Tag Archives: Photography

Best of Follow Friday 2011 – Monday

9 Jan

This whole week I’m showcasing the best tweets from every Follow Friday post from 2011. I’ve collected the best of the best and am featuring them here, along with my 100 favorite photos from the last year. I hope this is as much fun for you to read as it was for me to put together. Enjoy.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

lafix When people ask if they can get me anything, I always ask for a jetpack.

simontarr Pretty sure my father in law buys a new printer when his ink cartridges run out. He might actually be a genius.

AnimalBullshit Pandas are gold-digging whores.”

palinode My mother was a force of nurture.

ScrewyDecimal I didn’t have a commute this morning. I had an odyssey. It was the stuff of epic poems. I am Dante, and Brooklyn is the 9th circle of Hell.

The_Pigeon When making your resolutions, don’t forget to leave room for “letting the Pigeon drive the bus”.

MrWordsWorth All of Lifetime’s movies seem to have the same message of empowerment, if you consider ‘ladies, your lives are in danger’ empowerment.

louispeitzman The coolest thing I did in high school was making a LiveJournal icon of Garfield reading the newspaper with lyrics from “A Day in the Life.”

Sigafoos Oh, forgot to announce yesterday that I’m giving up my dream of brewing in lieu of artisanal Ethernet cable making.

juliussharpe Another Xmas of going home and telling my older relatives I invented Twitter. It’s just easier they think that.

telephase Resolution for 2011 is to void as many warranties as possible.

shinyinfo I can’t wait to be old & in retirement. Think of all the murders that will get solved!

colsonwhitehead Haters gonna hate. Butters gonna butt.

diskopo Jersey Shore will have more seasons than Arrested Development. Hope you’re proud of yourselves, humanity.

inversejaik K: Thus spoke Zarathushtra: “suck it n00b lol”

sucittaM I don’t remember if the toilet water was blue or not before I sat down, so there’s a chance I’m magical.

MrWordsWorth On the seventh day, she rested. #OprahsSecret

Gen_with_a_G Guess what, everyone? I don’t care about football. Like at all. Well, I guess I like the snacks. Go cheese dip!

thebookpolice Pug was sleeping so hard, he forgot how to eat biscuits. Made a huge clumsy mess, paused frequently. Just asked, “Is this real life?”

NoStylePoints Recent search that brought someone to my blog: “I have a panic attack and then I need to poop.”

GorillaSushi Outside the realm of noodles, the most underused unit of measurement is the Oodle.

vickytcobra When life hands you lemons, squeeze lemon juice into your eyes without blinking. Just to let life know you don’t fuck around.

OngoingBS This coffee’s so strong it just wrestled the remote from me and now we’re watching a mug sale on QVC.

joseph_ocon If I don’t write Happy Birthday on your Facebook wall, it’s because I genuinely hate you.

Betfairpoker I chew my gum and think about my past. I think about HER. My ex-wife Cynthia. “Legs,” they called her. Because she had legs.

joseph_ocon Just lost my favorite pen. Pretty upset. Mostly that I have a favorite pen.

wishing4horses The kids just left to go have lunch out. I sighed at the sudden quite. PS, I have a backhoe running in my backyard.

theRratedBull My wife just opened the blinds. This shit just got real.

Jesus_M_Christ I mean, sure I’ll take the wheel, but I’m kinda drunk.

thebenbrooks I love when Sarah Palin speaks her mind, it’s like half a haiku.

thebookmaven Necessity is the mother of the download.

markleggett My bum has fallen asleep. It’s having that dream again.

peterbyrnes In Los Angeles, car alarms are only useful to inform you in unison that yes, that was an earthquake.

Tweetin4Palin Everyone start likin’ me again & talk about how pretty & feisty I am or I’m holdin’ my breath til my Bumpit explodes.

DamienFahey I’m excellent at guessing which people entering CVS are headed to the “Stuff for Your Butt” aisle.

al3x I’m going to start sneaking the phrase “the most sophisticated cyberweapon ever deployed” into the READMEs for everything I write.

Just_PYKA Even after I told him I was gonna hit the sack, he lay there on the floor moaning in pain, as if he didn’t see it coming.

badbanana I’ve developed positive feelings towards my captors. Love you, couch and Cheetos.

pistolval The inevitable collapse of society is probably not a great retirement plan, but its all I have.

louisvirtel My sign changed and now I’m Prince.

markleggett Jerking off tons of random guys has really helped improve my Shake Weight technique.

edeniowa my mammogram tech complimented my boots at my exam & I heard it as “your boobs are adorable”. then got that she was referring to my wellies.

Ch8rming Planning for the zombie apocalypse is the new planning for retirement.

shinyinfo I spent the better part of 20 minutes breaking giant icicles off the roof and throwing them at a tree. #ProductiveMemberofSociety

badbanana Wait a minute. The deposed Tunisian president smuggled out 1.5 tons of gold? Just how big is that guy’s rectum?

antitheistangie Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.

funnyordie Oregon Trail is now on Facebook. Your workplace productivity just died of dysentery.
SarahIvy There is nothing like a new car seat to really challenge my mental capacity.

pattonoswalt Just once, Obama: “Caaaaaan yooooou DIG IT?!?!” #SOTU


danforthfrance Had a one night stand and now I’ve got the Yahoo! Toolbar.

mikey_m00n I feel like a number. A number two actually.

mrteacup My lifecoach says that at birth, his god Crom gives us courage to survive & defeat our adversaries in battle

danforthfrance I’m much better at dealing with depression during the hours thrift stores are open.

willgoldstein Finished reading Leviticus, and now know the punishment for sleeping with my female slaves. Not death. Phew!

matthewbaldwin Great editors will sometimes delete everything you have written and make you start over. In that sense, Microsoft Word is a great editor.

telephase Align all the text in your resume so it forms crop circles. Or a pentagram. This will demonstrate creativity.

peterbyrnes Next time I plan to make love to my lady on a bed of roses, I need to remember: petals ONLY.

