Tag Archives: Photogarphy

Follow Friday: Christmas Elf

16 Dec

Today’s Follow Friday is brought to you by Isobel’s $1.oo thrift store Santa dress. It’s the miniature version of the Christmas dress of my dreams, and since it just barely fits her this is probably the only time she will get to wear it. I’m trying to get as much mileage out of it as possible.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

rileyroxme Can’t wait for the day C.P.S shows up and they’re like “Twitter.” and I’m like “Hold on while I livetweet this blowjob.”

JulieFredericks Newt is having a surge. Gross.

suitcasetricks Email from my husband: “I love you and the Hamburger Helper I’m eating for breakfast.” This guy really knows how to talk to the ladies.

thejohnblog My boss is in the stall next to me. Is it brown nosing if I periodically say “Good one, boss?” Because OH GOD HE TAPPED MY FOOT

dadourianbow Get the fuck outta here you beanie wearing motherfucker. #MerryDissmas

MmeSurly Ruby just called the bad guy from Inspector Gadget “Dr. Claus” which explains why she’s been so nervous lately.

shariv67 I never thought I’d see a day when our phones were smarter than us, and yet here we are.

ProfessorSnack Crotchety: pertaining to the groin. “After a week of not bathing, he smelled crotchety.”

michellehudson Getting in a very sappy life-loving mood this morning. Must be the second cup of coffee.

eliza_evans Do not sign a professional email with ‘Hugs!’ Just don’t.

milonguera @MeganBoley I quoted The Jerk in a reply yesterday. And then favorited myself. Super winner.

neiltyson Suffering existential angst over a Pluto-less mnemonic? Try “My very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nachos”

MeganBoley And yet, I find myself quoting Anchorman in my inner dialogue multiple times a day. So I guess my inner dialogue is obnoxious.

Lilacmess @exlibris You can see Avery Brooks trying to keep that crazy tamed but sometimes he has to let it run free.

simontarr Having an allergic reaction to something. My eyes are so swollen I look like a UC Davis student.

sween Sometimes I see parents with their kids and I get jealous. [Sips beer. Plans leisure activities. Counts disposable income.] So jealous.

jberthume The Dew is required. I am doing it.

ProfessorSnack I just want to get toned enough that dogs want to hump my leg again. #NewYearsResolution

MmeSurly I think Gwyneth Paltrow and I have a lot in common. For instance: I think we both hate Gwyneth Paltrow.

AuntiPax Oh THAT was the deputy? Ok then I guess I shot him too. My bad.

MariaMelee The BBQ I had for lunch is haunting me in a profound way.

pnkrcklibrarian Aging, alternative hipsters apparently spend their nights stuffing balls and listening to a lecture on land tax in England from 1692 – 1963

MrWordsWorth Zombies celebrate the holidays with a Perducken: a person stuffed with a duck and a chicken.

shelldash Google Music is apparently offering me (ME!) “free Dave Matthews Band concerts”. Wondering if Bing Music might counter with “free earplugs”.

CandyWarhole You don’t know what you got ’til its diagnosed by a licensed physician.

theRratedBull When Texans ask me why I moved to Kansas I just tell ’em I’m a storm chaser because it’s the only reason they could possibly comprehend.

ecsuperhero I have the best work Secret Santa. So far I’ve gotten a wine glass and a McDonald’s g/c. Alcohol and fatty food? YOU COMPLETE ME, SANTA.

sgnp If you want to know how long a minute is, my daughter will be happy to ask you every single second of one.

badbanana My favorite holiday drink is the Little Drummer Boy. It’s one part rum, three parts pum.

donni Tuneless whistling is about to be the #1 cause of murder-suicides on this bus.

slackmistress I don’t think I know who Ryan Gosling is which is probably a sign that my ladyparts are going to fall out.

sarcasmically …Is UPS not doing too well? Because the UPS man just rolled up to my house in a golf cart.

jenstatsky A lot of oddly-shaped presents get a bad wrap.

sarcasmically Just yelled “USE YOUR WORDS” at the whining dog, so it’s probably time I called it a day.

rstevens Warning to all who visit: My wifi is now called Invisible Touches

badbanana “I enjoy working with a hammer, but I don’t want a blue collar job.” – Everyone who eventually becomes a judge.

theleanover If reality was better we probably wouldn’t need pretend talking.

pilotbacon I only drink coffee so I can stare at a blank Final Draft document for longer than usual.

mikeleffingwell Super surprised to find out the most popular song played at orgies is “You’ve Got a Friend in Me”

johnmoe Still unclear whether the next debate will be hosted by Larry the wacky neighbor from Three’s Company or Jo from Facts of Life.

mylifeasadad I’m scraping Alela’s two day old butternut squash purée off my sweater because really, no one will ever know.

tommycm if today were a labrador, i’d have it humanely put down.

steenyweeny i’m named after an ancient sumerian god who used a giant spiked hockey stick to clobber the skulls of those who said ‘holy doodle’ too much.

sarcasmically When is “fuckton” going to be officially accepted as a unit of measurement? –because it is probably the one I use most.

ohnoCAPSLOCK Jack is having a growth spurt. I just leaked milk through a breast pad and three layers of shirts. #sexyandclassy

davepolak I am coming up with my strategic game plan to maximize the amount of ham I eat over the holidays.

sgnp Not a big fan of someone entering the restroom immediately after me and then choosing the stall next to mine, like we’re in a horrible race.

