Tag Archives: Weekend

Scrapbook: Weekend

22 Jan

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Scrapbook: Visiting Jose & Lupe

6 Jul

Just as Isobel and I were settling in to my new job we realized that Anthony had a week’s worth of vacation coming up. Our plans consisted mostly of working on our yard and putting up a pergola, but we wanted to leave town at least once for an overnight visit to a friend who was willing to put us and our occasionally cranky toddler up for the night.

Our friends Jose and Lupe had been encouraging us to visit them for quite some time now so we decided to take them up on their generous offer and sleep on their floor.

It was such a wonderful trip all the way around: much shorter than driving to the city, San Jose is interesting and a great place to travel with a toddler, not the least reason being our visit to the Children’s Discovery Museum that I’ll be writing about later.

Jose is a good friend of ours from way back. He was in our wedding and procured two large, handmade pinatas for the reception. He is an exceptionally talented artist and funny and kind. He is engaged to the beautiful Lupe who has since become our good friend, too.

Jose and Lupe have a Chihuahua mix named Chibi who pretty much provided the entertainment. Isobel fell in deep BFF love with this dog and played with him from the moment we arrived till the moment we left. The only reason she fell asleep at night is because Jose put Chibi in his crate at bedtime. I tried to get photos of the cuteness that was them playing together, but they all turned out more or less like the photo above.

Isobel took a particular liking to Lupe who let her dig through her bracelets and jewelry like they were pieces of treasure. My kid somehow conned Lupe into giving her a bracelet covered in small jingle bells plus small zippered purse that Isobel now calls “my pocket.”

For breakfast Jose and Lupe took us to Cafe San Jose. I had the most amazing Redwood Eggs Benedict with pineapple and bacon and I kind of wanted to die all over my plate. Isobel had a minor meltdown while we waited for our food, and our friends got to see first-hand how fun parenting can be. Yay! After she calmed down, the Starfall app saved the day until her pancakes arrived.

We spent the late morning and the early afternoon walking around Willow Glen. Lupe took us to a favorite thrifting spot. It’s been my goal to hit up a thrift store in every new town we visit so I was very excited. This particular store was called The Thrift Box, which I found funny because I am twelve.

Just tell people you got it at “The Box.”

This daisy needlepoint was in the window and had I seen it while I was in the store you know I would have snapped it up immediately. I found several treasures there and now have a very good opinion of San Jose thrift stores in general.

After thrifting we went to an amazing children’s bookstore called Hicklebee’s.

Just look at the inside of this shop:

Needless to say, I now want a reading bathtub. And most of the contents of that store.

Hicklebee’s is a mecca for authors and illustrators of children’s books and sections of the store are covered in their autographs and drawings.

They also sold a small selection of fun toys. Like these nerd glasses I told Anthony he needed.

I don’t mean to turn this post into a glowing endorsement for Hicklebee’s, and it goes without saying that I’m not receiving compensation for writing about them, but they are just the kind of store I wish America had more of: a local business that fosters a joy of reading and wonder in children and adults alike.

After eating and wandering around town a bit we left for the museum and Jose and Lupe had to get back to their lives of moving and changing jobs and planning a wedding. You know, stress-free sorts of activities like that.

We had such a great time that even now Isobel comes up to me and says, “Mama, remember Lupe? Remember Chibi?”

Weekend

17 Apr

Someone got up. Fussed. Decided it wasn’t worth it. Fell back asleep.

The True Meaning of Superbowl Sunday

8 Feb

Someone found my blog yesterday by searching, “Bitch doesn’t think I can multitask,” and that impressed me so much I’ve decided to make it my motto. This website’s never had a motto, mostly because I’ve never thought about  having one before, but I think I’m going start now: every month (or every other month, or however this turns out) I’m going to choose a new motto based on a search term someone uses to find my blog.

Bitches, in case you didn’t know, I do know how to multitask.

Isobel picked out her own outfit

Last weekend a couple of amazing things happened:

1. Isobel had a real poop(tm). It was a miracle; a blessed nugget from heaven. Anyone who’s changed two straight weeks of poopy diapers will tell you, regular poop is a fucking relief after dealing with rancid, painful diarrhea.

