Tag Archives: Please stop watering my cactus

Follow Friday – Garden Helper

8 Jul

With all the time we’ve spent outside this summer putting in our new lawn, building a pergola, and generally trying not to get eaten by our rabid wisteria, Isobel has taken a keen interest in gardening. Basically, she wants to do whatever Mama is doing, and when we’re outside, Mama is gardening. My good friend Jake went with us to a nursery recently and helped me pick out some herbs for the garden. While at there we picked up a set of child-sized gloves for Isobel. They are laughable too big but she adores them anyway.

I made the mistake of telling Isobel the herbs we bought were “baby” plants, and now she loves them. A little too much, actually, because within the first three days she loved my basil and dill to death. The others I’ve managed to keep alive by making sure she doesn’t love on them too much.When I wasn’t looking, however, I found out she had been repeatedly watering my cactus. I now need a new cactus.

 

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.



sgnp Halfway through “Splice” now. I’m beginning to suspect it’s a Björk biopic.

kwmurphy My bologna has a first name. It’s Janet. Miss Jackson if you’re nasty.

hotdogsladies Remember: when you eat poop ironically, you’re still totally eating poop.

badbanana “He died doing what he loved, which was clinging to life and trying not to die, which he was very good at until recently.”

steenyweeny any Garys following me? if so i apologize but i normally use your name as a profanity.

shinyinfo I’ve taken to my bedchamber in despair! Also that is where the air conditioner is.

KeepingYouAwake “Don’t be scared, I’m not going to kill you” is possibly the least comforting phrase ever.

RailbirdJ 30 people have found my blog this week by searching “naked planking” I think I should win something.

nuunisms “Fuck this shit.” ~ A mantra that will never prove invalid.

ProfessorSnack I think “Rending Topics” would be more descriptive.

KeepingYouAwake Yes, for your information, I do kiss your mother with this mouth.

Sigafoos Comment from spam from work: “Well macadamia nuts, how about that.” I don’t know how to respond. They said it all.

eliza_evans I can buy an at-home waffle cone maker? This changes EVERYTHING.

BridgetCallahan I like to think the guy in the Applebees commercial who says “I love when that happens.” kills himself as soon as he walks off shot.

PolyesterPony I could cook or I could simply eat this bean dip with a spoon.

JohnFugelsang I seriously haven’t seen Nancy Grace this furious since her bungling henchmen let those Dalmatians escape.

babybabylemon The downside is I dropped an entire jar of pepperponcinis on the floor. The upside is that my house smells like a delicious deli.

mommywantsvodka I like to imagine all the Diet Coke I drink is acting as a preservative. Preserving me from the inside out.

bebehblog My toddler is officially old enough to follow orders when I say “Evan, get that dirty piece of napkin out of the baby’s mouth” #winning

thebookpolice I like seeing raccoons, deer, and turkeys when I drive into work and thinking, “I’ve eaten all of you.”

modinkpeeb At least Phineas and Ferb are trending again. It feels so good to get on with our lives.

kwmurphy Just ended a good day’s work by writing a poop joke for a cyborg.

stateiamin My favorite kind of cheese is….all the kinds.

JillMorris The cat bath I tried to give was so ridiculous it could have won an MTV Movie Award for Best Cat Bath.

KeepingYouAwake I’m only excited about “to do” lists, if I’m potentially on them, and the list-maker is hot.

RailbirdJ Whatever you do, for the rest of the day, DO NOT LOOK AT FACEBOOK. You’ll thank me later.

steenyweeny I SWEAR TO HOTDOGS IF YOU GUYS BREAK THE INTERNET OVER THIS.

jennifurret I want a shirt that says “Bloggers: Raising awareness one internet shitstorm at a time”

theleanover Um… why do nards call me on my cellphone? Hello, I pay for text messaging so I never have to talk to anyone ever. Get with the times.

ScrewyDecimal It’s a shame that openly weeping at the reference desk is frowned upon.

danielgrosvenor Someone really needs to invent a GPS app that helps you find the exit in IKEA.

lianamaeby Tweeting about how you’re not gonna tweet about that thing is the new not tweeting about that thing.

shinyinfo I’m in Beal City for 4th of July and I’m not drunk on a pontoon boat. What am I doing with my life???

markleggett Nikon really nailed it with their new camera specifically designed to take flattering photos of genitalia. It even works on animals!

BeTheBoy Didn’t go to the Dodger game because they wouldn’t honor the military discount despite the fact that I was in my KISS Army uniform.

sween Thank you, “Transformers”, for making “Independence Day” look stately.

slackmistress Glad this wine isn’t going to drink itself, cause then I’d have some overachieving wine that’d probably think it was too good for me.

