Tag Archives: The Furbish Language

Amusing Thrift Store Finds

2 Jun

This last Mother’s Day was pretty crappy. It’s only my third one so far, and I can’t even remember what I did last year. I’m sure it was fun whatever it was, but not as fun as my first Mother’s Day when Anthony took me to a local lavender farm for a picnic. Isobel slept and ate and relaxed comfortably in her sling while we wandered row upon row of fragrant flowers. It was wonderful. Compare that to this year when I locked us out of our car and Isobel threw an epic tantrum in a restaurant, and the winner is obvious. More lavender, please!

Not that this Mother’s Day was a wash. I was still pretty sick, but we did manage to go by a thrift store and take Isobel to a park. Both good things. Later on, I napped. Bliss.

Look at that smile! This was pre-restaurant meltdown. You’d never know it, but an hour later she erupted like Mount Vesuvius. If Mount Vesuvius was two and a half feet tall and wearing diapers.

We had no idea what we were in for.

But before the meltdowns and car drama we went thrifting, and if you notice the Little Big Thrifting Pyramid at the top of this post, you’ll know my eventual point is to show you some Amusing Thrift Store Finds. Go here, here, and here for previous finds.

First up are two silvery pieces of fruit. They look like paperweights. Just try giving this “What A Pear!” paperweight to your boss or coworker and see how quickly the sexual harassment suits roll in.

This kitten statue is not only disturbing, but it looks like it came straight out of  “Kittens! Inspired by Kittens!”

This piggy bank is just for our friend Stef, who packed up her cats, her piano, and her bearded husband and moved out of state to teach at the University of Reno while enrolled in their PhD program. Reno is kind of a sad little (big) town, so this I HEART RENO piggy bank is weirdly depressing. Save your coins so you can gamble away your savings at the CVS slot machines!

Stefanie, this is how I feel when I look at you. You’re welcome.

Next we have “Country Deodorant.”

No comment.

I can’t imagine any positive use for an I HEART COWS wagon.

Of course Isobel found the Furby. OF COURSE SHE DID. Nevermind that it was located in with the dishes and candles. She would zero in on the demonic furry creature amongst all the harmless candles and plates and knickknacks. The worst part about the Furby is that once she touched it, it started talking in Furbish to her. Which mesmerized her in a way that books about alien abduction fascinated me as a child. Unhealthily.

What’s worse is that after she set the Furby down and move on to something else, it would wait about a minute or so before that Furbish voice would say something, thereby causing her to abandon her new interest and securing her attention, starting the Loop of Demonic Fascination all over again. Just when we thought we were free, its Furbish voice called us back again.

If you come across a Furby while thrifting, don’t touch it, don’t look it in the eye, and definitely do not say its name three times in a darkened room.

TMI, DUDE.

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