2. I have talked so much about Isobel’s diarrhea lately I can now correctly spell “diarrhea” on the first try. I still cannot spell “gonorrhea” correctly without spell check, a flaw I sincerely hope I always have.

3. I found another wasp in my kitchen. I FOUND ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKING WASP IN MY KITCHEN. This is not okay, but it is technically amazing: a wasp is in my kitchen because global warming has granted us an unseasonably warm winter, thereby waking the wasps early, thereby allowing them to invade my sacred dining room. Oh, you’re waiting for the amazing part: I guess some people still don’t believe in global warming. To them I say: I hope your kitchen is infested with wasps.

We went to the store on Superbowl Sunday. We went early, around noon, thinking that everyone would be at home watching the game. Apparently we still had several hours till the game started and everyone and their Cheesehead buddy (I don’t know what you’d call Steelers fans; Weld Heads? Alloys?) was at the store picking up beer and party platters. Isobel was in fine spirits after days and days of ear infection, and she passed the time while we shopped by singing Happy Birthday, the ABCs, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Isobel likes to create hybrids of songs that she knows with the same melody. Recently she combined “Frere Jacques” and “Where is Thumbkin?” and to save time she sings, “Where is Jacques?”

While browsing the aisles I picked up a lime-green bucket for toy storage, and by the time we reached the produce department, Isobel had put it on her head and was singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU at top volume. A great start to any Sunday.

We ended up playing Castlevania and making soup and I reflected on the True Meaning of Superbowl Sunday: my intolerance of spicy food. I’ve always been intolerant of spicy food, a fact that I’ve long lamented. If I could chose a regular special power, I’d totally choose the ability to eat extremely spicy things. I regularly miss out and my friend Jacob has said that I win the White Prize. Which I’m assuming is a jar of mayo.

Anthony firmly believes I just need to increase my spicy food tolerance, and I’m cautious, but I’m game. I asked him what I should start with and he suggested Taco Bell Mild Sauce. This does not bode well for me working up to a taco truck burrito, but this summer, I’m going to go for it.

I’m almost done here but no post about the Super Bowl is complete without mentioning the commercials. There’s no point to them anymore, people. The best commercial ever has already been made: enter The Nannerpuss. Somehow Denny’s thought that the Nannerpuss would convince people that they wanted a serious breakfast, but all it did was convince me that someone needs to give that nanner a reality show.

 

Weekend Links

22 Jan

My friend Jake dropped off a bounty of lemons. I’ve been looking around for things to do with them. (Still taking suggestions!)

I love this moleskine-like case for Kindles, iPads, and other devices.

I’ve been looking around for an apron. I have a couple really cute ones already, but they are half–aprons, and I have a habit of getting thoroughly messy when I cook. I’ve ruined many cute shirts by frying bacon alone. I haven’t found the perfect apron yet, but this one is pretty cute.

It is not too early Valentine’s day card shopping.  These, from by friend Angela’s shop, are adorable. And these would make the most excellent thank you notes.

I have a crush on this glass milk carton.

I love these free printable owl-themed reading logs. I want to give them away to kids in the library.

Follow Friday – Herp Derp! Special Snow Flake Birthday Edition!

15 Oct

This week’s Follow Friday post is brought to you by my birthday and the fact that I am one step closer to becoming the crotchety old woman I’ve always been inside my heart. Daaaaaw. My birthday is tomorrow, to be exact, but my favorite way to celebrate is to indulge in week-long excuses of doing things “for my birthday.” I’m going to order wontons! (It’s my birthday.) I’m going to stay in my pajamas all day watching Battle Star Galactica! (It’s my birthday.) I’m going to go crazy go nuts in the thrift store! (It’s my birthday.) I’m going to eat a bowl of candy at Halloween! (It’s my birthday.)

This gets old when I’m still saying it in November, but for now I’m going to sit back and enjoy it. Anthony starts his new job next week and I’m thrilled for what this means for my family. So thrilled that when we went to Target to buy a baby shower gift for my friend Erin I sprung for a dollar-bin witch hat for my daughter. I think it suits her.