LPCookbook I feel impatient waiting for fireworks but it is less because of the magic and more because bitch gotta get up for work in like 9 hours.

antigone_spit My mom: “This is not the Mystery Science version so shut up. But if you want to put a gumball machine on your head feel free.”

kerrianne “This is my childhood in pie form,” she said as she merrily sat down in front of a gleaming triangle of huckleberries and flaky crust.

maggiesox Drinking boxed wine out of a plastic cup while watching fireworks from a Rita’s parking lot. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

BillCorbett If you don’t lose at least three fingers to fireworks tonight, I say your love of country is suspect. #GoBackToRussia

johnmoe The name “Lowly Worm” tells you all you need to know about the brutal Busytown caste system.

muffpunch Just dropped my first f bomb in front of a kid. This party just got started.

theleanover Too many Kardashian sex tapes; not enough Nigella Lawson sex tapes. #ReasonsWhySocietyIsCollapsing

SisterHuff Pants falling down, Pants falling down #ReasonsWhySocietyIsCollapsing

theleanover Guns are cheaper than medical treatment. #ReasonsWhySocietyIsCollapsing

theleanover Your mom. #ReasonsWhySocietyIsCollapsing

kellyoxford I’d love a video montage of every single time I’ve walked into a room and forgotten why I’m in there.

markleggett Let’s not forget who the greatest American hero is: Ralph Hinkley.

steenyweeny ‘aw shit i’m out of agave nectar!’ is a sentence i never thought i would say.

theneener Hooray! It’s that time of the month! You know, the time where I pay my rent and buy groceries.

daddytwocoats Someone referenced a joke I made in a show on Twitter. This must be how Oprah feels.

JosephScrimshaw If you want to blow your hand off with firecrackers, that’s your right. Or your left, depending on which hand you use. #America

thejohnblog “ACCIO JACK DANIELS!”

thebookpolice This land is your land, this land is my land–from the Rocky Mountains, to the two pounds of short ribs in my fridge marinatin’.

MightyHunter Earthlings will always defeat aliens because Earthlings are willing to punch aliens in the face. #independenceday

apodixis Making a movie about today. It’s going to be called “There Will Be Beer.”

theleanover Goodbye, losers! aka unfollowers.

mrteacup The quality of a relationship can be perfectly measured by the length of a mutually agreed-upon netflix queue

modinkpeeb Just ate a hot dog in two bites. Ladies?

unrealsnow Wine tasting places make me wish I carried a disguise kit with me all the time.

PolyesterPonyReheating coffee on the stove top. Like my grandma. Also, wearing support hose.

evandawson I’m proud to be an American, which gives me the freedom to say that the song Proud to be an American is dreadful.

jimmyfairplay I told my dad how many followers I have. He just pointed at stuff he’d built with his hands. You win this round, dad.

wolfpupy Grounded again for delivering the Peoples Elbow to the cat.

apodixis Constant Bliss, Humboldt Fog, Purple Haze. California cheeses all have pot names.

blanklibrarian @exlibris I said “Sweet Baby Picard Jesus!” the other day on fb w/out realizing it’s not really a thing. Except it is now. You’re spreading.

thejohnblog I just woke up with a hangover again, but I’m annoyed that it’s not as good or original as the first one.

B_tothe_S Weed & Feed is lawn fertilizer? I thought it was just something stoners did.

letsgetgizzy The random alley fireworks don’t scare me, but the bag of garbage sitting in the kitchen that I thought was a murderer did.

stevetweeters Day 1 of living in a rural community: A bug flew into my ear.

rstevens I should paint my apartment black with orange gridlines and tell ladies that my Holodeck is broken. #humblebragthenextgeneration

steenyweeny based on how successful my patio garden is, i’m shocked there’s enough food in the world for more than 9 people.

johnmoe Is that a passive aggressive dig at the end of the alphabet song? Like was I supposed to sing with you THIS time?

modinkpeeb Skanks: A good time for you to bathe in Beyonce’s new scent is when it’s 100 degrees and 400% humidity.

GoGadgetGadget Your condescending tone is so sexy. Look! It’s giving my middle finger a boner.

maggiesox So it turns out that I am the kind of asshole who will correct you in public if you get your dinosaurs wrong.

RailbirdJ We can be friends no matter what race, religion, sexual orientation or political party you are. You just can’t vote for Palin.

sgnp Thanks for the sex! #fourwordsaftersex

stray Friends are the people you wish were your siblings.

librarianearp I asked Papa Bear if he’d be my sugar daddy. He said yes and gave me a mint. I don’t think he understands what I meant.

pnkrcklibrarian It’s a truth universally acknowledged a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of an Internet startup to call his own.

lauracope Dust Storms May Exist is a really philosophical way to put it, New Mexico.

jadesongbird When you saw one set of footprints in the sand, that was when I ate your feet.  #ZombieProverbs

ProfessorSnack I have 5 bottles of BBQ sauce and no meat in the house. My subconscious must have big plans for the neighborhood this holiday weekend.

mrteacup The quality of a relationship can be perfectly measured by the length of a mutually agreed-upon netflix queue.

 

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here. Learn more about it in my FAQ.



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