MeganBoley It pleases me that people are searching for “cat eggs” and coming to my blog.

VHStapes2 Save your morning poop for work so you get paid for that shit!

ThatKansasLady Never underestimate a woman who can hook her bra with one hand and fry bacon with the other.

ladybirdj Eating a hot dog while sticking a Q-tip in your ear counts as a threesome.

apodixis It seems like the only thing Mario never does is any actual plumbing.

JerryThomas You’d think more Amish people would be into Steampunk, but no.

danforthfrance Don’t condescend to me, news. I know what “Allahu Akbar” means. #itsatrap

DeathStarPR We write all of Ke$ha’s songs. Well, to be fair, they’re written by a semi-sentient vat of custard in R&D, but still. #TrueEvil

pistolval I could not fry the tortillas for tacos tonight… but I feel like that would somehow be wrong.

mathowie The Honeycrisp is an AILF

telephase Just you wait. Someday soon, a train will pull up, and @shinyinfo and I will be thrown off of it.

antigone_spit I was going to make an accordion video but my arms are sore and all I know is Market Town from Zelda. SO.

crom74 My wife told me to bring home the bacon tonight, the literal bacon. I love my wife. Bacon for dinner, WOOT!

shinyinfo They’re still publishing Murder, She Wrote books! This makes me happier than is appropriate!

louispeitzman Those damn commercials make me feel like such a murderer when I use Mucinex. That globule had plans, you guys. He had a family.

thesulk Why are you calling me? Just text me a couple of letter-words like a normal person.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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Follow Friday – OMFN

6 Jan

While rewriting my Life List I noticed that many (er, most) of my new items involve food. Even most of my travel items are food-related. I’ve had food on the brain and I can’t get it off, so this week I’m featuring photos of food that is OMFN.

And now, to announce the winner of the gorgeous, Vegan-approved handmade Inez Gill bow… Congratulations, Amanda! Please email me your address and tell me the size, color, style, and backing of your choice to receive your lovely bow!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

courtney_s I remember when james franco and I were querying our respective novels and I was like james you can’t just send them your headshot.

lord_voldemort7 They are making a Twilight MUSICAL. If the world doesn’t end in 2012 on its own I am going to have to do it myself.

pourmecoffee God, I don’t mean to get in your business but maybe you are telling the wrong candidates to run. Your call, of course.

MrWordsWorth Michele Bachman Announces Candidacy For A Fox News Show.

FarrenSquare Back off, every other girl, ever. I’ve loved Ryan Gosling since Breaker High!

sushi_goat Hey lets just do all political systems at once.

dejah_thoris Fanny Friends Hemherroid Cushion ad following Daria?! WTF?!!!

taralibrara Patron wants books on self motivation. Has me look up his number and wants me to pick the books for him. You decide he sez. #storyofmylife

MmeSurly Sometimes you have to take your 2yo to the post office dressed in a blanket & pink rainboots because he is pretending to be “Princess Girl.”

floatinglush Dear Words With Friends, I’d like you a whole lot better if you forked over some vowels. N lv, FltngLsh

joe_hill Michele Bachman pledges to continue running for president as head of the new Psycho Eyes party. Steve Buschemi is her running mate.

michael_J_m00n I gave a urine sample today but my cup was half empty. They said I was negative.

TheBlackStar Quick Poll: Lightening Bolts or Skull & Crossbones? #manscaping

ohcrys The more I think I’m alone in my craziness the more I realize the rest of the world is batshit insane right along with me.

alwysabridesmd Time to transform into my detective alter ego, nosy single lady taking out the trash.

sarcasmically Just introduced my son to beatboxing because I want him… to emulate these musicians and make noise ALL THE TIME? CRAP WHAT WAS I THINKING.

InfiniteChicken OH: “Well, after I saw my dad’s I knew I had to get a pair.” #IAm12

JLYoungsma “Ooooh, a new Katherine Hiegel movie!” -no one.

steenyweeny the complete works of tears for fears is inside my brain

papersquared @exlibris I’m just going to add beads to my cat’s and crochet him a beret. #buttdreds

SpaghettiJesus Everyone was so high from 1969 to 1989 that I vote on a do over.

allisonthemeep If I were a mushroom farmer, I’d start a side project rock band and call it “Loose Morels.”

AlmightyBoob DONT LAY DOWN WHILE LISTENING TO MORRISSEY! IF YOU FALL ASLEEP YOU’LL NEVER WAKE UP AGAIN

Smethanie It’s not that I LIKE spiders, I just save my helpless card for better stuff — flat tires, hard-to-open jars, people I need killed.

MassageByTed Aamco, Maaco, and Amoco should be forced to fight to the death and the winner called Ma’amMoCo

stevesilberman From a scientist friend: “Has any savvy amphibian biologist named a new species of salamander, Lisbeth? That’d be awesome.”

pnkrcklibrarian Because *I* know when I think of British television, I totally think of Star Trek, X-Files, Gangs of New York, and The Tudors. Totally.

JLYoungsma The sound of my vacuum sucking up stale raisins is equal to my heaven.

joeinverarity The baby made an atomic fart on my leg. I am now more powerful than the Toxic Avenger.

amazinqatheis tI ate the flying spaghetti monster

JillMorris Whenever I need to cry on cue I think of skanking.

writtenper New couch means no dogs allowed if they’re wet/damp from outside. Dogs’ reaction: WHY DO YOU HATE US NOW OMG WE ARE DYING.

Athenabee If my dog barks and wakes up Zofia, I will have him drawn and quartered. #realtalk

premmeridian Dreamt last night that mice were putting on a production of ‘Les Miserables’ at my workplace. At least, I think it was a dream.

JillMorris The LA arsonist set 55 fires in four days yet I lack the productivity to mail a thank you note.