Also, yesterday I received the most perfect spam comment: it said only, “herp derp.” After a long discussion about it with Grumblies and Senator Boley’s Mom, we decided we needed to start a “Herp Derp Awareness” Campaign. Grumblies was kind enough to make us a button. Wear yours with pride!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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OngoingBS Butt Cabbage. #2WordsThatDoNotBelongTogether

heyrenees “the best things in life — AREN’T THINGS” said the bumper sticker on the mercedez suv parked in front of the four seasons hotel. rofl.

fierceflawless Just ran into a fascinating condom display at a drug store. Of note: brands called “big boy” & inexplicably, “jeans”.

adiopink” Mawwage.”‘

BridgetCallahan New artistic goal: making a Marie Antoinette docudrama starring @midwestgrrl. Have llamas in it.

showsomemoxie Hell with boot camp, my arms are about to fall off after peeling and cutting up a 2.5 lb. winter squash.

lilpyrogirl Mayday, Mayday! Catastrophic Bra Failure!

heyrenees well, at least the trending topics have elevated in class from bieber fever to heated toilets.

badbanana Military-grade explosives found at NYC cemetery. Hundreds confirmed dead.

FakeAPStylebook Do not hyphenate “homeschool.” See also: homestead, homeboy, homeslice.

rainydangers It’s not as pithy as rocks and glass houses, but people who record their phone trees while drunk shouldn’t complain about slow business.

hurtling I just had a flight delay in Syracuse and boy are my arms drunk.

louisvirtel CBS just announced that the Amazing Race is white people.

shinyinfo Me to Co-Worker: “I need you.” Co-Worker: “Why?” Me: “Because you’re a man.” CW: “What!?” Me: “A toilet is clogged in the men’s room.” FIN

JerryThomas You know, they shouldn’t be calling them “bouncing” babies if they don’t actually do that. Also, I need a lawyer.

darthvader My Yankees cruising to victory. Haven’t been this embarrassed by the twins since Luke and Leia made out.

danforthfrance On one end of human achievement are the Great Pyramids, on the other is your rear window display of faded stuffed animals, Camry.

yowhatsthehaps I’ve discovered Netflix and therefore do not need you anymore, outside world.

MuffinTopMommy My Twitter stream is like people watching except without the awkward moment when I get caught staring.

himissjulie I do believe that my generous use of jazz hands greatly improved the choreography of that exercise program.

adamisacson Lovely day in the country. Hayrides, corn mazes, cider, pumpkins, Wal-Mart, meth, apple trees, penny candy, guns and fresh air. Very nice.

helgagrace Sometimes you have to ambush people who look lost and help them find a copy of the Color Purple. #guerrillareference

sockington AHOY TOP OF COUNTER arr you have been boarded AVAST I AM BEING YELLED AT abandon counter abandon counter

FakeeEtiquette It is rude to write a Yelp review that doesn’t include an unnecessary personal anecdote.

madarat The goal is to keep the eye rolling to a minimum.

Sigafoos Scam at a French Star Trek 2 gathering: Cannes Khan Con Con. #whydoihaveanyfollowersatall

tdjukic Only a matter of time until Arby’s legal department reaches out to me.

thinkBIG_blog “The problem with quotes on Twitter is that you can’t always be sure of their authenticity.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

wordlust I’m drawn like a moth to moth porn.

madarat Ok, I can’t text and drive. But can I still do air guitar off the steering wheel? #justasking

weselec This Halloween I’m going as the asshole who says, “Actually, you’re Frankenstein’s *monster*.”

gt733 Urinal Cake Boss #failedTLCshows

badbanana To commemorate Columbus Day weekend, I’m assuming every stranger I meet is from India.

Sigafoos I can never remember how to spell anxiety and it STRESSES ME OUT.

BadAstronomer Had to type the word “gauze” for a post going up tomorrow. The word looks wrong no matter how I spell it. Gauze. Gawz. Gouze. Snooki.

Greeblemonkey Maple. I’d sap that.

Zaius13 Nice Admiral Ackbar. I’d trap that.

SquiggleJay Nice pillow. I’d nap that.

ahmichaud I’d rather not get on a bus unless it’s a cat. That flies.

