell on the actual days of textbook collection, and those were the absolute worst. In fact end of the year distractions kept me so preoccupied last year that I totally forgot it was our anniversary. We’ve actually been a couple together since 1998, so in addition to having a long history, we also have some embarrassing high school-era couple’s photos. Maybe I’ll share those some day. For now, enjoy some wedding photos taken by Lisa Farrer.

Edited to add: our good friend Jose came up with the ideas to have pinatas at the end. One for the adults and one for the kids. It was a blast.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.


PMuffintop FYI: In Skype meetings, tweeting looks EXACTLY THE SAME as taking diligent notes. I throw in a thoughtful look every now and then.

SarahIvy I wish my cats had been Raptured. Then again, the problem is their sinful, destructive behavior. Fess up, assholes, who mauled the bread?

MagpieLibrarian Outfit of the day: Today I’m going for Rosie the Riveter meets German housewife meets unaccomplished drag queen. Bandanas, aprons, glitter.

apelad U2 is in SaltLake tonight! They’re the band that singlehandedly cornered the gas station and grocery store soundtrack market.

RobinMcCauley SO YOU THINK YOU CAN FLY A PLANE would be a fun show

mommywantsvodka I’m making a show called Women of a Certain Age. It’ll be this scene a zillion times. “Ugh. I need a nap.” Snappy Retort: “You’re pregnant?”

mariadiaz If I were on a reality show, I’d ask a certain person out for lunch. To “clear the air.”

Zaius13 Eating a vat of ice cream assuages the shame of masturbation, which helps ease the guilt of binge eating. I call it the “men’s true cycle”.

IAmAntilia When I’m not thinking outside the box, I’m usually thinking about my box.

purple_quark girl you up in my mind like an encephalitis infection.

xandrique you know the old saying, “If you’re going to braid some Nerds rope, be prepared to get Nerds everywhere.”

markleggett If by “Starcraft” you mean “cutting up pieces of coloured paper into tiny little star shapes”, then yeah, I’m way into Starcraft.

wordlust Don’t let your kids become depressing statistics. Raise them to be hilarious anecdotes instead.

mansermatt Researchers say spreading gossip is a vital part of human social interaction. The researchers then said, “But you didn’t hear that from me.”

sbellelauren JUST ATE MY LUNCH LIKE A BOSS (alone, wondering if the ups guy likes me, remembering to buy more ink)

TwoAdults Was eating a cheeseburger in the car and passed a cow-transporter-truck. There was eye contact made. It was uncomfortable.

LouisPeitzman Whenever I see a family wearing oversized t-shirts from different Hard Rock Cafes, I think, “Wow, they must be really well traveled.”

taradublinrocks The Benny Hill Theme #worstlapdancesong

paulandstorm I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General #worstlapdancesong

shawnpearlman Why did Garfield hate Mondays so much? He was unemployed.

mightytoycannon Career Day with 3rd graders was great. Made me wish for a career as a third grader. What’s the starting salary on something like that?

BillableBarbie My dr told me to try to eat more fish (I currently eat…none). I’m hoping goldfish crackers count.

PaulyPeligroso “I can’t wear black sweats with a black t-shirt. I’ll look like an unemployed Ninja.”

theRratedBull When is Hollywod gonna cash in on the “Power Puff Girls” live-action feature film? I’d make a good Mojo Jojo.

TheRedQueen Kingston is walking around in a diaper, socks, sandals, and an unzipped hoodie. He insisted on everything but the diaper.

phyllisstein “I love you to pieces” doesn’t make a lick’a sense. “I love you two pizzas”—now that’s a quantifiably huge amount of love.

sbellelauren i hope when french people fart they say heh heh ooh le fart because if not waste of a country.

inktwice Speak softly. Pilot a big mech. #animelifelessons

christianduguay Buy some coasters. Put them in a kitchen drawer. Call friends and let them know you’re an adult now.

TheBlackStar Mancave is a gender specific form of poop chute, right?

navanax A cat is Man’s best frenemy.

chickenscottpie It’s kind of bad when the top news story of the day is that the world didn’t end.

thejohnblog That breakfast burrito was so good, I spoke to it in Parseltongue.

corrinrenee I feel like I should ask my bra fit specialist to go steady.

slackmistress Rapture hasn’t happened in England or Sweden. Which means the US IS GOING TO BE THE NUMBER ONE EXPORTER OF RAPTURLINGS!USA!USA!USA!

antigone_spit It’s the end of the world DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR TOWEL IS

BeTheBoy Just told by girl at Starbucks that I look less wiped out than usual. She needs a compliment giving class.

pistolval Well, we are still here. Just once I would like my doomsday paranoia to pay off.

Marty3point0 I feel like today is a Tuxedo T-Shirt kind of day.

SethMacFarlane “DON’T GO BREAKIN’ MY HEART”, sang Elton John. “I COULDN’T IF I TRIED”, replied Kiki Dee, accurately.

GeorgeTakei Today’s Rapture postponed as Jesus awaits announcement of surprise guest on final Oprah. Savior “hopeful” but “okay with it” if not picked.

adamtool Wait…I think it’s here! Yes! I can feel it! It’s The Rapture! No…wait, BRB gotta go to the bathroom.