LouisPeitzman I cackle a lot for someone who has only ever ridden a broomstick recreationally.

BeTheBoy Can’t believe it’s been 30 years since the discovery of Pac-Man Fever and still no cure.

NicLewis “The Towering Inferno” reminds me of every game of The Sims I ever played.

MightyQuinn72 An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An apple in bed gets me “do you have to eat that like a goddamn horse? I’m tryin to sleep”

noshwithme When they catch the arsonist they should play a loop of siren and helicopter sounds in his jail cell at night.

JerryThomas Somehow the cat wrestled the laser pointer away from me and now I’m exhausted and he’s having my suits retailored to fit him.

sushi_goat PROTIP: DON’T EVER THINK ABOUT THINGS THEY ARE SUCH A FUCKING BUMMER

ruthakers “I was born to run.” -Diarrhea.

BeTheBoyMy wife is asleep, my New Year’s resolution to use more chloroform is a success.

LouisPeitzman “It gets better.” – what I tell depressed gay kids who have just started watching Buffy

TheNardvark What’s your favorite TV show to listen to while you stare at your phone?

Toaster_Pastry Currently wasting precious daylight guessing Tweeters underlying emotional disorders.

HouseTalkN Researching puppy training – where is the one that teaches the pup to clean my house???

wordlust New Irish curse: “May you die, then be reincarnated as a little white girl, then die again, then be exploited by Nancy Grace!”

TheMostTender  I’m worried that the soul of the man I’m supposed to marry is trapped in my friend’s cat.

inktwice  Square…if you’re going to bring elements of older FF games, how about you: 1) bring every element of FF7 2) call it FF7 3)??? 4) PROFIT

jendenbrat  If I’ve learned anything from cartoons it’s that animals and inanimate objects are struggling with the same moral dilemmas as I am.

SpaghettiJesus I will never sell out bc I’m a man of principles and I’ve always got more where that came from.

mikeleffingwell “What I want isn’t on the menu,” I said as I eyed the waitress seductively. “Oh wait, yes it is. Can I have the buffalo wings?”

Disalmanac UPDATE: Santorum is surging in Iowa. Try not to step in any. Jesus.

MightyHunter Where my gerunds at?

LaurelKS The best way to start 2012 is completely hangover-free even though I was knee walking drunk last night. Winning!

sarcasmically Woke up and kids were gone. Silent house. SANTA CAME LATE THIS YEAR, BUT HE CAME.

sawaboof This needing to eat thing is really messing with my plans to stay on the couch all day.

sushi_goat YOU ARE MOTHER IS SO UGLY THAT I WOULD NOT PUT MY REPRODUCTION MECHANISM IN HER

RaeBeta Introducing my parents to @theisb‘s Tarot reviews, because it’s not Christmas until the whole family is yelling “Your vagina is haunted!”

joeinverarity Warning to all: if someone tells you an infant had a present for you, it isn’t a nice bottle of wine. Get the hell out while you can.

joe_hill Benedict Cumberbatch is so awesome in WARHORSE, his name ought to be Benedict Cumberbigballs.

MassageByTed That, sir, is an extraordinarily well-appointed cat box.

mwilliamrice SPOILER ALERT: Caillou is going to fuck it up.

slennonharris Sisyphus walks into a bar. Sisyphus walks into a bar. Sisyphus walks into a bar. Sisyphus walks into a bar. Sisyphus walks into a bar. Sisyp

trumpetcake If your motorcycle is louder than me reciting the alphabet to a child you are a butt.

jenniferweiner I’m okay with Linny and Tuck, but Ming-Ming’s kind of an asshole.

msbellows Cool! I’ve rcd an email naming me to the International Association of Successful Individuals! #NotClickingTheLink

mrteacup Marxist restaurant reviews: “Even though they’re plunged into the icy water of egotistical calculation, the waitstaff are SO NICE!”

palinode Don’t buy grated Parmesan! Simply rub a block of fresh parm gently against Matthew McConaghey’s face. #cookingtips

MightyQuinn72 Reading a paper manual this morning I put my finger on the page and swiped it like a touch screen. This is what’s called “natural selection.”

RideOrDiePudge WARNING: The Chris Angel Ultimate Mind Freak Magic Kit may cause wives, girlfriends and other female companions to disappear.

rstevens The distance between “buy cold medication” and “lose cold medication” gets shorter every time.

TristinaWright I love that my FIL’s status on gchat is always, “COOKING BACON” – I married into a great family.

PolyesterPony Does the world still exist? Asking for a friend.

apelad  Without spoiling anything major, can someone just tell me if the war horse starts or ends the war?

DamienFahey  I dislike children but I LOVE yelling, “STOP IT!” in public…so I’m having a kid.

dr_spidermanMD  A SALAD BAR IS A BINDING LEGAL CONTRACT GUYS STOP SHARING

TheMostTender  My littlest cousin just asked me what grade I’m in. He is now my favorite human being of all time.

C_Vilela  OH: “This stuff tastes awful!! How has Tim Horton’s duped an entire nation? It’s like North Korea!”

kevingchristy  the next time someone says to you “I don’t watch television” say “what’s television?” It’s the checkmate of pretentious lies.

palinode My new goal in Skyrim is to kill every living thing in it, except for the guy who sells me my arrows.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Snapshot

4 Jan

Here’s what I’ve been up to:

– I have so much to share, I don’t know where to begin.

– Christmas was great despite the head colds Isobel, Anthony and I succumbed to on Christmas Eve. As I mentioned in my scrapbook post, we ended up cancelling on three of our holiday activities and spent the day playing hours and hours of Mass Effect. Quality family bonding, obviously.

– I hope everyone saw this year’s Christmas card(s). It was difficult, but I think I managed to top last year’s.