RailbirdJ Oh. Was that email snarky? Golly gee. I’m sorry. Oh gee! Did I also hit “reply all”? Gosh. Total accident.

lafix I’ll be happy as long as Sarah Palin can’t see the Washington Monument from her house.

pcsweeney I wonder what I’m going to look like when I’m bald. I mean, of course, I know I’ll look good… But how good?

apelad In the future, every political advertisement will begin with a declaration about whether or not the candidate is a witch.

sarcasmically This morning, while watching the Barbaro documentary, I imagined it was Sarah Jessica Parker dying instead & stopped sobbing immediately.

khamsin LET’S ALL YELL ABOUT PRINTERS

val_forrestal @exlibris @shinyinfo if I ever decide to get into bondage, I’m totally making “anchor-babies” my safe word.

thejohnblog Ugh. My penis just emailed me a pic of Brett Favre.

TheNextMartha Omg. Just found out TX state fair is going on. I’m 10 minutes away from fried hopes and dreams.

lizzwinstead I wish there was a debate that featured all the teaparty folks so we could watch them try to out crazy each other.

Jesus_M_Christ Hey guys, I’m throwing a huge party up here on December 22nd, 2012. You’re all invited!

shinyinfo @exlibris @val_forrestal My stupid girl brain is too busy thinking about shoes & vacuums to pay attention to what’s all in my womb!!

SquiggleJay For a non-religious person i sure say “OH, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” a lot.

Phineas @exlibris If only twitter spambots were as useful as toasters.

To me this looks like it says, "HO me." Perfect for Halloween!

heyrenees i can’t believe the nobel literature committee has over looked my twitter feed AGAIN. it’s like they don’t even read it!

eshep You know what this Chilean mine rescue needs? Vuvuzelas.

pistolval The line between insanity & brilliance is a fine one. I like to think I straddle and then frantically hump that line with panache.

wawoodworth Really? The library sign color is PMS #285 Blue? Helluva color designation there.

None this week. For shame, Mr. Cent!

saraschaefer1 Tiny print in the Lunesta commercial: “The exact way Lunesta works is unknown.” Duh, it is known. Magic butterflies nose-rape you to sleep.

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Single Parent Weekend

6 Oct

This past weekend I got to try my hand at being a single parent while Anthony, my Yale friend Jake (he went to Yale!*), and D&D buddy Ian drove up the treacherous mountain pass to Reno.

Reno, the land that time forgot. It’s the 1970s all over again, a mountainous desert filled with aging casinos, OTC gun shops, and thunderstorms with hail. Some might call the casino culture of the town past its prime, but we all know what that really means—VINTAGE! HOLLA! I bet they have some awesome thrift stores in Reno and I can’t wait for a chance to visit and scope out all the good stuff with my partner in thrifting crime, Stefanie.

It caused somewhat of a scandal when people realized Anthony had left for the weekend on a boys’ trip, and to Reno no less. I guess they assumed he’d be knee-deep in aged hookers and rigged blackjack. But of all the boys’ trips he’s taken recently, my hyper-anxiety was the least ramped-up over this one.

My husband, hiking up Half Dome at 3 a.m. while stalked by mountain lions, with only a pencil and three other dudes to protect him? That’s something to worry about.

My husband, trying to find a bachelor’s party hidden away in the woods somewhere at night? That’s something to worry about. I imagined Hill People coming across him while lost somewhere in ass-end of Shaver Lake. I’ve heard stories about Hill People (thanks, Greg!), and I’d rather he take his chances with the lions.

My husband, driving up to Reno to visit our BFFs Dave and Stef to eat pulled pork pizza, drink Mountain Dew, and play D&D till he passed out into a nerd-induced coma? Not something to worry about. Really.

I think the reason I was so at ease this time as opposed to the previous two trips was that 1. the mountain lion & hill people threat was nonexistent, and 2. he had cell phone reception. That really made the biggest difference for me. I could call or text him whenever I wanted. Hell, I would have even felt better if a mountain lion was attacking him as long as he had four bars so I could check on their progress. (“Go for the eye, honey! GO FOR THE EYE! Oh, and can you send me a picture of it? Isobel does so love her kitties.”)

I was a little nervous for them on the drive back because Reno seems to be prone to rainy thunderstorms and hail and they were driving through the mountainous pass. If it was winter my acute anxiety could have cooked up some Donner Party-like scenario but I’ll save that paranoia for later in the year. It was still sweating all weekend down in the Valley, and I figured they had enough pulled pork pizza and hot wings to keep them going without resorting to cannibalism.