BonesMcCoy The only way you’re getting raptured today is if Scotty has a transporter lock on you. Sorry.

brattyunicorn A girl just gave my outfit the old up down glance & the air suddenly filled with the smell of ovaries & hand-to-hand combat.

MrWordsWorth Kate Beckinsale reportedly pregnant with a child that will be too beautiful to be seen by human eyes without a box with a hole in it.

IsobelWren When I drive long distances I have a modified game of Oregon Trail going in my head as commentary.

msbellows I read their site. Apparently the #Rapture’s tomorrow, but Universe isn’t annihilated til Oct. CHAPERONE-FREE SUMMER!

shellipants Target employee: can I help you find anything else?
Gpa: your phone number
Me. *dies*

wordlust Randy Savage must be recognized as the Patron Saint of Dudes Who Sound Totally Constipated. Do the right thing,Vatican.

letsgetgizzy I hope I turn into an anime girl tomorrow! I don’t think I understand what The Rapture is.

rolldiggity I can only assume this “take my profile picture in the mirror” trend is a collective effort to keep vampires off our social networks.

Squirreljustice What I like about riding the NYC subway on a rainy day is that you can cross “identify the smell of a hyena’s asshole” off your bucket list.

inktwice Just heard Randy “Macho Man” Savage died. The staples of my youth are slowly beginning to disappear like the McFly kids in a Polaroid.

jgamet Just got a spam for the genie bra. I can’t wait to see what comes out when I rub one.

granulac I love hearing people who can’t draw talk about art technique. It’s like people without kids discussing parenting.

nataliebinder Patron just called to ask if the library would be open for the Rapture. No joke.

MrWordsWorth I expect to see the end of the New York Times before I see the end of times. Trust me on this.

WhyIsDaddyCryin wife just told me “just an FYI – screaming ‘release the kraken’ every time you get naked is not sexy.”

ProfessorSnack The day I learned that Seuss wasn’t really a doctor was they day I questioned the quality of green eggs & ham and elephants hatching eggs.

jlist The message of End of Evangelion: “Mankind’s evolution and rapture will be cock-blocked by a whiny Japanese kid.”

markleggett Why do turtles have such awesome six pack abs when they can’t even do one sit-up? It’s bullshit. #fuckyouturtles

eshep So, my kids apparently like the new Fucked Up record, but I can’t quite bring myself to tell them the name of the band.

hodgman Fleet Foxes just brought out a bass clarinet. This is real.

TheNextMartha Dyson: “We suck while the others just blow”

theleanover Platonic lady friend called to discuss an episode of Dharma & Greg she saw. Is this the point I start to accompany her to the ladies room?

isplotchy News: Radiohead singer Thom Yorke held in small town Cali jail after drunken brawl at laundromat. PD Chief:”Carmel police, arrest this man!”

mathowie I can’t wait until the Post-Rapture weekend. Once the believers are gone, I’m totally getting gay married to a dog.

rolldiggity What kind of beat would a beet retweet if a beet could retweet beats?

sbellelauren lots of rapture babies are about to start cooking in them crazy lady ovens.

MoRocca I kind of hope I get Left Behind. I need a staycation.

LIFECOACHERS Don’t underestimate your own ability to overestimate stuff.

MrWordsWorth James Franco earned 1 of the college degrees he’s working on yesterday. If he gets 9 more, he gets a free liberal arts degree of his choice.

ohnoCAPSLOCK Me to JB: “I’m going to ALT TAB my fist into your face.” #whennerdsmarry

MurseBrian I think I could really make it in this world as a rapper, if I weren’t so white. And also, so gay.

rolldiggity If knowledge is power, then I’m the king of overknowledging people walking alone to their cars at the mall.

guiltysquid Nothing discourages self-improvement like seeing the guy with a masters working at a gas station.

lurkey Yes! Just heard the first ice cream truck of the season. I’ve been itching to get some use out of this expensive crossbow.

lianamaeby What’s the plural of “Starbucks”? “City”?

apodixis Not sure what it means, but I’m very disturbed Schwarzenegger had a child out of warlock. This is why we’re not getting raptured, you guys.

apelad So far the very best part of L.A. Noire is driving off without your partner, watching him try to catch up, then driving off again.

KeepingYouAwake 4 less followers to 400!!! Tell everyone you know! We can do this!

terrenceisdaman Nice try, Nabisco… But I think I’ll decide how many Oreos are in a serving.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.


Hey! It’s our Anniversary!

24 May

So! Funny story!

Anthony surprised me by taking me out to lunch today. We have both been pretty exhausted lately; me with getting the library settled at the end of the year, and him with preparing for graduation (next! week!). And oh yeah, we spend a lot of time with a toddler.

That last bit especially tires one out.

A workday lunch date was unexpected but welcome. I still get a thrill every time I answer the library desk phone and I hear his voice. Without hesitation I accepted.

We had a great time together. We drove back home happily holding hands when my Mom called…

…To wish us a happy anniversary.

I started laughing hysterically and told Anthony the great news. We’d been married seven years today! With all the work and chaos neither of us had remembered.

We’ve been married seven years but we’ve been a couple for twelve. I am so lucky to have found him and even luckier to have married him. And I couldn’t be happier.

Happy Surprise Anniversary, Husband.