– Isobel got a ton of new toys, which I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand, Yay, presents! on the other hand I now have a crap load of stuff to organize and fit in to our already toy-filled abode. She received lots of fancy, expensive toys, but the gift she liked the best (after the vintage 1983 Care-a-lot plus bears, obviously) were the inexpensive set of blocks from her grandparents. We enjoyed them, too. Perhaps being sick had something to do with it, but she spent Christmas day in a new-toy stupor.

– New Years’ was even better. As a family we had all recovered from our malaise and we spent two whole days eating, hanging out with friends who drove in from all over, and playing Scribblish, with hilarious results. We now have a new saying: “I’m trippin’ balls off that Care Bear stare!”

– I’m having a lot of fun thinking up new goals and items for my life list. I’ll share the revised version later this month.

– Remember when I set up a twitter account for Isobel so I could record her milestones, but instead it became yet another outlet for my ridiculousness? Me, neither. But the other day the idea suddenly popped into my head that I could use that account to tweet actual things she says to me, rather than things I made up based on my best assumptions and my faultless mother’s intuition. If you want to encourage me in my delusions or hear about how much she loves the Care Bears constantly, you can follow her on twitter here.

– Everyone deserves a little something pretty to start the new year off right, so don’t forget to enter my giveaway for a chance to win a free Vegan-approved handmade bow from Inez Gill! These little babies are adorable and the contest is open until Friday. Don’t forget to follow Inez Gill on twitter. Not only will it give you an extra entry in the contest, but she tweets as a real person, not as a business, so she’s great to talk to as well.

– My friend Camilla sent me a whole box of cookbooks and they arrived just in time for Christmas. My favorites so far are the ones that involve cooking with kids, which she sent my way especially for Isobel. Right now our favorite is the Peter Rabbit and Friends Cook Book, which strangely had no recipes for hasenpfeffer.

Packing up Christmas is kind of a pain in the ass.

– I’m working on a special project for next week: the Best of Follow Friday 2011. I’m using my favorite 100 photos from last year and choosing the best of the best tweets from 2011 to create seven days of Follow Friday posts. The posts will not only highlight the funniest moments but it will also serve as a scrapbook of the year’s best photos and memories from 2011. I hope you all enjoy it.

– Really and truly, this was one of my favorite New Years of all time.

– I owe everybody (especially @turtleparade) a fabulous recipe for Roast Chickpeas. I haven’t forgotten. It’s coming and it will be worth the wait.

– My friend Korinne and I came up with the latest fad to lose your shit over: Mustache Bird. It’s going to be huge on Etsy.

Photos from the week:

Favorite Links:

– Vintage Alice in Wonderland invitations. I feel a themed party coming on. Via The Red Star Designs.

– My twitter wife shared this video with me: All the Single Ensigns.

– Dave Polak’s adorable kittens have started a Tumblr. As the Jennui once said, “The Internet is made of cats.

– Are you a new parent? Perhaps you’d enjoy the book Give Baldy Your Tit. Via Stray.

– The Dr and Mrs The Doctor Monarch sing Baby, It’s Cold Outside.

A New Year

31 Dec

Instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I’m staring a new tradition: each January I’m going to update my life list to make sure it truly reflects my current goals. I’ve noticed as time goes by the things I really want on my life list can change and my list has been due for an update for quite awhile. January is a perfect time to revise and revisit this process. I’ve never been able to keep resolutions, anyway.

I’ll post an update later on in the month. I hope everyone has a happy and safe night and a wonderful new year. Here’s to 2012.

Follow Friday: Cousin Photos

30 Dec

Last summer my cousin gave me a green, Christmas-themed shirt her daughter Victoria had outgrown. “Save it for Christmas,” she said, “and we can take photos of the kids in their Christmas shirts.” I thought this was a great idea, so I folded it up and tucked it away in a safe place with enthusiasm. Fast forward six months later, and that shirt is nowhere to be found.

“Liz,” I had to say, “I’m sorry, but I think I’ve turned into my mother.”

The cousin photos are adorable even without matching shirts, though my cousin made a huge faux pas when she tried to take Isobel’s purse out of the picture. ONE DOES NOT MESS WITH THE PINK PURSE OR ONE WILL BE SORRY. Also, check out that sweet goat Baby’s Sam’s holding. I’m pretty proud of it, as I am proud of the last photo in this series. I think I’ve found my calling: Awkward Unposed Children’s Photos.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

hollyburnsAll the dates I’m writing in my new 2012 planner are for season premieres of TV shows.

mommywantsvodka I cannot seem to come up with any decent resolutions for the New Year, so instead I will resolve not to become Lil Wayne.

NicLewis I think I’m a reverse hipster. Whatever the musical group you’re talking about, I’ve probably never heard of it.

theRratedBull That caller I just transferred is so lucky! They get to hear “Endless Love” in its entirety without going to an 1980’s wedding.

justaboutagirl The mom of those Invisalign Teen girls CLEARLY has a favorite child.

SteveMartinToGo My holiday twitter hours: Open all day and night. Except Wodensday, of course. Too busy worshiping Woden. Don’t care about Thorsday.

JVdesigns @exlibris I envy not only that you met Anthony Bourdain, but that you have it on a list with goats.

LouisPeitzman Are there charities to raise money for celebs like Ashton Kutcher and Kelly Clarkson who can’t afford access to Google?

Y_U_NOOO TWITTER FRIENDS, Y U LIVE SO FAR AWAY? Y U NO LIVE NEXT DOOR?

milonguera I’m drinking sangria for dinner. Because an hour ago I ate 70 more pounds of Chex Mix.

wordlust Two things I need to say more often are “I’m sorry” and “Choo-choo!”

palinode My review of Mission Impossible IV is that I stayed home and watched Tree of Life.

LaurelKS I’ve missed #oversharewednesday for months and I invented it. Don’t feel bad if you forget.

RideOrDiePudge You guys who habitually change your avatars have given me a chilling sneak peak into living with Alzheimers.