At home, Isobel and I had a great time playing outside, taking baths (she has a newfound passion for bath time), and eating take-out Chinese food from our favorite place. On Friday I was on a mission to find something interesting for Isobel’s Halloween costume and so we stopped by the only thrift store open in the evening: Goodwill. Normally I avoid Goodwill: it tends to be pretty picked over. According to my Pyramid of Thrifted Goodness, it is exceptionally bottom-heavy, with none of the good two top-tier stuff that makes thrift stores fun.

I didn’t find anything compelling for a costume for her but I found some fantastic finds that I was frankly amazed to find at a Goodwill. It was totally worth it and I was high fiving Isobel up and down the aisles.

Isobel didn’t sleep well Friday night and for most of Saturday I was floundering on too little sleep. We woke up well rested on Sunday to a generous downpour of rain. Rain! We get so little it was a shock to see. I pulled Isobel over to the window to see the storm and instead of being curious started screeching, “MINE MINE MINE MIIIIIINE!” She was apparently very upset that the rain was touching her toys that we had left outside. We put on shoes and went to the patio so I could pull things in and she stood on the edge of the rain-soaked cement to give the insolent weather a piece of her goddamn mind.

She had some epic bed head and she was carrying a thrifted Care Bear that was nearly as large as she was so the effect was rather like a crazy old woman yelling at the sky. Whatever she was saying in her Martian-speak it was clearly laced with obscenities. She makes a Mama proud, she does!

I’m not going to lie, single parenting kicked my ass and made me ever more grateful to have a husband who is a devoted father. I’m so glad he wasn’t eaten by mountain lions.

*I’m very proud. He went to YALE everybody!

Follow Friday: Respect the Hat

17 Sep

I’d like to preface this post with my deepest, sincerest apologies to Granny Weatherwax. Whatever it was that I did to deserve this last week, Ma’am, I am truly sorry. Please accept this basket of old clothes and baked goods.

This last week has been so monumentally shitty that a twitter friend suggested I must have pissed off a witch. And it’s true: Monday was pretty good considering I got caught up at work and at home and played with Isobel, but Tuesday I must have offended somebody because that’s when the ship started going down. First, I found out at the last minute that I had to take my mandatory TB test a year early due to budget cuts and this unfortunately coincided with a rather large amount of PMS. The event didn’t go well.  Then on Wednesday, a black widow got inside my house and tried to murder me and my daughter and actually crawled up my arm. I nearly DIED. (Post on that coming, I promise.) I killed it, but not enough, because later I found out it was still alive. Just when I thought this week couldn’t get any better, Thursday found me with a migraine so bad I was shaking and vomiting and not eating and wanting to die. I didn’t have my meds and had to spend over and hour on the phone arguing with the pharmacy and my doctor to get them. Then later that evening I had to put on some pants and get my TB shot checked. Life doesn’t get more glamorous than this.

Respect your local witches!

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

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PROMO_TWEET BUDWEISER: BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T BEEN SHOUTING AND/OR FARTING ENOUGH LATELY.

shinyinfo Having a RIGHT to do something doesn’t automatically mean it is a NICE thing to do.

thejohnblog Quality assurance is recording phone calls at work today, so while my line rings, I whisper “where are you mommy?” in a ghost child voice.

OngoingBS Meth use is up 60% in the U.S. this year. In a related news, tooth use is down 30%.

GerryDuggan Can somebody update Jenny McCarthy’s IMDB page to properly credit her with the whooping cough outbreak in California?

eareeve OMG. I’m awesome.

lurkey In Soviet Russia, Twitter follows you.

TheBlackStar Pretty sure the kid is trying to hump the vacuum.

robkroese Boss just walked by and said, “You still work here?” Probably not a good sign.

carlzoilus Keep your distance, tiny dancer. How old are you anyway? I could do time for that. #rockretractions

smileydoobyEvery once in a blue moon I’m like “holy shit, the moon has turned completely blue! Honey, get the camera!”

ApocalypseHow Scooby Doo is trending? Is Twitter high?

BugginWord You know what’s awesome? Sleep. I’d really like some of that.

JerryThomas I don’t think it’s fair to call us attention whores. Whores, after all, actually get paid.