JRehling Like my desk wasn’t messy enough already, now it’s totally covered with Higgs Bosons.

InfiniteChicken You haven’t heard Christmas music until you’ve heard it in a lobby, transposed into augmented minors by a jazz combo.

RailbirdJ Worst Christmas gift? A dolphin t-shirt. Take a second to look at my avi. Do I look like a dolphin guy to you?

helgagrace It’s that time of year! People coming in to the library to find out their property values.

ajthizzle Ok. I need to do something productive. Butt, say goodbye to couch. No, don’t linger. It’s better this way.

MassageByTed In the way that protesters sometimes throw red paint on people in furs, I propose throwing some sort of ersatz jizz on guys in Tapout gear.

apodixis I don’t really want to go to Funkytown, to be honest.

BillCorbett I finally get it! “We built this city on rock-and-roll,” meaning they smothered and crushed rock-and-roll under huge buildings, killing it.

EvenMoreSarah Me to the dog: “Come here, little fellow.” My BF: “Did you just call the dog a dildo?” Oh sure, *I’m* the one who needs my ears cleaned

JerryThomas Klout “believes” that I am “influential about iPhone.” Do you hear that, iPhone? (give me a free iPhone)

CParkhurst1 I strongly suspect that after the fourth day of Christmas, someone started dropping hints that more bird gifts would not be appreciated.

MisterSnuggl3s I have to carb load before brushing my teeth. In case you were curious about what kind of athlete I am.

Patheticist You can unconditionally love children and animals, other adult humans must have a few conditions.

hipstermermaid Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before weed, forget how to rhyme.

MeganBoley Twitter, I never say goodnight to you. I always just doze off in mid-conversation like we are at a 5th grade sleepover. Goodnigdkendkjszzzzz

CanuckLibrarian Sometimes you just need a little Kool & the Gang.

kaitlin_olson My boobies are getting big. I want to say that makes up for not being able to drink, not sleeping well and often peeing my pants.

RothNotIRA “I love you dada. I love you couch.” Well, at least I’m on par with furniture.

corrinrenee Autocorrect just changed my name to Cotton Floater.

SpaghettiJesus EVERY KNIFE BEGINS WITH KAY. #HappyHolidays

theleanover If I was a Hispanic hair dresser I would name my salon “Jesus Dyed.”

NoReservations What Would Jesus Eat? Apparently pigeon.

muffpunch “Who’s this Ting Ting person and why is he in my CD player?” Oh, mom.

apelad Why is everyone so concerned about my eyesight? Every email I get begins with “having trouble viewing this message?” The answer is no!!

Greeblemonkey We’re working on more homemade Christmas presents tonight, which basically means I am covered head to toe with modpodge.

cheekyattitude Took a while, but I overcame my fear of butternut squash.. in its defense, it wasn’t really trying to maim me.

burnstand AWW YEAH! Dropping food flakes in to my brand new keyboard! This thing is gonna be disgusting before you can say “gluttony”!

notthatkendall In the massage train of life, I am on the wrong end.

mikeleffingwell There are no atheists in foxholes. All foxes are Hindu.

The_Pigeon Just did a 5K run. I put 5 thousand dollars in my pants & got outta there.

DachsundDays And I saw a gigantic evil badger on a throne with 13 chihuahuas at his feet, yipping the theme from The Omen . . .

NicLewis “The best part of waking up? No, you’ve got Folgers in your cup.” #HonestSlogans

SpaghettiJesus “The world runs on starch and animal fat” #honestslogans

ecareyo It’s almost like the E! channel specifically knows that I’ll dedicate many hours watching a countdown of the most notorious lady murderers

JohnFugelsang Mitt Romney is as genuine as a mass emailing from Phoenix University.

JerryThomas If you need anybody to lie utterly motionless on the couch for six hours tomorrow let me know.

CorporateMonkey “only way I’m dropping trou in front of that many people is if there are Quaaludes involved.” -actual convo occurring in my office right now

ncguk “We spent so long looking for the Higgs boson, and all the time it was in our hearts.” — Higgs Boson Christmas Special

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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Warriors, Come Out And Play

15 Nov

Imagine running three and a half miles in the dust, over hills, on a trail studded with giant piles of steaming horse crap. Imagine scaling walls, swimming through mud, and leaping over open flames. Imagine enduring this ordeal with thousands of other sweating competitors, some of them dressed up as batman, ninjas, or a banana. Imagine, doing this for fun.