TheMiaWarren Mystikal was a rapper who cared. He told you to shake your ass but he also told you to watch yourself.

jenstatsky I always say no to drugs. Mostly after I take a bunch of em and am like, “hey I’m gonna start talking to these drugs!”

PolyesterPony Picture Tintin as a gay man and you’ve got a pretty good idea what I look like without my beard.

lieberian FB didn’t seem that interested in my new Perry the Platypus T-shirt, but I know you’ll get me, Twitter.

MightyQuinn72 The kids have gone into an After Christmas Electronic Game trance where they don’t eat and growl when I approach them.

MightyQuinn72 The one positive about the kid’s video game frenzy is that I hear there is a shortage of Single Player Shooters in the job market.

sgnp White plastic sheeting over an entire hill is the closest thing to snow I’ve seen all year.

lafix By the looks of this Starbucks, a whole lot of lumberjacks are working on their novels.

joversusvolcano When I go to Hogwarts I’m going to get a wand made out Keith Richards’ femur and unicorn pubes.

paulverhoeven They should have called Close Encounters of the Third Kind POTATO MOUNTAIN.

JRehling  People may say I’m old-fashioned, but e’re the Moone werthe and halpthsome Fairies ag’in the heckerlocke Smythe of Aethyr luvv.

Nathan_Pensky Remember when you tried to use the force on your shoe? You were 19. Not a good year for you. LOSE A TURN. #GameOfLife

warmandpunchy take the path that takes you to college. ha ha idiot, all your money is gone forever now #GameOfLife

 Nathan_Pensky  Who’s that guy from jr high who said his dad knew Patrick Swayze? There’s an hour gone remembering right there. GO DOWN THE CHUTE #GameOfLife

Nathan_Pensky  Feel a weird pain. It’s obviously cancer. Obviously. Think about cancer for three hours while trying to work. GO BACK TWO SPACES #GameOfLife

LouisPeitzman  Watch your health insurance expire right before an illness. Draw from Community Chest. There is nothing there. #GameOfLife

rare_basement  Grandma gives you twenty bucks out of pity. Move ahead three spaces. Hooray! #GameOfLife

notthatkendall  I’m pretty sure you guys are repinning stuff just to fuck with me now.

ClevelandPoet  Manager: “How ya doing?” Me: “I’m doing.” Manager: “You’re doing? Yeah I’m doing too.” Me: “Hooray doing!” Manager: …. #HowJimiRolls

NotActuallyHero  I love when someone’s bio says they’re the official account for someone you’ve never heard of because I appreciate officialness

thecorbettkid  all toys that make sounds will have their batteries removed tonight.

Patheticist  Halfway through War Horse I asked the guy next to me to shoot me so I didn’t suffer any more.

Athenabee  You know what I like to happen when someone comes over? Athena to walk out with my bra on.

BridgetCallahan  It’s hard to explain to someone for the twentieth time why they are literally the worst person you have ever met, which is why I use lasers.

cryanathus  Accidentally punched the door frame while trying to slide across the floor in new socks.

derekblackmon   Just put my 7 yr old in Time Out for not showing me how to split the blue birds.

Greeblemonkey  Good news: Didn’t break my arm ice skating yesterday. Bad News: It is so sore I’m having trouble doing laundry. WAIT. GOOD NEWS ALL AROUND.

jen_talley  So I’m thinking about getting out of pajamas today. I know! I need to pace myself.

theneener And, with delayed comedic timing, my dog has let out an audible fart.

TheBloggess  I wonder if @DalaiLama follows no one bc he’s making a very deep statement or if he just doesn’t know how twitter works.

eliza_evans  Good night, Internet. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.

BillMc7  Tequila is like Instagram for your eyeballs.

thejennui  The Internet is made of cats.

FannyOvrTeacups If the cat gets any fatter, I’m going to buy him his own wardrobe of tiny woolen cardigans and change his name to Mr. Belvedere.

SpaghettiJesus  If this is a Downton Abbey marathon, I’ll believe in god, but only because it’s obviously a woman with good taste.

Toaster_Pastry  According to Klout I can gain 5 additional Twitter followers if I say the word “boob.” Oh, my boobs ache.

davepolak  “Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.”

slackmistress  In case any of you were feeling remotely attracted to me, my bra is filled with brownie crumbs.

ProfessorSnack  Remember my bus ride from DC to Indiana? This time I’m driving! With my family! Made boys go all day without peeing for conditioning.

tehawesome  Matt Damon plays an adventurous father who takes a big risk in the heartwarming comedy-drama We Bought a Zune.

ApocalypseHow  Show of hands: How many of you only remembered it’s Jesus’ birthday from Facebook?

shinyinfo  Mom: “You can check Google but it might be off today.” #Christmas

JohnFugelsang  Happy Birthday to a radical revolutionary who never defended torture, badmouthed gays, or asked a leper for a co-pay.

writingdirty I keep reading it as “Merry X-men”

colsonwhitehead  When the song was written, “bough” meant “corpse,” so you’re singing about decorating your house with the body parts of someone named Holly.

jillsmo  My tombstone will read: “even though she was Jewish, she was still killed by eggnog.”

thejennui  My cat has an inappropriate relationship with my new Snuggie.

steenyweeny  DIE HARD IS ON PRAISE SANTA

Smethanie  A toast to the easiest night of the year to get kids to bed! Cheers!

TheMostTender  The chunk of crab in my cousin’s hair is the least awkward thing going on at this family dinner.

Smethanie No, I’m not last-minute shopping. I’m in the toy aisle on Christmas Eve as part of my Zombie Apocalypse training.

iamfoxyroxie I have no idea what to get my dog for Christmas. #firstworldproblems

johnmoe  My non-American followers should know that the most popular gifts this year are still handguns, cowboy hats, and piles of deep fried things.

WordShore   Hurrah! The Asian corner shop is open tomorrow, so if you are local and haven’t got a present from me yet, you’ll be getting a yam.