LisaMcIntire My name is Lisa. I’m a grown-ass woman, and I love baby otters.

chickenscottpie @exlibris I sometimes miss having Internet friends, but then I remember the ones I seem to make always track me down and try to murder me

corycavin Final season of Oprah starts now. This season…SOMEONE. WILL. DIE.

sween I don’t need anything for my birthday because my wife is the best gift I could ever have. (She’s got boobies.)

danforthfrance Air drumming to NPR theme music.

matthewbaldwin Why I have half a mind to get another lobotomy.

lovelyandroid I just ousted all you fools as the mayor of flippin’ everything in life.

wawoodworth As a gamer, I loathe the term “game changer”. Unless it’s the change from 2nd edition to 3rd edition Dungeons & Dragons, it doesn’t count.

nicpiper Lady Gaga’s meaty dress effort. I like her bacon boots. Am I too late to crack the joke ‘porker face’?

sockington eye open NOT IMPRESSED eye closed

molliekatie My rather lofty goals for tomorrow include not having my boobs compromise the structural integrity of my underthings.

AmandaStretch at what point do you think to yourself “I want to flip from metal bars swinging 100 ft in the air. Dressed like a bug.”?

themomsmith Let me bring you up to speed. We know nothing. You are now up to speed.

telephase Teen dance party tomorrow night at the library with DJ Invisible (Xzibit’s tour DJ). Considering making it rain with book marks.

robdelaney “Without exception, I kill and eat each baby I photograph.” – Anne Geddes

FakeAPStylebook Spell out the words “less than three” to avoid confusion with things you totally heart.

JoyfulC Secular government is the only true assurance of religious tolerance; religion must remain a private matter, not a public policy.

louisvirtel Finally, Lady Gaga is dressed like Candyland’s Queen Frostine. Bitch, call me, I’m Lord Licorice.

RailbirdJ What a crazy headache. It was like all the brilliance in my head was trying to get out at the same time.

OngoingBS I’ve never met a squirrel that wasn’t a complete asshole.

MeganBoley My right eye just shut down. Who needs depth perception anyway? #piratemom #mopthepoopdeckswithmilk

alonelyargonaut My big issue with electronica shows is that it looks like a dude checking his email for an hour…

songsstuck In those sunglasses, Bieber looks like the coolest mom ever.

fierceflawless Yay boys! Good for even more than I initially thought.

SarahIvy Finn has a special high pitched squeal reserved only for cats. I’m sure it haunts their nightmares.

thejohnblog ARE YOU READY FOR INDIFFERENCE TO SOME FOOTBALL?

Zaius13 I just saw a decapitated hen running around like a busy flustered person.

AFG85 Finally found a rationalist to make angry! I love the internet.

jberthume Spoiler alert: Halo: Reach is amazeballs.

BridgetCallahan I really want Oprah’s last book club pick to be Finnegan’s Wake.

shinyinfo If you only know @nathanfillion from Desperate Housewives I weep for your cold and empty life.

mommywantsvodka Victory tastes oddly like peanut butter.

himissjulie I think Mod Podge sounds like something you’d call a fat Beatles fan.

thejennui Spoiler: Clash of the Titans sucks Kracken. I’m sick! The gods should have guided me to a better movie.

palinode If mushrooms used the internet, I’d say to them “LOL mushrooms! You’re so slow and you live in poop!!1!”. I’d be a mushroom troll, I guess.

lilpyrogirl Hey y’all, I’ve had way too much to drink! I plan to regret this tomorrow!

PROMO_TWEET FRIDAY NIGHT: BROUGHT TO YOU BY “WOO!” WITH A GRANT FROM “FUCK YEAH!” AND FUNDING BY “YOU’RE A COP? SO WHAT- OW MY FACE

thegrumbles The good news is I sprayed my pants off with the hose.

pcsweeney Ah! The green light is on to indicate that number lock has been turned off.

smileydooby I’m gonna stick my pretzel so far into your M&M your gonna wish I had melted in your hand

TheRedQueen Is it nap time yet? Not that holding the baby while he cries isn’t totally fun or anything.

sesamestreet Big Bird: Even though Snuffy’s a Snuffleupagus and I’m a bird, we’re best friends. Friends don’t always have to be the same!

apelad It’s very hard to tell the difference between a player piano and a haunted piano.

val_forrestal There’s a reason kittens are so cute, & I’m pretty sure it’s so you don’t throw them out after they pee & poop on everything in your house.