Welcome, athletes, to the Warrior Dash!

When Anthony first told me he wanted to run in Warrior Dash with friends, I had only a vague notion of the obstacles. I naively imagined him leaping over hurdles and high-stepping it through a checkerboard of tires. So I invited my friend Angela, who recently took up running as a hobby, to join us. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Anthony and some friends are going to run a race in October. It’s short and it’s supposed to be fun. I think it’s called the Warrior Dash. Wanna come?

Angela: Sure! Let me look it up online.

Me: Okay.

Angela: … This race involves jumping over fire.

Me: WHAT?!

Angela: Yeah. And a lot of barbed wire. And a blackout tent, and a mud pit, and two piles of fire.

Me: Oh. Well, do you want to come and watch? I’m not running, obviously.

Angela: No, I’m still interested in doing it. I’m just a little worried about the fire.

And that, folks, is why Angela is BAD. ASS.

The Warrior Dash is so popular that heats are scheduled on the hour all weekend long and each heat hosts five hundred people. They sell out fast, so while Angela registered for the noon heat, Anthony and our other friends had to sign up for the heat that started an hour later. When we arrived there were already thousands of people there, some covered in mud that was already beginning to crust and dry in the arid heat of the late summer sun. It was hot, hotter than usual for the foothills and hotter than it had been previously that week. It was only eleven in the morning and we were working up a sweat just standing there. The runners signed up for later in the day were going to have a rough time of it.

What sets the Warrior Dash apart from other obstacle course challenges is the light-hearted spirit of the event. Many runners wore elaborate costumes and everyone who participates earns themselves a t-shirt, a Viking hat, a medal and a free beer. It was a physical challenge, no doubt about it, but the emphasis was on fun. When I saw someone get stuck at the top of a 20-foot wall, the paramedics were arranging a way to get her down when she conquered her fear of heights and climbed down on her own. The crowd cheered for her ecstatically. This is what I loved about the Warrior Dash. The crowd could have looked down on her for getting scared. Instead, they cheered her victory.

After the race, mud-soaked competitors were invited to donate their shoes to a charity that would clean them up and send them to third-world countries where they were needed.

Before we even parked the car we started spotting costume after costume. Groups of people signed up to run the race a team all sporting themed costumes. Our friend Jaime, Alicia and her boyfriend all going to dressed in homemade Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costumes. For whatever reason their heat was filled with people dressed as TMNT, despite the fact that none of the other heats seemed to have not so much as a non-mutant turtle costume. While I waited for Anthony and Jaime to run by I kept my eyes peeled for turtles and became disappointed each time that another competitor, dressed as a turtle, ran by.

I have to admit a small amount of jealousy for the mud-soaked competitors. Not that I wanted to be soaked in mud, because, uh, no thanks. But the race, as hard as it was, looked undeniably fun. Justin and I came along for picture-taking, bag holding, and moral support, and even he talked about running it with Angela next year. Just attending the event was hard enough for me. The standing and the walking was enough to make me stiff and sore and arthritic for the next two days. No Warrior Dash is in my future.

After watching the runners start the race flanked by plumes of fire, we waited for them in the spectator area where we could watch them scale two obstacle walls before witnessing the leap through fire and the slog through the mud pit. Angela climbed the rope wall with no problem. I saw many people skip this obstacle entirely.

Then she scaled the net climb with no difficulty.

I regret to say I have no photos of her leaping fire or treading through mud. The timing of the heats meant I had to leave in order to watch Anthony’s heat, but Justin followed her and got pictures, including this one, that I shamelessly stole from her twitter stream:

Afterwards, she cleaned up with a hundred other people in the one shower provided: a fire truck’s hose. She managed to change her clothes, but look at her hair:

While waiting for Anthony’s heat to run by we spotted some amusing costumes.

The 80s Aerobic group:

Fred & Wilma Flintsone… an amazing couple in their sixties:

A lady dressed as Mario:

Apollo:

A ripped bunny-dude:

A bunch of bananas:

Some convicts:

Reno 911 and whatever she is:

Tron:

Two Ghost Busters:

And my personal favorite, Colonel Sanders and a flock of chickens:

We kept spotting Waldos all day long, also:

Anthony’s group was at the end of line since we wanted to wait and watch Angela go by.

After seeing dozens of turtles run by (and I’m not just saying this, but their TMNT costumes were by far the best of the day), we finally saw our guys.

After they scaled the net wall Angela, Justin and I had to literally sprint all the way to the fire pits in order to watch them jump the flames. We barely made it in time for me to snap one of Jaime.

The fire truck shower kept reminding me of that Weird Al movie UHF, and the children’s show where Michael Richard’s character kept telling kids, “You get to drink from… the fire hose!” blasting the lucky kid right off the stage.

It’s a good thing that day was so hot, because the water was reportedly ice cold.

After we ate and everyone cleaned off we stopped Casa de Fruita for some pomegranate wine and miner’s hats and called it a day. The end.