Angel__Bee  You guys, I don’t want to jinx it but I’ve made it through the whole holiday season without having to hear that “Christmas Shoes” song

Greeblemonkey  GetGlue is the new Klout is the new Foursquare of annoying Twitter notifications.

shinyinfo  I’m just saying. If there is a siege, the library WILL. NOT. FALL. I have metal bookends I will throw like ninja stars if need be.

MaryHChrist  In the middle east. Pregnant. On a donkey. FML

mrshiggison  When I hear the kids coming up the stairs, I shove whatever I’m eating entirely into my mouth.

palinode I just let something me dismay.

TheRedQueen  Sometimes I wonder why I attempt anything beyond getting myself dressed and not drooling on everything.

badbanana  My New Year’s Resolution, like always, will be to avoid an elk herd attack. I have a good feeling 2012 will be the year.

ecareyo  While standing in line at the store, I whisper “There, there, you’ll be back here very soon” to the Christmas gift I’m about to buy for Mom

meganamram Every time a bell rings, an angel trained by Pavlov starts to drool.

AnnieLowrey  What is scarier: Toy-obsessed, super-judgmental, bearded trespasser, or winged lady who wants to trade dollar bills for teeth?

KagroX  Jingle Bells. They jingle all the way. It’s fun 2 ride in a sleigh w my friends. We dashing thru the snow. We dashing. #RebeccaBlackCarols

thegrumbles when i put my ear up to my coffee cup i can hear the ocean

chickenscottpie  Sorry, lady hitting on me in the fabric store, there’s a reason I’m a dude shopping in a fabric store.

KaseyAnderson Why would I dance like nobody’s watching? People need to see this shit.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Best of 2011: Little Big Kitchen

26 Dec

These are my favorite food-related posts from 2011.

Snapshot

21 Dec

Here’s what I’m up to:

– Woohoo! I am late again this week. Go team.

– My friend Kristi made gingerbread chickens instead of gingerbread men and now I’m obsessed with the idea of making non-traditional gingerbread creatures.

– Have you seen Erin’s creative way her family counts down to Christmas? I couldn’t find a photo to link to, but she writes the count down on a chalk board in her family’s kitchen. It’s so adorable, it might be my favorite advent calendar idea yet. I found several chalkboards while thrifting. I’m going to give this a try next year.

Marie showed off a photo of her Hipster Analog PDA. Is it weird that I love seeing the handwritten way people keep track of things? When I still worked at the library I made my own datebook using a notebook and a due date stamp. Now I use a shared google calendar with my husband but I can’t leave the pen and paper world behind: I have a binder that contains all my ideas, my to do lists, important papers I need to have handy, and my menu plan for the week. I’ll show you sometime if you’re interested.

– Another friend named Erin is making a homemade Huckle for her lucky kiddo this Christmas. It is amazing. She is so talented.

– I’m going through the photos on my hard drive (er, hard drives. Let’s be honest, here) and I’m trying to delete the ones I don’t need to make room for future memories. I uploaded more photos from our trip to Cayucos last March for Chris and Jenn’s wedding.

– I recently got a spam comment that was left by “A Puppy.”

– I was having a terrible night until petersagal posted this tweet: Yo Yo Ma on the floor of a bathroom, with a wombat. Then he said, “There. I just justified the existence of Twitter.” Yes you did, good sir! Yes you did.

– While shopping for supplies for Handmade Christmas at Michael’s, we bought some (pink!) pipe cleaners and had some fun. All other games were quickly brought to a halt, however, when she discovered that I could shape them into hearts. Soon she had covered our tree in heart-shaped ornaments. It was so fun.

– My cat Poppy totally clotheslined herself on the Christmas tree garland this morning.

– I’ve realized that ironically it’s Rich People that are best able to pull off Handmade Christmas.  You have to really work to keep your crafts affordable, and they take so much time. Ideally, participants in Handmade Christmas are independently wealthy, so in addition to having all the funds they need at their disposal they can make their butlers help when their fingers get tired.

– I’m still getting more Christmas cards! Thank you so much, friends! But I’m still not returning the favor till after Christmas. Happy New Years cards are for the fashionably late.

– Speaking of cards, I’ve been doing more portrait work in time for the holidays. Earlier this week I shot the best portrait session of my life–a friend wanted to take the most awkward family Christmas photo with her brothers as their gift to their parents. Think matching sweaters, ridiculous headbands, and too-huge identical sets of plaid pajamas. It was epic and I learned it’s difficult to shoot while crying tears of laughter.

Photos:

I like big buns and I cannot lie.

Bring your pink purse with you on your walks.

Wearing your Flair to the grocery store.

Monorail Cat.

Handmade Christmas.

Multitasking.

Little Braid.

I do what I want.

Scrapbook: Christmas Parade

11 Dec

We went to the local Christmas parade last weekend with our friends the Waltons and the Serios. It was Isobel’s fourth parade but the first one she was aware of what parades actually were. Valerie brought a surprise for the kids–glow sticks, which (unsurprisingly) were a huge hit. Note to self bring glow sticks to the parade next year. They’d also be really fun during fireworks on the Fourth of July.

Each time a float rolled past us Isobel called it a bus, and she kept saying, “I want to go on the bus! Mama and Isobel go on the bus.” She said it so firmly, as if she said it with enough conviction it would come true. I didn’t feel like lugging my regular camera around so instead I packed Camera Jr, which means the photos are kind of terrible but I love them nonetheless.

Follow Friday – O Christmas Tree

9 Dec

Last weekend Anthony and I got the Christmas tree up and Isobel and the cats formed a temporary alliance whose sole purpose was the destruction of Christmas. It was fun. I put the mini tree we used last year in the Pencil Room and Isobel reminds me first thing every morning that we need to turn on the tree. I also hung a large paper snowflake so the room has a very minimalist, yet very festive, vibe. We hung these vintage ornaments on the lower branches of the living room tree because they will stand up to all the love the cats and the kid can dish out. I found more while thrifting that I’ll add to the shop later. These are perfect if you have kids or pets, and they are lovely. My very favorite part of the tree, however, is the star at the top that my Aunt Trisha made just for me.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

MeganBoley @TristinaWright @exlibris the opposite of tacos is sadness.