StephenAtHome Judging by his mustache, I am worried that Terry Jones is suffering from late-stage Hulkamania.

JerryThomas Corporate America looks at me only as a potential revenue stream. Boy, are they going to be disappointed.

freudiantypo Melville had no idea how hilarious a nickname “Ginger Nut” was.

ApocalypseHow Atheists having sex: “Oh Logic! Oh COLD IMPERSONAL LOGIC!”

NASeason What is the organization that “certifies” professional organizers? Our Lady of Storables? #hoarders

louispeitzman At Blackbird for Brendon’s birthday. Unfortunately, I don’t use foursquare, so this trip was basically useless.

alwysabridesmd OMG hipsters get away from my car you will scratch it with your abrasive views on art, music and culture. #srsly

wordlust Be the change you want to see behind the couch cushions.

melanierenzulli I love the equalizing nature of twitter. Regular people are so much more interesting than celebs on here!

mommywantsvodka You shut your whore mouth and APPLAUD when “don’t ask, don’t tell” is FINALLY ruled unconstitutional and discriminatory.

midwestgrrl I’m wearing the handwarmers I knitted & I keep staring down at them in fascination like, “I have made this functional garment!”

GeneHunt US scientists have invented a car that runs on water! Apparently it only works with water from the Gulf of Mexico.

FakeAPStylebook If you have a ladder first and then a farmer later, the ladder is the former and the farmer is the latter.

thejohnblog I think it’s fairly obvious Mr. Belvedere was an ass man.

BackpackingDad Have an opinion. It doesn’t cost you anything except friends you don’t want.

AHGinCLE And now, I would like to recap today through a moment of interpretive dance.

heardatlibrary She looked deep into his eyes and said “Shelve it yourself, you son of a bitch” #lastlineofbadromancenovels

Sigafoos @FakeAPStylebook Don’t forget Ben Franklin. He’s my favorite person to cite as having said crap I just made up.

simontarr Everything depends on my getting this bacon done right.

Phineas I didn’t know they even still made 6am.

AnissaMayhew Hello, morning. Thank you for sucking everyday.

wolfwalking Update: bored.

michaeljnelson Less Than Zero: in retrospect, perhaps Twilight isn’t that bad.

heardatlibrary “I’m looking for this book my granddaughter likes. Headbook?” Do you mean Facebook? “Yes! She said I’d like the farm in it!”

wordlust I had a Pavement-gasm tonight. Might be my favorite concert ever. Suck it, other concerts.

Jesus_M_Christ And the Lord said unto all his haters, “Fucketh ye all of ye. If ye don’t like me bloweth me.”

What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further.  Learn more about it in my FAQ. See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.

Weekend Update

14 Aug

The first day of school is Monday. I admit it–I’m excited. And I’ll be live-tweeting all the drama straight from the library. (By that I mean I’ll have twitter open, like I always do, tweeting throughout the day during lulls. Or lolz. Either way.)

Here’s what I’ve been up to.

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Last night I heard mew mew mewing and I recognized the pathetic cry of Jupiter locked up somewhere he did not want to be. That can has one whiny, piteous cry that motivates one to immediately remedy the situation so he will just fucking shut up already. My Mom had been over to watch the baby while Anthony and I got some much-needed sushi so I thought she locked him in the laundry room or bathroom by mistake. That cat is a gray ninja and can slip past anyone unnoticed, even if you’re looking for him. It’s common practice for me to discover him in the basket of the stroller while I’m a block from my house. And we know he does that, so we watch out for him. His ability to move swiftly and completely unnoticed is uncanny.

I walked down the hall calling his name, trying to find the mew mew mew. Bedroom? Nope. Bathroom? Nope. Laundry room, spare room, nursery, closet? Nope, nope, and nope. I sat back down in the living room to play with Isobel when the pathetic mew mew mew started up again. There was definitely an edge of panic to his voice. I noticed Zorro staring through the window next to the front door with a superior look on his face.