LouisPeitzman If you’re not ashamed to admit you’re a Christian, Rick Perry, at least be ashamed to admit you fucking haaate homos.

FakeAPStylebook Please only run your “IF GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL, WHY IS IT COLD?” editorial cartoons if the temperature is below 52.

davepolak My new cats haven’t learned their proper names yet, but they respond when I call them little fuckers.

TristinaWright “Every village needs an idiot, and sadly some of them will have internet access.”

johnmoe Generally, it’s retired Oakland Raiders QBs. RT @IareRachael: Who the frick comes up with trending topics like #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Teetotaler. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

inversejaik SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! DITCHDIGGER versus the DEFRIBULATOR! And SKUNKAPE! #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

shinyinfoTHE COMPENSATORR!

johnmoe GRAVE MOURNER #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Pearl S. Truck. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

johnmoe CARE BEARER #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Shatnersaurus. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

NicLewis Bilbo Bagginator. #BadNamesForMonsterTrucks

rstevens I was destined for greatness but I believe in free will.

steenyweeny dontcha wish your girlfriend was making potatoes like me…dontcha wish your girlfriend was wearing a seasonal apron like me…yeaaah boyeee

theleanover Most of my sex trade work is pro boner.

louisvirtel My version of winning the lottery is following a car with a “Baby on Board” sticker and finding out the driver is Jennifer Grey.

antigone_spit Whoever put this Kenny G Christmas album on is gonna get cut

LovesOfLife I’m about to tell you how running on a stomach full of pizza feels.

pistolval i gave myself a papercut on the eyelid today. #justthatgood

MassageByTed I will purchase any product that makes senior citizens rap or do the conga.

joeinverarity No thanks, I’ve had enough cheese. – not me

shinyinfo One day I’ll learn how to write organization tweets and blog posts without a million exclamation points. ONE DAY

samanthajcampen Speaking in Theo’s class about animal doctors and pet care. I think I’ll skip the part about anal glands.

rstevens Apparently “do the mashed potato” means something other than I thought and also there are laws against doing that with vegetables in public.

KeepingYouAwake “A self-unchecked is a self-wrecked.” – Some Asshole (2011)

rstevens Quantum Leper is a TV show about a time traveler who leaves parts of his body in different eras because the writers didn’t do their research

steenyweeny rt if the guy next to you on the bus looks like a baby eagle so you’ve named him birdley.

TheNextMartha I have a blog called “The Martha Project” with exactly ZERO craft posts on it. That’s called talent.

J__Swift I don’t remember what I ate for breakfast but I remember those bandaids that you opened with a string.

swamibooba Some people use “Lorem ipsum”, I use Beck’s “Loser”.

mzeld If lying on my back and putting a pillow over my face doesn’t solve all my problems, I’m out of ideas.

SFriedScientist Is it not true, Mr. The Frog, that thanks to affirmative action, it is, in fact, easier being green? #gopmuppethearings

iasshole Oh BOY bicyclist who just farmer-blew into the street hands-free, my panties just FLEW OFF here

ClevelandPoet and then I found a GIF of Hulk Hogan headbutting a Russian Flag and my day improved by +20

dino_dogan When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a “mean drunk” or a “happy drunk.” Gets me out of it every time.

EconTalker Love the paleo diet but sometimes have trouble getting the fire started rubbing the sticks together.

LadyLiberal Having “Parents of the Year” t-shirts made since it was our preshus snowflake KICKING THE BABY JESUS STATUE in the outdoor nativity this am.

johnmoe Jimi Hendrix offered an internship and mentoring program for those who answered no on his “are you experienced” question.

MrWordsWorth The feeling of Christmas is a little more gropey this year.

foulmouthsanta Omnipresent (n) Someone who buys you the same fucking thing every year.

rstevens THE JENNY IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BLOCK

JohnFugelsang it doesn’t count as pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

TheRedQueen Does Sal the Sanitation Bear’s parole officer know he is on NickJr? Seems like a violation to me. #pedobear

MrWordsWorth You will know you’ve mastered free jazz when it sounds like hate sex between Wookies.

MassageByTed My kids aren’t athletic, so I’m stuck picking fights at my daughter’s choir concerts.

johnmoe If this van is a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’. If the van’s brakes are squealin’, hum More Than A Feelin’. #VanContingencies

BorowitzReport Gingrich says he would leave Afghanistan “only if it has cancer.”

Handflapper You guys! YOU GUYS! I just typed “ehll” and my phone autocorrected it to “hell.” AUTOCORRECT FINALLY GETS ME!

sgnp My moment of weakness has lasted almost forty years.

morninggloria I reject the idea of a sexy green M&M mascot because candy should not have genitals.

The_Samburglar Just heard two women discussing a dog’s outfit and how it could be hemmed if necessary. #priorities

shariv67 We’re decorating the tree with the kids today. But now that they’re teens it’s harder to find branches that will support their weight.

joeinverarity I can’t seem to keep food down no matter what I try. Best! Diet! Ever!

jessnevins Marvel, for $2 a year I’d produce a weekly Economist-style column on how current economic situations are affecting your fictional countries.

Athenabee Athena just did sad trombone noise in time out. I’m silently dying.

MetaKatea Nearly tossed banana peel out of car on way to work. Had weird “Mario Kart” moment of thinking it would cause a pile-up. Didn’t do it.

rstevens First thing I learned as a designer was that you can change the page numbers to anything you want. There is no reality.

bitchylibrarian New term for #nopants = #porkypigging. THINK ABOUT IT.

swonderful Alice: What’s that? Me: The onion skin. Alice: Onion SKIN? Is an onion a… a kid chicken?

readingsarah I tried to spell pinterest aloud during our YASF meeting today and failed, failed hard.

metalia My colorblind dad just sent me a text with a picture of the sunset, with the caption, “Amazing colors! …I think.”

mrpilkington I like it that @Shteyngart is a dog because that’s how I’ve read his novels: in a tiny yip noise followed by chewing on my testicles.

premmeridian The Swype keyboard on my phone keeps ignoring my ‘u’ in ‘honour.’ EXCUSE ME IT IS NOT “HONOR” I AM CANADIAUAUAUAN.

badbanana It’s taken me this long to realize “Eurozone Crisis” wasn’t referring to a woman’s underarm area.

ScrewyDecimal I lose socks like Herman Cain loses credibility.

Sondeera Judging from all the rainbows on avis, you folks need to get your Lucky Charms obsession under control.

crom74 Our microwave died. It died cooking two pot pies. It finished cooking them. It was a trooper.

mjbz104 I’ve only left my house for a total of 2.5hrs in the past 6 days. My arm is starting to curve like the dorsal fin of a dolphin in captivity.

emoryshatzer When a mammoth is eventually cloned I hope it’s taken to that yokel Bible museum with the words painted on its side, “How you like me now?”

tommycm btw am happy if any journos want to use my ‘cain and unable’ headline after the events of yesterday.

apodixis This is the first time I can say I spent Saturday evening pulling pork and actually mean it literally.

CorporateMonkey somehow managed to french braid my hair AT THE BAR. sounds like a +1 in the sober department

onenjen Now that my son is potty-trained, he’s traded diaper badonkadonk for perpetual plumber’s crack. #babypullyourpantsup

mikeleffingwell The dad in “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” was dressed as Santa AFTER the kid was in bed = mom/dad were into freaky roleplay sex.

markleggett I’ll yell “GO CATS!” at any sporting event because I really, really like cats. #catsarenaturesmiracles #sportsarefuckingboring

TheBlackStar Leave it to Kingston to mosh to minimalist piano twinkle twinkle little star.

purple_quark It may be time to Febreeze the dog.

inversejaik At Big Lots: Low-battery Xmas toy reciting “Visit from St Nick;” sounds like “A Lt. Worf Christmas.”

Handflapper I just thanked myself for a retweet AND called myself “sweetie.” #winningattwitter

FakePewResearch 98.5% of cardigan owners will kill again.

jenstatsky Must be so confusing to be a bug flying around. One second, humans are clapping for them — the next, they’re dead.

wordsinmymouth Is there a way to take back drunk FB private messages? Asking for a friend.

willgoldstein My # of tweets/hr is both inversely correlated to the # of hours I sleep and directly correlated to the # of cups of coffee I drink.

FakeAPStylebook Considering the economic climate, have your gift guide include affordable items such as twigs, recyclable cans, and pretty good boxes.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Snapshot

7 Dec

-My brother-in-law finally returned from deployment yesterday after a year in Baghdad. I am relieved and grateful he is home.

Holy shit. Let’s hope they are Vulcan.

– I watched PBS’s Bleak House on the days when my Mom had the baby so I could work on my gigantic Esty project. I totally loved it because I love those types of movies even though everyone around me thinks long, historical British dramas are about the boringest thing in existence. I think they are a wonderfully cozy way to spend a cold fall day inside with a project. Also it’s entirely possible that I am really boring as well.

– I checked out NurtureShock from the library and am about halfway through it. Holy wow, that book is excellent. I can’t recommend it enough. Next up is Welcome To Your Child’s Brain.

– I bought some frozen cookie dough through a fundraiser for my bestie’s son Kingston’s daycare. It’s the kind that’s already conveniently pre-shaped into little cookies so all you have to do it pop them in the oven and fifteen minutes later you have melty chocolate chip goodness. I am so addicted to this instant sort of gratification that I’m considering making up a batch of cookie dough and portioning it out so I’ll have homemade chocolatey chip goodness when this batch is finished. Which reminds me, I really should start back up on the elliptical again.

I’m still having a sale! And there are still a few items of Thrift Store Gore left for all your White Elephant needs. Keep checking the shop, as I’m adding more thrifted goodness all the time.

– I meant to post this earlier but kept forgetting: the Life Cycle of a Jack-o-lantern. (I have a severe case of chicken envy.)

– The other day when we had people over my friend Jake looked out the window in time to see Jupey run by with a sword in his mouth. Our neighbors had been playing with Nerf swords and left them on their lawn unattended. Jupey swooped in and grabbed it, ran across the front lawn, and somehow climbed the fence with it still in his jaws. It was at least two and a half times his length. Isobel was particularly excited to get a toy from Jupey that wasn’t a naked, brunette Barbie, and she played with it happily until we could distract her and return the sword.

– I went to a local craft bazaar and had the same experience there that I have every year. I always have a good time, find something awesome, and then get pissed because it’s a clusterfuck of too many people in too small a space. Also I leave before I really start shopping because the crowds make the experience impossible and unpleasant. I can think of half a dozen easy ways to fix this just off the top of my head. It doesn’t need to be this way. Get on it, Handborn.

– My Crohn’s disease has been particularly unpleasant these last couple days, but seeing as how I don’t have Cancer or some other scary new health issue, I’m okay with that.

– I broke down an got a new phone! This explains the massive influx of instagram pics I’ve inflicted upon you all. I’m kind of essited.

– I bought a large bag of party mix for the upcoming winter festivities, and after I put it and the other groceries away I went down the hall and into our bedroom to fold laundry. As I was putting socks away I heard a very strange noise. I looked up to see Isobel lugging the giant sack of party mix, nearly as large as she is, down the hall. It takes her awhile because our hallway is long, but when she finally drags it into our room she hoists it up onto her bed. Then, in a panting, out-of-breath voice she says, “Mama,” (wheeze, wheeze) “It’s a party.”