(Re-enactment)

Jupiter wasn’t… outside was he? My cats are strictly indoor-only. We don’t live in a cat-friendly area and I’m terrified of them getting out. I open the front door and a wretched-looking Jupiter looked up at me and cried meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

We still have no idea when or how he got out, but thank god he hadn’t had dinner yet because hunger for sure would have lead him back home.

***

Some time ago over the summer I woke up and my wedding ring didn’t feel quite right. I looked at my hand and was shocked to discover the band of the ring had a large dent in it, causing a too-snug fit on my finger. We were getting ready to go out of town with friends so I put off taking care of it. My ring had always fit perfectly but the misshapen band meant I could no longer get it off my finger.

Eventually I stopped by a jeweler and the ring had to be cut off. It’s so sad to see it in its mangled state. The jeweler said I needed to wait a few days for my finger to recover and then go back and get it re-sized and mended. After eight years of constantly wearing a ring on that finger it felt horrible and naked without it so I’m wearing one of my Mom’s rings for good measure. Plus I don’t want to look like I’m advertising that I’m single or anything.

***

Isobel has recently learned to kiss and I can say without hesitation it’s the best part about parenting so far. There are a lot of truly wonderful things about parenting, but when Isobel kissed me on the cheek for the first time my eyes welled with tears and my heart overflowed with happiness. It made up for all the times she’s bitten me.

The first time she kissed me we were sitting on the floor together rough-housing and watching TV. She came up behind me, put her little hands on my shoulders, and kissed my hair on the back of my head. It was amazing. The next day I was holding her hand and walking with her and she kissed me twice on the hand. That night, she kissed me on the cheek and this morning she blew Anthony a kiss. Just thinking about it gives me thrills. I can’t describe how amazing it is that this little creature that we’ve nourished and love is expressing her affection. It makes me want to sit up a little straighter and be the best mom possible.

***

I have reached a stage of exhaustion at work that only comes after a week like this one. First I had two days of round up excitement, wherein I oversee and organize and participate in the handing out of several textbooks to each of our 1600 students. We were significantly short-handed this year but we had such excellent help we were an incredibly fast and efficient (if exhausted) team. I couldn’t have done it without Doppelganger John (my coworker who is a carbon copy of my friend John—they have never met but are eerily similar) and the Nicest Office Lady Ever. I sometimes have to remind myself she works in an office because she’s so dang nice and beloved by all. Anyway, right after that I was slammed with deliveries and received maybe 300 boxes of things that need to be counted, sorted, and sent off to teachers ASAP. I’m still working on that one. I no longer have an assistant so it’s going to take awhile for me to get through it, especially with how exhausted this week has made me. Please note my current collection of boxes to go through.

***

At the very end of the week DJ (Doppelganger John) came in to the library and asked if I needed another kitten. Um, no. But that’s not the right question anyway. The question should have been, “Will you help?”Because, duh. Yes.

Three kittens were dumped in the parking lot yesterday morning. One died already. DJ took the other one home. A lone calico female had been living off of old pizza scraps in the detention room.

I called Anthony and he came with Isobel, a cat carrier, and a container of food and we did what we were born to do: took her home and welcomed her to kitten heaven. Things were going smoothly until late last night when Poppy and Jupiter changed from being indifferent toward her to picking on her. We’re looking to find her a home because she’s already been mistreated and abandoned, we don’t need to add “constantly harassed” to that list. I have two leads but nothing is definite so if you’re in my area and interested, let me know.

She’s very skittish and timid but already learning to trust me and show affection.

Also she doesn’t know how to work the cat door yet so when she gets in the garage she goes to the window and cries till someone lets her in. Note the pathos:

***

We were spending some quality family time in the backyard this morning when Isobel tripped and totally ate it on the cerement. It was so awful. Both Anthony and I were just out of reach and could only watch the fall happen but do nothing to prevent it. Her nose is pretty scratched up and she has a small bump on her head and Anthony’s been calling her, “Baby Fight Club.” I told him not to talk about Baby Fight Club.

She cried of course and I rocked her, but she recovered pretty quickly. She always does. Usually while she’s still sobbing she’ll say “kitty!” or “agua!” or “baby!” or whatever else catches her eye. She usually starts laughing before the tears on her cheeks are dry. For all of her tumbles and falls she’s never really hurt herself so I think we’re pretty lucky. I tried to get a picture of her face but that girl lightning, lightning I tell you!

***